


I Know My Name Is Remus

by m3535, Zayhad



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Child Abuse, Cult, Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hypnosis, Mental Illness, Mystery, Past Sexual Abuse, Psychiatric hosital, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-08-04 03:12:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 31
Words: 104,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16338731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m3535/pseuds/m3535, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zayhad/pseuds/Zayhad
Summary: Nurse student Lily Evans starts her practical training at St Mungo's Psychiatric Hospital's adolescent ward. Here, she meets a handful of troubled teenagers who get under her skin – especially the mysterious Remus and the quiet ex-cult member Regulus.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another collaboration between myself (M3535) and Zayhad. Zayhad has made an illustration for some of the chapters.
> 
> No romance/pairings. Rating is for abuse and violence.
> 
> Disclaimer: Although we have done quite a lot of researched and both have personal experience with mental illness, we are not professionals, and we know some conditions better than others. We will also remind you that this is a work of fiction – not a textbook – so we have taken certain liberties along the way. Although there is a good deal of humour in the story, we have great respect for everybody with a mental illness and know that no condition is fun to have.
> 
> Disclaimer: All characters belong to J. K. Rowling.

**Chapter 1 – What Made You Want to Get into Mental Health?**

The wind blew cold in his hair and rain hit his face like small bullets of ice. He stood on the rail of the bridge, faintly aware of people shouting behind him. Not that he cared. He had made up his mind. He was going to jump. His long fringe hung into his eyes and his frail body was trembling from the cold. He was only wearing a dirty t-shirt and boxer shorts. His icy hands could barely hold onto the rail.

"Lad -" a voice sounded from behind. "Lad, I’m going to move up beside you. Don't move..."

He loosened his grip on the rail. He would fly for a moment and then it would all end. 

"No!" several voices sounded, and he was grabbed by the arm and pulled back over the rail. They held him down on the cold pavement, talking to him with words he barely registered. He struggled to get free but they were much too strong for him. All he could think was, why? Why wouldn't they just let him die?

**o0o0o**

St Mungo’s Psychiatric Hospital lay on the outskirts of Greater London. It was a big hospital with many wards and many patients. A young woman in her early twenties came walking up the path leading to the main entrance. She had flaming red hair and bright green eyes. She stopped for a moment to study the building before going into the entrance hall. At the information desk she gave her name and stated her business. 

"Just a moment," said the clerk and picked up a phone. "Hello? A Lily Evans is here. A new nurse in training." She put down the phone a moment later and looked up. "Someone will be right down to get you."

Moments later a woman with long dirty-blond hair came walking towards the front desk. She stopped in front of Lily, offering her hand. "Hello," she beamed. "I’m Doctor Lovegood, one of two psychiatrists at the adolescent ward. Please call me Pandora instead of Doctor Lovegood, I prefer that, even with the patients. I believe it makes them feel more on a level with me, if you know what I mean. Well, I’ve been asked to show you around and get you settled in before you meet with Doctor Dumbledore. He’s our chief psychiatrist, and I can tell you he’s one of the best in the country. He has loads of experience and we’re lucky to have him on our ward. He’s been here a few years now, and the overall improvement is evident. You will like him."

"Lily Evans," Lily smiled when Doctor Lovegood finally stopped talking. "I'm looking forward to seeing the ward!"

They headed down the long hallway and Doctor Lovegood started explaining. "Here is the adolescent ward,” she said as she unlocked a big glass door. We usually have around twenty patients here. Everyone a sad soul with their own problems, but I believe we are making a difference for them."

A teenage boy came running down the hallway and stopped right in front of them. His face split into a grin. "Hi, Pandora! Who is this? Is she new? She’s wicked pretty! Don't you think? Love your hair! What’s your name?"

“I’m Lily,” smiled Lily. “Lovely to meet you.”

Doctor Lovegood fished out a small ball from her pocket and handed it to the boy who immediately started bouncing it up and down. "This is James. He’s having a hypomanic episode, but he’s a real charmer."

"I am!" James beamed. "A charmer, that is. But I’m not manic – I just love life!" He then stuck out his arms out like an airplane and raced back the way he had come. "I can flyyyyyy."

“Is he bipolar? asked Lily.

Doctor Lovegood nodded. “We haven’t seen one of his depressive episodes yet. This manic episode has lasted three months so far. A long one. It’s what landed him in here. He was picked up playing chicken with a train.” She sent Lily a smile and changed the subject. "So – what made you want to get into mental health?" 

"Well, I always found the psychiatry lessons in nursing school the most exciting. Also, I have experience with depression in my family, so I know how hard it can be to live with a mental illness. And I have always been good at talking with people – especially those who are shy or troubled. So, I thought I could put that to good use in a place like this."

An elderly man with lively blue eyes and a kind face stepped out of an office just as they passed. “Ah, Pandora – is this Miss Evans?” He reached out his hand to Lily when Doctor Lovegood confirmed his question. “Albus Dumbledore, chief psychiatrist. Lovely to meet you, Miss Evans.”

“Likewise,” smiled Lily as she shook his hand. “I’m looking forward to my stay and hope I can be of some use.”

“I am sure you can,” smiled the doctor. “We can always use another caring hand at the ward. Our patients need all the compassion and understanding they can get. Pandora, if you don’t mind, I will steal away Miss Evans for a moment.”

Doctor Lovegood nodded. “I have a session in twenty minutes, but I will ask Molly to continue the tour when you are done.”

“We received a new patient last night,” said Doctor Dumbledore as he started walking down the corridor, Lily following. “I was just about to go welcome and evaluate him, and I thought it would be interesting for you to come along. The police brought him in last night, having prevented him jumping off a bridge. We don’t know who he is. He hasn’t spoken a word neither to the police nor us. He was very upset when they brought him in, so the night crew sedated him, but he should be clear now."

He stopped in front of a door and unlocked it. Inside, a small fragile looking boy was sitting on a bed with his legs pulled up to his chest. When he saw them he pushed himself back against the wall as if trying to vanish into it. Doctor Dumbledore sat down a good three metres away from the boy, clearly to not make him feel cornered. Lily sat down by the window. 

The old doctor smiled kindly. "Welcome to St Mungo's. It is a hospital, but I like to think of it as more of a hotel. We do everything we can to make our guests feel welcome and comfortable. Sometimes I wish I were a guest myself, instead of one of the staff," he chuckled. When the boy showed no sign of loosening up, the doctor continued," I'm Doctor Dumbledore and I’m only here to help you. Whatever made you get up on that bridge, I’m sure we can help you deal with. What is your name, my boy?""

The boy said nothing. Instead, his breathing picked up and he hugged his legs even closer to his chest. He was still wearing the dirty clothes he came in with even though clean clothes had been laid out for him.

"This is Lily,” said Dumbledore. “She's a new nurse, just arrived. She's a very nice young lady – I could tell that the moment I met her. I'm a quite good judge of character, I will have you know."

"Hi," smiled Lily. 

The boy’s eyes fell on Lily and he seemed to calm down a little.

"Well, I hope you will open up to us eventually," said Doctor Dumbledore, the smile still on his face. "We will let you get some rest now. You can change into the clean clothes and even take a shower if you wish. The bathroom is right there." When Dumbledore raised his arm to point at the door to the bathroom on the other side of the room, the boy flew off the bed and scrambled into the far corner. The doctor quickly retreated. "I am sorry if I invaded your personal space," he apologised. "We will leave and give you some peace. Lily will look in on you later, all right?"

They left the room and Doctor Dumbledore locked the door. "I would like for you to look in on him later. He seemed to not fear you."

"Sure," agreed Lily. "So it's fine on my own?"

"Oh, yes. This boy is not likely to be dangerous. And in any case, you will have your alarm. Did you get one yet? Else, ask Molly to give you one.”

They walked down to the common room where they were met by a stout woman with hair as red as Lily’s. She greeted them with a smile and took Lily's hand in both of hers. "I'm Molly," she said and waved over another nurse. "This is Arthur, my husband, and you must be Lily."

Lily introduced herself. She immediately liked Molly with her apple-red cheeks and welcoming smile. She seemed the definition of motherly.

Molly gave her an alarm and told her to wear it at all times, although she shouldn’t fear for her safety. "The staff is rarely attacked. The patients do, however, fight amongst themselves sometimes. We have a few with tempers.” They came to a stop as they reached the common room. "Evan over there –" she pointed at a brown-haired young man sprawled on one of the couches – “and Sirius” – she pointed out an extremely good looking boy of about 18 – "they both get into fights quite often, mostly with each other. Sirius likes to smash things as well when he gets angry, which he easily does. He's actually a good lad, but he has so much anger inside that he doesn’t know how to control. But when you think about his history it’s not that strange."

"And who is that?" Lily asked and nodded towards a much smaller boy who sat with a book. He looked a lot like Sirius, but he looked younger than the ward’s minimum age of 15. 

"That's Regulus, Sirius' brother. He's such a darling." Molly sighed. "Poor boy. You've heard of the Knights of Walpurgis? Well, of course you have. It's been all over the news for the past four months. Well, Regulus lived in it. His brother too, but he ran away when he was Regulus’ age. The cult is all poor Regulus has ever known."

"That cult the police raided?” Lily looked at Molly in surprise and then back at the small boy, who seemed to have withdrawn to his own little world. "Terrible, what they did."

"Poor boy," Molly sighed again. "First he tried to run away like his brother had done four years earlier. Then he tried to kill himself."

A girl with blond cork screw curls came over and interrupted. "Hey, who's that?"

"I’m Lily – the new nurse in training," Lily smiled.

"I'm Rita," the girl said and looked Lily up and down. "I don't know if you know, but I’m the pretty girl of the ward. Just so you know."

Lily smiled. "I’ll remember."

"Come," said Molly. "We best hurry up if we are to catch Doctor Crouch before lunch."

**o0o0o**

St Mungo's chief of staff didn't even bother to get up from his chair as they entered. "So – you're the new nurse in training. Well... welcome to St Mungo's. I am Doctor Bartemius Crouch." He finally got up from his seat and shook Lily's hand in a firm grip. "Take a seat and I will run you through our rules. First rule: do not attempt to stop a violent patient on your own. We have some fine guards for that. Rule number two: don’t get too personal with the patients. You need to keep a professional distance. And rule number three: don't trust the patients. They are ill and will use whatever tricks they can against you." Doctor Crouch leaned back in his chair and fixed Lily with hard eyes. "Is that clear? We are not their friends. Our job is to keep the community safe from them, and of course cure who can be cured. Some of these patients are dangerous, so keep that in mind."

Lily was more than a little taken aback at the coldness of the doctor. How could anyone succeed in getting a patient better with that kind of attitude? She chose to not say anything, however, and just nodded. She was new, and it was probably not a good idea to criticise the chief of staff as one of the first things. 

"Good. You may leave and get to work," he said and waved both of them out.

"It’s a good thing you didn't ask questions," Molly said as they walked down the back to the ward. "He doesn't like that. And he doesn’t listen, anyway.”

"I could sense that," said Lily, still a little shocked.

“He has a certain amount of respect for Dumbledore and his opinions, but that’s about it. The good thing is that he gives him quite free reins to run the adolescent ward, so we don’t have to deal with him too much. If you ask me, the man is more concerned with the power of his position than the patients. But I suppose that’s a trait you often find in top leaders, isn’t it?” Molly sighed. “Well, let’s introduce you to the rest of the staff!"

The first person they met as they re-entered the adolescent ward was a tall, broad-shouldered black man. He shook Lily’s hand and introduced himself. “Kingsley Shacklebolt, senior guard. If a situation gets out of control, I’m here to help you. As well as my colleagues – John Dawlish and Thorfinn Rowle. The three of us work at this ward full time, but we get assistance from a few guards who serve at different wards when needed. There is always at least one guard on duty, and most of the time two.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Shacklebolt,” said Lily. At first glance, the large man looked a little intimidating with his muscular built and serious expression, but when his face broke in a smile, Lily liked him immediately.

“Call me Kingsley,” the big guard smiled. “We all go by first name here, except for the doctors. Well, with the exception of Doctor Lovegood – she insists on going by her first name.”

“Yes, I’ve already met her,” smiled Lily.

“Well, then you know. Oh, and then there’s Dawlish: we used to have two Johns here, so we called them by their last names, and ‘Dawlish’  just stuck even though the other John is long gone.”

Lily was introduced to three more nurses: Antonin, a grim looking man with a faint Russian accent; Pomona, a squat woman with a friendly, smiling face; and Horace, a portly man in his sixties.

Molly walked Lily through the common room and into the kitchen where a giant of a man stood stirring a pot with something that smelled delicious. "This is Hagrid.”

Hagrid turned around and sent Lily a cheerful grin. "Nice ter meet yeh, miss?"

"Lily Evans," said Lily and shook his hand.

"Lily... pretty name. Yeh come see me if yeh get hungry," he boomed. He prepared a tray of food and handed it to Lily. "Doctor Dumbledore asked if yeh would give this to the new patient."

"Oh, of course," said Lily. 

Hagrid handed Molly a plate with a very small portion on. "For sweet Emmeline."

**o0o0o**

Lily knocked softly on the door and slowly opened it as to not spook the boy. "Hi," she smiled as she closed the door behind her with her free arm. "I brought you lunch," she said as she put the bowl of soup down on the small table next to the bed. Then she seated herself a few yards away to give the boy space.

He eyed her warily but did not seem scared of her. He bit his lip nervously and looked at the bowl of soup but did not touch it. Lily thought he looked awfully pale and malnourished. It was hard to determine how old he was. He didn’t look older than fourteen, but Lily suspected he was older. She eyed the glass of water that had been placed on the table sometime earlier. "Do you want something more exciting? Juice? Coke?"

The boy tilted his head as if he didn’t understand what she meant. Slowly he let his legs slide down so his feet touched the ground, but he didn't get up.

"It's okay that you're nervous," she said. "I'm a bit nervous too, being my first day here. Like you." When the boy still didn't say anything, she asked, "What's your name, love?"

He looked down and gulped as he rubbed his hands nervously in his lap. It was easy to see that he was very uncomfortable.

"Can you write it?" she asked and found some paper and clicked open a pen for him.

He looked at the paper and then started writing slowly in childish letters:

reMuS 

"Remus?" Lily read and smiled. "What a lovely name. And very unique."

Remus peeked shyly at her from the corner of his eye. He tugged at his dirty shirt and tried to pull it down over his knees. The fabric was so worn out that it tore a little.

"Why don't you change into the clean clothes they put out for you? I think it would make you feel better. It's nice and fresh. I won't look, I promise," Lily smiled. "Do you want me to leave so you can get some privacy?"

Remus shook his head quickly. He didn't like to be alone in this place. Slowly he moved over and pulled the clothes off the chair they lay on.

"Why don't you take a shower, Remus?” asked Lily, noticing how dirty the boy was. He looked like he hadn’t had a shower in a long time. “I promise I'll wait right out here so no one will walk in."

Remus bit his lip and then finally nodded. He took the clothes and went into the bathroom. As he got undressed he looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes falling on his many scars. He wrapped his arms around his frail body and closed his eyes tightly as he tried to suppress bad memories. He fumbled with the showerhead for a while until he finally figured out how it worked, and he stepped under the hot water and let it wash away the dirt from his hair and body. He came out after about fifteen minutes, clean and dressed.

"You look great," Lily smiled. "But we might have to get your hair combed."

Remus backed a little away from her and ran his fingers though his hair to straighten it out. 

"Alright," said Lily, not wanting to push the boy. "I'll find you a comb and you can do it yourself, okay? Of course you'll be more comfortable that way. I also prefer combing my own hair."

**o0o0o**

Lily found Dumbledore after having tended to Remus. "I got him to shower and dress. And I got his name. His first name, anyway. It's Remus. He still didn't speak but he wrote it down."

Dumbledore smiled at Lily. "Well done. I’m glad you had him shower and dress. I just hope he will eat something as well. The poor lad is severely underweight."

"I left the food. I hope he will eat some now he has peace and quiet.”

“I hope so too," smiled the doctor. "Well – lunch is served in a few minutes – why not join? You can introduce yourself to the rest of the patients."

The patients were already seated when Lily walked into the dining room. James eagerly patted a seat next to himself for her to sit on and he beamed when she accepted the invitation.

A moody looking boy with black greasy hair sitting a few seats away mumbled to the empty chair next to him. "Yes... yes, I saw her," he mumbled and looked briefly at Lily before returning to eating his food.

"Regulus!" barked a voice and Lily jumped in surprise when Sirius slammed a fist into the table in front of his brother. "I’m the one in here who cares most about you, and you won't even look at me!"

Kingsley walked over to Sirius and put a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you sit at the other end? Regulus doesn’t want to talk to you right now."

"Fuck off, Kingsley!" spat Sirius but followed the guard’s suggestion anyway, sitting down at the other end of the table, looking extremely moody.

Lily studied the younger boy who looked like nothing had happened at all. Why was he ignoring his brother?

Most of the patients were eying Lily curiously. Dumbledore introduced her. "Let's all make Lily feel welcome, shall we? I think a name round is in order. Would you be so kind as to start, Severus?"

The grim looking boy scowled at Dumbledore. "You just _said_ my name. Why should I repeat it?" 

"I'm James!" James broke in before Dumbledore could answer Severus. "I like your hair," he continued, eying Lily intensely. “It’s very red, like fire. I like your eyes too, they’re very green, I like green, it’s my favourite colour. At least it is now!” The teen ruffled up his hair and sent Lily a grin.

“Why don’t you pack it in, Potter? She’s not into you,” said Sirius and put up his feet on the table even though everyone was sitting with their lunch.

Molly sent him a stern look. “Get those shoes off the table and tell Lily your name.”

Sirius sighed, letting his feet slide down to the floor. "I'm Sirius," he muttered.

"Why so serioussss?" James laughed. “Lighten up!”

"Sod off, four-eyes!"

"Now, now – let's continue the name round," said Doctor Dumbledore. 

A handsome blond young man put a hand to his chest and cleared his throat. "I am Gandalf the Grey," he announced and Lily had to take a moment to let that one sink in. 

"He's Gilderoy the idiot," said one of the girls. 

"Yeah, he's bonkers, that one," grinned another. 

"Dorothy - what have I said about talking that way?" it sounded sternly from Molly. 

"I do not need defending, my lady," said Gilderoy. "I am much too wise to be daunted by someone so insignificant.”

There were a few patients who didn’t introduce themselves, so Lily decided to get their names later from one of the nurses.

**o0o0o**

After lunch she sat down at one of the coffee tables along with several curious patients who wanted to know more about her. 

"You seem nice," smiled Marlene, a girl with wavy blond hair.

A very thin girl who had not been there at the lunch table had joined them, sitting down next to Marlene. Lily deducted that she must be Emmeline – the girl Molly had taken the plate of food to. Clearly, she was anorectic, and Lily knew that it was common practice for staff to sit with such patients in the privacy of their room to eat. Emmeline tugged at her way too big sweatshirt and sent Lily a weak smile. Lily was about to ask her how she was, when the doors to the common room were opened and Antonin came in, dragging a terrified Remus along. The boy was struggling in his grip but Antonin was much too strong for him.

Lily was dumbstruck. Molly had told her that it was important that the patients spend time socialising in the common room every day, but she couldn't believe that it was Dumbledore's plan that Remus, who had just arrived and was terrified, be forced in here already. She jumped to her feet as she could see the boy was close to full blown panic. "Let go!" she said to Antonin. "What are you doing? Can't you see he's terrified?"

Antonin sent her a cold look, still holding onto Remus' arm. "He doesn’t learn anything from sitting in his room all day. And don't question my methods in front of patients!"

"He just came in!" said Lily. "Let him go!"

"Antonin!" sounded Molly's voice, to Lily's relief. "Let Lily take Remus back. Of course we aren't going to force him in here today!"

Antonin let go of the boy and turned his attention to Molly. Lily put a gentle arm around Remus' shoulders and quickly escorted him out of the common room, leaving the two nurses to argue. 

Remus was breathing quickly and shaking violently as they walked down the corridor. "It’s alright," Lily said and gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Molly is going to give him a telling off."

The boy fled into a corner of the room as she opened the door.

"It's alright, Remus. Do you want me to stay a bit?"

Remus slid down the wall and then nodded slowly.

Twenty minutes later Doctor Dumbledore knocked on the door and stepped in. When he saw the frightened look on Remus' face he stopped and asked Lily to come outside for a minute. "I had a talk with Antonin," he told her. "I asked him to leave Remus alone, so he will not have to fear him. Of course Remus is not expected to go to the common room until he has settled in."

"That's good," said Lily, relieved. 

Dumbledore eyed her with a smile. "I was thinking that, since Remus obviously feels most comfortable around you, I should give you the task of looking after him for now. Not your responsibility, of course, but you should be his contact person, so to speak. I will tell the others, if that's okay with you?"

"Yes," smiled Lily. "I would very much like that! And I think I can get Remus to be less frightened. He has already started to warm up to me."

"Well, that's settled, then," smiled the old Doctor.

When Lily came back into the room, Remus had crawled onto the bed and hid under the covers. As she opened the door, Remus' head shot up but when he saw it was her he seemed to be relieved and he settled his head on the pillow.

"Are you tired?" she asked in a gentle voice, sitting down on the edge of the bed. The boy nodded. "I talked to Dumbledore. Antonin – the man who dragged you out – isn't allowed to attend to you. I will be the one taking care of you now."

A small smile appeared on Remus’ lips before he pulled the covers up under his nose.

**o0o0o**

After sitting with Remus for an hour Lily went back to the common room to talk to more of the patients. She saw Regulus sitting on his own, again with a book, so she decided to sit down next to him. "Hi," she smiled.

Regulus froze for a second, then peeked up at her. "Hi," he said, his eyes back in the book. 

"What are you reading?"

"It’s about World War II," said the boy in a soft voice. 

"Oh? A historian?” smiled Lily. “Well, even though it was horrific, it's still some interesting reading."

"It's important to know history," said Regulus, still not looking up. "Even the bad things."

"That’s true, Regulus," she nodded. "How else are we going to learn from it?"

“They killed 10 million Jews, gypsies, homosexuals and mentally ill…” said Regulus, in a voice so soft that Lily could barely hear him.

“Yes… Yes, that’s incredibly sad. It’s hard to understand how evil the world can be.”

"Mm," hummed Regulus. He peeked up at her again. "Why are you talking to me? Is it because you want to hear about the cult?"

"What? No, I just thought you looked a bit lonely sitting by yourself. And I thought I would get to know you a little better," she smiled and rested her arm on the back of the sofa.

"You don't have to feel sorry for me," said Regulus. "Everybody feels like that when they find out who I am. I can tell by the way they look at me. But you shouldn't feel sorry for me. I'm not a poor victim. I killed my best friend, so in a way I should be in prison with the rest of them." He looked back down and turned a page. 

Lily eyed him in shock, trying to let the words sink in. The boy had killed someone? She decided to leave him alone for now and walked over to where a few of the other staff members stood talking.

"I see you met Regulus," said Arthur. "A sweet kid, but very troubled."

"Well, that's understandable, but... he said he had killed someone. I wouldn't have imagined a little boy like him... I mean, he looks so innocent."

Arthur shook his head. "Regulus didn't kill anyone. His friend was killed by the cult leader or one of his disciples."

"I told you earlier that Regulus tried to run away and when that failed he tried to kill himself,” said Molly. “Well, Voldemort, the cult leader, killed Regulus' friend in front of him as punishment, and told him that the blood was on his hands."

Lily clapped a hand to her mouth, horrified.

"And it doesn’t help that Regulus has quite severe obsessive-compulsive disorder,” continued Molly. “He’s obsessed with death – terrified that people around him will die and that it’s his fault. You can imagine how his condition got much, much worse after this happened. You would almost think that horrid man knew of Regulus’ fear and used it."

"But..." Lily was lost for words. “How can someone be so cruel to a little boy?”

“I know,” sighed Molly and looked at her watch. "Oh, I have to get going. I have a session with Linda."

"Dumbledore tells me you've gained the trust of the new boy?" said Arthur to Lily. 

"Yes. He seems fairly comfortable around me. He had fallen asleep when I left his room. He was exhausted."

Arthur smiled. "Well, the plan is that we move Remus in with Regulus. Dumbledore thinks they will go well together, and I’m sure he's right. Perhaps you could help me and fetch Remus? I will just have to talk to Regulus about it first."

"Okay," said Lily. "You want to do it now?"

As Arthur nodded, Lily saw Regulus slipping by them and disappearing into his room. 

"He doesn't like sitting out here," said Arthur. "If we let him, he would isolate himself in his room. I certainly hope Remus can do him some good. And vice versa.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're planning to post a chapter every other day. So next chap is up Monday.  
> Hope you like it so far!

**Chapter 2 – He Doesn’t Like Being here**

Regulus looked up when he heard a knock on the door but he didn't answer. Maybe they would go away. He really just wanted to be alone. He didn't like people looking at him. He wanted to be left alone with his guilt and misery. 

Arthur opened the door slowly. "Regulus?" He went over to sit down on the bed opposite Regulus'. "I want to talk to you about something important." When Regulus didn't look up Arthur continued, "We got a new patient today and Doctor Dumbledore thinks it would be good for you both to become roommates."

"What?" Regulus finally looked up, his eyes wide. "No! You can't do that. I need to be alone. I'll... suffocate. He won't like me, anyway." He could feel his pulse picking up and honestly, the thought of some unknown patient coming to live here scared him. What if the person would not leave him alone? What if he was aggressive?

"I’m sure he will like you," Arthur said and sent him a reassuring smile. "He’s very quiet so he won’t disturb you at all and perhaps you two could become friends. Who knows?"

"I don't think so... But I’ll be nice to him. Don't worry about that."

"I know you will, Regulus."

**o0o0o**

Lily knocked on Remus' door before quietly stepping inside. She found him curled up under the covers, his eyes wide open, eyes fixed on her. She had a feeling that he had been staring at the door even before she had knocked. "Remus?" she said, sitting down. "We have found you a room. This one is just for receiving. You're getting a nicer and more permanent room. What do you think about that?"

Remus looked up at her but didn’t say anything. He just tightened his grip on the duvet.

"Do you have any things?" asked Lily and looked around. There was nothing to see, except for the dirty clothes he had come in. "Come on. Get up and I’ll help you move. Don't worry – your new roommate is very nice and quiet."

Remus looked very hesitant but got to his feet anyway. Lily gave him a pair of hospital slippers and lead him slowly out the door and down the hall. He looked around the hallway and felt the anxiety grab him again, so he leaned in close to Lily, holding on to her arm. His breathing quickened and he nervously kept looking around as if afraid someone would jump them.

"It's okay," said Lily in a soothing voice and put a gentle arm around his shoulder. "This is the room."

Regulus was sitting on his bed when they came in, looking nervous. 

"Hi, Remus," smiled Arthur, who stood next to Regulus’ bed.

When Remus saw Arthur, he turned and tried to flee out the door, but Lily took a gentle hold of his shoulders and turned him back around. "This is Regulus," she said in a soothing voice.

Remus bit his lip nervously and didn't say anything, his eyes glued to Arthur.

"Should we leave you boys to get to know each other?" asked Arthur.

Remus grabbed a hold on Lily's arm and stepped behind her, using her as a shield.

"Maybe just you," said Lily. "I think Remus would like me to stay for a while."

"Sure," said Arthur. "And how about you eat dinner here with the boys tonight? I think that would be a good idea. It's usually served at six."

When Arthur had left, Lily guided Remus over to sit on the other bed in the room. Remus' eyes finally fell on the small boy and he could finally breathe easy since he didn't look scary.

Regulus sat eying at Remus too, although much less obvious. He looked like a frightened rabbit, Regulus thought. At least he did not look like someone he had to fear. The boy was almost as small as Regulus, and couldn't be much older. "Hello. My name is Regulus," he said politely and reached out a hand for Remus to shake.

"He’s a little shy," Lily tried to explain when she saw the hurt in Regulus' eyes when Remus didn’t shake his hand or even said hello.

"That's ok," mumbled Regulus. 

Suddenly they heard yelling and screaming from outside.

"I'll be back in a bit," said Lily and jumped to her feet. "I need to see what's going on.” She rushed out and into the common room finding Antonin and Kingsley struggling with a furious Sirius. He had knocked over the ping-pong table and a couple of nearby chairs lay scattered.

"Okay, Sirius," said Kingsley in his deep voice. "Settle down."

Sirius was not even close to settling down and both Kingsley and Antonin had their work cut out for them. 

Kingsley managed to get an arm around him from behind and lock him tightly in that position.  "Are you going to relax now?" he asked. "Or do we have to put you in solitary?"

"FUCK YOU!" was all Sirius had to say about that. 

Lily noticed James standing with a bat in his hand and an amused expression at the opposite side of where the ping-pong table had stood. "You lost, Black," he grinned. 

This gave Sirius' anger renewed strength and he started kicking like crazy and spewing curses in James' direction. He managed to kick Antonin hard across the shin and Antonin let go of him, clutching at his leg. 

Kingsley nearly lost his grip on the furious patient. "Give him something to relax on!" he shouted. 

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, YOU FUCKING PRICKS!" screamed Sirius. 

Molly was there the next second with a syringe. "Hold his arm still!”

"Easy... easy..." Kingsley said as Sirius finally started relaxing, mumbling swearwords as he sunk to his knees.

Lily decided to help Kingsley escort the half-conscious teenager to solitary. She opened a door to a room Kingsley pointed out and helped get Sirius up on the bed. The room was empty besides the bed and there were paddings on the wall. "Will he hurt himself?" she asked, looking at the walls.

"Not on purpose," Kingsley said. "He will, however, hammer and kick at the walls, so better he hits the padding and knocks himself tired in here." They walked out and locked the door. "We once made the mistake of putting him in a regular room. He broke his hand and most of the furniture in there."

"Right... When are you going to let him out?" Lily figured Kingsley would have plenty of experience with Sirius. It looked like this was a frequent occurrence. 

"When he stops hammering. He’s going to be angry when he wakes up."

**o0o0o**

At dinnertime Lily went to the kitchen to get some food for the boys.

Hagrid handed her a tray. "Just make sure ter bring the cutlery back with yeh. Even though it’s plastic.”

"I will," said Lily and thanked him.

"Who's hungry?" she smiled ad she came back to the boys’ room. To her great disappointment she found them just sitting on their own bed, not even looking at each other. "It's from St Mungo’s five-star restaurant.” She sat down next to Remus and handed him his plate but he just looked at it and pushed it away. Instead he got up and went to the bathroom.

"What's wrong with him?" Regulus asked Lily in a quiet voice.

“I don’t really know yet," Lily sighed, eying the closed door.

"He won't talk to me..."

"He won't talk to anyone. It’s nothing personal."

Regulus started slowly eating his shepherd’s pie, peaking at Lily once in a while. She seemed nice. 

Lily looked at the door to the bathroom. Remus took an awful long time in there, she thought. She got up from her seat and knocked on the door. "Remus?" After a few more knocks and no answer she said, "I'm coming in," but found the door locked. She jerked at the handle and called "REMUS! Remus, open the door!"

"Don't you have a key?" asked Regulus. When Lily looked confused he ran out of the room and rushed up to the first nurse he could find: Arthur. "Hurry," he said. "I think the new boy is in trouble in the bathroom! Lily doesn't have a key!"

It didn't take Arthur two seconds to react and he hurried towards the room with Regulus right behind him. Lily was still talking to the locked door when they came in and Arthur quickly unlocked it.

Inside they found Remus sitting in the bottom of the shower, his arms bloody. "Remus, what have you done?" Lily kneeled next to him and examined his wrists. Remus had clearly tried to claw them open, but even sharp nails cannot dig deep enough to puncture main arteries. 

"Is it serious?" sounded Arthur's anxious voice from the doorway. 

"No. No deep cuts. He used his nails."

Remus whimpered and tried to pull his arms away from Lily's grip but gave up when she didn’t let go.

"I'll get a nail clipper," said Arthur, "so this won’t happen again. And a first aid kit while I'm at it."

Regulus had withdrawn to his bed, waiting silently. He had gotten a glimpse of Remus sitting with bloodied wrists and felt sick. Not because he had not seen his fair share of blood before, but this boy was clearly desperate to end his life.

Lily wet some toilet paper and started cleaning the blood off Remus' arms. "It's okay, Remus," she said in a calming voice. "You’ll be okay here. You don't have to do something like this again. You will feel better soon, okay? We will help you. Just wait and see."

Remus watched as she gently dapped his wrist with the wet toilet paper, and he felt tears welling up in his eyes. He couldn’t remember when anyone had last cared for him the way Lily did. He leaned a little to the side and pressed his face against her shoulder.

Arthur came back a moment later and handed Lily the first aid kit. He saw his opportunity to clip Remus’ nails while he seemed calm but the moment he took a hold of his hand, Remus flinched and jerked his hand away while eying Arthur with such terror that it made the man take a step back. "I’m not going to hurt you, Remus," he said. "I'm just going to clip your nails." When he tried again, Remus started screaming.

Arthur quickly backed out of the bathroom, a stunned look on his face. Remus' wild eyes were fixed on him. "M-maybe I should leave," he said. When Lily nodded, he continued, "I'll be waiting right outside. Send Regulus to fetch me if you need help."

Remus calmed down when Arthur left. Lily bit her lip as she watched him. Clearly, he was terrified of Arthur, but why? He had not met him until today and Arthur had been nothing but kind.

"Remus, it’s going to be fine," she said in a soothing voice and gently took his arm again. When he didn't protest, she finished cleaning the wrists and bandaged them. When he still didn't protest, she carefully took the nail clippers. "I won't hurt you," she said and clipped a nail. Remus flinched but didn't move away from her so she clipped the other nine slowly, careful not to spook him.

Regulus appeared in the doorway. "Arthur gave me a pill for him," he said, holding up a small pill and a glass of water. 

"Thank you, Regulus," said Lily and took it. "Remus, I would like you to eat this. It will make you relax and feel better. It won't hurt you, I promise."

Remus looked a little sceptic but then took the pill. It took a few tries and a whole glass of water to wash the pill down. Lily helped him up and out of the bathroom. She looked over her shoulder and decided that when she had gotten Remus to bed, she would have to wash the shower floor.

It took only five minutes for Remus to fall asleep after he had been put to bed. As soon as he did, Lily moved over to sit on the edge of Regulus’ bed. "Are you okay?" she asked gently.

"Mm," mumbled Regulus, his head bent. He sat on his bed with his back against the wall and his knees drawn to his chest.

"I know it must have been scary to see that, but you handled the situation very well. You remained calm and fetched Arthur."

Regulus didn't look up. "He doesn't like being here..."

"At the hospital?"

"In my room. I understand.”

"This had nothing to do with you, Regulus,” she said, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. “He did what he did because he was upset. He’s scared of Arthur, for some reason, but not you. I’m sure the two of you can become friends.”

“Don’t think so," mumbled Regulus, still not meeting her eye. "I don't think he wants to be my friend."

"I’m sure that’s not true,” said Lily. “But of course you don’t have to make friends if you don’t want to."

"I don't mind being his friend,” said Regulus, finally looking at Lily. “But I’m not a good friend."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just not healthy to be around. And I haven't had many friends. My only real friend in a long time died because of me. If he hadn't been my friend he would have been alive now. I don't know why he cared about me in the first place..."

"I’m sure he didn't regret being your friend, Regulus," said Lily, still a little shocked that someone had murdered Regulus’ friend to punish him. "And it was not your fault what happened. Give Remus a chance. No one is going to kill him to punish you."

"He doesn't want to be my friend, okay?” snapped the boy. “He won't even talk to me or shake my hand. He just wants to die."

Lily was taken a bit aback. "I just... Well, I'm sure he will get better. That is why he’s here and he will come around."

"Okay," said Regulus in a neutral tone. He got up and went to the bathroom but stopped when he saw there was still blood on the shower floor. Then he left the room without another word. 

**o0o0o**

_“Sirius!”_

_Sirius sat on the floor playing with Legos, his four-year-old brother sitting beside him._

_“Your father and I wish to talk to you," said Mrs. Black, standing in the doorway._

_Sirius sighed and followed her into the lounge where Mr. Black stood waiting._

_“We’re moving to a new home," said the tall man._

_Sirius looked surprised. "Where? I don't want to change school. All my friends are here!"_

_“There will be no more regular school," Mr. Black said. "We are moving to a commune. You don't need common friends anymore. They are not worthy of your company."_

_Sirius crossed his arms. "I don't want to move!"_

_“You have no say in this, and you will not give us any grief! We are leaving tonight. Kreacher will pack your most necessary things.”_

_“What about the rest of my things? Kreacher doesn’t get to decide what I can bring!”_

_“We are selling everything of value that we don’t need and giving the money to the Lord of the commune."_

_“They’re my things! I don’t want to give them to some stupid lord!” said Sirius, stamping his foot in the floor. “And I don’t want to live in a stupid commune!_

_Mr. Black grabbed him roughly by the upper arm. "From now on you're doing as you're told! You will learn the new rules and respect us and the Dark Lord!”_

_“Think of Regulus,” said Mrs. Black. “You care for your little brother, don’t you? The commune is a much healthier environment for him to grow up in."_

Sirius’ eyes flew open. He got up from the floor and stood still for a moment, taking in a deep breath before starting screaming and hammering on the door. "It was a cult! I TOLD you wankers from the start! They destroyed my brother! And it’s your fault he had to sit there rotting for another four years!"

Nobody responded until finally after fifteen minutes of pounding and screaming the small hatch in the door slid to the side and the eyes of Antonin peeped in. "If you don't put a sock in it we're going to have to knock you out again. Is that what you want?"

"Fuck you!" Sirius screamed and tried to thrust his fist through the hatch, only succeeding in knocking the skin off his knuckles. " _You_ can put a sock in it! In your arse!"

"That's it, Black," said Antonin and called for Thorfinn who unlocked the door and went in. He grabbed a hold of Sirius and slammed his face against the wall. Antonin jammed a needle into his arm. "Time to go to sleep," he smirked.

**o0o0o**

Lily waited fifteen minutes to see if Regulus would come back, but when he didn't, she decided to leave. It was clear that he was not interested in her company. She went to the common room to see if there was anything she could help with. She spotted the greasy haired boy sitting alone by the window and she decided to talk to him. The boy was muttering to himself quietly, but you could see his lips moving.

"Severus - isn't that correct?" smiled Lily as she sat down on the chair next to him. 

"MOVE!" he screamed and flew up, pointing at her with a shaking finger. "YOU'RE SITTING ON HIM!"

Lily jumped up from the chair as if she had sat on something pointy. “Wha… what did I do?”

Severus stared at her furiously. "Are you blind? Did they steal your glasses in nursing school?"

Lily heard laughter from behind and she turned to see the rest of the common room watching.

"Mind your manners, Snivellus," grinned James. 

"I’m sure your imaginary friend wouldn't mind such a nice piece of arse sitting on his lap," said a lanky boy with a pointy nose. 

"AVERY!" sounded an angry voice and Molly came marching up to point a finger in the boy's face. "You mind your mouth! I will not have you talk like that about our new nurse! Go to your room!" she ordered, pointing in the direction of the hallway. "The rest of you might as well follow suit. It's almost bedtime."

Severus sat down again and started mumbling to the chair that Lily had just left.

The other patients went on their way to their rooms while Lily joined Molly. "Is he schizophrenic?" she asked and looked over at the boy who had now wrapped his arms around himself and was swaying from side to side.

"Yes," nodded Molly. "And he's not responding well to his medication. When he even takes it, that is. He refuses to believe he's ill."

"Who did he think was sitting on the chair?"

"As you heard Avery so nicely announce, Severus has an imaginary friend. A very strong hallucination, which has been with him since his early teens, I believe. His name is Barty and as you could see, Severus does not take kindly to people not showing Barty respect. We try to avoid talking about Barty around Severus, and we especially try not to offend or tell him that Barty is not real. It makes him very upset."

"I see," said Lily and turned her head to look at Severus again. "I will give it another try tomorrow." She looked at her watch and sighed. "Do you have the night shift as well?"

"No, my shift actually ended after dinner, but things have been busy today and I don't like to leave until I feel things are calm. Which often means that I do quite a lot of over-time," Molly smiled. "Well, you must be exhausted with all the new inputs – and quite a bit of action for your first day. Why don't you go home, dear, and get a good night’s sleep? I have put you on the day shift tomorrow, so if you come in at twelve, that will be fine. Is Remus okay? Is he sleeping? Arthur told me about the incident."

"Yes, he’s sleeping now but I don't know if he will sleep through the night. That's why I asked if you had the nightshift so maybe you could look in on him." She sighed and shook her head. "I'm really worried about him. I asked Regulus if he would try to befriend him but he didn't seem too fond of the idea."

"Oh, don't worry about Regulus – he will be kind to Remus, no matter what. And he will alarm the night staff if Remus tries anything, I can guarantee you that. The boy is terrified of death, and he will do anything he can to prevent someone getting hurt."

"But didn't he try to kill himself?" asked Lily.

"He did. But that was to get away from the cult. He just couldn't take it anymore. And when his escape attempt failed, he didn’t see any other way out. Anyhow, he’s afraid of others dying – not himself."

**o0o0o**

Regulus barely got any sleep that night. He kept listening intensely to Remus' breathing to make sure he was sleeping. Every time he dozed off he awoke with a start, sure that Remus had gone into the bathroom to kill himself. 

In the middle of the night, Remus woke and started whimpering. His arms hurt and he didn’t know where he was. He looked around and then hid under the duvet. 

Regulus sat up in a second and turned on the light. "Remus? Don't cry. There's nothing to be afraid of."

Remus peeked out from under the covers. His mind was a little fuzzy but it slowly came back to him where he was. He dried his eyes with the palm of his hand and sat up in bed, looking at Regulus.

"Don't be scared," Regulus repeated. "Do you want me to get you another pill so you can go back to sleep?"

Remus wasn't sure if that was what he wanted. But sleep was his friend. It was the best way to escape reality, plus – he was exhausted, so he nodded.

"Okay," said Regulus, relieved. He hesitated at the door. "Please don't try to kill yourself while I’m gone. Or any other time, really..."

Outside he ran into Dawlish, the guard on duty. "Oi - where do you think you're going, lad? You should be in bed."

"I... I need to find a nurse for my roommate."

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's very uneasy and can't sleep. I thought I’d get him a sleeping pill so he would calm down."

Dawlish called over the radio for a nurse, and a minute later someone from the night shift arrived. "Are you having trouble sleeping, darling?" she asked in a kind voice.

Regulus told her that it was for Remus and she followed him to the room. "Um... be careful with him," he said as they were about to enter. "He's quite scared of people."

"Hello, darling," smiled the nurse as she went in. "I have a pill for you to help you sleep. Regulus said you would like that." Heading what Regulus had said, she didn't go too close to Remus but just put the pill and a glass of water on his night table. 

Remus looked a little scared but not nearly as much as he had of Arthur. He took the pill and the glass. Again, it took a whole glass of water for him to get it down. Then he lay down again and tugged the covers around himself.

"Do you want me to turn off the lights?" Regulus asked when the nurse had gone.

Remus shook his head a little, his eyes on Regulus. He liked him. He reminded him of his old friend. He sent Regulus a quick smile to let him know that he was grateful for his kindness.

"Why don't you speak? Can't you?" asked Regulus as they lay there. He had heard that deaf people often couldn’t speak (although he had never met a deaf person – they were impure, like everyone else with a handicap, and Regulus’ parents had kept him far away from such filth, as was his mother’s favourite term of abuse), but Remus clearly wasn’t deaf. 

Remus pulled the covers up under his nose and a small sigh escaped him. He wanted to answer but he was afraid to. Regulus seemed nice, though, but what if he would get punished for speaking?

_No... He can't hurt me any longer._

Regulus sighed, realising he wasn't getting an answer. "What happened to you?"

Remus finally whispered, "Bad… man..." He looked around as if afraid the door would swing open and a monster would come in.

Regulus' ears pricked, surprised that Remus spoke. "Oh. I'm sorry. I knew one of those too. Well, many, actually, but mostly the one. He killed people he didn't like. He killed my best friend... Who is your bad man?"

Remus started shivering, not answering Regulus’ question." I'm s-sorry about your friend."

Seeing the fear in Remus’ eyes, Regulus decided not to pressure him for an answer. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – Do You Like Stories?**

The next morning, Lily came in already at eleven even though her shift did not start until twelve. She just couldn't stop thinking about the patients she had met. Remus, who was clearly very traumatised by something. Regulus, who thought he didn't deserve to be happy and have friends. And Severus, who seemed so lonely.

"I am Gandalf the grey!" sounded an authoritative voice that snapped her out of her thoughts. "You shall not pass!"

Lily stopped abruptly as she saw Gilderoy stand in the doorway with his hand raised as a stop-sign. "But I work here now. I'm the new nurse in training," she said. 

"There are more than just orcs here," he said in a dark voice. "The Balrog lurks in these caves."

"Can I go in? I'm not an orc. Actually, I’m a little offended you would think so."

"You are no orc indeed, fair lady," said Gilderoy. "Such a beauty must be an elf."

"Gilderoy, let the nurse through!" barked a nurse who had not been there the day before. 

"Ah, an orc!" said Gilderoy and stepped between Lily and the nurse. "Don't worry, my lady – I will protect you!"

"Away with you, or I'll get Thorfinn to put you in a cell! Do you want that?" said the nurse. She had a sharp face with hard eyes. Lily instantly disliked her. 

Gilderoy went on his way, muttering about orcs at bay.

The woman looked Lily up and down. "You must be the new nurse. You're early. Weasley said you would be here at twelve."

"Well, I was eager to come in," Lily smiled. "It's always exciting at a new job." She stuck out her hand. "Lily Evans. Nice to meet you."

"Charming," said the nurse without a smile. "Alecto Carrow."

As she went on her way, Lily spotted Sirius coming back from isolation, escorted by Kingsley. He looked drowsy and Lily deducted that there were still some sedatives in his system.

"Where's Regulus?" asked Sirius. "I want to talk to him."

"You know you shouldn't talk to him," said Kingsley. He had a stern look on his face. "Its best that you go sit down and relax."

Sirius mumbled something and eyed Kingsley with a dark expression but went into the common room anyway, throwing himself on a sofa, putting his feet up on the coffee table. 

"The lion is out of its cage. Good to see you, mate!" said James, as if he had forgotten that he was the reason Sirius had ended up in solitary.

"Sirius!" beamed a short boy with straw coloured hair. "How are you? I thought they were mighty unfair to put you in the cell just because you got a little mad!” 

Sirius looked at Peter and grumbled again. He was not in the mood for boot-licking right now but he contained himself. Instead, he high-fived James, who was actually his favourite person in here. At least when he didn’t piss him off. "Yeah... Good to see you too," he mumbled.

"How come he isn’t allowed to talk to his brother?" Lily asked Kingsley.

"Oh, Regulus doesn't want to talk to him. He ignores him. Has since he came here four months ago. He's angry about him leaving him behind in the cult, I reckon. He ran away when Regulus was nine or ten."

"Oh my," said Lily. "Why didn't he take his brother with him?"

"I don't think the lad dared come along," said Kingsley. "And who can blame him when you think of what they did to him when he finally did try to run away?"

"What did they do?"

"Tortured him in some way. Water boarding, I think."

"Oh, my God," she gasped.

Kingsley nodded. "You hear some horrible stories in here. It’s not a job for the faint-hearted.”

**o0o0o**

Remus woke slowly. To his relief, he saw that Regulus was there, sitting on his bed reading.

Feeling eyes on him, Regulus looked up. "Oh, you're awake. I hope you slept well."

Remus sat up and rubbed his eyes. He still felt a little sleepy. "What you reading?"

"Um, it's a history book. Do you like to read?"

Remus bit his lip and shook his head. "I can’t read…"

Regulus stared at him. What teenager hadn't learned to read? Was that a normal thing outside of the cult? He looked at him for a while but decided not to ask about it. Remus clearly didn't look proud of it. "If you want, I could read something to you." When Remus looked like a question mark, Regulus explained. "You know, I read aloud so you can hear the story. Do you like stories?"

"Yes,” Remus nodded. He liked stories. In fact, he loved stories, but it had been years since he had heard one.

"Okay. We should probably pick something more entertaining than a history book, though. Some novel."

There was a knock on the door and Lily stuck her head inside. "Oh, you're awake," she beamed at Remus. "Sleep well?"

Remus looked at her and nodded slowly. He felt much better than the day before.

"Good," she smiled. She turned her attention to Regulus. "Reading again, I see. How did you sleep?"

Regulus shrugged. He had slept a little after Remus had eaten his second sleeping pill, a little more confident that he would not wake and try to kill himself.

"You have a group session with Pandora after lunch. I promised to remind you. And Remus - Doctor Dumbledore would like to see you now."

Regulus sighed. He hated group sessions with a vengeance. They were even worse than the private sessions with Dumbledore. 

Remus looked frightened when Lily said Dumbledore wanted to see him. 

"There's nothing to be scared of," said Lily. "I will be there too, okay?" She reached out a hand for Remus, hoping he would take it.

Remus gulped and carefully took her hand. He put on his slippers and they left the room. He held onto her hand very tightly as they walked down the hallway, glad that they didn’t meet anyone on the way.

**o0o0o**

Dumbledore stood up when they came into his office, but sat down again when he saw the terror painted on the boy's face. "Come in, Remus," he smiled. "Don't worry - I will not do anything to you. I will sit here in my chair for as long as you're in here, all right?" He looked at Lily. "Miss Evans - if you would sit down with Remus," he said and motioned toward the two chairs on their side of the desk. 

Remus wanted to run away, back to the room where Regulus was, but Lily spoke calming words to him and held his hand as she guided him towards the chair, so he decided to sit down. He shook so violently that the chair moved.

"I hope you had a good night’s sleep," said Doctor Dumbledore, not looking directly at Remus. It was clear that he understood how intimidating Remus found him, and didn't want to make him feel threatened. He spoke in a kind and relaxed tone. "You look better than yesterday. Lily tells me you like your new roommate. I'm very glad to hear that."

Remus nodded slowly and dropped his gaze for a second. When Dumbledore shifted in his seat, Remus stared at him again, looking like a trapped animal.

"Easy. He won't hurt you," Lily said in a soothing voice.

"Miss Evans - I forgot to ask you: how do you like it here so far?" asked Doctor Dumbledore, removing his attention from Remus. "I know yesterday was quite hectic. I'm sorry you had to be thrown into that on your very first day, but you seemed to deal extraordinarily well."

"Oh, I like it here," said Lily. "In fact, I like it so much that I came in an hour early."

Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, good thing you came to this ward, then. And a good thing for us. I'm glad there's someone Remus trusts. I don't know how his life has been, but he clearly needs some kindness," he said, sneaking a quick glance at Remus. "So make sure to give him plenty of that." He continued talking a bit with Lily about herself, her education and life; anything other than Remus, and it seemed to have the desired effect, as Lily noticed Remus becoming less tense. 

"Well, I just wanted to see you two today and hear how you were," said Doctor Dumbledore. "Remus, before you go, I would like you to tell me your last name so we can contact your family."

Remus stared at his knees and quickly shook his head.

“You could write it on a piece of paper, like you did with your first name,” suggested Lily, but Remus just kept shaking his head.

"Don't worry about it. Perhaps Remus will tell us later,” said Dumbledore to Lily. Then he looked at the boy. “I just have one more thing to ask of you, Remus, and then you can go with Lily back to your room. How old are you?"

Remus sat still for a long moment. Then he shook his head again and put his hands to his head while he suddenly started sobbing. He was weak and now he would be punished. Crying was for children and you did not cry in front of a man. It only made things worse.

"Okay, Remus, I think it's time for you to get some rest. And perhaps some lunch. You must be hungry. It is almost lunch time. Will you see to that, Miss Evans?"

**o0o0o**

Lily had lunch with the boys in their room. Afterwards, Regulus had a group session and Lily was joining him to learn more about the place.

"I promise you no one will come in here while Regulus and I are away," she assured a very nervous looking Remus. "Molly promised to keep an eye on your door to make sure nobody tries to go in. 

Remus nodded anxiously and curled up on the bed, waiting for one of them to come back.

"How did last night go?” asked Lily as she and Regulus walked down the hall. “You look tired so I reckon you didn't get much sleep."

"Not much," admitted Regulus. "I was scared he would sneak off and try to kill himself again."

"You don't have to worry," said Lily. "We clipped his nails and there's nothing sharp within reach of patients."

"Well... you'd be surprised how creative people here can be," said Regulus darkly. 

"I'm glad you're so interested in his wellbeing," she said. "But I would like to know more about you, Regulus. Not the cult, but you personally. Would you be up for a chat with me later?"

Regulus hesitated. "Yeah, alright," he decided. Lily was nice enough, and it couldn't hurt giving her some of the information the other nurses already had.

"Is your brother going to be at the session as well?” she asked

Regulus looked at her blankly. "I don't have a brother."

Lily looked at him in surprise. She knew Regulus was mad at Sirius, but did he really go so far as to deny his existence? "I thought Sirius was your brother?"

Regulus looked at her for a moment. "No. I had a brother once, but I haven’t seen him in four years."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

**o0o0o**

Just as they had all sat down to start the session, the door swung open and Sirius walked in. Doctor Lovegood raised an eyebrow, looking serious. "You know the rules, Sirius – if you are to join a session with your brother you have to leave him alone."

"I can talk to him if I want to,” said Sirius and sat down on a free chair, his arms crossed. “We have freedom of speech in this country.”

Regulus got to his feet. "I’m tired. I think I'll just do a session some other time," he mumbled. 

"No –" said Doctor Lovegood. "Please stay, Regulus. And Sirius – you're getting _one_ chance. If you make a scene I’m going to have to call a guard. You know I hate to do that, but I can’t let you ruin group.”

Sirius sighed. "I'll behave."

"Good," she said and was glad to see that Regulus had sat down again. "Welcome. I'm Pandora, and I will be your therapist today," she smiled. 

"We know that!" said Rita and rolled her eyes. "Why do you have to say it every time? We don't have Alzheimer’s, for God's sake."

Doctor Lovegood smiled at her. “You know why, Rita – saying our names is a good routine to get the session started. Let’s see – who wants to begin?” she asked, picking up a small plush owl from the floor. When no one volunteered, Doctor Lovegood tossed the owl to Emmeline.

Emmeline, looking eerily thin, caught the owl and stared at it in her lap. "I don't know what to say," she said in a small voice. 

"Speak up - we can't hear you!" said Evan. 

"Evan, be nice," said Doctor Lovegood, still smiling kindly. "How have you been the past week, Emmeline?"

"Mm... okay, I suppose."

"Have you been eating well?"

"Yes..." she whispered. 

"No, she hasn't," said Evan. "She's getting smaller every day. It won't be long until she's disappeared entirely."

"Why don't you shut your face, Rosier?" spat Sirius and leaned forward in his seat, clearly ready to jump at him should he talk back.

"Now, now," said Doctor Lovegood and waved her hand. "We’re all friends here."

"It's okay..." said Emmeline in a small voice. 

Evan glared at Sirius but seemed to decide that it was not worth getting into a fight over, so he leaned back and crossed his arms. 

"Well," said Doctor Lovegood, relieved. "Emmeline, it's okay if you don't feel like talking today. You go ahead and toss the owl to someone else."

Emmeline tossed the owl to Regulus, but it didn’t quite make it and landed on the floor at his feet.

"Hello, Regulus," Doctor Lovegood smiled as if she hadn’t seen him until now. "And how has your week been? Anything interesting happen?"

Regulus eyed the plush owl at his feet, considering making the argument that technically the owl had not been passed to him, but decided it was too childish. "I got a new roommate. He's nice." 

"Oh, you did?" said Doctor Lovegood. "And how does that feel after having had a private room for four months?"

Sirius was about to say something but Doctor Lovegood raised her finger at him like a strict teacher.

"It's okay. Because he's quiet and not annoying. He doesn't pester me," said Regulus.

Sirius looked at Regulus and gritted his teeth, feeling slightly annoyed by this new friend that his brother had gotten. "Was that aimed at me?" he said and stood up.

"Sirius – sit down," said Doctor Lovegood. "Remember that you promised not to talk to him if you're going to be in the session. 

Regulus studied his nails, showing no indication that anyone had spoken to him. 

Sirius marched over to his brother, putting a hand on each of the armrests on his chair. "Look at me when I’m talking to you!” he yelled into his face. “You can't ignore me forever!”

"Uh-oh," grinned Avery. "Now it's getting fun!"

Doctor Lovegood quickly moved over and put a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Sirius – we talked about this. I think it's best you leave now. We can talk about it later, yes? I really don't want to have to call a guard."

Sirius kicked the chair leg and jerked his shoulder away from her touch. He shot her a glare before leaving the room, slamming the door behind him.

Doctor Lovegood struck up a smile as she went back to her chair. Before she could ask Regulus anything else he had passed the plush owl to Avery. 

Avery looked at the owl in his hands and exclaimed a sigh. "What you want to know, old woman?"

"Whatever you would like to talk about," said Doctor Lovegood, who in fact was only in her mid-thirties. 

"I have nothing to say now that Sirius has left. Seems the fun has drained from this environment."

"You just want to fight," said Marlene.

"When I want a fight I'll start a fight, but I’m a man of peace. Make love, not war. And I’m pretty good at that first part," Avery grinned, making the peace sign. 

Rita curled a lock of hair around her finger and watched him. "I bet you are," she said in a seductive tone.

"As if you haven't been there already, you tart," said Evan, curling his nose in disgust. 

"You're just jealous," grinned Avery.

“What’s to be jealous about?” said Evan. “I’ve been there too. It was nothing special.”

The door was suddenly opened and a distressed looking Horace stuck his head in. "Lily," he said, his gaze locating her. "They told me you were here. I need you for a moment."

They walked down the hall in haste as Horace explained. "I just wanted to help Remus get ready for a bath but when I touched him he started screaming."

"Okay," said Lily. "I'll see if I can get him to calm down. Did you give him anything? Is he in his room?"

"He is in his room, and no I didn’t give him anything. I could not get near him but I locked the door so he didn't go anywhere." They stopped in front of the room and Horace unlocked the door. 

"Okay. Let me take it from here." Lily went inside and closed the door quietly behind her. She found Remus sitting in the far corner of the room, his back pressed against the wall. He looked up at Lily with wild eyes, his breath coming in gasps. "Remus," said Lily in a calm tone and squatted a few yards from him. "Take it easy. It's me, Lily."

Remus pulled his legs closer to his body, not taking his eyes off Lily as he tried to press himself closer to the wall. He resembled a trapped animal looking for a way past the threat. His breath hitched as Lily inched closer to him.

"It's just me. It's okay. Nobody's going to touch you if you don't want them to. Horace was just trying to help you. He didn't mean any harm. But he went and fetched me instead, because he thought you would like that better."

Remus sat there for a moment and seemed to relax a little as his breathing became steadier.

"Come on up and sit on the bed or a chair or something. You're going to get cold down there."

After a little hesitation, Remus crawled up from the floor and sat down on the bed.

"Brilliant," smiled Lily and sat down next to him. She talked to him for a while, about this and that, until he was all calm.

Then the door opened and a tired looking Regulus came in. 

"How was the rest of the session?" asked Lily. 

Regulus shrugged. "The usual. I managed to avoid having to speak again."

"Yes, I can imagine it can be difficult talking about your problems in front of people you haven't chosen to share with."

Regulus looked at her in surprised. None of the other staff members had ever said anything like that. It was always how important it was for him to open up and how much good it would do him. But what Lily said was exactly how he had always felt.

There was a knock on the door and Arthur stuck his head in. Remus crawled a little closer to Lily. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Lily, but we have staff meeting and I was asked to come and get you."

Lily nodded and clapped her knees before getting up. "Well, I will see you gentlemen later," she smiled at the two.

**o0o0o**

Lily went with Arthur to the staff room where everyone was seated. She chose a spot next to Molly. "Is this normal? I mean the staff meeting."

"Oh, yes. We do this once a week to keep everybody updated and discuss issues that need discussing."

The door opened and Doctor Crouch walked in and sat down. He didn't bother to greet them, just flipped through some papers. "So what do you have to report? I hear you had trouble with Sirius Black again."

"We got it under control," smirked Antonin.

"I would rather that there was nothing to get under control," said Crouch. "How long has he been here now? A year? A year and a half? Why has there been no improvement? You’d think that the arrival of his brother would have made him more cooperative, but in fact he has only become more aggressive, has he not?"

"Well," said Molly, who was Sirius’ personal nurse. "Sirius isn't allowed to talk to his brother or engage with him."

Crouch looked up finally and cleared his throat. "And remind me why?"

"Because Regulus doesn’t want to acknowledge him and that makes Sirius angry."

Crouch huffed. "Then get the little one to stop ignoring him! How difficult can that be? He will have to deal with his brother sooner or later."

Doctor Dumbledore answered. "Regulus is very fragile, which should be a surprise to no one, considering his age and what he has been through. He needs time, and I do not think it wise to pressure him."

Crouch folded his hands and looked at Dumbledore. "Well, we need progress. We can't just sit by and let the brothers Black run this ward because they can't communicate."

"All in due time, Bartemius," said Dumbledore, fixing the younger man with a calm but determined gaze. "I know what I’m doing."

"Yes, well... as long as you know what you're doing," mumbled Doctor Crouch. Dumbledore was about the only person he truly respected. "Well, that brings us to the new patient. Any progress? I hear that he panics whenever someone gets close to him."

Lily opened her mouth, but hesitated, not sure if it was okay for her to speak. 

"Only some people," said Molly. "Lily has him under control. He trusts her, as well as his roommate Regulus, who you were just busy criticising. Remus is no trouble as long as he is handled with care and by people he trusts."

"I see," said Crouch. "So, what you're saying is that Miss Evans is one of few who can get close to him?"

"Yes."

"What I hear is that he seems to be causing trouble and I hope there will be progress soon. We have enough trouble with Sirius Black."

"He is not causing trouble!" said Lily. "He's scared of certain people. If they leave him alone he's no trouble. And he's just scared - not aggressive."

Crouch took a few notes and nodded. "So – you are the only one from the staff that he trusts?"

"He trusts the females, as far as I understand," said Molly, putting a hand on Lily' shoulder.

"If I may suggest –" said Dumbledore. "Perhaps we let Miss Evans handle him for now, since she is doing so well."

"A nurse in training? And a new one at that?" frowned Crouch. 

"Experience is not so important here," said Doctor Dumbledore. "Lily has done a remarkable job so far, so I’m letting her take care of Remus for now. The boy needs something steady."

Crouch nodded slowly. "What's wrong with the boy, anyway?"

"We’re not sure," said Dumbledore. "He has not spoken yet so it has been difficult determining his history, but I reckon some sort of abuse has occurred."

"Have you located the boy's parents?"

"No. We have not found out who he is. He will only tell us his first name."

"Well, find out his last name and locate his parents," Crouch said. "Can’t be that hard. Unless he is hiding something?" He looked at Lily as if she knew something.

"We don't know yet," said Dumbledore. "He has only been here two days. They boy is very troubled, Bartemius. It will take time to get through to him."

Crouch grunted and leaned back. "Well – next topic."

Molly gave her weekly resumé of the day to day activities. Lily sat and listened and took a few notes on how to handle the other patients.

"Well that's it for today,” Doctor Crouch said fifteen minutes later and stacked his papers. He got up and left the room before anyone had a chance to say anything else.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - I don't want to talk about Kreacher**

"Lily," called Dumbledore as she walked past the open door to his office. She stopped and stuck her head in. “Yes, Doctor?”

"If you’re not too busy, would you be so kind as to find Sirius and bring him to my office?"

Lily found said boy playing cards with James and Peter. "Who's winning?" she asked, leaning against the backrest of one of the sofas. 

"Me! I am!" said an overexcited James as he bounced up and down in his seat.

Sirius slammed his cards down on the table and sighed. "Unfortunately, that's true. Hey, Potter – easy on the sugar," he said in an almost kind voice as James took a large gulp of lemonade.

"Will you go out with me?" asked James, flashing Lily a grin. 

"I would, but I’m not allowed to date patients," Lily smiled. 

"She's too hot for you, anyway," teased Sirius. 

"No one’s too hot for me!" James protested.

Sirius shook his head and then turned to Lily. "Is there something you want?"

"Yes. You."

Sirius sent a smirk in James' direction. "See? The lady has taste."

"Or rather – Dumbledore wants you," smiled Lily. 

James spat out lemonade, laughing.

Sirius punched him on the shoulder so hard it almost knocked him over. "Fine, fine," he sighed as Lily tapped her watch.

**o0o0o**

Sirius knocked on the door to Doctor Dumbledore's office before walking in.

"Sirius. Good to see you," smiled the old man. When he saw Lily waiting in the doorway he asked. "Sirius, would you mind Lily listening in? She's here to learn, after all, so we include her as much as possible."

"Whatever," said Sirius and waved his hand.

Lily came in and sat down. "Thank you, Sirius."

Sirius didn't answer. He just sat down and crossed his arms, going into defensive mode even before Dumbledore had started talking.

"I'm sure you know what this is about. You have caused a bit of trouble the past few days. Is there a reason you have been so easily upset? "

Sirius chewed on his lip and looked around, his foot tripping up and down. "He won't talk to me," he mumbled.

Dumbledore sighed. "Ah, yes. I understand how hard that is on you, I truly do. But we have talked about this many times, Sirius. You must be patient. He will come around, but you need to give him some more time."

"You keep saying that! How much more time does he need?" snapped Sirius. "He's been here four months and he still hasn't spoken a word to me!"

"I know how frustrating it is," repeated Doctor Dumbledore in a calm voice. "I understand how hurt you must feel, but pressuring him will only make things worse. You need to leave him alone, Sirius, for now. The more you try, the more he will resist. You create conflicts every time you try to get in contact with him. It's such a shame for you to have to visit the cells so often."

"Tell him that he has to talk to me!" demanded Sirius. "You're his shrink! He does what you say, doesn't he?"

"It’s not that easy, Sirius," said Dumbledore and adjusted his glasses. "I have asked Regulus why he doesn't wish to speak to you but he avoids the question and I am not one to pressure him."

"Bollocks!" spat Sirius and slammed both his fists down onto the table, knocking over a pencil holder.

Dumbledore fixed Sirius with his gaze but remained calm. "Try to take the high road. He's your little brother. If you want what's best for him – and I know you do, because there is no doubt that you love him – then you give him a bit more time. I'm working hard with him in our sessions, and the further we get, the closer we will come to him being ready to engage with you."

Sirius sank back in his seat, sulking.

"He's just a child, Sirius. And one who has been subjected to horrors no children ever should. His life has been turned upside down the last few months. He doesn't know how to cope, but he's learning. When he does get to the part where he will let you into his life again you will become very important to his healing process. I need to know I can count on you then."

Sirius mumbled a little and seemed to withdraw into his own thoughts. Dumbledore watched him for a minute and then asked: "Sirius? Are you still with us? Sirius?"

"Yeah, yeah...."

"Good," smiled the old man. "I knew I could count on you. Just one more thing I will ask of you: whenever you get angry, try to control it and come talk to me instead. You can say all the nasty things you like in here. It's better to get the anger out verbally than physically. I'm always here to listen."

Sirius shrugged. "Not going to do me any good in the end. He still won't talk to me "

Doctor Dumbledore sighed. "In time, he will."

"Can I go?"

"Yes, you may go."

Lily stayed behind when Sirius had left. Dumbledore shook his head and sighed. "As you see, Sirius is also a very troubled lad."

Lily nodded pensively. "It's curious how differently the two brothers have reacted."

"You must have come to know Regulus a bit by now, since he shares a room with Remus. What do you think? Are you having a good connection?"

"Well," Lily started and scratched her neck. "He seems like a very sweet boy. He hasn’t spoken to me much yet, but he agreed to tell me a bit more about himself later."

"Alright," smiled Dumbledore. "Regulus is quite private about his feelings, so it sounds promising that he agreed to that. Well, I’m having a session with him now, in fact, and I think it would be good if you joined. Since you will be spending quite a lot of time with him, you should know what's going on with him."

"Okay," nodded Lily, although a little nervous for Remus being all alone while they were at Dumbledore’s office. But she would really like to learn more about Regulus and his treatment. "Should I go get him?"

“That would be lovely, Miss Evans.”

Lily knocked on the door before opening it slowly. She wasn't surprised to see Remus sitting on his bed pressed against the wall with a very nervous expression on his face until he recognised her.

"No," said Regulus when she told him to come with her. "I just went to a group session, I’m not going to more therapy today."

"But Doctor Dumbledore says you have a session," she said, but Regulus maintained that it must be a mistake.

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow when Lily came back alone. "Regulus will excuse himself from every session if he can get away with it. He doesn't like talking about his past, which is understandable, but there's no way around it."

Five minutes later Lily came back with a Regulus who absolutely did not look like he wanted to be there.

"I'm sorry to bother you today, Regulus," said Dumbledore, "but I will be away for a conference the next two days, so you will not have to see me again until next week. Is it all right that Lily stay?"

Regulus shrugged, then nodded. "I suppose."

"How have you been feeling about Remus moving in with you?"

"That's fine. He's nice. But he hurt himself in the bathroom..."

"Yes, I heard," nodded the doctor. "But you do know it’s not your fault, no?"

Lily eyed him curiously. Did Regulus think it was his fault that Remus hurt himself?

Regulus looked down at his hands and mumbled, "I don't know. Maybe."

"Why do you think it's your fault?" Lily said in disbelief, forgetting for a moment that she was just there to listen.

Regulus pressed his lips together. "I'm not healthy to be around. I told you that yesterday. People get hurt around me. I don't want them to, but they do. They get hurt and they die."

“That’s your OCD talking,” said Dumbledore softly. “You know that, Regulus.”

“That’s what you say, but you can’t be certain that’s all there is to it. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Sometimes I start believing you, but then I start doubting again.”

“That is exactly how OCD works. The French call it ‘la folie de doute’ – the doubting disease.”

“I know I have OCD, but that does not rule out other causes and explanations,” said Regulus, a hint of irritation in his voice. “But there’s no use discussing it. You don’t believe me, anyway.”

Doctor Dumbledore contemplated him for a moment, then nodded slowly. “All right, we will not discuss this any further today, if you do not wish to. Instead, let us talk more about your past.”

"I don't want to talk about that either,” said Regulus moodily. He was not having a good day. "I’ve told you about it many times."

"Superficially, yes, but not the full story, so I would like to dig deeper,"

“What's the point? You're wasting your time and tax-payers' money on me."

"We want you to get better, Regulus," said Dumbledore kindly. 

"I don't want to get better. I don't deserve to."

"And why is it that you don’t deserve that?"

"I'm impure."

Lily raised her eyebrows. Impure? What had those people told the poor boy?

Dumbledore sighed. It was clear that nothing Regulus said was new to him. "You do deserve to get better, Regulus. Lily certainly thinks so – it’s clear that she cares very much about your wellbeing."

"Because she's a good person. I'm sure she wants everyone to get better."

"Tell me about Kreacher,” said Dumbledore. “He wanted you to feel better too, did he not?"

Regulus froze. "I don't want to talk about Kreacher," he said in a voice that barely sounded as his own. "Kreacher wanted to help me feel better, yes, and he died because of it.”

"And you feel that is your fault? Because you are impure?"

"Yes. He was impure too, but if I hadn't been there, maybe he would have stayed strong and pure."

"You have to explain what you mean, Regulus. It makes no sense to me what you are saying."

Regulus groaned. "He had a weak heart and that's why he was kind to me. Because he took pity on me when I was scared and weak. If I hadn't been there to make him pity me then maybe he would have stayed strong."

"So, what you call a weak heart is what the rest of us call compassion?"

"Yes. Compassion is weakness."

Lily shook her head in disbelief.

"So, kindness makes you impure?" continued Dumbledore. "In that case most people are impure and if kindness is impure, then I would say it's good to be impure."

Regulus swallowed. "It's good to be kind, yes. I like kind people. But... it's not good to be impure."

"Well, that’s a bit of a paradox, isn’t it?” smiled the old man. “You know what a paradox is, don’t you, Regulus?”

Regulus nodded, looking down at his feet.

“You say that kindness is good, but that being kind is impure and that impurity is bad. You’re an intelligent boy – you can do the math. I hope you will soon come to understand that the whole notion of impurity is nonsense and that you are no more impure than any other person."

"I _am_ impure," insisted Regulus. "I'm weak and scared. I feel sorry for people. Sometimes I can't help crying. My brain is unhealthy. I think I was born that way, because I have been strange always. My parents have always told me to stop being strange because they didn’t want an impure son and they didn't want the others to find out there was something wrong with me!"

"You're human, Regulus," said Dumbledore in a soft voice. "Emotions are human, compassion is human, weakness is human, errors and imperfections are human. Now, Voldemort – he would be the ultimate pure, no?”

A shiver ran through the boy at the mention of his old master’s name. “Yes…”

“You have said many times that you think he is a very evil man. Then tell me this, Regulus – if ultimate purity is evil, then how can _im_ purity be a bad thing?”

Regulus shook his head violently. "I don't want to talk anymore today. I'm very tired now."

"Alright. I will let you go back to your room now. You must be tired after two sessions. You don’t have to go to the common room today. You may have dinner in your room, if you want."

**o0o0o**

After going with Regulus back to his room to check on Remus, Lily went to the common room to talk to some of the other patients. She could hear laughter ringing down the hall. The couches around the largest of the coffee tables were full. Sirius seemed to be in a good mood now. Perhaps his talk with Dumbledore had actually done him good. He sat with Marlene on one side and James across from him. They were playing a board game while Peter was just sitting eying Sirius’ every move intensely.

"Two sixes!" crowed Sirius as he rolled the dice. "What do I win? A kiss?" He looked expectantly at Marlene. 

"Hmm…" she smiled, twirling a lock of hair around her finger.

"You can get one from me," said Rita as she walked past.

"No thanks," said Sirius, not looking away from Marlene.

"You were quick to forgive him this time, Marlene," pointed out a girl with a heart-shaped face. 

"Well..." said Marlene, looking like she was suddenly in doubt. 

"Thanks for reminding her about it!" snapped Sirius. 

"Yes, what business is it of yours, anyway?" added Peter, glaring at the girl with the heart-shaped face. 

"Sirius!" said Marlene. "Control your lapdog and leave Dorcas alone. She’s just protecting me from making mistakes, and yes, I did forgive you quickly this time, didn’t I?"

"It wasn't about you!" said Sirius. "I just got a little mad because James was being a prat, and we're fine now, aren't we?" He sent James a look. 

"Yeah, mate," grinned James. "I didn't take it personally. You know I love a little action. This place is boring as hell."

"You didn't just 'get a little mad'" said Marlene to Sirius. "You smashed half the common room. And for what? Over losing a game of ping pong!"

"It wasn't because I lost! It was because James was being a dick about it!" 

Hearing the mounting agitation in Sirius' tone, a few of the others left the nearby couches and moved away to a safe distance. The smart people knew to stay away when Sirius got one of his fits. 

"Oh yes, and what a mature reaction," countered Marlene. 

Sirius' face had turned crimson by now. He wasn't good at handling tense situations and Marlene was causing one right now.

"Sirius?" called Molly. "I think you should take a walk in the garden. Don't you?"

Sirius remained seated but when Molly walked over to him, he slammed the dice onto the table and got up. "Boring game, anyway..." he said and left.

Peter got up to follow but Molly sent him a strict look and he sat back down. "I think we should leave him alone for a bit," she said. 

"Yeah, you're always following him around like a lovesick schoolboy," someone pointed out when Molly had left. "It's pathetic."

"I just like his company," mumbled Peter, sinking back into his seat.

Pomona entered the room, escorting a very sour looking Severus. "It's no use, Severus. You know the rules. You can't just sit in your room sulking all day. Try to socialise a bit, would you?"

Severus kept his head down and went to sit in a corner by himself as he usually did. He pulled up a chair next to him before he started looking out the window.

Lily decided to give it another go getting acquainted with the boy, since last time had not gone down well. Instead of risking sitting on Severus’ friend again, she brought her own chair over. "Hi, Severus. Can I sit down for a bit?" she asked, putting her chair down. 

"Do what you want," he mumbled, not looking at her. "She can sit down if she wants to," he said to the chair next to him. "Yes, she can! We don’t own the room. Yes, I know it’s a drag that we can’t have it to ourselves, but that’s the way it is." He fixed the chair with his gaze but then turned his attention back to the window.

"Thank you," smiled Lily and sat down. "I'm sorry about the other day. I hope Barty can forgive me."

Severus looked at her a little surprised but then narrowed his eyes. "Are you making fun of me too?"

"No," said Lily, putting a hand to her chest. "I'm truly sorry I upset you. I just wanted to get to know you. I didn't see there was someone on that chair."

Severus bit his lip and then turned his head back to looking out the window. "He forgives you," he said. "Yes, you do. Because I say so."

"So, it's been a couple of hectic days for me. Who knew it would be so eventful outside of the classroom?" said Lily, making conversation. "But it's nice to meet new people instead of the same old classmates and teachers every day. How long have you been here?"

"A year," he mumbled and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "What do you want?" he then snapped.

"Like I said – I would like to get to know you a little better. I have already talked with most of the other patients, but you keep to yourself all the time, so I haven't really had the chance. Except for that one time when I mucked up."

Severus sent her a look out of the corner of his eye. "I never sit by myself. Barty is here with me."

"It's good to have friends," said Lily. "Have you known Barty a long time?"

"A few years… I don't see why you find it interesting how long Barty and I have known each other. You're likely going to start telling everyone that I’m crazy and that Barty isn't real!"

"Why would I do that?" asked Lily. "How about playing a game with me? Cards? Ping-pong? Your choice."

"How about you leave us alone? She’s leaving now... don't worry..."

"Well... I could do that, of course, if that's what you want. I just thought that perhaps you would like to talk to someone. Other than Barty, I mean."

Severus ignored her and started muttering to himself.

"He’s hard to get to know," said Molly when Lily came over to her. "But it’s nice of you to try to engage with him. He needs to know that people are not giving up on him."

"He doesn't seem to have any friends in here. The others don’t like him at all, do they?"

"They just don't understand him," Molly sighed. “And frankly, Severus isn’t exactly a friendly person. He can be outright mean. And it doesn’t help that some of the others like to provoke him.”

“It must be difficult living with schizophrenia as severe as his,” said Lily, feeling very sorry for the boy.

“I doubt any of us can understand just how horrible it is to live with,” said Molly. “It’s a nasty illness. And Severus isn’t even our worst case." She nodded towards a short-haired girl sitting at the far end of the room, staring blankly into space, her lips moving soundlessly. "Alice. poor thing. I doubt she even knows where she is."

Lily had noticed the girl at lunch the previous day. She had been sitting next to Pomona, who had had to constantly remind her to eat. "Isn't she responding to her medicine?" she asked, knowing that finding the right medication for the individual schizophrenic could be very tricky. 

"Not yet," said Molly. "I have lost count of how many different types we have tried."

"Do you have cases where you never find a way to improve the condition?"

"Sadly yes. It happens that some never leave the hospital because they will never be able to function in the outside word."

Sirius, whose walk had been quite short, came back into the common room and reoccupied his usual spot on the couch. "Hey, Snivellus," he called. "I just ran into Hagrid – he was complaining that someone had stolen all the butter from the fridge. Would you know anything about that?"

Severus ignored him.

"Did you hear me?" Sirius crowed as some of the others started laughing. "You know if you want to clean your hair you should use soap and not butter!"

Severus turned to Sirius, sending him a hateful scowl. "I think you stole it to butter up your bum so it saves Pettigrew the trouble!" 

Sirius got to his feet, rolling up his sleeves. "I think you could use a good working over!"

"Sirius!" called Molly from where she stood talking with Lily. "I think you should sit down and watch some telly or go back to the garden." She sent James a threatening look because he was sitting bumping his fists on his knees, calling for a fight. "And take James with you if you decide to go outside. He could use some air."

Marlene got to her feet and took Sirius’ hand. "Let's go outside, yeah?"

Sirius looked indecisive for a moment but then smiled at her. "Yeah, let's go."

**o0o0o**

Remus sat with his back against the wall on his bed, his eyes trained on the door. He had been sitting like this ever since Lily left. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy Regulus’ company (in fact it calmed him a lot). It was just that he wanted to be ready if someone other than Lily came in. The experience with Horace earlier had shaken him.

Regulus was lying on his bed looking up at the ceiling, trying to stop his thoughts from galloping away. They kept circling around, always returning to the same subject: death and how he could prevent it. Right now there were people outside the hospital getting into car crashes, getting stabbed over drugs, falling down stairs and dying a thousand other ways. Maybe someone inside the hospital was dying right now. Maybe someone was committing suicide or getting killed by another patient or just dropping dead for no apparent reason. If it didn't happen right now, then soon. He could feel it. Something terrible was going to happen to somebody, he just didn’t know to whom or how. Often, he saw horrible pictures inside his head of people getting hurt. Molly getting her throat cut, Sirius falling from the roof, Remus bleeding from his arms. He didn't actually see it – not the way patients like Severus and Alice saw things – but the pictures in his mind were vivid enough to be real. And what if they were some kind of premonitions of something that was going to happen? Maybe he was psychic or something like that. He wouldn’t call himself superstitious, but no one could ever be completely sure about anything, could they? And what _if_? If the thoughts and images were truly premonitions, then wasn't it his responsibility to prevent them from coming true? Wasn’t that the reason he was getting them? He pushed the thoughts away for the hundredth time that afternoon and sent a glance Remus' direction. "Why do you keep staring at the door?"

Remus' head turned a little and he looked at Regulus a little nervously. Was Regulus not afraid of who could come through the door? "Bad man…"

"Which bad man? Antonin?"

Remus bit his lip. Of the staff that he had met until now he feared Antonin the most. "You're not afraid of him? And of other man who cut my nails?" He shivered and pulled his knees to his chest.

"Arthur?" chuckled Regulus. "He's the most harmless man I have ever met. Except perhaps for Hagrid. I promise you, there's nothing to fear from them. Antonin isn't dangerous either. He isn't allowed to hurt us, even though he’s not a nice person."

Remus rested his chin on his knees. He didn't really believe that. Maybe they didn't want to hurt Regulus, but they had touched Remus and that had been enough. "I'm scared of them…" he mumbled.

"There are no dangerous people here. Believe me - I know dangerous people." He was quiet for a minute. "Who hurt you so badly? Who is the 'bad man' you keep talking about? Your father?"

Remus gulped. "He…" He hesitated. He was afraid to tell Regulus too much. "He took away my friend."

Regulus’ ears pricked and he sat up. "Your friend? What did he do to your friend?"

Remus shook his head unhappily. "One day he was there and then not. I never seen him again, and he was my only friend."

"Who was he? Your friend." Regulus regretted having asked, seeing how distressed Remus suddenly looked. Apparently, this was not something he felt like talking about. "Look –" said Regulus, "you don't have to answer if you don't want to talk about it. I understand."

Remus rested his head on his knees. "I don't know who he was."

"I'm sorry. Listen, I won't tell anyone else the things you tell me if you don't want me to. You can trust me, alright?"

Remus sent him a little smile and nodded. He felt safe with Regulus. He was the nicest person he had met since his old friend.

There was a knock on the door and Remus flinched. To his relief it was Lily sticking her head in a second later.

"How are you boys doing? You must be hungry. Dinner is almost ready. I don't suppose you want to eat in the common room, Regulus, since Dumbledore gave you a free pass the rest of the day. But perhaps you can come with me to the kitchen and bring back some food for you and Remus.” 

Regulus nodded and asked Remus: "What’s your favourite food? "

Remus looked at him in surprise. His favourite food? "Er… F-food that’s hot."

Regulus eyed him curiously. "Well, that's easy. We always get hot meals at dinner."

Lily stared at Remus in surprise. Not because of what Remus said, but because he spoke at all. Of course Regulus had told her Remus could speak, but she hadn't heard it before. "Well, good," she smiled. "Do you want me to wait here with you while Regulus goes to get the food?"

Remus nodded quickly. He hated being left alone.

Lily sat down on his bed. "I hope you're settling in a bit more," she smiled at him. "You look better. And I'm so glad you and Regulus are getting along so well."

Remus nodded. He still wasn't comfortable talking in front of her. "He... he is nice," he whispered.

Lily smiled at him. He was awfully pale. As if he had not been out in the sun for a long time.

**o0o0o**

"Dumbledore allowed me to eat in my room tonight," said Regulus, looking up at the large cook who was almost twice as tall as Regulus and thrice as broad. “And Remus too. My new roommate.”

"Ah," Hagrid said in a booming voice and smiled at the small boy. “Are yeh gettin’ along fine?”

Regulus nodded and sat down at a small table that stood in the kitchen.

"Give me a minute and I'll fix it righ’ up for yeh," said Hagrid and started putting food onto two plates. He then took two Cokes out of the fridge and handed them to Regulus. “A li’l summat for the two of yeh," he winked. “I know yeh like tha’.”

"Thank you," smiled Regulus. He loved Coke. It was one of the many things that had not been allowed in the cult. He had no idea why. Many of the things that were censored didn't make any sense. 

**o0o0o**

Remus eyed the Coke bottle in interest. When Regulus opened it for him his eyes widened at the sound. He took a sip and was surprised by the bubbles. So surprised that he started coughing and rubbing his nose.

Regulus eyed him curiously. "You look like you've never had a fizzy drink." 

Remus shook his head and placed the bottle on the table.

"You haven't?" Lily asked in surprise.

Remus shook his head again and dropped his gaze, not liking the way they were both looking at him.

"Well... then it's a good thing you came here," said Lily. "The food is good too. I think I’ll leave you gentlemen to it and go eat with the others."

When they had finished eating they both lay down on their backs, stomachs full. After a few minutes of relaxing Regulus thought he would do some reading. He sat got up to find a look on the shelf above his bed, which was full of library books. He had taken out the maximum number of books he was allowed at one time, and as soon as he had finished one he would exchange it for another. He loved reading. Loved to be swallowed up and disappear into another world of adventure or knowledge. And the best thing about being free of the cult might just be the access to a vast bunch of reading material he had never had before, since so many genres and authors had been censored in the cult. It was like a whole new world had opened to him. He looked through the stack of books and then stopped to turn and look at Remus. "Would... would you like me to read a book to you?"

Remus nodded eagerly. His friend back at the house had used to tell him stories. Fairy tales and stories of adventure and stories that he made up on the spot. Remus had loved that more than anything. But that was a long time ago, and he was very excited about Regulus reading to him, so he rolled onto his side and waited with patience for him to pick out a book.

"Hmm... what would you like? Treasure Island?" Regulus suggested. "It's about pirates."

Remus agreed and rested his head on his arm and listened closely as Regulus started to read to him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – I’m not Crazy!**

Breakfast had just finished that Thursday morning when two guards entered the ward escorting a very agitated teenager. The boy was quite skinny with brown hair and a face-full of freckles.

"I'M NOT CRAZY! You can't hide me away in here! I will not be silenced! I will never give up and bow my head!" screamed the boy, as he struggled to get out of the guards' grip. 

An elderly looking man with a patch covering one of his eyes and a cane to support himself walked a few metres behind the teen and looked almost as anxious as what appeared to be his son.

Next to the man walked Molly who put a hand on his shoulder. "It will be okay, Mr. Moody," she assured him. "We will take good care of Miles."

"I truly hope so. I truly hope so," said the man, nodding sadly.

"Come, this way to his room," said Alecto, leading the way down one of the corridors. 

Miles dug his heels in. "No! Where are you taking me? Are you locking me up? Are you going to dispose of me? Make me disappear?" He turned his head to look back at the curious faces in the common room. "You are my witnesses! If you never see me again, know that I've been assassinated! Tell the world for me! TELL WHAT THEY DID!"

"Let's go! said the biggest of the guards and started dragging Miles down the corridor, the boy yelling about crimes against humanity and the earth.

Peter turned to look at the others. "Tell who about what who did? And who's 'they'?"

"In case you didn't notice," said Sirius, sitting with an arm around Marlene, "this is a nuthouse and that bloke was clearly a nutter."

"I think he is brilliant!" beamed James. "He looks like loads of fun. I’m going to make him my friend!"

"Clearly not right in the head," said Gilderoy. "A word of wisdom: stay away from that disturbed man."

"And you're not disturbed?" Sirius snickered a little as a smirk appeared on his lips. "Why don't you go look for that ring of yours and leave us less insane people alone?" He then nodded towards Severus who, as usual, sat by himself. "Beware – a Ringwraith! He will take the ring to Sauron!"

"You sure it isn't Gollum?" Peter added, trying to get Sirius' approval.

Sirius raised an eyebrow and then burst into laughter.

"He has too much hair to be Gollum," laughed James, his voice loud enough for Severus to hear him. 

Severus narrowed his eyes dangerously. "You best watch out, Potter. Barty might get enough of you and hurt you in your sleep."

"Oh no," James said dramatically. "Imaginary pain!"

"Shut your mouth," said Severus, curling his hands into fists, and got up to have a go at James. 

"Oh no! Two against one!" gasped James and got to his feet.

Severus threw himself at James, knocking him backwards onto the sofa, and started raining punches down on him. 

James screamed and laughed hysterical at the same. "Ah, help me, Sirius! I’m being attacked by several people!" James put his hands up in front of his face in an attempt to protect it from Severus’ fists.

Sirius laughed and made to get up but Marlene yanked him back down. "No! If you get into trouble again you can forget about snogging for the rest of the year!"

Sirius looked at her and then James, then leaned back. "Sorry mate. You’re on your own." 

Antonin came rushing over and pulled Severus off James in a violent jerk.

"Hey – we're not done!" complained James, laughing although he was sporting a fat lip. "I didn't get a chance to make my move!"

"You're done when I say you're done!" Antonin spat and dragged Severus by the upper arm to the corner where he had been sitting before. He sat him down on the chair and stuck a finger in his face. "Stay there if you know what's good for you!"

Severus scowled at him and muttered something likely very unflattering under his breath. 

Antonin marched back over to James. "And you – off to your room. And don't come back out until dinnertime!" 

This would have been the opposite of punishment for many of the patients (such as Regulus and Severus) who preferred the privacy of their rooms, but for James it was close to torture. "Nooooo!" he whined. "I might die from boredom in there! And why do  _I_  get punished? He's the one who attacked me!"

"Yes, but I bet you started it," Antonin said and took a hold of him. "Are you going to go by yourself or do I have to help you?"

"Never!" howled James, deciding to add some more drama to the situation. "You can't make me! I have rights!"

**o0o0o**

****

Doctor Lovegood arrived just as the guards dragged Miles into one of the cells. The boy was struggling harder than ever, screaming for his life. 

"Easy, now," said Molly, trying to calm him. "We're not going to hurt you. We just want you to get some rest." 

"Rest forever in peace, you mean!"

"Just relax, son," said the boy's father. "They only want to help you. We all just want to help you."

Miles looked from one to the other, his eyes wild. "Get that imposter away from me!" he screamed and pointed at his father.

Molly looked confused and decided to let Doctor Lovegood handle him for now. "Please follow me, Mr. Moody," she said and escorted the man out of the room, since Miles kept screaming at him.

"Hold him still," said Doctor Lovegood, getting ready to give Miles a shot of sedatives.

Miles screamed. "LETHAL INJECTION! LETHAL INJECTION!"

"It's just something to help you sleep a bit," said Doctor Lovegood, but seeing there was no way to get through to the hysterical teen, she quickly plunged the needle into his shoulder instead of trying to reason with him. 

After a minute, the boy became groggy and they helped him lie down on the bed. "You... got me..." he mumbled before drifting off.

Doctor Lovegood left the room with the guards and locked the door. She walked over to Molly and Mr. Moody as she wiped her forehead with her sleeve. "Let’s go to my office and talk."

Molly went to fetch some tea while Doctor Lovegood sat down with Miles’ father. "You have my deepest sympathy, Mr. Moody. It's never easy having one's family member committed against their will, but it is clearly the right choice you have made."

"Yes..." Mr. Moody sighed, rubbing his neck. "I don't know how it got this bad. I mean, Miles has always been a special child but the past few months...."

"Delusions can develop very suddenly,” explained Doctor Lovegood. “But his paranoia must have been evident before?"

"Well," Moody mumbled. "I myself have always held a healthy dose of scepticism towards society, so I reckon that rubbed off on Miles. But when he suddenly accused me of being a spy and that the government had killed his father and replaced him, then I knew something had to be done."

"I see," said Doctor Lovegood, wrinkling her eyebrows. "And you’ve been unable to convince him otherwise. That is a quiet serious delusion, I'm afraid. But rest assured," she continued, striking up a smile when she saw how worried the man looked, "that we will do everything we can, and I'm sure we can get him better. We are quite good at our jobs here, and I'm sure your son will come to recognise you again. Just be a little patient. Oh, thank you, Molly," she said when the nurse entered with tea.

Mr. Moody accepted a cup and put a few lumps of sugar in. "I truly hope so. He refuses to listen to reason when I try. I hope you have better luck." He took a sip of his tea and put the cup down. "You saw how he was. He thought you were trying to kill him. He thinks I'm a member of a secret rebel group trying to bring down the government, and as a result the MI5 have murdered me and replaced me with an imposter in order to infiltrate the organisation."

"And where did that idea come from?" asked Doctor Lovegood. 

Mr. Moody looked a little guilty. "I’m a member of Big Brother Watch – that's a civil liberties group, in case you didn't know – but there's nothing rabid or secret about it. It's a peaceful organisation working to bring awareness of the public surveillance and violation of privacy. I'm afraid this has sparked his fantasy about the secret rebel group."

**o0o0o**

"That new bloke looked sexy," said Rita, looking in the direction Miles had been taken. "I like freckles. They’re sexy."

"You think everything about every bloke is sexy," said Sirius. "I’m surprised you haven’t had a go at Snivellus yet. You could have a threesome with him and his imaginary friend."

Rita sent Sirius a wry look. "I haven't had a go at him because he's bloody obnoxious. And I don't think he's into girls at all. I think he's only into Barty."

Most of the others on the sofas laughed. 

"It’s because he hasn't yet experienced your gentle touch," said Sirius. "You have something in common, though."

"And what is that?"

"You both seem to have an interest in imaginary men who seem to be the only ones who like you back."

"Fuck off!" said Rita. "Not true! Half the blokes in here have succumbed to my sexiness at least once! Even a few from the staff."

"That doesn’t make you sexy. That makes you cheap," Sirius pointed out.

Lily had noticed Severus listening to the conversation and seen the hint of hurt on his face when they talked about him. She went over and sat down with him. 

Severus sent her a sceptical glance and then turned to look out the window.

"Don't mind them, Severus," she said in a kind voice and dared put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Rita is just saying what she thinks Sirius likes to hear because she wants to impress him."

"Like I care what they are saying," he mumbled but for once didn't seem hostile and he didn't push her hand away immediately. "They just don't have anything better to do than slagging off people. That's what Barty says."

"Well, I'm going to have to agree with Barty on that one," smiled Lily. 

Severus looked at her out of the corner of his eye and a quick smile appeared on his lips, although gone as soon as it had appeared. "Yeah, well... he doesn't like them. They say he isn't real."

"Well..." said Lily. "Like you said yourself, they're just teasing because they're bored. The best thing would be to just ignore them. Then you aren't so fun to tease. Although I know that's easier said than done."

He nodded slowly and returned his gaze to the garden where thick ropes of rain were coming down from the sky, leaving a pattern of water on the window. He let a finger trail some of the water running down the glass. He was lost in thought for a few minutes but when he noticed Lily still looking at him, he stopped.

"What do you say to playing a game?” she suggested. “I'm a little bored, to be honest. A game of cards, for instance?"

Severus looked hesitant for a moment but then finally nodded and got up from his seat. He looked around to see if anyone was watching him but to his relief no-one seemed to care that he had moved away from the window. "What kind of card game?" he asked as they sat down at a table by the wall.

"What games do you know? Poker? Hearts? Gin rummy?"

"Mm... I know rummy." He raised an eyebrow at her as she found a deck of cards. "Why are you so nice to me? I don't need friends and I haven't been nice to you, so why do you keep pushing?"

Lily smiled. "I'm a people person. I can tell you're a good lad, even if you try to be nasty." She started dealing the cards. 

"Hey," said Severus. "What about Barty? Where are his cards?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to ask Barty if he wanted to join."

Severus looked sceptic for a moment and then leaned back in his seat. "It’s okay. He isn't mad at you. Just don't let it happen again."

They played a few hands. "Hey –" said Lily, "why are you playing Barty's cards?"

Severus looked confused. "Yes – why am I playing your cards?” he asked the empty seat next to him. “I'm just helping him,” he said to Lily. “He doesn't know this game."

"Okay," said Lily. "It's a bit unfair, though. You get a big advantage being able to see two sets of cards."

His ears turned a little red and he slammed the cards down onto the table. "I don't want to play anymore!"

"Come on," said Lily. "I didn't mean it like that. Let's just play. You can help Barty. I don't mind the extra challenge."

Severus looked a little sour still but then agreed to continue and picked up the cards. "Why are you here, anyway?" he mumbled. "I can ask her that!" he snapped.

"I'm a new nurse in training. I'm sorry if I hadn't told you. I just finished nursing school."

"I know that – but why would you want to talk to mental patients all day?

“Hey Sirius," said someone and turned up the volume to the TV, where a news broadcast had just started. "That's your cult!"

A journalist was standing with a microphone in front of the court house. "Today, the first hearing started in the sinister case of the cult  _Knights of Walpurgis_. To anyone who might have been living under a rock for the past months I can inform that earlier this year a whistle-blower from within the cult tipped police off about the murder of one of the members, Elvin Kreacher. Supposedly it happened as some sort of punishment for trying to protect a young boy in the cult. When storming the headquarters, the police uncovered an enormous arsenal of weapons, including 43 bombs, and even more sinister – a biological weapon in the form of a deadly virus. It appears that the cult had been preparing for a –"

No one had noticed Regulus come into the common room until a strangled sound made some of the viewers turn their heads. Regulus was standing staring at the screen, his face white as a sheet. Then his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed on the floor.

Sirius was the first person at Regulus’ side. He shook his brother more violent than he probably intended. "Reggie!"

Horace left to find one of the doctors while Molly and Arthur knelt next to the boy on the floor trying to wake him up. Everyone in the common room had gone quiet as they watched the scene.

"Move away so we can help him, Sirius!" said Molly, sending him a stern look.

Arthur picked Regulus up. "Best take him to his room for some privacy."

When Lily opened the door for Arthur, Remus stared at the man in horror, pointing a shaking finger at him as he carried Regulus inside.

"It’s okay, Remus," said Lily and took his hand. "Regulus just passed out because he got upset. He will be okay."

Sirius could be heard all the way from the common room yelling at Molly, demanding to be with his brother.

Regulus came to a few minutes later, confused. Doctor Lovegood had arrived and checked his vitals. "Hello Regulus," she smiled. "How are you feeling? " 

"I... feel a little sick. What's going on?"

"You fainted in the common room," Doctor Lovegood explained and put a hand on his forehead. "Do you remember why?"

"No..."

"That’s probably for the best," she nodded and sent Lily an eloquent look.

Arthur came in with a glass of orange juice and a plate of fruit and biscuits. "Have some of this," he said. "It will make you feel better."

Remus' eyes went wide when he saw Arthur and he started shaking again. "He... he..." he gasped.

Arthur looked at Remus in surprise but then quickly retreated to the door. "I should probably go."

Lily nodded. "I don't know why, but Remus is scared of you."

"Well – you rest in here for the rest of the day," Doctor Lovegood smiled at Regulus.

Regulus nodded, always grateful for a free pass from the common room. "But what happened?" he asked Lily when Doctor Lovegood had left. 

Lily was a little hesitant to tell him but gave in when he sent her a pleading look. "You saw something on the news and then collapsed."

"Oh..." said Regulus, his face falling. He didn't have to ask about what. But after a moment he said, "Were... were there any real news or was it just more of the same?"

"They were just talking about the hearings starting. Nothing new, really."

Regulus nodded to himself. He felt sick. Now the memories were starting to well up. Something he spent so much energy pushing away, far down in his subconscious.

Remus eyed Regulus. "Did... did he hurt you?"

Regulus looked at him. "Who?"

"That man. Him that came in with you."

"Who came in with me? Arthur?"

Lily nodded. 

"No, why would he hurt me?" asked Regulus. "He's very nice."

"He just.... he holded you and you were not moving."

"He was just carrying Regulus in here," explained Lily. "Regulus passed out on the floor in the common room and we wanted to take him to his bed."

"Mm...." Remus hummed. "I'm happy he didn't hurt you."

"We aren't here to hurt the patients," said Lily kindly. "Not you either. Some are friendlier than others, but no one is going to hurt you."

**o0o0o**

The moment Lily came back to the common room Sirius stood in front of her. "How is Reggie? Is he upset? I swear I'm going to kill everybody responsible for fucking him up when I get out of here!" He slammed a fist into his palm as if to demonstrate what he was going to do to said people. 

"He’s fine," said Lily. "But I don't think it would help his situation that you get yourself thrown in jail for assault." 

"What does it matter? He won't acknowledge me anyway."

"I'm sure if you give him time, then he will," she said. "Why is it that he won't talk to you, anyway?" She knew this, of course, but maybe she could have a bonding experience with Sirius if he would tell her in his own words.

Sirius sighed and sat down on a nearby sofa. Lily followed. "It's because I ran away four years ago. I was 14, he was 10. I wanted him to come with me but he refused, so I had to go alone."

"Why didn't you stay if he refused to go with you?" she asked.

"I couldn't stay! They would have killed me. It was just a matter of time, because I was disobedient and criticised the cult ideology. But I couldn't knock that into his bloody skull. He kept saying that Mum and Dad would never allow them to hurt me."

Lily looked a little taken aback. "But you knew more about the outside world than Regulus. Perhaps he was scared?" 

"Of course he was scared. He's been scared all his life. Of the cult, of the outside world, and what would happen if they caught us trying to escape. And with good reason too, because you couldn’t just resign. You were a member for life – even kids, who hadn’t chosen to be there. If you got caught trying to run, you were dead. It happened to our cousin Andromeda a few years before I left."

"They killed her?" Lily said, her eyes going wide.

"Yes. That's the punishment. Sometimes if it's someone from a high-ranking family, they get a second change. Like with Reggie. But Andy had already caused trouble beforehand by questioning the system. Like me. So I know I wouldn't have gotten a second chance. I think Reggie knew that as well."

"That’s horrible!" said Lily. "And now he won't speak to you because you left and he doesn’t understand why?"

"Yeah. He just can't let it go, the stubborn idiot. As if I just left him behind because I wanted some new adventures. I tried to get him out of it with the help of the police, but they didn't believe me. And when they finally agreed to check it out, the cult had abandoned headquarters and moved. So I couldn't do anything else and the police thought I was crazy and didn't want to investigate further."

Lily listened carefully to each detail. She hadn't heard this part before. No one had mentioned this in the news either. “What happened then? They can’t have committed you right away. You haven’t been here that many years, have you?”

“No. I lived here and there for a few years. Learned to get by on the streets. Still better than living in the bloody cult. If only Regulus had been with me, things would have been fine.”

“So how did you end up in here?”

“Me and a mate were arrested for something – I forgot what – and I went ballistic. I hated the police for letting me down that first time, and they still didn’t believe me. So they sent me here, thinking I was delusional and dangerous. They didn’t believe me here, either. Not until the cult was exposed. And then when they sent Reggie here I thought things would finally look up, but they didn’t. He hates me.”

Seeing the pain and bitterness on the young man’s face, Lily put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Sirius, I'm sure he doesn’t hate you."

"If they would only let me talk to him. If I could force him to hear me out. But I never get the chance."

"It's no use forcing him to talk to you. Give him time, Sirius."

"That's what Dumbledore keeps saying! But nothing has happened so far. He's doing hypnosis on Reggie; did you know that? You can get people to do the craziest things by hypnotising them, such as acting like a chicken and whatnot. Then why the hell can't he just instruct Reggie to talk to me?"

"I don't know,” sighed Lily. “But I’m sure Doctor Dumbledore knows what he’s doing and will get it sorted.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 -** **That Bloke Has a Nasty Temper**

"It's just like the last time. Don't worry. Doctor Dumbledore won't hurt you. He will stay on the other side of the desk, okay?" said Lily as she guided Remus into Dumbledore's office for a second session. Remus was very hesitant to go into the room but Lily had her hands on his shoulders. When he spotted the doctor, he was about to turn on his heels but Lily stopped him. "It’s okay," she smiled and guided him over to a chair.

Remus sank down on the wooden chair, his head bent, but glancing up at Dumbledore, keeping an eye on him.

"Hello, Remus. Nice of you to come visit me again," smiled the man. When there was no response, he continued, "So, you have been here a week. I hope you have settled in. How do you feel about being here now?"

Remus shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself.

After a few more failed attempts to get Remus to respond to him, Dumbledore sighed. "Remus – I think it would be a good idea to transfer you to Doctor Lovegood. I have noticed that you fear men in general so it doesn't make much sense to keep forcing you to deal with me."

"What do you say to that, Remus?" asked Lily. “Do you want to see Pandora instead?”

Remus finally raised his head and gave a quick nod.

“Lily, would you take Remus to his room and then return to me?” asked Doctor Dumbledore. “I would like a word with you.”

Lily quickly escorted Remus to his room and came back, eager to hear what Dumbledore had to say.

"Lily," said the old man, taking off his glasses. "It is my impression that you have done extraordinarily well here in your first week. Your way with shy patients is very impressive – especially with Remus, who seem to trust anyone here but you. As you know, each patient has a personal nurse. Normally we do not give this task to a new trainee, but I think you are a special case. If you feel ready to accept the challenge, I would like you to take on Remus – for obvious reasons – as well as Regulus. You have spent a lot of time with him, since he is Remus' roommate, and it's my impression that he likes you. The boy, of course, already has a personal nurse, but I'm sure Horace will not mind having one less patient, and he has voiced his concern to me that he can't seem to get through Regulus' defences. Perhaps you will have better luck. Of course, you should only accept this if you feel comfortable with taking on a task such as this so soon. There are no hard feelings if you decline, and our conversation will not leave this room."

Lily lit up in a smile. "I would love to, sir. I think I can get through to both boys in time. Remus has even started talking in my presence so I believe he trusts me. I don't know why he is so scared of men. He thought Arthur had hurt Regulus the other day just because he came in with him while he was unconscious. I think Remus has been severely abused."

"I agree," said Dumbledore. "I would like you to get him to tell you his surname so we can find out who he is and locate his parents. Also, could you come to my office Monday after lunch? I will spend a few hours with you going over Regulus' history and treatment."

"Of course," nodded Lily.

Suddenly they heard noise of laughing and running feet coming from the hallway. Just as Lily opened the door to look outside, a naked person ran by. There was a racket in the common room - some were laughing, wolf-whistling, others yelling.

"JAMES!" sounded Molly’s voice. "Get down from that table and get some clothes on!"

Lily spotted James standing on a table, shaking his behind towards everyone. 

"But I need to fulfil my destiny as a nudist!" James grinned and jumped into the air before falling off the table and down onto the couch. Swift as lighting he jumped back on the table. Many of the other patients had gotten riled up and were standing around the table, clapping their hands and cheering. Evan and Avery were throwing ping-pong balls at him, aiming for his private parts. 

"Hey, don't go for the jewels!" James complained. He jumped down from the table when he spotted Dawlish in the doorway and ran around the room and then out the door into the hallway, Dawlish on his heels.

Molly followed Dawlish with a bathrobe in her hands, wanting to make sure James was covered up quickly when he was caught.

Lily had to press her lips together to not laugh. She had to admit that she really liked the manic messy-haired teen and found him funny as hell. But he was turning the ward upside down, so they had to get things under control; so Lily followed Molly and Dawlish to help them catch James while Horace and Alecto were trying to get the crowd in the common room to settle down. 

James was finally caught and even though Dawlish had accidently knocked him over, he was still laughing like crazy. Molly quickly threw the bathrobe on him as Dawlish got him to his feet. 

"Aww, this is no fun!" James complained.

Lily smiled when she spotted Regulus and Remus standing in the corridor. Remus having come out on his own was a huge thing. It seemed to have taken Remus himself by surprise too, because he suddenly looked like he realised where he was and got scared. "Want to go back?" asked Lily. 

While Lily took Remus back to the room, Regulus went into the common room and curled up in an armchair. The others were still excited about James's performance so no one paid attention to Regulus, which was the way he liked it.

"That was fun," Evan said, dropping down onto the couch. 

Rita looked at him. "You know James just sat naked on that spot, right?"

Evan tried to act as if he didn't care, but got up a moment later and went to sit at the table. 

**o0o0o**

Monday, Lily went to Dumbledore's office to talk to him as planned. She was very excited about her new task as personal nurse.

"Regulus Black," said Dumbledore and put down a large map of files on his desk. "OCD and severe PTSD. Turned 14 three months ago. He was placed here because of his brother, although the age limit is normally 15." Dumbledore shook his head. "Very difficult case. I'm sure you know the outline of the poor lad's story, but I know more than anyone, because I have been doing hypnosis on him. Horace, of course, is well-informed as well, since he has sat in on many of the sessions. You - as his new nurse - will be put up to speed and sit in on his future sessions as much as you can. There are things that Regulus don't want the rest of the staff to know, so those things you and I keep to ourselves to respect him."

Lily placed her hands on her knees. "Of course.”

"The first couple of months, we spent deprogramming Regulus, teaching him what a cult is and make him understand that he grew up in one. Remember that it's about all he has ever known. He was just four years old when his family joined. I don't know how much you know about such things, but it is difficult for ex-cult members to become normal citizens, even if leaving the cult is their own choice. And it’s even more difficult with children who grew up in the cult."

"So, because Sirius knew more about the outside world than Regulus did when they entered the cult, then he didn’t have as much trouble adapting to the outside when he got out?"

"Correct," said Dumbledore. “And Sirius has lived the past four years on the outside, so he lived only six of his eighteen years in the cult. However, as you must have noticed, he hasn’t adapted all that well either. There is no doubt that his massive anger problems stem mostly from his time in the cult.”

"How far have you come with Regulus? I mean with the deprograming."

"Well... Far in some ways and less so in others. He does not agree with the way they treated people and the violence and ideology. He does not see some people as being worth less than others and he is himself kind and caring. The thing that's hardest for him to let go of is the way he views himself. He has been told so many times that he is weak and impure that he cannot stop believing it. He also refuses to accept that his parents bear any blame for the way he was treated, when in fact we know that they do. They may have protected him from the others to some extent, but that does not even begin to excuse their abuse of him, and how they allowed him to live in constant fear for his life. It is parents' responsibility to keep their children safe and happy."

Lily agreed. "Do you think Regulus has always been different or is it all caused by the cult?”

Dumbledore sighed. "What they called weak, I call sensitive. And Regulus has obsessive compulsive disorder, which I suspect he developed quite early in his childhood. And this, I believe, is what lead his family to call him a freak. They would not have understood his condition, and even if they did, mental illness had no place in the cult. That's why they tried to hide it, tried to punish and threaten it out of Regulus or at least force him to hide the symptoms. You can imagine the effect this has had on his self-esteem.”

“His OCD – what are his symptoms exactly? I know his obsessions evolve around death, but what about the compulsions? I haven’t really noticed any.”

“It’s my theory that he at some point did have external rituals, such as physically repeating actions or checking, but that the threat of his family has caused him to internalise his compulsions. While he and I have talked much about his obsessions, he has been very reluctant to confide in me about what his compulsions are, so I only know little and guess much. I’m sure you have noticed how distant he gets periodically?”

Lily nodded. “He is often hard to get into contact with. Sometimes he sits like in a trance just staring into thin air.”

“Yes,” said Doctor Dumbledore. “He is performing mental rituals – mostly repeating sentences or counting, I suspect. This takes a lot of concentration. He is consumed by magical thinking.”

"Poor boy…" said Lily and took the piece of paper that lay on top of the pile. There was Regulus’ picture, full name, date of birth and details about his appearance. "I will try to bond with him the best I can. I really want to help him," she said as she studied the picture of the small boy. "Remus too."

"I am confident that you will," smiled the old doctor "I have talked to Pandora about Remus and she would like to have a word with you about him. I think she will be in later today. Take Regulus' files home and go through them. And bring him to a hypno-session tomorrow at four. What I'm trying to do with hypnosis is to dig out all those repressed memories he has. If he is to get better he will have to face them. We have not come so far as the recent events that caused his posttraumatic stress. He still refuses to deal with them, and it is not like on TV where it looks like the hypnotist can control the subject completely. If there is something the patient truly does not want to deal with, he can't be forced, even with hypnosis."

**o0o0o**

Lily found Molly standing in the hallway with Rita who looked frustrated. When Rita spotted Lily she sent her a look and disappeared into the common room where someone was talking very loudly.

"What's going on?" asked Lily.

"Just Miles who has been allowed out of his room. Pandora thought it was a good idea to let him go to the common room before she and Dumbledore talked with him. I think her plan was to show him, that this is a nice place and that the patients are not prisoners,” said Molly in a tone that hinted strongly that she did not agree with Doctor Lovegood’s tactics. “And now he’s causing quite a stir in there."

"What does Rita have to do with it?"

"Rita was trying to chat up Miles and he accused her of being an infiltrator."

"Don't you see that you are mindless cattle, just sitting around the stable accepting the farmers pushing you around and taking advantage of you? Wake up! Do something! If the masses rise up we can take them down!"

Everyone was looking at Miles as if he were out of his mind. The only one that seemed to take his words to heart was James, who was cheering every time Miles finished a sentence.

"They will use you and when the last drop of milk has been squeezed from you they'll turn you into steaks to sell to the highest bidder!"

"W-who's they?" asked a boy nervously and looked around. "Are they going to kill us?"

"Not literally. It's a metaphor," said Miles, rolling his eyes. 

"I’m not a cow," Sirius pointed out. "And I’m not buying into your shite." He put an arm around Marlene.

"If they aren't going to butcher us for meat," asked James, "then what do they want? Milk us for information?" He laughed.

"They want to know everything you do – and they want to manipulate you and turn you into their puppets," answered Miles. "But they are sly. You can never tell –"

"That's enough, Miles," said Molly in a strict voice, putting a firm hand on the boy's shoulder. "You're scaring the other patients."

"I'm not scared," grinned James. "I think he's bloody fun!"

"Yes, I know you do," said Molly. "But Miles, you need to relax."

Miles frowned. "You can't silence me! I will expose you to the world! I will avenge my farther!"

"What happened to your father?" asked Marlene. 

Miles looked around as if to check no one was listening. Then he leaned toward Marlene and said (in what he probably thought was a low voice) "The MI5 murdered him because he was leading the fight against surveillance society."

"Is that so?" said Marlene, looking very sceptic.

"You're a tosser," said Sirius. "Stop telling my girlfriend lies."

Miles looked at him with mild amusement. "I pity you, mate. You live in the dark, dancing to their tune.”

"I dance to no one’s tune!" Sirius spat. "You know nothing about me, you bloody nutter."

"Yeah, you tell him, Sirius!" Peter applauded. "Sirius was in a cult so he knows everything there is to know about not playing society's tune."

Sirius sent Peter an annoyed look.

Miles looked at Sirius for a minute as if not sure what to think. Then he sat down next to him and asked, "A cult? For real? What cult?"

"The Knights of Walpurgis," said Peter proudly.

Miles opened his mouth, looking impressed. "Did the police remove you by force when they raided the place?"

Sirius gritted his teeth and his hands curled into fists. "No, I ran away long before that," he said, hoping this would make Miles leave him alone because he found him less interesting. He wished that Peter would have kept his mouth shut.

But Miles looked even more impressed. "Wicked! You're made of the right stuff, mate!" He looked around again and then leaned all the way into Sirius' personal space. "We should stand together. Partner up. Get the others mobilised."

"Mobilised for what?" Sirius pushed him back with both hands and looked at him with narrowed eyes. "You annoy me! Leave me alone. I don't think a cult is wicked, cool or anything like that. They destroyed my brother!"

"That's not what I meant. I meant it's wicked that you rebelled and got away! You're made of the right stuff. You have a brother? Did he run away with you?"

"No, he stayed behind," Peter said when Sirius didn't answer. "And, yes, Sirius is brilliant, don't you think? He’s so made of the right stuff!"

"Why don't you just marry him, ratface?" Evan said.

Sirius turned, glaring at Evan and raised a fist. "You want a taste of this? 'Cause I'm in the mood to crush somebody!"

"Why did you leave your brother?" asked Miles as if he hadn't registered the tension between Sirius and Evan. "That's a bit of a jerk-move, isn't it?"

"I didn't leave him behind because I wanted to!” roared Sirius, turning his attention back to Miles, grabbing him by the collar and yanking him to his feet. "And it's none of your business anyway, so shut your fucking gob!"

"Violence is a sign of lacking verbal skills and it is symptomatic of an insecure person," said Miles, oblivious of the immediate danger he was in. 

Sirius drew his hand back and was about to punch Miles when Molly shouted his name, making Sirius look up. "You're not to harm other patients, Sirius!"

Sirius let go of Miles and flipped over the coffee table with both hands, sending mugs with tea and coffee crashing to the floor.

"I think it's time to go to your room for a nap, don't you?" said Molly, stepping closer to Sirius and pinning him with her gaze. 

The whole common room held their breath while they waited for Sirius' reaction – if he was going to flip or leave. Sirius sent her a heated look and kicked one of the mugs so it hit the wall with a crash, breaking into pieces.

Kingsley, who had been alerted by the noise, entered the common room, not at all looking surprised at who was causing the trouble. "Sirius –" he said in his deep voice, "are you already missing your padded cell?"

Sirius looked at him and then stuck his hands into his pockets, mumbling a few curse words as he walked around Molly and headed for the hallway. Kingsley followed him at a distance to make sure he went to his room. 

"Blimey," grinned Miles. "That bloke has a nasty temper.” 

"Yeah..." sighed Marlene.

**o0o0o**

Lily found Doctor Lovegood later that afternoon and they went to her office to discuss Remus.

"So we know basically nothing about him except that his first name is Remus and that he's scared of men," Doctor Lovegood summed up. "And you’re the only one he will speak to?"

"And Regulus. He spoke to Regulus before me, actually," Lily said. "I don't know why he isn't scared of him."

"Well, Regulus is a small boy, barely even a teenager. It’s grown men he's afraid of, obviously. He must have been abuse badly by a man. Perhaps his father or another family member? Or perhaps a foster parent, in case he’s an orphan. Have you spoken to him about that?"

"No. I’ve tried asking about what happened, but he just clams up." Lily sighed and continued, "Regulus told me that Remus had spoken to him but he wouldn't tell me about what. He said he didn't want to betray his trust and I understand that."

Doctor Lovegood nodded. "That's probably a good choice. Smart boy."

"Yes. They seem to like each other and get on very well."

"Good. Perhaps it will also be good for Regulus. He has kept to himself since he came here and showed no interest in bonding with anyone. Could you bring Remus to a session with me tomorrow? I need to have a meeting with Dumbledore and Molly now about Miles." She sighed. "My, do we have ourselves a challenge with him."

**o0o0o**

Molly and the two psychiatrists met in Dumbledore's office. 

"Miles Moody…" said Dumbledore. "Molly, has Pandora brought you up to date?" When the head nurse nodded, Dumbledore continued, "We need to decide on what to do concerning medication. It is obvious that if we are to have a chance of getting through to him we need to take the edge off his anxiety and get it down to a manageable level. This is also necessary if he is to function with the other patients without turning the ward upside down. The big question is: how do we go about giving him the medication? He will no doubt not take it willingly and he will believe we are trying to poison him."

"That’s a good question, sir. We can't very well tell him it's m&m's," said Molly.

"What say you, Pandora? You are his therapist and have talked to his father. What are your thoughts on medication?"

Doctor Lovegood sighed. "I don’t know, Albus… You might be right that we need to give him something in the beginning, but... His father believes we should just pump him full of drugs but I say we try a different approach."

Dumbledore looked at her for a long moment. Doctor Lovegood was known for being opposed to using medication unless absolutely necessary. "I agree with you that pumping him full of drugs is not the way to go. However, I feel that we need to give him some antipsychotics at least in the beginning. From what I have heard, his delusions are so strong right now that he will not be reachable unless we take the edge off."

"We can't force him," said Molly. "That will only feed his delusions."

"We will get nowhere if we don't. If any of you can talk him into taking his medicine willingly, I'm nominating you for mental health specialist of the year," said Dumbledore. 

Both women looked at each other and then Lovegood turned to Dumbledore. "What do you suggest, then?"

Dumbledore was quiet for a minute. "Say – how about we play the good cop/bad cop game? You, Pandora, is his therapist, of course, since you are one of the best paranoia-experts I know. However, if he is ever going to trust you, you cannot be the one forcing the medicine on him. So my suggestion is that I start out being his therapist – officially, at least – and he is medicated on my orders. Then, once the medication has begun to work, you take over. We will say you talked me into letting you deal with him because you objected to the harsh treatment of him, hopefully winning his trust that way."

Doctor Lovegood tapped her chin as she was thinking. "It could work.”

Dumbledore nodded. "I will see him, then, and explain how things are going to be. Would you be so kind to bring him in here, Molly? And ask Kingsley to join.”

Miles did not look happy when he entered the room, escorted by Kingsley, and sat down in a chair across from Dumbledore. "Why am I here?"

"I am Doctor Dumbledore," smiled the old man kindly. "Head psychiatrist on the adolescent ward. Now, I know you don't believe it, but we all just want to help you get well. You have a paranoid psychosis."

"I have no such thing," said Miles. "That’s what the government wants you to believe just because I found out about them. Well, I tell you now: I'm not crazy!"

"Well. If that’s true, then there is no harm in trying to take the medication I'm subscribing for you, is there? Then you can prove us wrong."

Miles looked very sceptic. "No! you will try to poison me!”

“If we wanted to kill you, don’t you think we would have done it already?”

“Mind control, then! I will not give in! The MI5 will not get me!" He started signing loudly: “ _No one's gonna take me alive - Time has come to make things right - You and I must fight for our rights - You and I must fight to survive!”_

They all watched Miles as he sang. "It’s not poison, Miles. It's an antipsychotic. Look, I will show you the bottle." Dumbledore had Kingsley escort Miles with him to the medicine cabinet where he found a bottle of pills and a bottle of liquid, both with the same name on. "Look. You can look up the name on the internet, and see for yourself that it is indeed an antipsychotic. Molly, could you lend him your smart phone? I'm afraid I'm too old to have got around to getting myself one of those modern things yet."

Molly handed Miles her phone. He looked up the name on and then handed the phone back to her. "You could have switched labels!"

Dumbledore sighed. "I suppose I have no way of proving that I didn’t, but here's the deal: either you take these the easy way," he touched the pill bottle, "or the hard way." He touched the one with liquid. "Which is it?"

"You can't force me to take poison!" Miles shrieked and got up from his seat, pointing at Dumbledore. "You work for the MI5, don't you? You wish to get rid of me along with anyone else who sees the truth!"

"I do not," said Dumbledore in a calm tone. "Molly, Kingsley – you know what to do," he continued as he plunged a syringe into the bottle and filled it. 

Molly and Kingsley both grabbed a hold of Miles.

"NO! NO!"

"Is that really necessary?" Doctor Lovegood asked, partly to gain Miles’ trust but also because she felt bad about using force.

"You are too soft, Pandora," said Dumbledore. "I know you're against any kind of force, but this is my decision."

Kingsley and Molly held the screaming teenager in an iron grip, while Dumbledore quickly emptied the needle's content into his shoulder. Then they let him go. Miles stumbled dramatically and then sank onto a chair, his head dropped. He started to mumble the lyrics again over and over until they were only muffled sounds.

"It's not a sedative, Miles, nor is it lethal, so you're quite welcome to go back to the common room, or your room if you prefer."

Miles, however, remained seated for a moment until he finally realised that he wasn't passing out from the drug. Then he leapt to his feet and hurried out of the room.

Kingsley shook his head. “I’m not looking forward to having to do this every day. I pity the little lad…”

“We will only have to do it once a month. It is depot medicine,” explained Dumbledore. “Subjecting him to this kind of violation every day would only be adding fuel to his fire.”

 “You're back," beamed James. He had already come to love the histrionic teen. 

"For now," said Miles. "I escaped narrowly. But who knows what's going to happen to me when the poison starts working."

"Hey, most of us are on medication and none of us have died from it," pointed out Peter. 

"And some of us have actually come to feel better," added Marlene. 

Miles looked at them and shook his head in pity. "They are pumping you full of drugs to control you. To make you dull and compliant. Like cattle."

Marlene rolled her eyes. "You and your cattle."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 –** **You Are Listening to My Voice…**

The door opened and Horace stuck his head in. "Regulus - time to go to the common room. You know you have to spend some time there every day."

Remus’ eyes flew open. He had been sleeping, but the sound of the man’s voice woke him with a start.

Horace saw it and held up a hand. "Don't worry, lad - I'm not coming in. Doctor Lovegood has asked all men to stay away from you, so there's nothing to fear."

Remus relaxed a little. However, he was not happy about Regulus leaving.

Regulus sighed, knowing there was no way around it. Even if he managed to talk Horace into letting him wait, he knew someone else, like the ever-sharp-eyed Alecto, would notice his absence and come for him. "Alright," he mumbled and got to his feet to put on his slippers and a hoodie. "I'll see you later, Remus."

In the common room, Sirius was nowhere to be seen. That meant that at least Regulus did not have to worry about his brother.

Miles spotted him. "Who's that?"

"It's Regulus. He's just a kid. Leave him alone, he's very sensitive," said Marlene quickly, thinking that if Miles learned that it was Sirius' little brother he would be on him like a cat on tuna. Peter was about to open his mouth, but Marlene sent him a warning look.

Hagrid spotted Regulus and walked over and sat down next to him, almost making the small boy bounce off the couch.

"Ah, Regulus," he boomed and patted his shoulder with a large hand. "How are yeh today?"

"Er... I'm okay," said Regulus, wondering if his shoulder was intact. The big man had no idea how strong he was.

"Tha’s good. Are yeh ever going ter bring yeh mystery roommate out here? Or are yeh snatching all them Cokes for yehself and jus’ pretending teh have a roommate?" He winked at Regulus and gave his shoulder another pat.

"No. Remus is just very shy. But he loves Cokes. He's never tasted them before coming here. He didn't have a good home."

"Ah, I see," nodded Hagrid. "I reckon many kids here don' have a good home, but I’m happy yeh can be there for each other." He slapped his thighs. "Well. I'll better be gettin’ back to cookin’. Yeh come find me if yeh need anythin’."

"You could give me another Coke for Remus," said Regulus. 

"Yeh want one too?" Hagrid asked, looking over his shoulder.

Regulus shrugged. He supposed he did want one, but then he thought of Kreacher, who would never again be able enjoy a fizzy drink, and all the other lives Regulus had affected. He shook his head. "Just for Remus." He followed Hagrid into the kitchen where he got a Coke and hid it in the pocket of his hoodie. 

Emmeline gave Regulus a shy smile as he passed her. She was sitting with her legs pulled up under her, looking cold. Regulus eyed her thin face and bony shoulders. She could really do with a Coke or something else sweet, he thought, but he knew she wouldn't see it that way. He couldn't remember ever having seen her eat anything, but he supposed she must eat at least a little just to stay alive. 

_It's your fault,_ an inner voice whispered. _She stopped eating when you came. She's going to die from it before long._

_No_ , he replied silently. _She was already here and she's here because of her anorexia. It can't be my fault_.

**o0o0o**

Lily went to get Remus later that day as Doctor Lovegood had asked. "Hey," she smiled as Remus sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Have a good nap? Ready for a session?"

Remus shook his head and lay back down, pulling the covers over his head.

"Come on," said Lily, sitting down on the bed, giving his shoulder a gentle shake. "It's just Pandora. She's a very nice lady. Not strict at all. She just wants to meet you. You don't even have to speak if you don't want to."

Remus curled up under the covers but finally after a few minutes he got up and stepped into a pair of slippers.

"Oh, Remus," beamed Doctor Lovegood when she saw them. "So good to see you. You can just sit there with Lily. I know you like her."

Remus bit his lip and sat down. He didn't look at her, although this place was much less scary than Dumbledore's office.

"I know you have only spoken to Lily and Regulus so far," said Doctor Lovegood. "But I'm hoping you will feel comfortable speaking to me as well. Perhaps not today, but at some point. Well – why don't I start by telling a bit about myself? I'm from Wales originally but have lived many places. When I finished school I travelled the world with my best friend. We toured Asia, Australia and South America. We did odd jobs here and there when we got the chance – to make a bit of money, you know, because traveling isn't free. We stayed in India for a whole year. I really liked it there. Learned so much from their spiritual arts. Meditation is a wonderful practice that brings balance and peace to the mind. You should try it some time."

Remus looked up and his eyes showed a bit of interest. It was like hearing one of Regulus’ stories. Or his old friend telling him of the outside world or some fantasy world he had made up.

"When I came back, I lived a few places in the UK before settling in Glasgow to go to medical school. And here I am today," she smiled, holding out her hands. "I’ve been here five years now. What about you, Remus? I would like to hear a bit about you. Where do you come from?"

Remus gulped and rubbed his arm nervously. "I... I don't know…"

The doctor looked a little surprised. "You don't know? Have you lived the same place all your life or have you moved at some point?"

"Most of my life," said Remus. "I don't remember moved." 

"Okay," Doctor Lovegood smiled. "Can you tell me anything about where you live so maybe we can figure out your address? Wouldn't you like to go home at some point?"

Remus shook his head violently. "I don't wanna go back to the basement!" he said and started shaking as he wrapped his arms around himself.

Both women looked at Remus a little shocked. "O-okay," said Doctor Lovegood. "That's okay. You don't have to. You're staying here where we can help you, yes?"

Remus started sobbing a little and kept his head down, his arms still around his frail body. Lily gently placed a hand on his back but the boy flinched at her touch.

"I'm sorry, Remus," said Doctor Lovegood. "I'm sorry I upset you. You're not going back to the basement. You're safe here with us, okay?" She looked at Lily. "Perhaps you should take him back and see if you can comfort him. I'll give you a pill if he needs it." She rummaged in a drawer and found a bottle. “Just in case you can’t get him to calm down.”

Lily got up and helped Remus to his feet. "Come, Remus, let's go back to the room, yes? Back to Regulus?"

Remus nodded and walked with her. He felt sick and scared. What would happen to him if anyone found out what he did? Would he be locked up and put in chains?

Lily sat down on Remus’ bed and pulled him close. He resisted weakly for a second but then relaxed in her arms, resting his head in the crook of her neck. "It's okay," she said softly, stroking his hair. "It’s okay, Remus. Just relax." 

Remus pressed his face against her warm skin and he started sobbing again. It hurt so much to think about his past, but it felt soothing to be held by Lily. He shook slightly as he finally spoke. "I don't want to be locked up."

Lily wasn't sure if he meant locked up in that basement he had talked about or if he meant here at the ward, but she figured it was best not to ask about it. "It's okay," she repeated and kept stroking his hair. "You're safe here. It’s okay."

"Mm...." he hummed and finally started to relax; but when the door opened he flinched again. He looked towards the door but was relieved to see that it was just Regulus.

Regulus stopped in the doorway. "Is... is it best I come back later?"

"No, I think Remus would like you here, don't you, Remus?" Lily had noticed that the only times Remus seemed truly relaxed was when Regulus was there. 

"Yes, please stay."

"Okay," said Regulus. He hesitated for a minute and then walked up to Remus and fished out the Coke can from his pocket." I got you this..."

Remus lit up in a smile as he took it. "Thank you."

"That was nice of you, Regulus," smiled Lily. "Maybe you can take this pill with your Coke, Remus?" she suggested. "If you want to, of course. It will help you relax and feel better." Remus nodded and Lily handed him the pill. He tried to swallow it but had trouble with it. "Like I taught you - on the back of your tongue and then wash it down."

Remus looked at her and then tried, placing the pill in the back of his tongue and then took a large gulp of the drink, finally being able to wash it down.

"Good," smiled Lily and stroked his cheek. "Why don't you climb into your bed and get some rest? Regulus are you staying here until dinner?"

Regulus nodded. "Horace said I had stayed in the common room long enough for today."

When Lily had left, Regulus looked over at Remus who had now crawled under the covers and rested his head on the pillow. "Do you want to sleep right away or do you want me to read another chapter?"

Remus nodded. "I’ll like another chapter.”

"Okay. Do you remember we got to the part where Jim sneaks onto the ship and watches the two drunk pirates through the window?"

Remus nodded and made himself more comfortable under the covers. "M-maybe when we are done with the book we can go to the book place and get a new book?"

"Yeah, of course," said Regulus. "I love the library. I was never allowed to go before. We were only allowed to read the books that were made available at the mansion. But here there are so many different ones."

"Why wasn't you allowed to read all the books?" Remus asked. "Was you a prisoner?"

"Sort of. We could only read books or watch movies that were not censored. I didn't really know what that meant until I came here. It means that only the things the Dark Lord had approved were allowed us members to read or watch."

"He sound like a bad man," said Remus. "How did you come here? I mean, why?"

"He... he was our Master. He always knew best about everything. At least that's what everybody thought." Regulus swallowed, his mouth dry. "They... the police broke in and arrested all the adults. They took me here."

"But why they take you here?" pushed Remus.

"I don't want to talk about it," said Regulus. "Now, do you want to hear me read or what?"

**o0o0o**

Go ahead and lie down, Regulus, and relax while I have a few words with Lily," said Doctor Dumbledore as Regulus took off his shoes and lay down on the couch in Dumbledore's office. "Comfortable?" asked the psychiatrist and put a blanket over the boy. 

Regulus nodded and Dumbledore brought Lily into the adjourning room. "Do you know anything about the type of hypnosis called regression?" he asked. 

"A little. I've tried to read up on it since you told me that's what you're doing with Regulus. And I've read your notes from your sessions in his reports."

"Good," smiled the old man. "Retrieving supressed memories is a very precarious affair. There is a high risk of creating false memories. This is why many therapists will not use the technique. However, if you're good at it and stick to a very strict set of procedures it is an extremely valuable tool. And if I may say so myself, I am very good at it."

Dumbledore and Lily came back to Regulus a few minutes later and the doctor took a seat next to the couch. "Alright," he said. "Relax your shoulders and close your eyes."

Regulus closed his eyes and listened closely to what Dumbledore said.

"You are listening to my voice. You don't notice anything else," Dumbledore began in a slow monotonous tone. "Your whole body is relaxing. Relaxing. It is getting heavier and heavier. You feel your head sink into the mattress. Then your feet… legs… head… body. You are sinking deeper and deeper into the mattress. You have never been so relaxed in your life." Dumbledore continued five more minutes talking Regulus into a deep state of trance. "You are now completely and utterly relaxed, and you feel good. Nothing can hurt you. You are safe, no matter what happens. Can you hear me, Regulus?"

"Yes," said Regulus in a dreamy voice. 

"Good. I would like you to go back in time. To your childhood. Back. How old are you?"

"Ten," said Regulus. 

"Where are you?" 

"In my room."

"Are you alone?"

"Sirius is here."

"Are you talking?" asked Dumbledore.

"He wants me to run away with him… He says it's dangerous here… That they're going to kill us… I say he's lying... He says we will not be the first… That they have killed others who didn't behave and they didn't like… He calls them bad words… I say he's lying…"

"Then what does he do?" asked Dumbledore when Regulus stopped talking.

Lily sat listing carefully. This was the first time she had heard Regulus talk about his brother.

"He says I'm blind… That I'm brainwashed and we're both in danger… I say he's lying... He says we have to go… He says they're going to kill him if he doesn't leave soon… I say he's a drama queen… He calls me bad words... I get up to leave… He jerks me back down on the bed where we’re sitting… I tell him to let go, but I don't yell."

"Why not? Are you not angry?"

"I'm afraid they will hear me. I'm scared."

"Why are you scared, Regulus? Don't you think Sirius can protect you? Why don't you go with him if you're scared of the place?"

"He can't protect me. He can't protect anybody. He's going to get himself killed. If they catch him..." Regulus started breathing rapidly. 

"Okay, Regulus, I am going to bring you back now. When I reach ten you will be wide awake and feel good and relaxed. One. Your left arm feels light as a feather. Two. Then your right arm. Three. You can move your left leg now. Four. Now your right." He kept going until he reached ten. "Ten. You're fully awake and can sit up."

Regulus blinked a few times and sat up slowly. 

"How are you feeling?" Lily asked and gently touched his shoulder.

"Fine," mumbled Regulus.

"Well, I think we made a little progress today," smiled Dumbledore and adjusted his glasses. "Do you remember what you saw and what you talked about?"

"No," lied Regulus, putting on his shoes. "Can I go now?"

Doctor Dumbledore asked Regulus to spend a bit of time in the common room before going to bed.

**o0o0o**

Regulus stopped in the doorway to the common room. He couldn't go in. It was full of people. People bugging him. Everybody was bugging him right now. Doctor Dumbledore, the nurses, the other patients. He turned on his heal and rushed off to his room. He needed to be alone. 

Remus almost flew off the bed when Regulus barged in. He had not expected the boy to rush into the room like that and the look on his face was a little worrying. Remus guessed the session had not gone well. 

Regulus stopped, spotting Remus. Bugger. He had forgotten about him. Regulus liked Remus, but right now he needed to be alone, so he went into the bathroom and sat down with his back to the door. He pressed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing like Dumbledore had taught him, trying to stave off a panic attack. He couldn't breathe properly; the grey walls and all the illness were closing in on him. He wished, like many times before, that he had something sharp. Just a few cuts on his arm would drive back the despair enough so he could stand it. That was probably the most frustrating thing about this place – that there was nothing you could use to cut yourself. Even the cutlery was made of plastic. A few months ago he had discovered that one of the nurses by mistake had placed a flower vase of real glass on the ward. For two weeks he had had an outlet for his anxiety, but then Molly had discovered a fresh cut on his arm and forced him to give up his piece of glass. Since then he had not been able to find anything of use.  

**o0o0o**

Lily came in to check on the boys a little later. "Hello, Remus,” she smiled. “Where's Regulus? He wasn't in the common room. I thought he was here."

Remus suddenly realized that he had forgotten about his friend who had come rushing in earlier.

"Where is he, Remus?" asked Lily, getting worried from the look on Remus's face. Remus sat up straight and pointed at the bathroom door. Lily hurried over to the door. "Regulus? You in there?" There was no answer. "You sure he's still in there?" Lily asked Remus. Remus nodded. "Regulus! I'm coming in," said Lily and pushed at the door.

"Wait!" sounded the boy's voice from the other side. Then he moved out of the way so Lily could open the door. 

Lily found him sitting leaning against the wall. He had been crying, that was clear, and was trying to hide his face. "Regulus," she said, squatting in front of him. "What're you doing out here?"

"I want to be alone. Can't you just leave me alone?"

"Me? You want me to leave?"

Regulus groaned. "Just... everybody. They won't leave me alone. They say they want to help me but they don't get it. I just want to be alone and this is the only place I can do that."

Remus still sat on his bed but could easily hear what they were talking about. He suddenly felt a bit in the way since he was always in the room and that made Regulus have to hide out on the cold floor of the bathroom. He went over to stand in the doorway. “Do… do you wish you still had the room to yourself?”

Regulus looked up. “No, it’s okay. I like you and it’s your room too and you don’t have to feel in the way.” Regulus really liked both Remus and Lily, but to be honest, right now he felt a bit crowded in the small room, so he got up and pushed past them. He crawled into bed with all his clothes on, crept under the covers and faced the wall. 

Lily sighed. "It's okay that you want to be left alone once in a while. If you want to talk, just come and get me, okay?"

"Okay," mumbled Regulus.

There was a knock on the door and Arthur stuck his head in. "Medicine," he said.

Lily went to meet him in the doorway so he didn't have to come in. There was no reason to make Remus more nervous today. They chatted a bit and Arthur handed Lily two small glasses with pills. 

"Here you go, Remus," said Lily and gave Remus his pills. Then she went over to Regulus, who was still lying with his back turned. Lily placed the pills and a glass of water on his bedside table and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Doctor Dumbledore upped your doses. He hopes it'll have more effect."

"More effect than what?" mumbled Regulus. "It does zero now and more zero sums up to zero."

"Well, he’s a psychiatrist, not a mathematician," said Lily, trying to lighten the mood. 

Regulus didn't say anything else, and he didn't move. 

"C'mon, Regulus, take the pills. You know I have to watch you do it, so let's get it over with. If they don't do anything now, then what's the harm in taking a bit more?" Seeing she was getting nowhere with Regulus, Lily decided to try changing tactics. "Well, you could just tell me straight out that you want me to stay, because you know I’m not leaving until you take your pills."

"I don't want you to stay."

"No? And why not?"

"Because you're irritating."

"Yeah?" Lily laughed. "Well, it's easy to make me go away – just take the pills. And since you aren’t doing that... Well, I don't have time to sit here all night, so I guess I have to be creative. Hmm... I have a dog named Padfoot. When he needs to take a pill, I have to be smart because there's no way he will do it willingly. And I don't believe in force, so what I do is I crush the pill to powder and mix it with some dog food. Maybe I should go ask Hagrid if he has any dog food? What taste do you prefer? Beef? Poultry? Venison?"

There was an unmistakable sound of a stifled snicker. 

"You're laughing!" said Lily in triumph. 

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

Remus couldn't help but laugh as well. Lily seemed to be able to get everybody in a better mood.

"Well, if you weren't laughing, I’ll make you!" said Lily and started tickling the stubborn teen. 

Regulus squealed and wiggled to get free, kicking and pushing at Lily. Finally, Lily took mercy on him and stopped. Regulus was flushed in the face and his hair messed up, but more importantly he had a grin on his face. 

"So you're gonna take your pills?"

"Never," grinned Regulus.

There was a knock on the door and Doctor Dumbledore stuck his head inside. The smile on Regulus' face faded when seeing him "Don't worry, lad," the doctor said. "I’m not here to pester you. I would just like to borrow Lily for a moment."

"We still have an unresolved issue..." said Lily, looking pointedly at Regulus. 

Regulus sighed and took his pills in one gulp. 

"That's a good dog!" said Lily and ruffled his hair.

She stepped out and closed the door to the room. "Regulus was a little upset but it's fine now," she informed the doctor. "What can I do for you?"

"I just wanted a few words with you about the session, since it was your first experience with hypnosis."

"Okay," she nodded and they went to his office.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 –** **He Wanted to See the Flowers**

The next day, Remus woke early. He felt like going out, although also nervous about it. Maybe if he could get Regulus to go with him... Carefully he tiptoed over to Regulus' bed and touched his shoulder. "Regulus?" he said in a soft voice.

Regulus rolled over and looked up at Remus. "Is it time for breakfast?”

"I don't know. I... I have looked out the window every day and I think..." He hesitated a little. "If you will maybe go outside with me?"

"Oh. Of course. But I think we have to wait until after breakfast, because we have to find someone to go with us. We aren't allowed to be out there on our own. It's the flight risk, although the wall is quite high. Gilderoy tried to climb it once, but he fell down and sprained his ankle. He claimed there was an eagle waiting to pick him up at the top."

"You think Lily will come?" Remus asked.

“I’m sure she will. Could you look at my watch and tell me the time? It's lying on the table."

Remus gulped and picked up the watch, looking at it hard. "I... I don't know time," he said and sat down, feeling defeated.

Regulus eyed him blankly for a moment. Did Remus not know how to tell the time? How could he not have learned that? "Oh, no problem. It can be a little hard to learn for some," he said, trying not to show his shock.

Remus bit his lip and handed the watch to Regulus. "You teach me, maybe?"

"Of course."

**o0o0o**

After breakfast Lily followed Regulus to the room to take them outside. "I'm so glad you want to go out," she smiled. "Here's a couple of toasts for you to eat first."

Remus hesitated a little as they got to the door of the room. Lily smiled at him softly. "It’s okay. You're safe here, remember?"

Remus nodded and took a deep breath before stepping outside. To his relief the corridor was deserted. On the way to the garden they only passed Emmeline. She eyed Remus curiously. Lily introduced them quickly and then unlocked the door to the garden. 

A breeze hit them as the door was opened. Remus put an arm up to shield his face in mild surprise but lowered it after a moment. He looked at Lily and then at Regulus who both smiled at him. He then took a step outside, feeling the wind play with his hair.

They walked a few rounds on the trails in the lovely garden. Spring was moving into June and a plethora of flowers had started blossoming. 

Remus looked around the garden, his head snapping from one side to the other, wanting to see everything. He was very fascinated by the flowers and, forgetting to be wary, he went over to a rose bush to touch one of the red roses.

Lily and Regulus exchanged puzzled looks. "He almost looks like he hasn't seen flowers before..." said Regulus. “There’s lots of things he doesn’t know. He can't read or write. He also makes many grammar mistakes. Talks almost like small child. And this morning he told me he can't tell the time. I don't think he has gone to school."

"I don't think so either. He’s very reluctant to tell anything about himself, but he will probably tell us at some point. He seems to trust the two of us."

"Yeah," mumbled Regulus.

Lily turned her attention back to Remus who was moving around from flower to flower, eager to see and smell them all. She wondered how old he was. He looked about fifteen but seemed even younger. Maybe that was because he had been locked up. He didn't know of the outside word. But how long had he been hidden away?

"He gets anxious when I ask about his past," said Regulus. 

Lily looked at him. "So do you," Regulus..."

Regulus swallowed. "Well, yes...” He went over to sit on a bench.

Lily sighed and watched him for a moment. Then she went over to sit down next to him. "Are you okay? You seem like something is troubling you."

Regulus looked away. "There's always something troubling me. Don't try to be so nice to me. I don't deserve it, so it makes me feel uncomfortable."

"Of course you deserve it. But I don't want you to get uncomfortable, so if you want to talk about something else, that’s fine. Anything you like."

"I'm tired," said Regulus and got up to go inside. He didn't know why, but he was very irritable at the moment and he didn't want to risk saying something offensive to Lilly. He crossed the lawn quickly and disappeared inside.

Lily decided to stay outside with Remus and let Regulus have a little privacy. A little later James came out with Miles. 

"Oi!" grinned James, waving at Lily. "Sluggy said you were out her, so we thought we’d come out as well! He hurried over to her, Miles in tow. 

"Hello, James. You following me now?"

James grinned. "I would if I weren't such a gentleman. No, I just wanted to show my new mate here around, but now that I’m here, why don’t we make something of it? I’m quite a catch, I once hooked up with three birds at the same time, and I had a stalker in ninth grade, she couldn’t get enough of me, but she was a tad bit creepy, not that I minded, but still -"

"Keep her occupied while I look for escape routes," whispered Miles in James' ear, shutting him up for a second.

James sent Lily a wide grin. "What are you doing out here all alone?"

"I'm not alone," said Lily and nodded towards Remus. "I'm looking out for Remus. He wanted to see the flowers."

James looked at the rose bushes. "Is that that secret bloke no one is allowed to see?" he asked, looking excited. 

"He’s very shy so it's best to leave him be for now, James. I don’t want you to scare him."

James bit his lip. "So I'm not allowed to talk to him? At all? Really?"

"Well…" started Lily. "Remus, could you come over here?"

Remus hesitated a little but then did as he was asked.

"Remus, this is James. A very energetic boy," Lily said and winked at James.

"H-hello," Remus whispered.

"Hello, mate," smiled James and slapped Remus on the back. "Blimey - you need to eat some food! Your ribs hurt my hand!"

Remus coughed as the wind was nearly knocked out of him. However, he didn’t find James so intimidating. He was young and boyish.

"And this is -" said Lily but then stopped when she noticed that Miles was gone. "James, where did Miles go?"

James looked around. "Oh, I think he's trying to find a way to escape. He’s so dramatic, you know, but very entertaining. I say there are way too many boring people in the world, even in a -"

"What?" exclaimed Lily, looking around desperately.

James laughed. "No need getting your knickers in a twist! He won't find a way out – trust me. He isn't the first who has tried. The only way is over the wall and it isn't easy climbing. Miles doesn't look like a top athlete, does he?" James looked around. "Oh, there he is," he grinned, spotting Miles sneaking around in the bushes. He ran over to him. "Found you! Now you count and I hide!"

"I'm not playing hide-and-seek, you tosser," said Miles. "I'm looking for the cameras.”

James eyed Miles, tilting his head. "The cameras are up there," he said and pointed to the top of the wall. "They keep lookout for us so we don't do something stupid. Like Gilderoy when he thought he saw an eagle."

Miles' eyes searched the wall frantically. "Where? I don't see them!"

"Got you!" laughed James. Then he got serious. "They don't have cameras out here. I think there's only cameras in the padded cells."

Miles huffed. "Why don't you help me look for them? I know they’re here." Then he dove back into the bushes.

"Alright Miles," called Pomona who had come out into the yard. "Time to go back inside."

"Why? Afraid I'll find one of your secrets?"

"There are no secrets, Miles, but why don't we go inside and talk about your theories?"

"They aren't theories," said Miles, a little irritated, but followed Pomona anyway. 

**o0o0o**

Regulus was sitting on his bed, legs drawn up. Images of people in distress kept popping up in his head.  _All is good_ , he whispered to himself.  _All is good. All is good. All is good. All is good. All is good. All is good. All is good._ _All is good._ Theimages didn't go away. He repeated his mantra eight more times. It had to be an even number (dividable by four preferably). Else it didn't work. Else it had the opposite effect, in fact, and it would make the bad things happen instead of preventing them. It still didn't feel right, so he started repeating the mantra 16 more times while trying to banish the images. The door opened and Remus and Lily came in. Bugger. He couldn't let them disturb him in the middle of his ritual. He continued, this time silently in his head. 

"Hello, Regulus," said Lily. The boy didn't answer. He sat staring into thin air, looking as if in a trance. She had seen him sitting like this often. Dumbledore had told her that Regulus was performing rituals in his mind. Magical thinking, he had called it.

Remus sat down on his bed and watched the other boy closely. Were they disturbing him? He opened his mouth but closed it again, deciding it was probably best to leave Regulus alone right now.

"Well," said Lily to Remus after watching Regulus for a moment. "I'll go see the other patients, yes? Perhaps you could try to go to the common room with Regulus and me later today? Since it went so well going to the garden."

Remus bit his lip and nodded. Maybe he could. He had already met three other patients today and they weren’t so scary.

**o0o0o**

Severus sat in his usual spot in the common room but for once wasn't mumbling to himself. He just looked grumpy and was scratching his arm restlessly.

"Hey, Snivellus," called James, who had come inside and dropped down on one of the sofas with Miles and Sirius. "Somebody piss on your cornflakes this morning?"

"Leave me alone!" snapped Severus and got to his feet. "Or do you want another beating? Barty will help me when he gets back!"

"Gets back?" James asked curiously, not at all phased by Severus' threat. "Where is he now? Having a session with Dumbles?"

Sirius, Peter and Rita laughed.

"It’s none of your business where he is! But we can easily beat you up!"

"You know," said Sirius, tapping his chin. "That means I can join in as well, since you're two. It’s only fair."

"Oi, lads," said Horace, coming over. "Be nice now. You know the rules: no bullying, no fighting."

Lily had come in and used the distraction of Horace to get Severus away from the conflict. "Severus," she smiled. "What about another game of cards? I had fun the last time we played."

Severus looked past her to see the boys who were getting as much of a telling off as you could expect from Horace. Then he turned his attention back to Lily. "Yeah, alright, but Barty isn't here, as you can see."

"Well, it will just be you and me, then," said Lily as they sat down at one of the small café tables by the wall. "And between you and me - Barty does have a tendency to cheat, doesn't he?" She winked. 

Severus looked at her for a moment, then almost smiled. "Yeah, he does. But don't tell him I said that." He liked Lily. She didn't make him feel stupid or crazy. She acknowledged Barty. Not like the other nurses. Some, like Antonin and Alecto, told him that Barty didn't exist and to stop being a fool. Others, like Molly and Arthur, just ignored it when Severus spoke of him. 

Lily dealt the cards. "So where is Barty today?"

"He’s out. Probably planning a surprise for me tonight or something like that. He always does on this day."

"On this day? What's special about today?"

Severus looked out the window and mumbled, "We met this day a few years ago. He came and helped me when my father..." He paused. "Never mind. Doesn’t matter."

"What did your father do, Severus? It's okay. You can tell me," said Lily in a kind voice, playing her first card. 

Severus bit his lip and drew a card. "He used to beat me a lot when he was a drunk. But Barty was there for me.”

Lily took his hand and looked at his face although he was averting his eyes. "I'm sorry to hear that, Severus. That must have been very difficult for you. I know it's hard growing up with alcoholic parents, especially when they're violent."

Severus looked at her hand that was holding his. He felt a little uncomfortable, but it was nice at the same time. "It's okay. I got away from there and now me and Barty can stay up late and read without being afraid my father will burst in a hurt me. That’s the only good thing about this place."

"What about your mother?" asked Lily, taking it as a good sign that the boy didn't pull his hand away. "Where is she in all this?"

"She's afraid of him, I reckon. He doesn’t beat her, but still… She’s the one who got me in here. I think it was her solution to getting me away from him, because it isn’t because I’m crazy. I’m not. She just used it as an excuse.”

"Doesn’t she visit you?"

Severus shook his head.

"Is it because of him? Do you think he forbids her to go?" Lily asked, sensing that the weak support from his mother hurt him more than the things with his father. 

"Probably," he nodded and felt a lump form in his throat. "She... well she…" he tried but gave up explaining. "I dunno. I guess I’m better off on my own. If I ever get out of this place. Barty thinks we should get a flat when we get out."

"Well," said Lily and gave his hand a squeeze. "It's probably best to stay here for a while until you get better. I know you don't like it here much, but it's better than living in your father's house, and they won't let you live on your own until you're 18, anyway. How old are you?"

"Seventeen and a half."

"Well, there's no hurry leaving here, then. I'm sure you can get better. Dumbledore is a very good psychiatrist. How long have you been here?"

"Eight months, but I’m not crazy," Severus said. "They say I'm psychotic but that’s not true! Just ask Barty. He knows me better than anyone."

Lily leaned back holding up her hand in defence. "I'm not saying you're psychotic, but I can tell you're not feeling well. You're sad and frustrated, isn't that so?"

Severus crossed his arms. "Of course I am. I’m depressed, that’s all. But I don't go around bragging about it like most of the other patients. I just want to be left alone."

"Talking about your problems isn't bragging, Severus," said Lily, picking up her cards again. "Actually, it's usually necessary in order to get better. That's what therapy is all about. But I understand that you don't want to talk to just anybody. I understand that perfectly. But it's good to have a few good friends to talk to. I know you have Barty, but having only one friend isn't enough. You will just keep getting lonelier that way."

"I don't need anyone else, and everybody in here thinks I’m a freak, so I'm not exactly swimming in friend requests," he said. "Potter and his mates are on my back every chance they get."

Lily nodded. "Yes, I've seen that. But you don't have to make friends with  _them_. There are others. Anyway, I'm glad you want to talk to me. I like you a lot and I want to be your friend." She sent him a smile. "You said something about reading. Did you like school?"

"I suppose I did. Except for the other students. I read and study in here as well when I feel like it. I especially like science and I’m quite good at it."

"Really? Which branch is your favourite?"

"Chemistry. I love chemistry. But I’ve read all the books on the subject in the hospital library…”

“If you know which books you would like to read I don't mind picking them up at an outside library for you. On the internet you can check the databases of all the libraries. Then you just tell me which books you would like me to get for you."

"You would do that?" Severus asked, eyebrows raised.

Lily smiled. “Of course. I would be happy to do something for you.”

"I'll look into it," he said.

"Well, make a list for me and I'll see what I can do."

Regulus and Remus entered the common room, Remus looking extremely nervous, holding onto Regulus for safety.

"Excuse me, Severus," said Lily and got up. "I just have to help our new patient get comfortable in here. It's his first time in the common room. I will be back in a bit.”

"Sure," nodded Severus as he studied the newcomer.

Remus stood near the wall trying to hide behind Regulus as he felt everyone's eyes on him. "I wanna go back," he whispered to his friend but then spotted Lily coming over to them.

"I'm glad to see you in here, Remus," she smiled and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "It will be fine. The adult men know to stay away from you and I will keep an eye on the other patients." She decided it was easier to just announce Remus' presence to the whole room. "Listen up. This is Remus, a new patient. He's shy and quite nervous about meeting you all, so I would like you to give him some space and give him a chance to settle in here. See if you can wait a little before contacting him."

"He's cool," said James to Sirius. “I met him in the garden today.”

"He must be," said Sirius, looking a little bitter. "He must be cooler than me, since my dear little brother has taken such a liking to him."

However, Sirius had forgotten that Miles was at the table and had now heard that Regulus was his little brother. Miles' eyes bounced from brother to brother. The he grinned. "That sure is your brother! He looks like you. Just handsomer," he said, enjoying provoking Sirius. 

Sirius' eyes went dark. "You stay away from him if you know what's good for you! I don’t want you bothering him."

Regulus went to sit down by the far wall with Remus. Remus looked around nervously but was relieved to see that no was paying him any attention apart from one girl with curly hair who sent him a smile.

"It's not so bad in here, is it?" Regulus asked Remus. 

Remus was looking in different directions but when Regulus spoke, he focused on him. "I... I guess not," he mumbled but felt quite anxious still. He was grateful that Regulus was there. "You feel better?" he asked, trying to distract himself from his surroundings.

"Better?"

"Yes. You looked not good when we got back to the room," Remus tried to explain, remembering how Regulus had been staring into thin air, unresponsive.

"I was no worse than usual," said Regulus. "There's a reason I'm here... and it's not just because they didn't know where else to put me. If I had been right in the head they would have found me a foster family."

"I'm sorry," said Remus. "What's a foster family?" 

"It's a family who agrees to take care of an orphan child,” explained Regulus. “Or a child that has been taken away from its parents because of abuse. Or a child the parents don't want."

Remus nodded. "Regulus?" he said in a low voice. "Am... am I not right in the head too? Because I’m here."

Regulus sighed. "I suppose not. Well, I'm not sure somethings is wrong with your head exactly, like with me, but you obviously had a very bad experience that made you hurt inside and scared. And you need help with that."

Remus bit his lip. He didn't like to think about it and shook his head a couple of times to get the images out of his head.

"Don't worry," said Regulus. "They can help you here. They are really good at helping people who are scared and sad. You will get better."

"Hey, Romulus," sounded a voice. They both looked up to see Miles standing looking down at them. 

"Who are you talking to?" asked Regulus coolly. "None of us have that name."

"Remus, then?"

"I thought that perhaps you thought I was Remus' twin," said Regulus sarcastically. "Since we look so much alike."

"You look nothing alike," said Miles, not catching either the sarcasm or the reference to the myth of the Roman twins Romulus and Remus. "Anyway, I heard you were in Knights of Walpurgis," he said excitedly and sat down next to Regulus.

Regulus closed his eyes for a second. Not again. He had been relieved when the others had stopped bugging him about it. He knew that he had his brother to thank for that, because he had "asked" people to stop pestering his little brother with that bloody cult. A few - like Evan and James - had had to be reminded about it with a punch to the face more than once. "I don't want to talk about it. Especially with someone I don't even know. Go away."

Remus was getting rather uncomfortable and sank down in his seat.

"I'd like to hear about it," insisted Miles. "It was a cult that was going to bring society down. Bring an end to the tyranny."

Regulus stared at him, trying to determine if the boy was messing with him or truly mad. "Excuse me? You think they were trying to do a good thing?"

"I'm not saying that, but they had a point in bringing down society. It’s rotten through and through. We need a revolution!"

"Miles," Molly's voice sounded. "Leave Regulus and Remus alone unless you are having a civilised conversation, which I highly doubt."

"There isn't time for civilised conversation! We must act now or they will get us!"

"You think they were doing a good thing?" repeated Regulus, feeling anger flare up inside (something that rarely happened). "They wanted to perform a massacre! Our leader - he's worse than Hitler! He wanted to wipe out human kind except for the few chosen ones he thought were worthy! You think that would be a good thing?" He had stood up now and raised his voice. The whole room had gone quiet. Nobody had heard Regulus shout before.

Hearing his brother’s voice, Sirius looked up and spotted Miles sitting with Regulus, so he rushed over there, and before Molly could intervene, he had grabbed Miles by the collar and pulled him to his feet. "Didn’t I just tell you to leave my brother alone?"

"I just wanted to introduce myself properly," said Miles. "I'm not bothering him. You should probably keep your nose to yourself, anyway. From what I've seen he doesn't seem interested in you at all."

"Jesus, that bloke has no sense of self-preservation," said a girl to her friend. “He should fear blokes like Sirius instead of government conspiracies."

Still holding on to Miles, Sirius head-butted him hard.

Molly and Kingsley was on him in a matter of seconds.

"Let me go! I'm teaching him a lesson!" Sirius cried and started kicking at Kingsley as they pulled him away from Miles. "Let go, you fucking Nazis!" he raged, his eyes fixed on Miles. 

"Back to the cell with you, Sirius, if you can't behave," said Kingsley.

"Blimey," said Miles, as he gingerly touched a quickly forming bump on his forehead. "A bit overprotective, isn't he?" Then he turned his attention back to Regulus, plopping down beside him.

"Oh no you don't," said Molly, ordering Miles to his feet with a strict gesture. "You have made trouble enough today. Leave Regulus alone. You're upsetting him and you just got his brother put in solitary."

Miles looked a little moody but got to his feet and walked back to sit by James.

"Want to go back?" Remus asked a little hesitantly. Seeing Sirius flip like that had made him even more nervous.

"Yes," said Regulus, already on his way up. 

"I didn't know you had a brother," said Remus as they walked back.

"That's not my brother."

"But... but he said… and the nurse…"

Regulus realised that Remus would find out sooner or later, so when they got to their room and sat down on their beds, he said, "He used to be my brother. He chose not to be anymore. He abandoned me. He left our family."

Remus looked shocked. "Why he left?"

"He did it to save his own skin. He didn't like being there. Neither did I, but you can't just leave your family behind. I begged and begged him to stay, but it didn't help. He used to say he would always protect me, but that was obviously a lie," said Regulus bitterly. 

"I'm sorry, Regulus," said Remus, feeling his heart sink. He knew how it felt to be abandoned.

Lily came in later, smiling excitedly at Remus. She sat down on the bed next to him. "You did well out there. Better than you had thought, no?"

Remus nodded. "People was nice," he said and leaned in to rest his head on her shoulder.

"Yes, they were," said Lily and pulled him into a hug. "And you don't have to fear them. Even if someone gets to you or scares you, you just stick to Regulus, yes? No one messes with him, do they, Regulus?"

"They have better things to do..." said Regulus, knowing that Sirius was the reason no one messed with him. Miles just hadn't learned that lesson yet. Regulus almost thought it would have been better if they had not stopped Sirius from beating him up. He wasn’t sure one head-butt would do the trick. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 - Patient out of Bed!**

Regulus woke with a start to the sound of Remus screaming and thrashing in his bed. "Remus?" he said. He moved over to the other boy's bed and shook him. "Remus! Wake up!"

_You're mine now. Don't fight it. It hurts more if you fight it._

Remus' eyes shot open at the sound of someone calling his name, but all he saw was a shadow beside him, so he flew up and was at the door in an instant, tearing it open and then sprinting down the corridor.

"Patient out of bed!" the night watch, Filch, called on his radio. "Patient out of bed!"

Remus was screaming as he ran down the corridor, blinded by the dream and forgetting where he was.

"Stop!" called Filch, chasing Remus at a non-impressive speed. "Stop him! Patient out of bed!"

Remus reached the glass door that prevented patients from leaving the ward and hammered at it with flat hands as he was crying, hearing footsteps behind him.

Regulus stood stunned for a minute, getting properly awake and processing what had just happened. Then he hurried out the door to find Remus.

Thorfinn, the guard on duty, reached Remus and grabbed a hold of him. Remus kicked and screamed in terror and Thorfinn took a rougher hold and forced him down on the ground.

"That's right – show him who's boss!" said Filch gleefully as he caught up to them, out of breath.

"Well, help me out, old man!" said Thorfinn. "Don't just stand there. The little twerp is slippery as an eel. Call a nurse!"

The two nurses on night watch came hurrying down the hall. "Thorfinn – " said one of them. "Is that really necessary? You're terrifying the lad."

Thorfinn just tighten his grip on the screaming boy. "It is. The little bugger was being violent," he said. "Now give him a shot of something to shut him up!"

Regulus reached them. "Let him go! He just had a nightmare. He's scared of men. Let him go!"

"Go back to your room, Black!" demanded Thorfinn. "Or you will get a cell as well!"

"No! Let him go! You're not allowed to do that! I know Dumbledore told you lot to leave Remus alone!"

"Mind your own business!" spat Thorfinn. "It's my job to do what is necessary to control patients running amok. And I shouldn't have to explain myself to you!"

A few patients had appeared in the doorway of their rooms and were watching the people in the hallway curiously.

"Come, Regulus," said the kindest of the nurses and turned Regulus around by the shoulders. "Let's get you back to bed before you get too worked up."

"No!" protested Regulus, Remus' screams of terror cutting deep into him.

Thorfinn had gotten Remus up and swung him over his shoulder as if he were a sack of potatoes. The fight was going out of him, making Regulus realise that the other nurse must have given him a shot. "Please don't lock him up," he begged the kind nurse. "Just take him to our room, he can sleep it off there. He won't cause any more trouble."

The nurse looked at him and sighed. "He will be fine. I promise."

"He won't be fine," said Regulus, forcing himself to calm down. They would just put him in a cell as well if he didn't.

**o0o0o**

Regulus got up early the next morning and waited by the entrance door. The first nurse to come in was Horace. "They took Remus to isolation. Thorfinn attacked him just because he was having a nightmare," said Regulus.

"Oh, dear," said Horace, looking worried. He eyed his watch. "I don't think Lily comes in until twelve. Alecto should be here in a moment, but I'm not sure she's –"

Regulus shook his head, confirming what Horace was about to say. Although she was a woman, Alecto was not the kind of person to handle Remus.

"I suppose I could call Lily. I'm sure she would not mind coming in early."

**o0o0o**

Lily arrived twenty minutes later. "Remus?" she said in a gentle voice as she carefully opened the door to the cell.

Remus was sitting on the floor in the far corner of the room, his arms wrapped around his legs, rocking back and forth. He was staring into nothingness, eyes wide.

Lily cursed inwardly and approached slowly, so as not to spook him. Regulus lingered in the doorway, not sure if he should go in as well or if Remus would feel crowded.

"Remus?" said Lily and squatted next to the boy, running a hand over his hair.

Remus was shivering, his bangs wet from sweat, and he didn't react to her voice. Not even her touch. But as she ran a hand over his hair a few more times he leaned into her, his eyes still fixed on the padded wall.

"Come, love," she said, pulling him into her arms and slowly rocking him like a mother with a small child, speaking calming words to him.

Remus slowly moved a hand up to take a hold on her sleeve and he buried his face in the crook of her neck. "Bad... bad man..." he whispered and then started sobbing.

"Yes. I know. I will make sure he doesn't hurt you again. Just wait till Pandora hears about this. She will make sure none of the men touches you ever again."

Molly came in a few minutes later. "I heard what happened. I'm so sorry, Lily. Why don't you take him back to his room so he can relax with Regulus and you?"

"I will," said Lily. "Can you handle the other tasks without me?"

"We will be fine. Just you take care of the poor boy."

It took a while to get Remus to his feet and focused enough to be escorted back to his room. There, Lily put him into bed; but he wouldn't let go of her, so she sat down and let his head rest on her lap while continually stroking his hair. She wondered when Remus had last sat like this with his mother, or if he even had a mother. After about fifteen minutes he started to drift off and his eyes fell shut. He still held onto her in his sleep and twitched once in a while like he was waking and then falling asleep again.

"I'm sorry, said Regulus in a small voice. "I tried to stop them but they wouldn't listen. Thorfinn is mean. I think he enjoys being rough with the patients. I really tried..."

"I know you did," said Lily. "I don't doubt that for a second, Regulus, and I'm sure Remus appreciate it."

Regulus looked down at his hands. "There's nothing to appreciate. I didn't make a difference. No one listened to me. Nothing good ever comes of anything I do."

"That's not true," said Lily. "You befriended Remus and got him to improve a lot. You even got him to talk to you early on. You have made a huge difference for him."

"I haven't. Look where he is now," said Regulus, making a hand gesture in Remus' direction. "He's as scared as when he came in."

"That's not your fault. You did what you could, but Thorfinn handled the situation wrong. One of the female nurses should have approached Remus instead. This is their fault. Not yours."

"I didn't make a difference. I can't make good things happen."

Lily sighed. "You're a good boy, Regulus. It's too bad you can't see that yourself."

**o0o0o**

"Who was that screaming like that last night?" asked Dorcas at the breakfast table.

Miles shushed her and looked around secretively. "Someone who knew too much. We won't see him again, that's for sure. Although I must say they are quite some amateurs here – unable to do their dirty work quietly."

"Oh, come on," said Marlene. "It was that new kid who had some sort of fit. He seemed so quiet, though."

"Well, this is a nut-house, if you hadn't noticed already," said Evan, slapping a generous spoonful of oatmeal onto his plate.

"Remus just had a bad dream and got scared," said Molly, who had overheard the conversation. "It's nothing to make a big deal over. And he's already back in his room," she continued, looking pointedly at Miles.

"Yeah, well, he woke me from a pretty good dream," said Evan and smirked at Rita.

Rita bit her lip seductively. "About me?"

"You guessed right and your reward is a roll in the hay later," Evan winked.

"That's enough, Evan," said Molly in a strict tone and placed her hands on her hips.

"Oh, that's right. I forgot we're not allowed to have sex before marriage, Mummy."

"You just watch your tone with me, Evan. You know sex is not allowed on the ward."

"You should lock Rita in a cell and throw away the key if you want that to work out," said one of the girls.

**o0o0o**

Lily brought back some breakfast for Regulus, who had been allowed to eat in his room. Remus was sleeping soundly. She sat down next to Regulus as he began slowly eating his eggs. "Dumbledore wants to see you for a session when you have finished breakfast."

Regulus stopped chewing. "Why? Our next session isn't until tomorrow."

"He heard how upset you were last night over what happened with Remus. He wants to talk to you about it, and I think it's a good idea."

Regulus looked at Remus, then back at her. "Are you staying with him while I'm gone?"

"I'm your personal nurse, so I would like to go with you as I usually do."

"Can we just leave him like that? What if he wakes up?"

Lily felt a little torn. What if Remus did wake up and felt alone? But she didn't want Regulus to go by himself when he was this upset. "He's fast asleep and he's exhausted, so I doubt very much that he's going to wake. We will be back in less than an hour. I will lock the door so no one can walk in and disturb him."

Regulus looked at Remus for a moment. "Ok..."

**o0o0o**

Remus suddenly woke with a feeling that something was wrong. He sat up and looked around with panic in his eyes and started to shake. "R-Regulus? Lily?" He covered his face with his hands, the thoughts racing through his mind. Had they abandoned him? Had the bad man taken Regulus? Just like his old friend? He got up and took a few careful steps towards the door. He pulled at the handle but the door was locked. He tried again but it did not budge and panic grabbed him. He was locked away again. The bad man had taken Regulus and had left Remus all alone. He kicked the door and tore wildly at the handle. "Regulus! Regulus!"

He looked around desperately until his eyes fell on the curtain rod. Yes. It was the only way. He grabbed the sheet from his bed and took a chair, pulling it to the window. He would end it all now. He didn't want to be here alone. No, he would not be abandoned again. He swung the sheet over the rod and tied a knot and then a noose for his neck. Tears were running down his cheeks as he finally stepped off the chair and the noose tighten around his neck.

He didn't hang there for long, however, because the rod could not, even though he was quite light, carry his weight and it broke, making him crash to the ground, his head banging against the floor.

**o0o0o**

Lily unlocked the door and Regulus hurried in. He had not been able to concentrate at the session because he was worried about Remus. The sight that met him stopped him dead in his tracks, terror striking him like a bolt of lightning.

"Remus!" Lily gasped and hurried over to kneel next to the boy lying on the floor. "Regulus! Get help!"

Regulus couldn't move for a few seconds. Then he stormed out the door screaming, "HELP! HELP!"

Lily had not known it was possible to feel as relieved as she did when she saw Remus stirring. For a horrific few seconds she had thought he was dead. "Remus?" she called gently as she untied the noose and tossed the sheet to the side. Remus moaned and blinked, looking confusedly up at her. She rolled him onto his back, resting his head in her lap. "What were you thinking, Remus? Don't scare us like that!" she wept.

Molly came rushing into the room while Horace stood in the doorway calling for a doctor over the radio.

"What happened?" asked Molly, squatting next to Lily and Remus. "Regulus said he hanged himself!"

"He tried." Lily pointed to the discarded sheet and the broken curtain rod. "He must have been too heavy for the rod to hold. Thank goodness!"

Remus was disorientated and confused when he came to, coughing and gasping for air. Doctor Lovegood had shown up and knelt next to Remus to check his vitals.

Regulus still stood paralysed in the corner staring at the scene. Then he suddenly bent over and vomited on the floor.

Molly hurried over to him. "Regulus, let's go outside and get some fresh air. Or would you rather lie down for a bit?"

"No," gasped Regulus, not looking away from Remus. "He'll die! He'll die again!"

"He won't die, luv. We got to him in time," said Molly, trying to get Regulus to look at her.

"No!" said Regulus, shaking and starting to hyperventilate. "He'll do it again! He'll do it again if we leave!"

Remus tried to sit up, hearing Regulus' voice, but Doctor Lovegood made him lie back down as she proceeded with her check-up. Remus felt tired and still confused about what was going on. All he could register was Regulus and Lily. It was all that mattered to him.

"What are we going to do with Remus?" Lily asked Doctor Lovegood.

"Put him to bed and comfort him. Give him a diazepam if you need to. I have to tend to Regulus. I think he's going into a panic attack." She went over to Regulus and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Easy, Regulus. Breathe in... and out. In… and out."

But Regulus was in his own world, staring into the void, talking about death. "It's my fault, it's my fault, I made him do it, I made him do it!"

"No, you didn't." Doctor Lovegood sighed as she saw no other way to handle Regulus at this moment than to give him a strong sedative. "I'm just going to give you a shot, okay?" she said in a kind voice.

Lily watched Pandora and Regulus as she was sitting on the edge of Remus' bed, calmingly stroking his hair. She felt horribly guilty. Regulus had warned her not to leave Remus alone and now he had tried to kill himself. Why had she not listened to him?

"He will die," said Regulus, his eyes full of tears. "I know it. I knew it the moment I met him. And now look what happened!"

"Remus was just so upset about what happened the night before," tried Doctor Lovegood and let her hand run in circles on Regulus' back. "I should have talked to him first thing, but I was busy with something else this morning. What happened was our mistake – not yours."

They didn't manage to convince Regulus, but eventually the drugs made him lie down.

"Good lad," said Doctor Lovegood in a soothing voice. "Close your eyes and go to your safe place..."

Regulus closed his eyes, but he did not go to his safe place. Instead he went to his old room, in the old mansion. He was alone in the room, standing on a chair. He had a rope around his neck. He knew it was the only way out. He couldn't risk getting caught running away again. He couldn't go back into the water. And he couldn't stay here any longer. He took a few breaths, gathering his courage and jumped, hoping that perhaps his neck would snap and that it would be quick. It didn't. Instead the rope tightened around his throat, cutting off his air supply. He panicked. How could he not have thought this through and picked some other method? This was almost like in the water. Except when he tried to breathe, instead of water, nothing came into his lungs. He kicked like crazy trying to find the chair, but he knocked it over. It fell to the wooden floor with a muffled sound. And then there was the sound of a door being torn open.

He sat bolt upright, letting out a scream, clawing at his throat.

"Regulus," gasped Lily and hurried over to him. They were alone now. She, he and Remus, who was now fast asleep. Lily took a hold of him and made him look at her. "What's the matter?" she tried and brushed the hair out of his teary eyes.

Regulus realised where he was and stopped struggling. He allowed Lily to hug him and cried into her shoulder for a while until he had calmed down. He hadn't allowed himself to think of that day since it happened.

**o0o0o**

Dumbledore called a crisis meeting later that day, including himself, Doctor Lovegood, Molly, Horace and Lily.

"We need to figure out what to do with the two boys' situation. Where are they now?"

"Sleeping. Pomona is sitting with them," said Lily.

"And Remus - he is unharmed?"

"Apart from a bump on the head, he is fine," said Doctor Lovegood. "But his mental state is a different story. The incident the night before was a trigger of some bad memories, I think."

"Yes," said the old man, taking off his glasses to rub an eye. "That was most unfortunate. It will not happen again, I assure you. Thorfinn has received a serious reprimand."

"What about poor Regulus?" asked Horace, who had been his personal nurse until Lily took over.

"Yes, that is something we have to decide. Clearly, this has created a very difficult situation for him. Do we move him to another room or is it best the boys stay together?"

"Remus would be devastated if Regulus left him," said Lily. "He's the one who makes him feel safe." She hated the idea of the boys being separated.

"We must think of the boy as well," said Horace, meaning Regulus.

"I'm sure it's best for Remus to stay with Regulus," said Doctor Lovegood, "but like Horace says - we must think of Regulus as well. I haven't seen him this anxious since he came here. He's terrified that Remus is going to die and he's convinced it's his fault. I don't know if it would be best for him to be put at a distance..."

Lily dropped her gaze. "Maybe we should ask him what he wants?" she said and looked up again. "Ask Regulus if he wants a room to himself again."

"Perhaps…" said Doctor Lovegood. "But I'm not sure he's capable of making that decision. Besides, he doesn't even think he deserves what's best for him. Albus – you know him best: do you think he would be more stressed having to keep an eye on Remus the whole time? Because he thinks he's somehow the reason for the danger Remus is in. Will he feel like the danger is less if he's at a distance?"

"I don't think so," Dumbledore said and shook his head. "If we separate them, I believe Regulus will lie awake at night wondering if Remus is safe. I suspect he might be better off being with Remus where he can keep an eye on him. But I will talk to him about it in our next session. I don't want to pressure him." He turned his gaze to Lily. "How high do you think the risk of Remus making another attempt is? Because I think we all agree that Regulus must under no circumstance witness something like this again."

"I... I don't know," said Lily. "But I don't think he's suicidal in general. It wasn't his plan, he just panicked because of the traumatic episode last night and then waking up alone and finding the door locked. He told me he thought we had abandoned him and that he was locked away for good. As long as he is not attacked and thrown in isolation, I don't think he will attempt suicide again."

"I don't think it is fair that we use the little lad as a guard to keep a watch on Remus. It's not a responsibility that should be put on his shoulders," protested Horace.

"Of course not," said Dumbledore.

"But they have formed such a great friendship," said Lily. "Regulus showed Remus the garden the other day. And the common room. And he reads to him. I think Remus makes him feel special. Makes him feel wanted."

"Yes..." said Dumbledore after a minute. "I'm sure you're right. It's also my impression that Regulus' condition has improved since Remus arrived. At least until this incidence."

"Should we not consider video monitoring?" suggested Molly.

"You know our policy on surveillance," said Doctor Lovegood, furrowing her eyebrows. "Only in extreme situations."

Dumbledore sighed. "If we do end up separating the boys - then yes, Remus should be given a monitored room, but I will not subject Regulus to constant surveillance. God knows he has had enough of that for a lifetime. His privacy must be respected."

"How about Lily and I have a talk with each of the boys when they are both well rested?" suggested Doctor Lovegood.

"That sounds like a good idea," nodded Dumbledore. "We will make a decision after that. For now, they remain where they are, and Remus is not to be left alone without either Regulus or Lily."

**o0o0o**

Regulus was awake when Lily came back to take over from Pomona, but he had dark circles under his eyes and looked anxious. Remus was sound asleep.

"How are you feeling?" Lily asked and sat down on the edge of Regulus' bed. When he didn't answer, she asked, "Would you like your room back? They are considering moving Remus out so you don't have to worry so much."

"No!" said Regulus, his eyes widening. "Who's going to watch him, then? If I'm not there to stop him from killing himself, then he will die!"

"I don't think so, Regulus," said Lily and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "He was just afraid because we left him alone right after what happened with Thorfinn. He's better now and knows Thorfinn won't touch him again and that we will never leave him for good."

"We can't leave him alone ever again," said Regulus.

"I'm going to stay here for a couple of days so you can get some sleep as well. Just until we're sure Remus won't do this again."

"Really?" said Regulus, a little relieved. "All the time?"

"For the next few day, yes," said Lily and smiled at him. "I have to look out for my boys."

**o0o0o**

Lily had a talk with Remus later that day while Regulus was taking a shower. "How are you feeling, Remus?" she asked, running a hand through his hair.

Remus shrugged and dropped his gaze a little. He didn't feel well. He felt horribly guilty for frightening Regulus so badly, and he felt stupid for jumping to conclusions just because they had left the room for a moment.

"You scared us," said Lily. "I know you did it because you got scared after being tackled and locked up last night. But I promise you it won't happen again. Pandora threatened to fire Thorfinn, the man who did it. But why did you try to kill yourself when you were back in yours and Regulus' room? I thought you had come to like it here."

"I... I didn't want to be locked away," he mumbled. "I thought you left me and the bad man had taken Regulus."

"No one is taking anybody. Thorfinn won't hurt neither you nor Regulus. Like I said, Pandora has made sure of it. You trust Pandora, yes? And me? Can you trust me when I promise that?"

Remus nodded slowly but kept his head down.

"But Remus... in case you do ever get very scared again, I need to know that you won't try to kill yourself again. You will never be locked away for good, I promise. You're in good hands now. Everything that we do is for your own best. I only locked the door yesterday because I didn't want anybody walking in and disturbing you in your sleep while Regulus and I were away."

Remus nodded, a tear slowly making its way down his cheeks. "I won't do it again," he promised and meant it. The moment he had kicked over the chair he had regretted his action and had tried to lift himself up but he hadn't had the strength to do so. "I don't want to make you and Regulus sad, and I don't want to die. Not when I have Regulus."

Lily gave him a smile and wiped the tear away with her thumb. "Good. Because you scared him very much. He doesn't want to lose you, because you mean so much to him. He's terrified that you will try again. I'm very worried about him, Remus. I think you have to convince him that you won't try again. Otherwise, I don't think he dares leave you out of sight or even sleep."

Remus looked up. "I don't want him to be scared. I talk to him."

"Good. When you have someone who cares a lot about you, then you have a responsibility towards them, do you understand? It has consequences what you do. If you killed yourself it would make Regulus very, very sad. And me."

"Nobody worry about me a long time," mumbled Remus. "There was my friend Andrew, but… Only been me and the bad man for a long time."

"The bad man? Who is that, Remus?" Lily frowned, realising that this time he couldn't be talking about Thorfinn.

Remus' breathing picked up and his hands started shaking.

"Okay, you don't have to talk about it now. I'm sorry I asked. Okay?" said Lily, wrapping an arm around Remus.

Regulus came out from the bathroom, his eyes searching the room nervously until they fell on Lily and he relaxed. He hadn't thought she would have left, but you could never be sure of anything.

"Hey," Lily smiled. "Look who's awake."

Remus tried to steady his breath and sent Regulus a nervous smile. He was actually a little afraid that Regulus was mad at him.

"Yeah... that's good..." mumbled Regulus and went to close the window. It was a cold day and the room was getting chilly.

"Please don't be mad at me," said Remus. "I won't do it again. I was just scared and I thought you was gone away forever."

"I think I'll leave you boys to talk, yes? You know where to find me. Otherwise I'll check up on you in a few hours," said Lily and left.

Regulus sat down on his bed and rubbed his wet hair a bit with the towel. "I'm not mad. I just got scared. I don't want you to die. I hate it when people die. And you're my best friend."

Remus looked at him with a stunned expression. "I am?"

Regulus nodded.

"You're my best friend too. I don't know why I thought the bad man had took you. But Lily promised me he can't hurt any of us again." He rubbed his arm nervously and tried to smile. "I won't try again. I don't want to die and I don't want you be sad."

Regulus eyed him sceptically. "I'm sure you mean that now, but what happens next time you get scared?"

Remus dropped his gaze a little, but then steadied himself and looked Regulus in the eye. Lily had made it clear that he had to convince Regulus. "I don't want to upset you again. I will not try again. I promise."

"Okay," said Regulus, far from convinced.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 - I Sympathise with You, Mate**

"Hey, Black, when are you going to tell me about your cult?" asked Miles, plopping down beside Sirius. "The sooner you talk, the sooner I'll stop pestering you. And - if you talk, then perhaps I don't have to pump your brother for information. And I know you don't like that," he grinned, pointing to the bump on his forehead.

Sirius gritted his teeth. He felt like head-butting Miles again. "Why don't you fuck off before I plant my fist in your mouth? Leave my brother alone! He’s not as strong as me.”

"That's exactly my point!" said Miles, completely unaffected by the threat. "If _you_ tell me about it I don't have to bug your brother!"

Sirius grabbed him by the collar and took a quick look around to see if any of the nurses were close.

"Sirius," said Marlene, looking strictly at him. "What's the harm in talking to him?"

"Yeah - what's the harm in talking to him?" repeated Miles. 

"Yeah - what's the harm in talking to him?" repeated James, who just entered the common room and landed on Marlene's sofa so hard that she flew a few inches into the air. 

"I don't wish to be a part of his sick fantasy just so he can touch himself at night," said Sirius and roughly let go of Miles. "It’s my life. Not some documentary."

"Hey, I sympathise with you, mate," said Miles. "From what I’ve heard it sounds like they failed in brainwashing you. Well done. You and me - we're the same. Except I don't have a nasty temper."

Sirius leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and sighed. He knew that Miles wouldn't let it go and if he didn’t talk to him then he would try Regulus again. "Fine. What do you want to know?" he snapped. “Be quick about it. I don’t want to spend my whole afternoon on you”.

Miles' face lit up. "Everything! That bloke - your leader. Tell me about him."

"He was mental," Sirius said. "He wanted to cleanse the world of impurity, which was basically everyone outside the cult. Even people in the cult were not safe. If you became chronically ill or mentally ill you were impure and if you knew what was best for you, you tried to hide it – from everyone, because you couldn't trust anyone." Sirius sighed and ran a hand though his black hair. "My brother was impure in their eyes and I was a hazard. I tried to get him to go with me when I left the cult but he wouldn't come. I guess he was scared as hell because a few months earlier they had murdered our cousin Andromeda because she tried to leave. She had fallen in love with an outsider and that didn't go down well with Voldemort or our family so they killed them both."

"Blimey," said Miles, his eyes growing wide. "Why didn't they just try to recruit that bloke? They would have one more member instead of one less."

The nearby patients also turned their attention to Sirius, most of them hadn't heard this part before. 

"Because they thought he was impure," Sirius explained. "He had twisted her view on the world."

"Blimey," said Miles again. "How did they kill her? Like a sacrifice or something?"

"I don't know! I didn't watch!" Sirius said in a harsh tone.

"Oh. So not a public execution," said Miles, almost looking disappointed.

"What about Regulus," asked James, thrilled that Sirius was for once answering so many questions. "Why didn't they off him? Didn't you say he was impotent?"

"Impure, you tosser," corrected Dorcas. 

"Yeah. That too."

"My parents tried to hide it. And our family was part of the elite within the cult, so people had respect for them."

"So they had a lot of power?" asked Miles. "Why couldn't they just stop the killing of your cousin as well?"

"They were so deep in Voldemort's beliefs they agreed she had to die. She had betrayed the cult and the family. Even her parents did not try to step up for her." Sirius suddenly noticed everyone looking at him. Even Severus had taken an interest. "What the hell are you all looking at?" he snapped. Talking about the cult was affecting his mood.

"If you were such a rebel, why didn't they dispose of you like your cousin?” asked Miles.

"Like I said, they probably would have if I hadn't left. That’s why I had to do it!"

"Your brother was probably relieved when you left," said Severus, his eyes on Sirius. "I'm sure you made his life hell."

"Why don't you go give your imaginary friend a blowjob!" spat Sirius. "That should keep you busy for a while since finding his dick will be pretty hard!"

Severus got up from his seat, fists clenched. "Take that back!"

"What part? The fact that he isn’t real or that I told you to blow him?"

"You're lucky Barty is a pacifist or else he would have killed you ages ago! Like they should have done in your cult!"

Sirius leaped out of his seat and flew at Severus, planting a fist right in his face. "Shut the hell up, grease ball!" he yelled and started hammering at his chest.

Severus was only mildly surprised and quickly got into the fight. 

"GO SIRIUS!" cheered James, jumping up and down. "Crush that slimy slimer!"

"Fools," said Gilderoy, shaking his head. "Fighting over petty things when there are much more important matters at hand." 

"And what else is at hand, Gilderoy?" sighed Dorcas.

"The orcs are forming in the east. The all-seeing eye is lurking. It will find the ring!”

Miles lost interest in the fighters now struggling on the floor and turned to Gilderoy excitedly. "The all-seeing eye? Did you find it? Where is it? I haven't been able to find any, but I know they are here."

"It lurks," repeated Gilderoy and leaned in to whisper. "Frodo has the ring. I entrusted him with the task but I have not had word from him in a long while."

"BLACK!" sounded Antonin's harsh voice. "Let him go!"

Sirius didn't respond and landed a solid punch in Snape's jaw, making him cry out in pain. Kingsley and Thorfinn came rushing in and grabbed a teen each.

"Let go! I need to shut him up once and for all!" yelled Sirius, trying to fight Thorfinn off.

"You're not going anywhere, Black," said Thorfinn and roughly pulled Sirius away from Severus, who was only resisting Kingsley a little.

"Listen, lads," said Kingsley in his calm assertive voice. "How about you both calm down and you don't have to go to the cells? How’s that deal?"

Sirius' struggled for a moment longer but then forced himself to calm. He didn't want to go to the cell again so soon. "Fine!" he spat, when Thorfinn loosened his chokehold a little.

Kingsley looked surprised, "Good. That's good. But any more trouble and you're going, yes?"

Sirius mumbled darkly but nodded. 

Thorfinn grudgingly let him go. "Are you getting soft, Shacklebolt? They should be locked up for that. Especially Black."

"The cells are not there for punishment," said Kingsley, who was senior guard and the one with the final say. "They are there to help us keep the peace. This is not a prison."

Thorfinn looked very displeased and mumbled something before walking off.

"That bastard should be fired for using such violence," said Sirius and massaged his neck as he sat back down. "I thought he would actually choke me."

**o0o0o**

Lily came into the common room just as the two guards got the situation under control. She caught up with Severus as he headed out of the room. "Severus? Are you okay?" she brushed away his hair to get a look at his face. "You're bleeding. Come, let's go get you cleaned up."

Severus went with her without protest. "That bloke is crazy," he said as Lily was cleaning his face with a wet towel. "He keeps telling me to do things to Barty and it makes Barty very upset!"

Lily sighed. "I think if you tried to just ignore him he would grow bored. It's usually like that with bullies."

"Yeah… I guess that's right." He looked to the side and then nodded. "Yes. Yes, I know, Barty." 

Lily put a band-aid on the corner of his lip and then smiled. "There. All better. So do you want to do something? We could play a game? Or perhaps take a walk outside?"

"I'd like to take a walk. I'm not in the mood to go back to the common room and listen to Black whine about his past."

Lily didn't comment on it. The less they talked about Sirius, the better. "It's lovely weather today," she said as she unlocked the door to the garden. “A bit cold, but beautiful.”

"I guess," Severus responded a little moodily and kicked the first small rock he could land his eyes on.

"Did you finish school before you came here?" asked Lily. 

"No," mumbled Severus.

Lily looked at him. "But you're very smart and good at science. You did well, didn't you?"

"I did. I liked the lessons and I’m a good scholar. But the other students were almost as bad as Potter and his gang. They got me and Barty in trouble. Then the school contacted my parents about me. My father, he… Well, that didn’t go down well. And my mother had me placed here. So I didn’t get to finish school."

"You can study here and take exams when you're ready, you know. You don't have to be enrolled in a school to do that," suggested Lily.

"Yeah... well I don't think I got the time to do so. Barty takes up most of my time and he wouldn't like me using so much time studying," he mumbled and kicked another rock. "It would be nice, though."

"I'm sure we can convince Barty to leave you alone for a few hours every day. If he's a good friend he will understand. And he is a good friend, isn't he?"

"He is. The best I've got." "I guess that could be okay. Right, Barty?" He looked to the side and seemed a little disappointed. "Barty left. He said he needed to think. He always does that when he’s upset."

"Well, you're talking to me now; so don't you think you will manage without Barty for a little while?"

"I just don't like it when he gets upset," said Severus and looked over his shoulder.

"Does he care when he makes you upset?" asked Lily. "I have a feeling that his needs always come first. Perhaps it's time for him to consider your needs as well. If I were you I would just let him be when he leaves. If he's mad then he's mad. It doesn't kill him. He'll come around."

Severus chewed on his lip for a second. "I guess…"

"Give it a go. It's only fair. A good friendship goes both ways. It's selfish and unfair to expect the other one's attention all the time."

Severus rubbed his arm and sighed. "I'll give it a go but I won't guarantee that it will work, because Barty is very stubborn."

"What's the worst that can happen? That he becomes angry? He'll just have to become angry, then. And then he'll come around again, because he still wants to be your friend. You're the only friend he has."

Severus ran a hand though his long greasy hair. "I know. I know, okay?" he said and sat down on a bench. "I don't want to talk about him anymore. It upsets me."

"Let's talk about other things, then," smiled Lily and sat down as well. "Like what we were discussing before – that you should take your exams. I really think we should look into it. I wouldn't mind giving you a hand with the subjects that aren't your strong points. If they are mine, of course," she smiled. 

Severus hesitated a little before answering. "Do you really think I can go through with that? I mean get a job and all when I get out of this place? It doesn’t look good for freaks like me, you know."

"You're not a freak," said Lily, looking into his eyes. "But you don't have to plan that far ahead. How about taking one thing at a time? Study for those exams. You can start with the easy ones and then see how you like it. No one knows what the future brings, but having a high school diploma in your pocket is always a valuable thing."

"Mm...." said Severus and looked away. "I would like to try."

"Brilliant! I'll see that it's taken care of," beamed Lily.

Severus sent her a quick smile. "Thanks.”

"No problem. That's what I'm here for. To help," said Lilly and gave his shoulder a squeeze. "I know you can do it. And who knows - perhaps you can study chemistry at uni someday."

"You really think so? Perhaps. If they let Barty in as well. I highly doubt he will be comfortable at home a whole day and I'm sure he would like to study too "

**o0o0o**

Later that day, Doctor Lovegood had asked Lily to take Remus to her office. "Hello, Remus. I hope you're feeling better than the other day," she said. 

Remus nodded slowly and took a seat. He still felt a little ashamed of his actions and was not looking forward to this session.

"How do you feel about it now? Are you still thinking of suicide? Do you think you might try it some time again?"

Remus shook his head. "I... I got scared and didn't know how to get away."

"Well, that's understandable," said Doctor Lovegood. "But I hope we can teach you some other ways to deal with being scared. Do you think you might try again next time you get scared?"

"No. I talked with Lily and Regulus and they promised to help me," Remus mumbled and scratched his arm nervously. He didn't dare look at her. He still felt so ashamed of what he had done.

"That's good, Remus. I hope you know you can come to us any time you feel scared or need something. Always do that before even considering suicide."

Remus nodded.

"Remus -" said Doctor Lovegood. "I thought you might want to take a look at these pictures and tell me what you think they look like." She handed him a stack of papers with different ink-sploshes on them. "There are no wrong answers. You can use your imagination."

Lily smiled to herself. She knew the Rochard test was considered outdated and unscientific by most therapists, but Doctor Lovegood was a bit alternative and went her own ways. And - Lily thought - it was quite smart of her to use this as a way to get Remus to engage in the therapy without getting anxious about getting asked about the traumatic things that was truly terrifying for him to think about. 

Remus took a card and studied it. “A dog.”

“Yeah?” said Lovegood, tilting her head to see the card from Remus’ point of view. “How so?”

“There’s the tail,” said Remus, pointing to a spot. “And there the nose.”

“You’re right! First, I saw a bird. The beak there, and here, the wings.”

Remus smiled. This was fun. “Spider,” he said when Pandora turned the next card. “Pirate ship. Chair.”

“You’re good at this,” smiled Pandora as the turned a fifth card.

Remus’ smile faltered as he stared at the card. “Man. A bad man,” he whispered.

"A bad man?" said Doctor Lovegood, nodding slowly. “What about this card?”

Remus studied the picture closely. "Bad man… hurting..."

"Hurting how, Remus?" asked Doctor Lovegood.

“Someone. He’s hurting someone,” mumbled Remus.

Lily cocked her head to look at the picture from Remus' point of view. To her it looked like an elephant. 

"Who is it he's hurting, Remus? Another man? A woman?"

"A boy," Remus whispered. He felt a knot form in his stomach as memories started flowing in over him. 

"Do you think it's the boy's father, Remus?"

"I don't know… The boy hurt. He beg him to stop! But the man is angry and just hurt him more!" cried Remus and pushed the cards away roughly.

"Okay, okay – we don’t have to play this game any longer," said Doctor Lovegood and quickly scooped up the cards. "Lily told me you went outside the other day, with her and Regulus. Did you like that?"

Remus took a deep breath and calmed a little. "Yes. I like the garden. No cars or noise. They make me scared."

"I understand. I don't much like traffic either. I don't even own a car. I go everywhere possible on my bike," said Doctor Lovegood. "So what did you like best in our garden?"

"The flowers."

"Yes, we do have some pretty flowers here," smiled the psychiatrist.

"I like the red flowers with spikes. They are the most pretty."

"You mean the roses?" Lily asked.

Remus nodded.

"I like roses too!" beamed Doctor Lovegood. "I have a whole row of tea roses in my back garden. Most are pink, but I also have red, yellow and orange roses. Some of them have a wonderful smell."

"They have different colours?" Remus asked in interest. "I like to see more roses…”

"I can take some pictures of them and show you," Doctor Lovegood said. "With my phone."

"Phones can take pictures?" Remus asked.

Doctor Lovegood smiled, hiding her bemusement quite well. "Sure," she said and found her phone to show Remus. "Look - here are some pictures of my horses. I have two."

Remus took the phone, careful not to drop it, and held it with both hands as he looked at the picture. Lily swiped to the side for the next picture after a moment and Remus' eyes widened in amazement.

"You like horses?" asked Doctor Lovegood. "Look - there's Merlin when he was a foal."

"Horses…" Remus said dreamily. “I never met one. What you do with them?"

The two women looked at Remus in puzzlement. "Well... I ride them, although most of the time I just enjoy their company and watching them thrive in the pasture and orchard."

"I like to try and ride a horse one day,” Remus smiled and looked at the picture of Merlin. “Like they do in Treasure Island before they get on the ship.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 - Pass the Owl to Someone Else**

Regulus was glad to see that his brother was not participating in this group session. Perhaps he could remain fairly unnoticed.

"How is everyone today?" asked Doctor Lovegood after introducing herself the usual way.

"Bloody brilliant," beamed James and gave Miles, who was sitting next to him, a jab in the ribs. "Just wait - this is going to be fun!"

Miles crossed his arms, looking sceptical.

"Good to hear, James," said Doctor Lovegood. "And we have a new face here today. I’m so glad you could join us, Miles! Would you like to start out the session?"

"Give him the owl," said a blond girl. "That’s the rules and the rules are there to be followed."

"That’s true, Natalie," smiled Doctor Lovegood and tossed the plush owl to Miles. "How do you feel today?"

Miles studied her for a moment as if to determine how trustworthy she was. She had scored a few points in his book when he heard how she objected to Dumbledore's decision on giving him medicine, but it took more than a few points to gain Miles' trust, after all. "All right… Considering that I'm being held here as a prisoner and that I'm at the mercy of the system."

"I’m sorry you have to be here against your will,” said Doctor Lovegood sincerely. “But I hope you can make the best of it while you’re here. Is there anything you would like to talk about now?”

Miles nodded. "I would like to talk about the cameras."

"What cameras?" sighed Lovegood. 

"The cameras that are hidden all over the ward. Why are they hidden, anyway? Why not just admit that they are there?"

"We don't have cameras, Miles. Only in the cells meant for patients who need cooling off. We believe in the rights of privacy."

Miles eyed her for a moment. "I can't decide if you're lying or just naive."

"I'm growing tired of this man," proclaimed Gilderoy. "He talks and talks about hidden eyes - but has he found any? No. I believe it is all in his mind. Or he's a lying serpent set out to make us mistrust each other and break up the fellowship!"

"Is that right, crackpot?" said Evan.

"Crackpot? I am Gandalf the Grey!”

“Okay, that’s enough,” said Doctor Lovegood. “Let’s move on to something else.”

"I'd like to know more about what happened in Regulus' room the other day,” said James as if Regulus wasn’t present in the room. “What was all that screaming about? I only heard that –"

"It's none of your business!" interrupted Regulus, sending James a look. 

"Uh-uh," said James, wagging a finger. "You can't talk when you don't have the owl, little man."

"You don't have it either!" Natalie pointed out. 

"Yes, I do!" said James and snatched the owl from Miles’ lap.

“If Regulus doesn’t want to talk about it, then we won’t,” Doctor Lovegood said. "James, pass the owl to someone else."

James tossed the owl to Frank, but it just bounced off his chest. He didn't even try to catch it. He just sat staring out the window behind James.

"Frank?" said Doctor Lovegood. "Are you okay? What is troubling you today?"

"Same as always," said Evan. "Hates life, obviously."

Frank didn't look like he heard what Evan said or even cared that they were talking about him. 

"Evan - do I have to remind you that if you can't be nice to the other participants, you will not be allowed to attend group sessions?" said Doctor Lovegood.

"I was just answering for Frank," said Evan and crossed his arms, “since he didn’t do it himself."

"It was your demeanour, Evan. If you don't learn to respect others you will never be able to respect yourself."

Evan snorted. "I respect myself plenty, lady. And why should I be nice to others? They aren't nice to me."

"Maybe we would be, if you were a little friendlier towards us," said a shy looking girl. "And leave poor Frank alone."

"Well said, Bridget," said Doctor Lovegood," sending the girl an approving smile. "It's okay if you don't feel like sharing today, Frank. Perhaps you and I can have a little talk afterwards."

Frank still didn't say anything, just kept gazing out the window.

"Okay," said Doctor Lovegood. "Let’s move on to the subject of the day. I would like us to talk about how we feel about what other people think of us. Let's start with you, Rita," she said and asked Natalie, who was sitting next to Frank, to pick up the owl and pass it to Rita.

"Do I care what others think of me?" said Rita. "I suppose. I know blokes think I’m hot, so I'm not too worried about that. Some girls say hurtful things, but then I remind myself they're just jealous."

"I'm not jealous," said Marlene. "I just think you're too easy for your own good. You don’t get love by offering yourself up like that, you know."

Rita's mouth became a thin line and seemed speechless for once. Then she threw the owl to Regulus and crossed her arms defensively.

"Are you sure you don't want to say anything else?" asked Doctor Lovegood. "I'm sure some girls  _are_  jealous of you, because you certainly are a pretty girl."

"No need to say more," said Rita, still looking offended. "Some people are in denial."

"Well, then - Regulus?" said Doctor Lovegood. 

Regulus sighed. "I know people think loads of bad things about me. I used to care, but now it doesn't matter."

"Why did you stop caring, Regulus?" asked Doctor Lovegood.

"I don't care what people here think. It can't be worse than what I think of myself." He immediately regretted saying this. He didn't want the others to know too much about him.

"And what do you think about yourself, Regulus?"

"That’s my business. They can think what they will. I don't care."

"No one here will judge you."

"Speak for yourself," snorted Evan.

"Why don't you put a sock in it, Evan?" said Marlene angrily.

"Evan, this is your last warning," said Doctor Lovegood, sounding uncharacteristically strict. "People have to feel like they're in a safe environment where they can share their thoughts and feelings"

"Is that supposed to be a threat? As if these bloody hippie sessions are so brilliant..."

"If you don't go to group sessions it means more private sessions," said Doctor Lovegood. "You know that."

Evan moped. "And what if I don't want to go to those, either? I don’t need them. I didn’t have some cult fuck up _my_ head," he snorted and nodded towards Regulus.

"You may leave now," Doctor Lovegood told Evan. "Doctor Dumbledore and I will have a talk with you later.”

Evan got up and knocked over his chair. Then he walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

"Well, good riddance," said Marlene. "About time we got him out of here."

"I’m sorry about that, Regulus,” said Doctor Lovegood. Please continue."

"I don’t want to talk anymore..."

"Then throw the owl to someone else," said Marlene in a kind voice.

Regulus tossed it at Severus but James leaned over and caught it in the air. "I don’t worry about what people think of me – because _I_ know I’m brilliant!" he beamed.

Severus snorted. "I think you’re less brilliant than what I scraped off my shoe last time I had stepped in a dog shite. And I'm not the only one. Even your friend beats you up once in a while because you're so insufferable."

"Why don't you suck it, Snivellus," snapped James. "Sure, me and Sirius have our ups and downs but we’re mates. What do you know about friends, anyway? You only got Mr. Invisible."

"No. No," said Doctor Lovegood, holding a hand up, clearly not wanting things to develop. "If you two are going to fight, then I will have to ask one of you to leave."

 “We can’t fight if one of us has left,” pointed out James.

“You know what I meant.”

"Then make Snivellus leave. Nobody wants to look at his greasy phiz, anyway."

"The next one who says something hurtful about the other, leaves," said Doctor Lovegood. 

James stuck out his chin and tossed the owl to Emmeline.

Emmeline looked at the owl in her lap for a moment. "I... I do care what people think of me. How they see me. They say one thing, but I can never tell if they're telling the truth or are actually thinking something else."

Doctor Lovegood smiled at her. "I know it is difficult to talk about, Emmeline, but I am glad that you are trying today. Have you asked yourself why you doubt that people are sincere when telling you positive things?”

“They… I don’t know. I think a lot feel sorry for me and they just say what they think will make me feel better. Like when they say I’m not fat.”

“Oh, my God, not again,” said Natalie. “You’re starving yourself to death! That’s why people keep telling you you’re not fat!”

“Natalie,” said Doctor Lovegood, holding up a hand. “Let’s not have that discussion now. But I do wish you would be more open to what people are saying, Emmeline,” she said, smiling at the thin girl. “Most people are honest and almost always have good intentions.”

“Most people aren’t honest,” objected Marlene. “They will say nice things to your face but often they’re thinking all sorts of negative stuff about you. Especially when they hear you’re mentally ill.”

"Yes, I know what you mean," nodded Doctor Lovegood. "But I'm sure you overestimate how negatively people think of you or how much they judge you."

Regulus zoned out. This was leading to one of Doctor Lovegood's talks about positivity and believing in the good of mankind, etc. Regulus couldn't understand how she could still believe in those things after what she must have witnessed with patients, many of them victims of all sorts of abuse. 

"I agree," said James after a few minutes, unable to sit still and concentrate any longer. "What's the use in all that negativity? And that's why you're my favourite shrink," he beamed at Doctor Lovegood. 

"Thank you, James," she smiled at him and then clapped her knees. "Well, after this little speech I think that was it for today. Frank, I would like for you to stay behind, but the rest of you are excused."

James jumped to his feet and pulled Miles with him. "Let’s go look for cameras! Maybe Sirius wants to help."

"You don't believe in the cameras," said Marlene as she and Emmeline followed James and Miles out.

"Don't tell him that," whispered James. "I want some fun." He then turned his attention back to Miles and flashed him a grin. “Let’s go!”

**o0o0o**

Lily sat with Remus waiting for Regulus to come back. She had tried to teach Remus a card game but he didn't seem very focused. He lit up when he saw Regulus.

"How was the session?" asked Lily the tired looking boy.

Regulus shrugged. "Nothing special. Evan was being a prat and James and Severus were at each other’s throats. Not that that's new..." Regulus went into the bathroom to sit alone for a while. Lily was with Remus, so he would be okay for now.

Remus looked at the closed bathroom door and dropped his head. "I still think he’s mad at me," he mumbled.

"He's not mad at you, Remus," said Lily, putting a hand on Remus' knee. "I know he's glad to have you as his friend."

Both their heads snapped around suddenly, hearing loud noises and yelling from outside the room. Lily rushed to the common room where she found Evan and Sirius standing on either side of the pool table screaming at each other and banging their fists into the table. Molly was trying to calm them down but had no luck, so she called for Dawlish and Kingsley to come and help her. In a split-second Sirius jumped over the table and pounced on Evan, the two of them ending up rolling around on the floor, throwing punches at each other.

James was jumping up and down and when spotting the newly arrived staff, he yelled at them, "Bets are taken over here! Who wins tonight’s match? Evan the Exterminator or Sirius the Slayer?"

No one could rile the other patients up like James, and many gathered around the furious fighters, chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" like kids in a schoolyard.

"Potter!" Alecto roared.

Dawlish and Kingsley came running and pulled the two teens apart; but they had their work cut out for them. Sirius put up a good fight and even managed to hit both guards while trying to get back into the fight with Evan.

Antonin rushed in to help Kingsley hold Sirius while Molly helped Dawlish with Evan. Lily got more and more respect for her - she was much tougher than she looked. 

Evan quickly surrendered and stopped struggling but Sirius had worked himself into a frenzy. Kingsley and Antonin dragged him off to the padded cell and with the help of Lily and Doctor Lovegood they got him strapped to the bed. Sirius screamed in rage, roaring curses and threats at them while tugging wildly at his restraints. Doctor Lovegood gave him a shot and the fight finally started to go out of him until he was just mumbling obscenities. 

As they stepped out from the room, Doctor Lovegood turned to Lily. “This is one patient you have to be careful with. No matter how charming he can be." 

Kingsley rubbed his sore chin where Sirius and planted a good punch before they had gotten him under control. 

"He should be in prison,” said Antonin. “He's a danger to everyone here."

"In there he would be a lost cause. He would get even more violent and find out it gets him prestige. He would become a dangerous criminal in no time," said Doctor Lovegood. "Sirius has a lot of anger inside,” she continued to Lily when Antonin and Kingsley had gone. “Remember what he has been through. His life in the cult and then three years on the streets. The police would not believe him and neither would we, I'm embarrassed to admit."

**o0o0o**

"If you have another bad dream you can't go running into the corridor again," Regulus said to Remus. "That's why they caught you the other day."

"I didn't know where I was," said Remus, feeling a little stupid. "I thought I was back in the basement with… with him."

"Who?" Regulus decided to ask after a moment's hesitation.

"The bad man," mumbled Remus. "I dreamed I heard his voice. He talked to me."

"They... They won't let him have you back. Because he abused you," said Regulus. "They won't let my parents have me back, either. And they didn't even abuse me. They just let others do it."

"Others hurt you?" Remus sat up and looked over at Regulus. "What did they do to you? The others."

Regulus hesitated. He rarely talked about these things because he didn't want to think about them. But Remus had told him personal things, so he felt that he owed him a bit of his own. "We lived in a cult. I explained to you what a cult is, remember? The Dark Lord - that's the leader - he wanted me punished when I had been disobedient." He shivered. 

"Dis…disobedient?" Remus asked. When Regulus explained what the word meant, Remus nodded. "Andrew told me to not be disobedient too. My friend. He told me to do what the bad man said. What did your bad man do to you? If I can ask?"

Regulus was quiet for a while. "He... he had me drowned. Well, they brought me back. You know, made my heart beat again.”

“You… you died?” asked Remus, his eyes wide as saucers.

“Yes, for a few minutes. And my parents just stood and watched." Regulus felt nausea well up in his throat. He pushed away the image of his mother and father's stone faces as he wept and pleaded for them to save him. 

"I'm sorry," Remus said and felt bad for having asked about Regulus’ past. "I'm glad you're here, then, and not with them. And I understand why you angry at your brother for leaving you there. I be angry too."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore. It’s bad luck," said Regulus. "Talking about bad things can make them happen."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 - I Suppose You Would Like to Speak to Sirius?**

Remus sat on the edge of the bed, a pen to his lip, looking hard at a piece of paper.

"No - that's a _d_. On _b_ the arch is on the right. Remember?" said Regulus. "Right is this side," he wrote a b on the paper. "The side with the hand you write with."

Remus tilted his head, studying the letter, and then nodded. "Right."

The past few weeks Regulus had taken it upon himself to teach Remus to read and write. Remus was an eager student and was learning faster than Regulus had expected.

"Good," said Regulus. "Now write _dog_. Correct! Now _cat_."

Remus bit his lip and drew a c. He sat for a moment looking very concentrated and wrote an a and then something that looked like a t.

"Good. You learn fast. Just make the line on top of _t_ a bit longer,” smiled Regulus. “Why didn't you go to school, Remus?" He had wanted to ask for a while, but had hesitated because he knew Remus got anxious when asked about his past. 

Remus put the pencil down, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. "The bad man never let me out," he mumbled.

_Maybe if you behave, he will let you upstairs once in a while and you can take a hot bath._

"Why not?" asked Regulus quietly. "Was he afraid you were going to run away if he let you go out?"

Remus started drawing circles on his piece of paper. "Maybe. Andrew said if I behave then he would let me upstairs sometimes. I behaved but he never let me upstairs."

"Never? Not once?" said Regulus, eyebrows raised. 

Remus shook his head. 

"I'm sorry..." said Regulus. "I was rarely allowed to leave the mansion, and never without an adult, but at least I could move around in the buildings, and we had gardens as well."

Remus sat remembering what it had been like in the basement where he had spent most of his life. "I liked to listen to the rain hit the little window. There was brown tape on, so I couldn't look out but I could still hear things outside."

Regulus swallowed. "But... it must have been dark down there. Did you only have electric light?"

"A bulb hanged in the corner," Remus mumbled, still drawing circles on the paper. It was nice with a distraction while they talked.

"Didn't you ever take off the tape so you could look out? Just a peak?"

Remus stopped drawing for a moment. “I couldn't reach," he mumbled.

Regulus looked at him. "You couldn't reach? Why not?"

Remus shook his head. "I don't want to think about it more."

"Ok," said Regulus, knowing he had pushed it far enough. "Let's practice reading, shall we?"

After ten minutes of Remus slowly spelling his way through the children’s book Regulus had found in the library, the door opened and Gilderoy stuck his head in. 

"You're not supposed to come in here. You know that," said Regulus. 

Gilderoy took a step inside, putting a finger to his lips. "Hush, child," he said and looked around the room.

"What do you want?" asked Regulus. "You're not allowed to go in here. The patients' rooms are private."

Gilderoy started searching the closets and corners of the room. Remus and Regulus exchanged puzzled looks and Remus drew up his feet as Gilderoy dropped to his knees to crawl around on the floor.

"Saruman has taken my staff. A wizard needs his staff!" 

"Well, we don't have your staff. You've asked me before, and if I’d had it, don't you think I would have given it to you? I have no use for a staff. I’m not a wizard."

Gilderoy’s head shot up right in front of Regulus' face. “How do I know that you speak the truth, child? You could have betrayed Elrond and gone to Saruman!"

But before Regulus could answer, James' voice sounded from the hallway. "Oh, Gandalf?"

Gilderoy spun around, eying the doorway. Then he went out, finding James standing in the corridor, holding a broomstick. 

"Look! I found your staff!" James grinned.

Gilderoy’s eyes widened as he took the broomstick as if it were made of glass. "Thank you, young man. Where did you find it?"

"I found it in a very secret place," said James. "No doubt someone has made an effort to hide it well."

"Saruman," growled Gilderoy.

Twenty seconds later the door to Doctor Dumbledore's office burst open and Gilderoy came in, the broomstick pointed at the doctor like a lance. "Your time is up, Saruman!" he announced, carefully advancing on Dumbledore. 

Dumbledore looked at him for a second and then smiled, folding his hands. "Ah, Gilderoy. Isn't it time for tea? I think I heard the bell a few minutes ago."

"Tea?" Gilderoy stopped, looking confused for a second. Then he looked angry again. "Your honeyed tongue does not work on me! Release me from this prison or I will strip you of your cloak! You are no longer worthy of wearing a wizard's garments!"

Dumbledore sighed. "Why don’t you lower your staff and have a seat so we can have a talk?"

James was standing in the hallway laughing hysterical when Sirius passed with Miles and Peter.

"What's so funny?" asked Sirius.

"I gave Gilderoy a broomstick and now he thinks he’s reunited with his precious staff and he went to confront Dumbledore. Remember? He thinks it’s Saruman!"

Sirius laughed, but Miles said, "It's not nice taking advantage of vulnerable people's delusions."

"Oh, come off it," said Sirius. "It isn't hurting anyone. Dumbledore knows how to talk him down.”

"Hold your tongue!" said Gilderoy and gave the broomstick a threatening shake. "I do not wish to kill you, but if you leave me no other choice..."

Dumbledore pushed a silent alarm on his desk. "And how do you plan to kill me? Do I not deserve to speak my case first?"

"I said I do not want to kill you unless you force me to. Release me from this prison! I have urgent business I need to attend to. Release me!"

Just then, Antonin and Thorfinn came in. "Trouble again with you, I see," said Antonin, trying to hide a smirk.

"STAND BACK!" ordered Gilderoy, turning to point the broomstick at the guard and nurse. "Saruman – call your abominable creations back!"

Thorfinn nodded at Antonin, who took a hold of the broomstick so the guard could get close enough to Gilderoy to grab him.

"Let go of me!" screamed Gilderoy. "Be gone, filth!"

But Thorfinn held him fixed so Antonin could jam a needle into his arm.

"Now, now," said Dumbledore. "Be good to him and take him to his room so he can sleep it off there."

"He threatened to kill you!" said Antonin. "Surely there must be consequences!"

"I am sure I could have survived whichever magic spell that broomstick could produce," said Dumbledore.

"I don't care what the old fool says," growled Antonin as he and Thorfinn dragged the half-conscious Gilderoy down the corridor. "We're taking him to a cell. He doesn't get to wake up in his own soft bed."

"Agreed," nodded Thorfinn and made a turn towards the cells.

"I guess that prank escalated quickly…" said James as the four went to sit in the common room. He looked a little guilty.

"So what?" said Sirius unimpressed, dropping down on a sofa. "I've been to the cells a million times. It's not that big of a deal. Don't feel guilty, mate. You didn't threaten Dumbles' life."

"No, but he did give him the murder weapon..." pointed out Miles. 

"It's a broomstick," said Sirius. "What would he have done with it? Beat him to death?"

**o0o0o**

Dumbledore had just closed the door when Pomona knocked on it. She was accompanied by a woman and a man in business suits. The two shook Dumbledore's hand and introduced themselves as Miss Sherwood and Mr. Mansfield. Dumbledore bid them sit down and asked Pomona to bring some tea. 

"We are lawyers from the prosecution in the Knights of Walpurgis case," explained Sherwood as they were invited to sit down. 

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Ah, yes. I suppose you would like to speak to Sirius?"

"Actually, we would like to speak to both brothers."

"I'm afraid I cannot let you speak to Regulus," Dumbledore said without hesitation.

Mansfield looked a little taken aback. "But his testimony will be crucial! He is the biggest victim in this case. We need him."

"I am sorry to disappoint you, but Regulus is in no state to be exposed to such stress."

"Have you talked to the boy about it?"

"I have not," said the doctor. 

"Don't you think he has a say in this matter?"

"As his doctor I can assure you that Regulus does not want to talk about his time in the cult. But Sirius is more than willing to speak to you, I am sure."

"Well, that's something, at least," said Sherwood. "But he did not live in the cult the past four years. His brother holds much more crucial information."

"Regulus’ is suffering from severe posttraumatic stress. Having to be cross-examined in court, or even interviewed by you here, would only worsen his condition."

Sherwood sighed. "You do realise that without his testimony, our case is much weaker? They may get off on several of the counts. For instance, the murder of Elvin Kreacher - as well as the torture of Regulus himself."

"The boy’s mental condition is my top priority, so my answer is still no,” said Dumbledore, fixing Sherwood with his gaze. “And it will remain so no matter how many times you ask.

The lawyer sighed. "But you will let us talk to Sirius now?"

When Pomona came in with the tea, Dumbledore asked her to find Sirius and send him to the office. Five minutes later the two came in and Sirius sat down, eying the lawyers curiously. 

"Hello," Sirius," smiled Sherwood.

"Who are you lot?" asked Sirius, shaking her hand.

Sherwood introduced them and explained why they were there. "I hope you are willing to talk to us and perhaps even take the stand in the trials."

"Of course!" said Sirius in excitement. "I want those bastards to go down for what they have done to me and my brother!"

"Good," said Mansfield. "Unfortunately, since you were not there the last four years you can only testify to things of an older date. But we would like you to tell us everything you know about the cult."

Sirius nodded and leaned back in his seat. "Where do I begin?”

**o0o0o**

Lily found Severus sitting in his usual spot by the window. “How is your studying going? Getting ready for an exam soon?"

He looked around, snapping out of his thoughts and then eyed the books that lay on the table next to him. "Just about," he mumbled.

"Yeah?" smiled Lily and sat down. "Chemistry..." she flipped through the books. "Well, you'll ace that one. Which subject are you starting on next?"

Severus shrugged and didn't seem to care all too much.

"Having a bad day?" asked Lily, concerned. 

"I’m just looking at the garden, is that a crime?" he mumbled irritably, not taking his eyes off the window.

Lily studied him for a moment. "Do you want me to leave you alone?"

"Yeah. I just want to sit with Barty." He finally looked over at her and a hint of a smile appeared on his lips for a second. "But I’ll look into studies later when I get back to my room."

"Alright," she said and got to her feet. "We can talk later when you feel like it."

She went to pour herself a cup of tea and ran into Arthur.

"Severus not in the mood for talking today?" he asked. 

"No…”

"We all have those days. But since you got here he has actually improved quite a bit," Arthur smiled and patted her shoulder.

"Yeah," she smiled. "I feel like he's opened up to me quite a lot."

"Certainly. Something he hasn't done to anyone else. Except perhaps Dumbledore, but not as much as you."

"It's too bad that the others bully him so much. I was thinking - why is his hair always so greasy? Will he not shower?"

Arthur sighed and glanced in the direction of Severus. "He believes there is acid in the shampoo," he explained. "Something his imaginary friend Barty has told him, he claims."

"Acid?" asked Lily, baffled. 

"Yes. He showers when we force him, but he refuses to use any kind of soap. We haven't been able to convince him that there's nothing to fear. We tried giving him different kinds of shampoo - even one that is certified organic and allergy free, but he claims that Barty knows best."

Remus and Regulus went to sit in the common room together. Remus had done this almost every day the past few weeks, and although he preferred the privacy of his and Regulus' room, this was okay – as long as the grown men stayed at a distance and as long as Regulus or Lily was next to him. 

Lily joined the boys when she spotted them. "What are you up to, lads?"

"I'm going to teach Remus to play chess," said Regulus as he got to his knees to reach the chess board in the back of the cupboard. 

Remus leaned in to peek inside the cupboard. There were a lot of games in there but the chess board was in the back so he guessed it was rarely used. As Regulus pulled it out, Remus saw a thin layer of dust on it so he figured he had guessed right.

Regulus blew off the dust and opened the game. "It's a bit difficult at first, but you're a fast learner, so you will pick it up, no problem. But don't expect to learn it all today," he said as he started lining up the pieces next to the board. 

Emmeline sat in a corner by herself, pulling at the sleeves of a way too big sweatshirt, her eyes studying the two boys playing chess.

Lily noticed her sitting on her own and went to join her. "How are you doing, Emmeline?"

Emmeline looked at her with tired eyes. "I can't really complain," she shrugged and sent her a half-hearted smile.

"I have never heard you complain, but there's nothing wrong with having a bad day," said Lily and sat down next to the girl.

"All days are mostly the same. I sit here by myself and then go to my room with a nurse to eat and then back out here to sit alone."

"Is that because you're shy? I've seen you talking to Marlene once in a while. Aren't you friends?"

"I guess we are, but she’s mostly busy with Sirius and his friends," she said. "But I guess we are friends, yes."

"Why don't you sit with her other friends as well, then? Aren't they nice to you, or are you just a little shy?"

"I'm a little shy," Emmeline admitted. "I don’t like to sit with too many people at once. And they’re always so loud and dramatic." Her eyes fell on Regulus again, a soft smile appearing on her lips.

Lily followed her gaze. "Perhaps you should talk to those two boys. They're nothing to be scared of. They're very nice and quiet. Like yourself."

"Oh... no I couldn't," she said and blushed slightly. "They probably don't want to talk to me, anyway. Remus is the only one I have ever seen Regulus want to talk to."

"Well... they're roommates. If they weren't, I'm not sure Regulus would have contacted Remus. He's a bit like you – shy and quiet."

"I guess…”


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 – That’s One Way of Escaping This Hell Hole**

When Lily came in the next morning she could feel that something was wrong the second she stepped through the door to the ward. Everyone was in the common room and nobody seemed to be doing anything at all.

"Hey Lily," Molly greeted her as she hung up her jacket.

"Hi," said Lily and looked around. "Is something up?"

"One of the patients committed suicide last night. Frank." Molly sighed. "He had been saving his medicine in his pillow and taken an overdose."

"Oh, God," said Lily and slumped down on a chair. "Did... did anyone see that coming?" Lily hadn't had much to do with Frank, so she barely knew him. She knew he had been very depressed, though.

Molly ran a palm over her face. "It’s so sad…"

"Who was his personal nurse? Must be hard for them," said Lily, thinking about how horrible she would feel had it been Remus or Regulus.

"My husband. He is heartbroken."

"Oh, dear," said Lily. "Where is he now?"

"Dumbledore and Pandora are talking to him. Trying to convince him he couldn't have done anything, I presume."

"Well, that's one way of escaping this hellhole," sounded Evan’s voice behind them. "Hard to feel sorry for him. I’m almost jealous."

Molly turned around and sent him a look. "Evan, a person is dead and that’s nothing to joke about!"

"His choice," said Evan, looking bored. "So, will there be booze in his honour?"

Molly marched Evan off to his room, needing to have a word with him.

Lily walked over to the sofa where Remus and Regulus were sitting. Remus looked up at Lily and smiled half-heartedly. Regulus looked sick.

"You okay, Regulus?" asked Lily and placed her hand on top of Regulus'. 

"Yeah... Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because someone dying is rough. Especially for you." 

Regulus shrugged and avoided the nurse's gaze. 

Lily leaned closer so only Regulus and perhaps Remus could hear her. "You don't think it's your fault, do you?"

Regulus' head snapped up. "No! Why would I?" Before Lily could answer, he got up and left. 

Remus watched his friend walk away and then looked at Lily in puzzlement.

"It's... You know he doesn't deal with death so well," explained Lily.

**o0o0o**

There were two group therapy sessions later that day about Frank's suicide. Lily thought it was probably a good thing to give the patients something to reflect on instead of just hushing it up. Regulus refused to go, although Doctor Dumbledore wanted him to. Lily agreed to have a talk with him in his room instead. 

Remus had not gone to the sessions either and was sitting quietly on the bed when Lily came in. He wasn't sure if he should stay or leave.

"So, Regulus," said Lily as she sat down next to the boy. "Are you okay with a session with me?"

"Beats group session…"

"Do you want it to be just me and you or may Remus join in?"

"Remus may join," said Regulus, and looked over at said boy. "If he wants."

"Great," smiled Lily. "We'll have our own mini group session. Too bad I don't have a plush owl. So... How do you lads feel about what has happened? I know it was quite a shock for me. I mean, of course a nurse knows she will be faced with death and, when working with mental health, suicide on occasion. But it was a shock still."

"I feel sad, of course. Like everyone else here," said Regulus, looking down at his hands. 

"I do too," said Lily and gave Regulus' hand a gentle squeeze. "Frank was very depressed and saw no other way out."

"Couldn't anyone have done anything for him?" asked Remus.

"I'm sure Pandora and Arthur did what they could," said Lily. "But sometimes you can't prevent these things. If someone truly wishes to die, they will usually find a way."

Regulus suddenly got up and left the room without an explanation. 

Remus looked at the open doorway. "Is... is Regulus sad that he couldn't help?" asked Remus.

Lily sighed. "You know how hard death is for him. Like when you tried to hang yourself. Remember how upset he got? He didn't really know Frank, so the reaction isn't as strong this time, but it’s still hard for him."

"I'm sorry," said Remus, feeling the old guilt well up. "Maybe you go find him. I wait here."

Lily smiled and ruffled Remus' hair before going to look for Regulus.

She found him sitting in the kitchen, nibbling at a piece of rock cake while Hagrid was tending to his pots. She slowly approached him as if he were an animal that might run at the sight of her. "Hey Regulus," she said and sat down.

Hagrid sent Lily a sad smile and gave Regulus’ shoulder a pat.

"Why are you following me?" asked Regulus quietly, not looking at her.

"Remus and I just wanted to make sure you were okay since you left in such a hurry."

"I was just hungry, and I thought we had talked enough."

"Okay," nodded Lily, sensing that Regulus did in fact just want to be left alone. "Maybe you could bring some cake for Remus when you go back?" When Regulus just nodded, she got up. "I will go talk to some of the others, Okay? I will see you later."

**o0o0o**

Regulus avoided Lily the rest of the day, skipping dinner and hiding under his duvet at bed-time. He heard her tugging Remus in and hoped she would think he was sleeping. Unfortunately, he felt her sit down on his bed a little later.

"Regulus? I know you don't feel like talking, but it won't do you any good to just ignore me or what happened to Frank."

Regulus continued to ignore her for a few minutes, but realising she wasn't going away, he mumbled from under the duvet: "What do you want me to say?

"I want you to talk to me about how you feel about what happened."

"I feel bad, okay? Is that a surprise?"

"No, it isn’t, but I think there is more to it than that. I think you blame yourself for his death."

Regulus didn't say anything for a while. Then (still from beneath the duvet), "Why would I? I barely knew him."

"Well, you thought that Remus' attempt was your fault. I think you’re doing the same this time."

"I don't blame myself. I just said that I knew it was going to happen if you put him near me, and it did. And I keep saying that people are going to die here at the ward, and they do. Just look at Frank. "

"Why would people die because they are near you?" she asked in a gentle voice. "Remus has been near you for nearly two months without dying, and Frank has not been near you at all."

"Remus almost died. And Frank was at the same ward as me. That’s close."

"But Remus did not die," said Lily and sighed, not knowing what to say about Frank. She didn't feel like she could convince Regulus either way, so she got up. "Well, I hope you will want to talk about it sometime later. I will let you sleep now."

**o0o0o**

Regulus had a hypno-session Friday. He hoped Doctor Dumbledore wouldn't ask him about Frank. Regulus had spent most of the past few days obsessing over it and struggling with controlling his thoughts and anxiety. The image of Frank lying dead, staring up at the ceiling, would not be banished from his mind by any of his rituals or magical thinking. It had finally started to let up, and he didn't want Dumbledore to refresh it by forcing him to talk about it. 

Dumbledore welcomed him and Lily inside and Regulus immediately went to the couch he always lay on during hypnosis, hoping the doctor would get down to business without talking too much first.

“I see you’re eager to get started,” smiled Dumbledore as he sat down on the chair next to the couch. When he had talked Regulus into a deep trance, he said, “Regulus… I would like you to revisit a memory you have not thought about in a long while, perhaps something you have forgotten, but still lingers in your subconscious. Can you think of such an episode?"

Regulus didn't say anything for a while. Then, "I shouldn't be here. I'm disobedient..."

"Don’t worry. They cannot touch you," Dumbledore said in his calm voice. "Where are you?"

"I'm... We’re not supposed to be here... We’re snooping. We'll be punished."

"They cannot harm you when I am here with you," Dumbledore assured him. "What do you see?"

"I want to go back, but William calls me a chicken. He likes to go exploring, but we aren't allowed to wander the mansion on our own. Only our living quarters."

"So the two of you are exploring a forbidden area?"

Regulus nodded.

"What do you see, Regulus?”

"A… a door. It's... it's the hospital wing. We heard screaming coming from there. William wants to see what it is. _I bet you're going to faint if you see blood, Reg,_  he laughs." 

"Is it a man or a woman screaming?" Dumbledore asked, fishing for details.

Lily knew that the cult had tortured people. It had been mentioned on the news and she wondered if that was what Regulus was hearing.

"Woman. She’s screaming again."

"Are you approaching the room?"

"We... I follow William through an empty doctor's room. Wait - the screaming stopped." Regulus sounded relieved. "There's a baby crying now."

Dumbledore and Lily looked at Regulus and then at each other for a brief moment.

"A baby? So it's a birth. Are they both okay?"

"I don't know. There's a door... it's standing ajar... William goes to peak through it. He's waving me over. I don't want to go but I don't want him to call me a coward again. I stand behind him."

"And what do you see?"

"Nothing, really... He's blocking my view. But I can hear them talking."

"What are they saying?"

"I can only make out a few of the words. But they sound serious. The mother is calling... _Please! give him to me!_... She sounds scared now. She begs them..."

Lily sat quietly, not wanting to disturb, but she could tell that Regulus was scared and Dumbledore worried.

"They... they tell her to be quiet. They say... _impure_. I lean in to peak around William's ear. They're holding up the baby. Showing it to her. _Impure_ , they say. She... she screams and reaches out. They hold her down. They... they take the baby away..." Regulus was choking up and a tear started rolling down his cheek. "She's screaming. Screaming. Screaming!"

Lily got up from her seat, looking at the distraught boy. "Please, Doctor!" she begged.

Dumbledore nodded. "Alright, Regulus, take a deep breath. You will listen to my voice and my voice only."

Regulus sat up as soon as Dumbledore had brought him back. He was shaking, shocked over what he had just seen. Then he leaned over and vomited on the floor, some of it splashing onto Dumbledore's shoe. 

Lily hurried over with a litter bin but when she got there, Regulus was already done.

"Lily, would you please escort Regulus back to his room?” said Doctor Dumbledore. “We can talk about this tomorrow when he is feeling better.”

Regulus turned toward Dumbledore. “Why did you have to make me remember that?” he demanded, tears running down his cheeks. "Why?"

Dumbledore just stood there for a moment and then said. "Because it's important that you work on every issue that you had in your life. Otherwise you will never get better, my boy."

“But I had forgotten it! What harm did it do?"

“Repressed memories are the ones that do the worst damage. They need to be dug out and dealt with. Trust me when I tell you this. But I am sorry to have upset you so.”

“Come, Regulus,” said Lily and gently lead Regulus out the door. Regulus was weeping silently, hiding his face behind his bangs and leaning against Lily as she took him to his room. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and gave him a squeeze to let him know that she was there.

**o0o0o**

When they entered, Remus sat up from the bed where he had been lying on top of the covers spelling his way through the newest book Regulus had gotten for him. He noticed right away how upset his friend looked and got anxious on his behalf.

Regulus lay down on his bed and curled up in a fetal position. Lily sat down next to him, a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Do you need anything?" she asked.

"Can I have a pill?" Regulus asked hopefully. The staff knew not to give Regulus sedatives as much as he would like, because he would take all he could get (since they dulled his brain and slowed down his thoughts), but he thought that this was a situation where he had "earned" one. 

"I will go ask Dumbledore, but I don't see why not," Lily smiled and ran a hand over his hair before getting up.

She came back five minutes later. Regulus was pleased to see that Dumbledore had given her two pills, but thought that in a way the old man owed it to him for having forced him to recall such a terrifying memory. He quickly gulped down the pills and lay back down.

Lily tugged the duvet around him and sat with him until he fell asleep. Then she looked over at Remus, who eyed her curiously, hoping for an explanation. "An exhaustion session," she said, thinking it might be best if Regulus told Remus about it himself if he wanted him to know.

Remus nodded slowly. "Is there anything I can do for him?"

His language had gotten better the past weeks, Lily had noticed. Not nearly as many grammar mistakes, and a larger vocabulary. She figured the credit was mainly Regulus’. Lily smiled. "No, darling. Regulus is probably going to be knocked out for the rest of the day with those two pills. But I’m sure he will appreciate your company when he wakes up."

Remus dropped his head a little and then nodded. "Okay," he mumbled, feeling a little helpless.

**o0o0o**

Dumbledore asked Lily to take Regulus to his office the next day after breakfast to talk about yesterday's session. 

"So how are you feeling today about our session?" the old doctor asked, folding his hands in his lap.

Regulus looked down at his knee. He was still drowsy from the drugs. "Not good, am I?"

"I know it was a bit overwhelming. None the less, I feel we have made some progress.”

"Progress?" Regulus looked up. "I already knew they were evil. I didn't need this memory to realise that."

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, but now that you remember, we can prevent it from being a repressed memory that will haunt you for the rest of your life."

Regulus sat quiet for a while. "What... what do you think they did with the baby?" He was about 99,99% sure he knew the answer but part of him hoped that Dumbledore would suggest they turned it in to an orphanage or something.

"Of course I cannot say for sure," Dumbledore said and adjusted his glasses, "but I'm afraid they got rid of it somehow and I am almost certain that the poor baby did not live long."

Regulus dipped his head and nodded, tears stinging his eyes. "What do you think was wrong with it?"

"A birth defect, most likely.” Doctor Dumbledore sighed. “You have to understand that there was nothing you could have done for that baby."

Regulus bit his lip. The reasonable part of him knew that Dumbledore was right, but he couldn’t shake the guilt anyway. He had felt utterly helpless standing behind that door and he could still hear the woman’s heart-wrenching screams. "How could I have forgotten something so horrible?"

"You didn’t forget. You pushed it so far into the back of your mind that you seemingly forgot. It is a classic defence mechanism."

"The woman... There was someone who hanged herself from her window at some point. I think it was her. I didn't see anything, but William told me he had been playing in the courtyard when she jumped.”

Dumbledore looked serious. "She must have thought suicide was the only way out. Something you would understand…”

"But she was an adult. She had joined the cult of her own free will. She must have believed in the ideology. At first, at least."

"I'm sure she did," nodded Dumbledore. “But if having your new-born child ripped away from you can’t change your heart, then I don’t know what can.”

"I asked Mother about her. She said people who kill themselves are weak and that the world was better off without them, so I should not pity her, but see it as a good thing for the cult to be rid of her."

"And what did you think?" said Dumbledore, eyeing him curiously.

"I did pity her. She might have been weak but that doesn't mean she should die. But she wanted to. I understand."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 - You’re Killing Him, Mate!**

Remus agreed to go to the common room that afternoon with Regulus. It had become easier for him the past few weeks to be there as long as Regulus was with him. The male nurses were careful to keep a good distance to him, so he had become more relaxed, his heart no longer hammering away as soon as one entered the room.

There was still a bit of a gloomy atmosphere in there after Frank had killed himself. James seemed to be the only uplifted spirit in the room. "This place is so boring I think I'm turning into an old piece of wood," he complained.

"Then you might actually become useful," said Sirius, slouching in his armchair with both arms dangling over the sides. "Could make a table out of something you. Or a club that I could beat Evan with whenever he became too much of a prat."

James grinned. "Yeah - I wouldn't mind being your beating stick. A good fight might be just what this place needs in order to wake up."

Remus sat quietly next to Regulus, who had had withdrawn into a book. Remus knew not to disturb him whenever he did that. It was like talking to wall. So he pulled out an easy-read book and started spelling his way through it in his head.

"What you doing there, little boy?" sounded a voice.

Remus' head snapped up to spot Avery standing over him with a malicious grin on his face. Avery, although not quite a fully grown man, was a big lad of 18 and Remus was not comfortable with him so close. The same went for Evan. Sirius was also 18 and well-build, but Remus was okay with him. Perhaps it was because his face looked so much like Regulus’.

"A baby book?" Avery grinned, snatching the book out of Remus' hand. He laughed, eying the cover. "How old are you? I could read better than this at six!"

Avery's laughing had torn Regulus out of his own world. He jumped to his feet, furious, and snatched Remus’ book out of the much bigger boy's hands. "Have you nothing to do but pick on people smaller than yourself? Do you think that makes you cool?"

Avery was a little taken aback for a second. Then he pushed Regulus hard in the chest, sending him stumbling back into a table. "Mind your own business, freak!" he snapped. "I can pick on who the fuck I want! And a retard like that deserves to know that he’s a retard." He smirked at Regulus. "Didn't your cult kill retards? And here you are, defending one? What is he - your boyfr– "

Before Avery could finish the sentence, a fist smashed into his jaw. The blow was so hard that a tooth flew out of Avery's mouth as he crashed to the floor. "LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE!" Sirius roared and threw himself at Avery on the floor.

Remus flew up and retreated to the window, trying to get away from the fight, his eyes huge as he watched the drama unfold.

For once Regulus actually appreciated Sirius’ meddling. Avery deserved a beating. He joined Remus by the window, telling him not to let it get to him what Avery had said, that Avery was an idiot who said whatever he could think of to hurt people, and that it wasn't true any of it. 

Regulus didn't think he had seen his brother this enraged before. Sitting on his chest, he was raining punch after punch down on Avery's face, blood splattering up with every blow. "DON'T! EVER! TOUCH! MY BROTHER! AGAIN!" he roared, punctuating every word with a punch.

The whole common room stood frozen in shock. Only Marlene and James dared intervene. "Sirius! Stop it!" cried Marlene as she tugged at her boyfriend's shirt. 

"You're killing him, mate," said James, trying to no avail to pull Sirius off. "They're going to lock you up!"

Then Kingsley and Thorfinn were on him, Thorfinn grabbing him into a headlock. Molly and Arthur both tended to Avery as Sirius was dragged off, kicking and screaming.

"Bloody hell," said Miles, staring at the boy on the floor. "Literally."

Lily rushed into the common room and gasped at the sight of the unconscious Avery, his face such a bloody mess that she couldn't even tell who it is. 

"Medic! Quickly!" Arthur called into his radio. 

Antonin ushered the other patient out of the common room, ordering them to stay out until told otherwise. Lily followed Remus and Regulus to their room.

**o0o0o**

"He will be alright," said Regulus to Remus; just as much to convince himself. 

"I hope so," mumbled Remus, feeling sick to his stomach. There had been so much blood that he wasn't even sure if Avery would survive.

They sat down on Remus' bed, opposite of Lily. 

"Do you think Sirius will be in serious trouble?" asked Regulus. "You don't think they will send him away, do you?"

Lily sighed. "I don’t know. I guess it depends on Avery's recovery what sort of punishment Sirius will receive." She suddenly realised that this was the first time she had heard Regulus express any concern for his brother. He had barely admitted that he existed. 

"He was being nasty to Remus," said Regulus. "Avery. He said some very nasty things. He... he didn't deserve to be beat up this badly, but he deserved something."

Lily eyed him curiously. “What did he say?"

"That I was a re... retat?" Remus tried, looking at Regulus to see if that was the right word.

"It means stupid,” explained Regulus. “But you aren't! It's not your fault you didn't go to school and learn to read. But you aren't retarded, because you're a fast learner. He's a fast learner," he looked at Lily. "He knows the alphabet by heart and can read simple sentences already."

"Yes, you're very intelligent, Remus," Lily smiled at the small boy. "And you're a good teacher, Regulus."

"In a year you'll be better at reading than Avery, even though he has gone to school many years." Regulus desperately wanted to avoid Remus getting upset. Although it was clear that the boy was doing much better than when he arrived and had clearly gotten something to live for, Regulus couldn't shake the fear of a repeated suicide attempt.

"Mm... I hope," Remus mumbled.

Lily looked at the boy and her heart sank a little. "Come over here," she said. Remus got up and went to sit down on the edge of Regulus' bed. She put an arm around both boys’ shoulders and said. "I know I'm not really supposed to say, but... Avery is a prat for saying such things and the two of you should not listen to him." She looked at Remus. "Remus... are you upset because of what Avery said or because of watching Sirius beat him up?" 

Remus chewed on his lip for a moment. "Both... I don't like what he said to me and I don't like violence," he mumbled, keeping his head down so his fringe was covering his eyes.

"Of course not. And it's not okay. Sirius is a good person but he needs to learn to control his temper."

Remus nodded, still keeping his head down. His main focus right now was how much blood there had been. "Is… is that boy going to die?" he asked carefully.

"No, but I think he might be in the hospital for a while. Maybe I should go see how things are going, alright? I will come back and tell you a bit later."

When she came into the common room Avery had been removed and Pomona was cleaning the blood off the floor. 

"He regained consciousness after ten minutes," said Arthur when Lily asked. "Thank goodness."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Yeah," Arthur replied. "He might have a broken nose and a concussion. Plus a few teeth were knocked out." He shook his head and sighed. "I don't know what will happen to Sirius at this point. I guess it's up to Crouch and Dumbledore. Crouch might want to send him to jail, but Dumbledore sees the good in Sirius and will argue against it for sure."

"But he has never done something this serious, has he?

"No, I have never seen him go this ballistic before. I reckon it was because Avery attacked his brother."

Lily, who had not seen the incident, asked in surprise, "He attacked Regulus?"

"Marlene explained that he first snatched a book from Remus and called him names. Then Regulus defended Remus and Avery pushed Regulus rather violently."

"Well, it makes sense that that set Sirius off. He is very protective of his brother," said Lily. "Regulus actually showed concern for what's going to happen to him. I think he's afraid that he will be removed from the ward."

“Is that so?" Arthur said, looking uplifted. "Regulus has never even acknowledge his brother.” He smiled. “Perhaps this will make him realise he cares for him after all. And perhaps start acknowledging him soon. Whenever he gets back. If he gets back..."

Lily returned to the boys a bit later and sat down on Remus' bed. She could ease their minds by telling them that Avery had regained consciousness. "Sirius is in solitary, as you could probably guess. Nothing had been decided about him yet. There will be a meeting about it tomorrow, I'm sure, but Arthur thinks Dumbledore is going to talk in favour of Sirius staying."

**o0o0o**

"Let's go to the kitchen for some food," suggested Regulus later. "Lily said we were excused from the dining room today because of what happened."

On their way there, Remus finally built up the courage to ask Regulus about his brother. "How do you feel about Sirius?"

"What do you mean? I'm glad that Avery isn't dead."

"I just mean you seemed worried about him when we got back to our room…"

"Well, although he's not a nice person he didn't deserve to be hurt that badly," said Regulus, pretending he didn't know it was Sirius Remus was talking about. 

Remus bit his lip, deciding that maybe Regulus didn't want to talk about Sirius at all, even though he had seemed like he was truly concerned.

The kitchen was empty when they entered, but a minute later Hagrid came in, beaming at the boys. "Well, ‘ello there, lads. Yeh finally brought yer friend!" the giant boomed. 

When seeing Hagrid, Remus flew backwards, sending a couple of pots crashing to the floor.

"Don't – don't touch him," warned Regulus, kicking himself for not having used his head before bringing Remus into the kitchen when he knew how men – especially big and masculine men – terrified Remus. 

Bud Hagrid didn't seem to hear Regulus' warning. "There, there, little lad," he said, moving over to put a huge hand on Remus' shoulder. "No harm done -"

Remus screamed in fear when Hagrid touched him and he reeled back, crashing against the wall. He stood there shaking violently and crying hysterically, eyes bulging out of his head, staring at the big man.

"It's okay, Remus -" said Regulus, stepping between Hagrid and Remus so the boy could feel shielded. 

When Hagrid backed away, Remus darted out the kitchen, racing down the hall towards his room. 

"Remus!" called Regulus after him. Then he hurried into the common room. "Lily! Lily, come quickly!"

Lily, who was sitting with Severus, looked up. "What is it?" She placed her hands on Regulus’ shoulders and tried to read his expression. Then she noticed that Remus was not with him. "Where's Remus?" she asked, feeling her heart skip a beat.

"Our room, I hope. Come!" said Regulus and started running, followed by Lily. "He panicked when Hagrid touched him. It was just a pat on the shoulder, but..."

"Oh dear," Lily gasped. She stopped with Regulus just outside the door, hesitating before going in. She did not want to scare Remus any further. "Remus?" she called as she slowly opened the door.

Remus sat on the floor at the far end of the room, his back pressed against the wall. He was holding something in his hand. When Lily got closer, she could see it was a pair of scissors, which she figured he must have snatched as he ran from the kitchen.

"Remus!" gasped Regulus, seeing the scissors. "Don't do it! You promised!" 

"Regulus," said Lily and stopped him from approaching the boy on the floor. "He isn't trying to kill himself. It's a weapon. Stay back!" She sent Regulus a quick look to make sure he understood to keep away. Then she slowly approached Remus, her hands held up in a peace gesture. "Remus, It's me, Lily. It's okay. Nobody's going to hurt you."

Remus' wide eyes were glued to the door, looking past Lily and Regulus. He was shaking and clenching the scissors so hard that his knuckles were white. "I won't let him take me!" he cried, kicking himself back against the wall even though he couldn't get farther back.

"Who, Remus? Hagrid? He didn't mean to hurt you," said Lily. 

Thinking quickly, Regulus asked Lily for her key. When she gave it to him he locked the door. "He can't come in now. The door is locked. See?" He pushed the handle a few times to show Remus that it was indeed locked. 

Remus seemed to calm down a bit and lowered his hand slightly. Lily squatted next to him, finally gaining eye contact, and carefully pried the scissors from his hand. Tears were running down Remus' face as he leaned in against her, still shaking violently.

Lily held out the scissors for Regulus to take. "Put them away for now. I'll take them later."

"Do... do you want me to leave? If you're going to talk?" he asked hesitantly. 

"No. You're the one who makes him feel the safest, so please stay.”

Regulus put the scissors on his shelf and sat down on his bed, watching Lily and Remus. 

"What happened, Remus?" asked Lily slowly and pushed Remus’ hair back.

"We went to the kitchen," explained Regulus when Remus didn't answer. "I forgot to think about Hagrid. It's my fault. I knew how he feels about men and I took him anyway. Hagrid came in and Remus got scared, because he’s so huge. Then Hagrid put a hand on his shoulder to calm him, but Remus panicked. It's my fault..."

"Don't blame yourself," said Lily. "Hagrid is such a kind person and it’s easy to forget that he can look intimidating to someone who doesn’t know him." She put an arm around Remus and pulled his frail body close. "Remus, you have nothing to fear from Hagrid. He’s kind and harmless. Did he remind you of the man who hurt you?"

Remus was quiet but then nodded.

"Who was that man?" she asked, hoping to get a little closer to solving the mystery of where Remus came from.

_I miss daddy…_

_I'm your new daddy!_

Remus shut his eyes tightly as he heard the voices in his mind. "My... my new daddy."

"New daddy?" said Lily. "What do you mean? Your step-father?"

Remus hesitated a little and then nodded tentatively.

Lily hugged him. "He won't hurt you ever again, Remus. Don't be scared. You're safe here. You will never have to see him again. "

Remus melted into the hug. On a rational level he knew that Lily was right, but he still didn’t feel safe. The only place he felt safe was in his room with Regulus and Lily. Finally, after about twenty minutes, he had calmed down and his eyes had drifted shut. He was exhausted after having had so much adrenalin pumping around in his body.

"Come," Lily said and helped him to bed. "Get some sleep."

As soon as Remus was asleep, Lily asked Regulus for the scissors. When he handed them to her, she said, “Regulus… I think it’s best that we keep quiet about these. It wouldn’t look good for Remus if it came out that he took them.” Lily was quite sure that the boys would be separated in order to protect Regulus, regardless of whether they believed Remus meant to use the scissors on himself or others. “Unless you don’t like being dishonest –”

“Of course,” Regulus cut in. “Of course I won’t tell. Remus didn’t mean to hurt anyone. Nobody needs to know.”

**o0o0o**

The next day, Lily decided to take Remus to a session. They had had quite a few the past weeks but hadn't really gotten anywhere with him, but after Remus had opened up the day before, Lily hoped he would tell Pandora more about his past.

Pandora got Remus to relax by starting the session with showing him new pictures of her roses and horses on her phone. "Look - that's Merlin with his morning carrot. I always give them a handful of carrots before I leave for work."

Remus looked at the pictures with great interest and even smiled a little. He was still a little shaken from the day before but Regulus had read to him for a few hours when he woke up in the night.

"Lily told me what happened yesterday and what you told her. I was hoping we could talk a bit more about that? I know it makes you feel bad talking about, but Remus - it's the only thing that will help you dealing with what happened."

Remus shifted in his seat. He didn't like to even think about it, so how was he supposed to talk about it? Put it into words? "I don't know if I can," he mumbled.

"You don't have to tell it all at once. Just be open to talking about it. At your own pace, okay?"

"It's like with Regulus," said Lily. "He has been here half a year and he still hasn't told Dumbledore everything. Much of it he doesn't even remember yet. It comes in pieces, one at a time."

Remus nodded slowly.

"Lily told me that your stepfather hurt you," said Pandora. "Did he keep you in that basement you have mentioned before?"

Remus nodded while looking down at his hands.

"It's okay," Remus," Lily said and ran a hand over Remus' back. 

"You slept down there?" asked Pandora. "How often did he let you up in the house?"

"Never," Remus mumbled. "Bathroom was down there."

_"You need a shower," he said, buttoning his trousers._

_Remus tried to sit up but his whole body was aching._

_The man took a few steps towards the stairs before turning his head. "You have been a good boy today. I'll turn the hot water on for a few minutes." He shook his head to himself. "Sometimes I spoil you too much."_

Remus shut his eyes tightly and shook his head forcefully, trying to get the memory out of his head.

"It's okay, Remus," repeated Lily, giving his back a gentle rub. She sent Pandora a glance to see how she was reacting to Remus' distress. 

"Tell me if you need a break," Pandora said, leaning forward in her chair. "You don't have to say more today if it's getting too much for you."

Remus took a few breaths though his nose and then finally looked up. "I almost didn’t say anything," he said in a distraught voice. He felt like he was failing miserably at this.

"There are no rules as to how much you have to say each session. And you already told us more than you ever have. So you just say when you don't want to talk anymore."

Remus gave a quick nod, before dropping his gaze again and prepared himself for the next question.

"Okay," smiled Pandora. "Tell me – when did your stepfather move in?"

"M-move in?" Remus asked confused, looking up again. "I don't understand. It was his house."

"Oh. I thought your parents lived together at first. Did your stepfather live with you from you were little? Or did you and your mother move into his house when your parents split up?"

Remus looked confused. "My mum was not there."

Pandora and Lily exchanged looks. "Remus... did your mother die when you were little?"

"I… I don't know. My mum was not there," he repeated.

"Do you remember your mother? Did you ever know her?"

"Yes... I remember her," said Remus, looking like he was thinking hard.

"But you don't remember what happened to her?"

Remus shut down, starting to tremble and looking around nervously.

"I think that is enough for today," Pandora said as she saw how the boy was reacting. "Thank you for sharing with us," she smiled.

"Come, Remus," said Lily and helped Remus to his feet. "You have done so well today.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 – You Cannot Silence Me!**

Kingsley unlocked the door to Sirius' cell. 

Sirius sat up. "Are you letting me out or do I have to sit rotting in here for another two weeks?"

"Two weeks in isolation for your last stunt is very generous. You're lucky they let you stay at all and didn't ship you off to jail."

Sirius grunted. He supposed he was rather lucky to still be here, but he didn't regret standing up for his brother. "Yeah, well, he deserved it," he mumbled.

Kingsley blocked the doorway when Sirius was about to go out. "If I were you I would keep in line from now on. You've used just about all the credit you had, and even Dumbledore can’t keep making excuses for you."

Sirius looked Kingly in the eye and for once didn't have a sassy comeback. Kingsley held his gaze for a moment before stepping aside and letting him pass.

When Sirius entered the ward he could hear loud music - _Uprising_ by Miles' favourite band _Muse_. 

_Paranoia is in bloom_   
_The PR transmissions will resume_   
_They'll try to push drugs that keep us all dumbed down_   
_And hope that we will never see the truth around_

As he turned the corner to one of the hallways he saw Molly marching towards the room from where the music came, yelling, "MILES! What have I told you about playing so loudly? And about keeping your door closed!"

"You cannot silence me!" Miles yelled back and turned the volume up another notch. "And the door stays open so the others can hear the truth!"

A smile spread on Sirius' face as he continued down the hallway. He could use some entertainment after two weeks alone. He saw James and a handful of other patients come into the hallway from the common room, James jumping in time to the march-like rhythm of the music. 

Molly pushed her way past the willowy teen to get to the CD player.

"No!" Miles screamed as she took out his CD without stopping the player first. "It’s sabotage!" He complained, not liking at all how she was treating his property, but knowing that with her heavier built he couldn't overpower her he started shouting the chorus, raising his fist in the air:

_THEY WILL NOT FORCE US!_   
_THEY WILL STOP DEGRADING US!_   
_THEY WILL NOT CONTROL US!_   
_WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS!_

“Do you want to go to solitary?” asked Molly, trying to get Miles under control, holding him back from the CD-player.

Give the chap a break," said James, coming into the room. "He's just trying to entertain us a bit."

Molly let go of Miles, who had stopped struggling. "That's fine - as long as he does it at a lower volume and behind closed doors."

Miles snorted but turned the volume down before putting the CD back in. "Thanks, mate, for saving me," he said to James when Molly had left.

"Giving up that easily," grinned Sirius as he turned up in the doorway.

"Look who's back!" beamed James. "I thought they were letting you rot in that cell!"

"I could easily have handled another few weeks. Wouldn't have bothered me the slightest."

"Right," laughed James. "Avery is back, just in case you wanted to know he survived."

"Too bad," mumbled Sirius as he sat down on Miles' bed. "That wanker better stay clear of me."

"Well, he hasn't even looked at your brother since. I guess he learned his lesson."

"Good. He better keep it that way or he'll lose the rest of his teeth."

"It's censorship," mumbled Miles, still preoccupied with his music situation. "It's like North Korea in here."

“What?” said Sirius.

"The censoring of music! They will not let us play anything with a political massage. They don't want us to get any ideas about freedom and independency!"

"Right... Well, they do as they please in here."

"Not that it's much better out in public. It's just easier for them to do it in here and make excuses for it. _Too loud_." Miles snorted. "I bet if I played some dumb pop music they wouldn't mind if it was loud."

"There are a few pop albums in the common room but they won’t let us play them loudly either,” pointed out James. "A shame, because I like dancing!"

"I don't want to play stupid pop with stupid lyrics about love and heart ache. I want something powerful. Meaningful."

"I think I'll go check if my baby brother is in the common room," said Sirius, getting up. "He might actually talk to me now, since I saved him."

"I'm not sure he needed saving for just a push, mate," said James. "A few words from you could have stopped it. Not that I minded a little action, but honestly I was scared I’d never see you again."

"Yes, it wouldn't have been a surprise if they had disposed of you. Troublemakers are a threat to the system," said Miles. "Blind obedience is what they want.”

Sirius whistled and raised his eyebrows before sticking his hands into his pockets. "Well, I guess old Dumbles likes me," he said with a smirk. "I bet he’s the reason I’m still here."

“Compared to Sirius’ cult, we get a lot of freedom here, actually, “James told Miles. “Outside too. You don’t get killed just because you aren’t obedient.”

"What?" laughed Miles. "Society is one big cult! At least Voldy-what’s-his-name was honest about his intensions. Not like in the so-called free world. Pretending the people have the power. Democracy is a farce - a big lie to fool people into believing they actually have a say."

Sirius put a hand to his head. "Whatever, mate,” he sighed. He had just come out, and wasn’t going to risk getting into another fight over the cult. Besides, discussing with Miles was futile.

“How about a bet?” suggested James, putting his fingers on the volume-button. “What happens when I turn it to max? a) Molly confiscates the CD, b) Miles it tossed in solitary, c) The ward riots!”

Sirius tapped his chin as he thought about it. He highly doubted that a riot would break out over some loud music, so it was either a or b. His lip curled into a smirk as he shook James' hand. "I'm in. I pick b. Molly has just about had enough of Miles."

Miles looked slightly offended but the idea of a riot was appealing to him so he also shook James' hand. "Riot."

James twisted the button to max and Miles sprang open the door, letting the music pound out into the hallway. “THEEEEEY WILL NOT FOOOORCE US –” he hollered as he marched out, followed by James and Sirius. 

Sirius drummed on the wall with both hands to the music. He didn't know the song really but he liked the energy of it.

People turned up in the doorways and the corridor leading to the common room, looking curious.  

“RISE!” yelled Miles, raising his hands in the air. “RISE! Together we can shake off the chains!”

People looked at each other, some perplexed, some laughing. Nobody but James and Sirius seemed interested in rising anywhere.

"MILES!" sounded a voice from the room next door as Dorcas kicked the door open and stormed out. "I need sleep! Turn down that blasted music!" she screamed so loudly that it made Miles halt and Sirius stop drumming on the walls.

“You can sleep when you get old,” said Miles. “We have more important things to do!”

Dorcas' eyes were puffy as if she hadn’t slept in days. She put a hand to her head. "Turn it DOWN!"

“Take a breather, you silly cow,” said Miles. “You can stick Severus’ knickers in your ears if you want quiet.”

“Turn it off!” she ordered once more before marching back into her room, slamming the door behind her.

Sirius whistled and sent James a look, which he returned with a large grin.

When Miles started singing again, Dorcas' door slammed open once more and she rushed out. She had a book in her hand, which she flung at Miles. Unfortunately, the book missed its target and hit Sirius on the nose.

"You... freak!" Sirius spat at her, holding a hand to his nose, a bit of blood seeping between his fingers.

Dumbledore came walking slowly towards them, his hands raised in a calming gesture. "Now, now," he said, his voice loud enough to be heard over the music. "Let's all return to our rooms or the common room." He walked over to Miles. "Be a good lad and turn the music down. I think everyone got your message," he smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Molly had arrived, looking very tense, and sent Dumbledore a reproachful look. She clearly did not think that just turning down the music was enough, so she headed into Miles’ room, disconnected his CD player and took it under her arm, chasing off Miles with a heated look. 

“You okay, mate?” grinned James at Sirius as Lily and Dumbledore escorted the upset Dorcas into Dumbledore’s office.

"Yeah, I’m fine," nodded Sirius and wiped a bit more blood from his nose. "Nutter, that one…"

**o0o0o**

Dumbledore sat down behind his desk and folded his hands, scanning Dorcas.

“He’s keeping me awake all the time!” she explained agitatedly. “All night he’s been playing that blasted music!”

Lily sent Dumbledore a confused look, having a hard time believing that the night watch would allow Miles to play music at all.

Dumbledore just shook his head. "And you believe attacking him is the way to go?"

“No... but he won’t listen! I’ve asked him again and again to be quiet and he won’t listen! And I’ve barely had any sleep the past few nights, so I just snapped. But I didn’t mean to hit Sirius.”

"Well," said Dumbledore. "Why don’t you go and get some rest? I believe the problem has been solved." 

“But he’s playing all night –” insisted Dorcas. 

“I think you’re a bit confused,” smiled Dumbledore gently. “Lack of sleep can sometimes do that. Lily can give you a sleeping pill so you can get a good night’s sleep, and I’m sure you will feel better in the morning.”

**o0o0o**

Evan laughed when Sirius came into the common room. “Met your match, did you? Got bested by a bird?”

Sirius made a not so charming gesture with his index finger. "Remember Avery?"

Marlene pulled at Sirius' arm and got him to sit down on the sofa before he did something he would regret.

“Sirius could beat up anyone in here - even the guards if he wanted to,” said Peter. “He’s just too noble to hit a girl.”

"Right," laughed Evan.

Severus sat at his usual spot by the window. “So Black’s back...” he mumbled when Lily sat down next to him. “I had hoped he wouldn’t be. Or at least not this fast.”

Lily looked over her shoulder at Sirius who seemed to enjoy Marlene playing his private nurse, attending to his bloody nose. "Well," she said, turning her attention back to Severus. "I don't think you have to fear him for a while. He has been in isolation for two weeks and I highly doubt he wants to go back."

"I don't fear him," sneered Severus. "He’s just bloody mental and should be locked away."

“Well...” sighed Lily, “Everybody here has their problems. Things aren’t easy for Sirius either. Not that I condone his behaviour in any way,” she quickly added.

Severus chewed on his lip. "I smelled smoke the other day. I think someone in here has been smoking. I told Pomona, but she said it might be a hallucination. I told her to bugger off and find the wanker who’s been smoking. I don't want to wake up in a burning building."

“Oh,” said Lily, looking at him. “Well, I will certainly keep my eyes open. Thanks for the tip.” She knew olfactory hallucinations were very common for schizophrenics, but Severus deserved to be taken seriously anyway, she thought, and not just dismissed because of the likelihood of a hallucination. 

"Thank you," he said and looked out the window again. "And tell that bloody giant to stop putting so much salt in the food. It's almost inedible."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 -** **Somebody Didn't Do Their Job Properly**

On the 5th of September Southern England saw the worst hurricane since the St. Jude Storm of 2013. Due to the many windows all patients were evacuated into the basement for safety measures. 

"I don't want to go there," sobbed Remus when Lily lead him down the hall. "I don't want to go to the basement!"

“Remus –” said Lily, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. “It’s just for the night. It’s just for safety because of the storm. It can’t hurt us down there because there aren’t windows or roof tiles that can be torn down. In the morning we’re going back up.”

Remus was shaking rather violently now and would not listen to reason. "It's dark down there! No windows. He... he will come!"

_No. He can’t. He can’t do anything ever again._

“He won’t, Remus. Even if he knew where you were, he couldn’t come down there. The ward is locked. And the guards would catch him even if he did.”

Molly came over to give Remus a Xanax and after 15 minutes Lily and Regulus were able to talk him into coming with them to the basement.

Remus sat down in a corner, pushing himself as close to the wall as possible. He hated being there with so many people. Especially with grown men, even though they all knew to keep a good distance to him. Lily put her mattress next to Remus’, and Regulus put his angling the other way so Remus could sleep in the corner surrounded by the two of them. Remus finally seemed to calm after that. 

The wind was howling outside and a few times they heard glass shatter upstairs. Every time that happened, Remus jerked awake, eyes wild and looking around for a place to hide until he realised that Lily and Regulus were with him.

A few of the patients screamed when a particularly loud bang sounded from above. 

“Take it easy, mates,” said James, who lay on a mattress between Sirius and Miles. He was relatively calm, having been giving a shot of sedatives at the start of the storm to keep him from riling the other patients up. “This is nothing. My uncle once saw a whole castle being torn down by a category 5 hurricane up in Scotland. One of those massive stone castles from the middle ages. Huge blocks of stone flying around in the air.”

“Liar,” said Marlene. “There’s never been a cat 5 in the UK! And no hurricane can throw big blocks of stone around in the air.”

"Yes, there has, and yes, they can!" James insisted.

Marlene just rolled her eyes and crept closer to Sirius.

“Fools. This is not a hurricane,” proclaimed Gilderoy. “There’s a fell voice in the air - can’t you hear?”

“It’s the wind howling,” said Dorcas. 

“It’s Saruman - he’s trying to bring down the mountain!”

"What mountain? This is a hospital, you nutter," said another patient, but Gilderoy kept going on and on, insisting that they were to go back.

**o0o0o**

The patients were allowed up the next morning but were all restricted to the common room while the broken windows were replaced. 

On his way to his room (once the corridors had finally been unlocked after dinner) Regulus suddenly stopped, spotting a small piece of broken glass on the floor, from one of the many broken windows, no doubt. How often had he not wished he had something he could cut himself with since he had come? He had not been feeling well the whole day. It stressed him being forced to be with the other patients for so long. He felt like it was difficult to breathe and that everybody could look right through him and see how he felt. Like he was transparent. Still staring at the glass, he debated with himself whether to take it or not. Had it been a few months ago there would have been no doubt, but now there was Lily and Remus to think about. Regulus knew they would be upset if he cut himself. If they discovered it, that was. Regulus was used to hiding it. He could do that. Finally, he reached a decision, a compromise. He wouldn't cut himself, but he would keep the piece of glass just in case. Just in case things got really bad.

**o0o0o**

Lily checked in on the boys before going home. Regulus was sitting on his bed with a book as he usually did. Remus lay curled into a ball with his back turned. Having been so upset about being in the basement, Lily figured it was only natural that he was a little withdrawn.

Lily sat down next to Remus, putting a hand on him. “It’s good to be back in your own room, yes?”

Remus didn't turn to look at her but he nodded.

Lily turned her attention to Regulus, her hand still on Remus' shoulder. "What are you reading?"

“...9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,” Regulus finished counting in his head before forcing his attention onto Lily. “It’s about astronomy,” he replied, showing Lily the cover of the book. 

"That sounds interesting," she said and studied the book for a minute. "You're very smart for a fourteen-year-old, Regulus.”

“Well...” said Regulus, blushing a little. “It’s not that advanced, this one. Not like a university book or anything.”

"I bet that if I got you a university book, you would quickly catch on," she smiled. "Do you know what you would like to be? Career-wise, I mean."

Regulus looked up at her. He had not considered this for a minute. He had not even been interested in imagining a future for himself after coming here. He didn’t see a point at all to his life other than simply existing. Before, he knew he was going to be a scientist. His parents had told him that, ever since he had showed his intelligence and book-smarts. Preferably a chemist or biologist. He was going to be a future asset to the cult. It was his best chance of making up for his weakness and impurity. “No. It doesn’t matter.”

"Why doesn't it matter? You could have a bright future ahead of you. You’re very intelligent. Severus is studying for exams in here. You could do the same."

“I don’t care. I only read to keep myself occupied. I don’t have a bright future. I don’t deserve it, anyway, so that’s fine.”

When Lily had left, Regulus looked over at Remus, who still lay rolled up in a ball. “Would you like me to read to you?” he offered. “Or would you rather just be left alone?”

Remus was quiet for a few seconds. Then he rolled onto his back to look at his friend. "I'd like that very much," he said in an almost whisper.

Regulus sent him a small smile. They were half way through _The Count of Monte Cristo_. Remus seemed very fascinated by the story of the protagonist’s long horrific imprisonment and eventual escape. Regulus guessed he could relate to the count’s experience and emotions, since he himself had been imprisoned, in that basement he had told Regulus about. 

**o0o0o**

Lily came in the next morning although her shift didn’t start until noon. She was a little worried about Remus, who had had a hard time the day before. She was glad to find both boys in a good mood, sitting in their room working on some spelling exercises. 

"Hello, you two," she smiled and sat down on the edge of Remus' bed. She watched them for a moment and smiled when Remus showed her and Regulus a difficult sentence he had worked on for about five minutes.

“He’s really good,” said Regulus to Lily. “Soon he doesn’t need my help any longer,” he joked.

"I’m not surprised," smiled Lily.

Suddenly the conversation was cut short by a loud scream. Lily jumped up and tore the door open. Both Remus and Regulus followed Lily out the door to see what was going on. Other people were coming into the hallway as well. 

Pomona was standing at an open door, holding a hand to her mouth. "She... she's dead... I... I was just going to check on her... I... she..."

Regulus moved up behind Lily and got a glimpse inside the room. Dorcas was lying on the bed, wrists cut and blood all over the sheets and floor. Her skin was as white as a mannequin’s and her eyes wide open.

"Back! Back!" said Kingsley, moving in front of the doorway to block the view. "Get them away from here, for goodness sake," he said to Lily.

Lily jumped into action and started ushering the patients away from the room.

"What's going on? What's going on?" sounded an excited voice. James was as always very curious and was jumping up and down, trying to catch a glimpse into the room. Beside him stood Miles looking on full alert.

"I'M NOT TAKING ANY SHIT FROM YOU RIGHT NOW!" roared Antonin and took a rough hold of James’s upper arm and escorted him down the hall. 

"What's going on here?" Doctor Dumbledore’s voice sounded. He hurried into the room and kneeled next to Dorcas, checking her pulse although it was obvious from her looks that she was dead.

Molly and Lily walked around the common room, checking how each patient was doing and if anyone needed calming. Lily gave Regulus a Xanax. He looked shaken to the core, face white as a sheet. Lily cursed herself for not having been more clearheaded and stopped the boys from getting too close to the room.

"Another suicide," Molly whispered to Lily. "She must have taken a piece of glass when we weren't looking."

"God, yes," said Lily. "We should have prevented this. We could've... We should've searched everybody before we let them go back to their rooms."

"Don't blame yourself like that. We do everything we can by keeping sharp objects unavailable, but we can't see everything." Molly sighed and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm just… Dorcas was troubled, yes, but I hadn’t thought she was suicidal. It just goes to show we can’t see everything."

**o0o0o**

Doctor Crouch came later that day to give the staff a dressing-down for having been so careless to have let a patient get hold of a piece of glass. "That's TWO SUICIDES IN A MONTH!"

Most of the staff bent their heads in shame and Pomona was still a little shook up. Alecto, who had been Dorcas’s personal nurse, seemed more collected.

"This will simple not do," Doctor Crouch said and walked around before slamming his hands into the desk. "We’re supposed to be a respectable mental institution! I won’t have our reputation ruined by sloppiness. I want a re-evaluation of every patient to estimate who are on suicide watch.”

The suicide watch patients were patients considered possibly suicidal, and extra attention was paid to them. They were checked on more often than the other patients, they didn't have locks on their bathroom doors, etc. 

"Dorcas wasn't on suicide watch," said Alecto.

"Well, obviously she should have been! Somebody didn't do their job properly! That's why I want another evaluation!"

"Excuse me," said Doctor Dumbledore in a sharp tone. “We do the best we can but we cannot prevent every suicide. You know that, Doctor Crouch - don't tell me you never lost a patient, because we all know you would be lying."

Doctor Crouch just sent him an icy look and then returned to giving orders. He pulled out a list of the patients and went through all that were not on suicide watch, asking their respective nurses if they had any suspicions. "Regulus Black -" he said, "He's not on watch, but he's depressive and self-harming, isn't that true? Why isn't he on watch? Who is his nurse?"

"I am," said Lily. "Regulus has never talked about wanting to die, and it’s my impression that –"

"I want him on watch!" said Doctor Crouch before Lily could finish her sentence. When he had gone through the list, three more patients had been ordered on suicide watch. "I will not have one more suicide the rest of the year - is that clear?" were his departure words. There was dead silent in the room for a moment after he had left, slamming the door.

"Well, this is bloody brilliant..." Antonin said and got up from his seat. "Now we have to look after every nutter as if we didn't have enough work to do already."

"Looking after them is your job, Antonin," Molly said irritably. 

“We start the evaluations tomorrow," said Doctor Dumbledore as he got up from his chair to close the meeting. "Pandora and I will make a list of when we will see each patient. Doctor Crouch might be overreacting, but he's right that we have to take this seriously. I do not want the other patients to get any ideas."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17 - What Have You Done?**

"There will be a group session right away," announced Doctor Lovegood to the common room after the meeting with Crouch. "Those of you who would like to talk about what has happened can join, or you can talk with your personal nurse if you prefer privacy."

"Bloody hell, why do we always have to do those bloody group sessions?" Evan said, leaning against the doorframe. "Bird’s dead. Big deal. It was her own choice. It isn’t as if she was murdered or anything."

"Have some respect for the dead, Evan!" said Doctor Lovegood in a, for her, unusually harsh tone. "I said  _if_  you wanted to talk. It's voluntary. Besides, with the behaviour you displayed at the last group session, I think it’s better that you take a private session with Antonin."

“I told you I don’t care about that bird! She wasn’t my friend or anything.”

"I was planning to talk to you two on our own,” said Lily to Regulus and Remus. “Just let me go ask Severus first to hear if he wants to go to the group session or have a talk with me."

Severus was, for once, not sitting by the window. He was moving around the room as if looking for something. He was rather startled when Lily said his name.

“Severus? Are you okay? I mean about Dorcas’ suicide?”

Severus looked at her and then nodded. "Why wouldn't I be? It’s sad, but I barely knew her."

“Okay...” said Lily. “What does Barty think?”

"I dunno," he mumbled and looked around. "He's been gone since yesterday." He then stared at Lily. "You don't think he went away, do you?"

Lily tried to hide a smile. It was a good sign that Barty had been there less lately. Perhaps Severus’ medication was finally starting to work. “Oh, I’m sure It’s nothing. Everybody needs time to themselves. It’s normal.”

"But I don't want to be alone!" Severus snapped. "I want him back! What if he left and isn't coming back?"

“You’re not alone. I’m here and I’m your friend. I’m glad if I can get some more time with you without Barty breathing down our necks constantly.”

Severus stuck out his chin, seeming like he was going to argue again but just sat down on the floor, letting his fingers run though his greasy hair.

“Severus...” said Lily, squatting in front of him. “Can we talk more about Barty later? I need to talk to the boys about Dorcas. I take it you don’t want to go to a group session?”

Severus shook his head. "I don't need to sit there listing to them blabber on about a person they didn’t care about."

“Okay. But will you be alright? Could you at least sit on a chair or couch? I don’t like leaving you sitting on the cold floor like this.”

Severus looked at her, his expression softening. "Alright," he mumbled and got up, moving over to his usual spot by the window.

**o0o0o**

The boys had gone ahead to their room to wait for Lily. Regulus was sitting on his bed against the wall with his legs drawn up, staring silently into the air. 

Lily smiled sadly and sat down. “How are you boys?”

"Is she really dead?" Remus asked softly.

"Yes," said Lily and sighed, running a hand over his hair.

Remus dropped his gaze, not speaking again.

"Regulus?" Lily asked and went over to sit beside him. "Are you okay?"

_You killed her._

_No!_

_Yes. You’re poisonous._

_I didn’t’! I’m not a killer! No. No. No. No._

"Regulus?"

He repeated the mantra several times, mouthing it silently.  _No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no._

Lily looked at him and took a gentle hold of his shoulders, carefully shaking him. "Regulus?"

Regulus forced himself to look at her, but still repeating the mantra in his mind. “What? I’m fine.”

"You don't look fine. Why don't we go see Dumbledore? I’m sure he has time for you. I know he’s worried."

“No! He can’t help. Nobody can help. She’s dead and nobody can help her.” He drew a shaky breath. “She’s dead, like Frank. Like Kreacher. Like Remus, if the curtain rod hadn’t broken.”

Remus gulped and fumbled with the fabric on the duvet. He still felt bad about trying to kill himself and scaring Regulus.

"I know," she said. "We can't do anything about what has happened but you seem really upset, Regulus, so I want to make sure you're okay."

“Of course I’m not okay!” snapped Regulus. “Nobody should be. Someone just died in here. Only people like my old master think that’s fine!”

Lily was a little taken aback by Regulus’ outburst but then she nodded, trying to signal to him that she understood his frustration. "You're right. I'm sorry."

“I don’t need to talk about it,” said Regulus, feeling like he couldn’t breathe. “It wouldn’t change anything.”

"I still think it would be good for you," she pushed a little.

“I said no!” Regulus got up and left, hoping Lily wouldn’t follow. He didn’t want to talk about it. Why couldn’t she understand that?

**o0o0o**

Regulus sat down in an armchair in the corner of the common room with his legs pulled up under him, trying to read a comic book. He hated being out here when he was feeling bad, but it was better than being in his room, having to talk about Dorcas.

Close by Miles and a few others were sitting, Miles entertaining with a new theory. “I figured out why they haven’t just disposed of me. They have other plans.”

"What sort of plans?" James asked with a hand under his chin, looking intensely at Miles like he was a celebrity.

Miles took a look around to check if any of the staff was close by. “They’re planning to sell me into slavery. You know, they might as well get a bit of profit out of me.”

“I don’t think Britain has traded in slavery since the colonial times,” laughed Marlene. 

Miles rolled his eyes and snorted. “You people are so blind.”

“Yes, didn’t you know the hospital’s electricity is produced by slaves running around in hamster wheels down in the basement?” said Sirius sarcastically. “And have you never noticed the little men working in the fields with chains on their feet?”

“Not in Britain, you tosser,” said Miles as if Sirius were stupid. “They can’t do it out in the open, can they? No, they trade with other countries. Like Columbia. You know, the drug lords - they like white kids to play with or to pick the poppies or whatever it is they use to make the drugs.”

Sirius roared with laughter. A few more joined in - even James, who usually backed up Miles, couldn't help himself.

"Sure," Sirius laughed. "They just can't wait to fondle your white freckled arse."

“You wouldn’t be laughing if it were you,” said Miles offendedly. “But you might start watching yourself because if you keep making trouble they might decide to get rid of you the same way.”

"What?" Sirius said, putting a hand to his chest. "Send me to Columbia? I hear it's nice this time of year."

“Where did all this suddenly come from?” asked Marlene. “Saw it in a dream or something?”

“I didn’t just make it up, if that’s what you lads think. I heard them plotting late last night. They were talking right outside my window.” He lowered his voice for the last sentence and took a quick look around. 

"So they stand outside your window at night, plotting against you?" Sirius asked.

Miles nodded, still looking around.

"Bollocks," Sirius said, getting bored with the subject.

Regulus felt sick. How could they sit there and talk about something so stupid and laugh about it as if it were any normal day, when Dorcas had just died? Well, he thought, of course they didn’t have anything to feel guilty about. They didn’t have anything to do with had happened. They didn’t have blood on their hands. They hadn’t had the feeling - hadn’t known - for a long time that someone was going to die and had a chance to prevent it, but failed. Suddenly he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t sit in here will all these people. He got up and rushed off. Lily and Remus were in the room, so he couldn’t go there - instead he hurried into the closest bathroom and locked the door behind him. 

He sat down with his back against the wall, pressed his eyes shut and tried to focus on his breathing like Doctor Dumbledore had instructed him, but it didn't help. Something had to give. If he didn't do something to relieve the pressure, something inside him would break. With tears gushing down his cheeks he pulled out the small piece of glass he had hidden in his pocket the day before. Lily, who had been so good to him and truly cared for him, would be very upset, Regulus knew that. And Remus too. Sirius would get angry and perhaps upset (although in Regulus’ opinion he had lost that right four years ago). But nobody had to know. It wouldn't hurt anybody. He knew how to hide it. Hadn’t he done so for years? And he really needed it right now. 

With a shaking hand Regulus pressed the shard of glass against his lower arm. It left a small cut that started bleeding a little, but it didn't help. He made a few more cuts, but he still didn't feel that relief at the sight of blood, that calmness that would usually settle upon him and make him feel better. Desperate, he pushed harder and made a long cut from the middle of his forearm down to the wrist. It hurt, and it bled more, and finally endorphins released and started calming him. He sat there a while staring at the cut. It bled a lot and it didn't look like it had any plans on stopping. His whole forearm was red now and the blood started dripping down on the floor. Suddenly he got scared. He hadn't cut the main artery because the blood wasn't pulsing out, it was just trickling, but too fast, Regulus thought. He had never cut this deep before and it had never been an issue how to stop the bleeding. He ripped down the towel by the sink and pressed it hard against the wound. 

_Why can’t you do ANYTHING right?_

How was he going to hide it now? There was blood on the floor and on his clothes. Maybe if he managed to clean up in here he could sneak back to the room and Remus could help him bandage his arm.  _It will need stitches_ an inner voice said, but he ignored it. Remus could fix it and he would keep his secret. 

**o0o0o**

Lily came into the common room to look for Regulus, wanting to see how he was doing. Remus had stayed in his room, practicing his reading, hoping Regulus would return soon. Not seeing Regulus anywhere, Lily asked the small group with Sirius. “Have you lot seen Regulus? I thought he was out here.”

James looked around. “He was sitting right there,” he said, nodding at an armchair close by. “I don’t know where he went.”

“I think he went into the bathroom,” said Marlene, pointing to the bathroom at the far end. “I haven’t seen him come out. He looked sick...”

“When was that?” asked Lily, suddenly getting a bad feeling. 

“A while. Maybe 15 minutes. But of course he could have left without me noticing...”

Sirius looked at her angrily. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Then he jumped up, following Lily to the door. 

“Regulus?” asked Lily, knocking on the door. There was no answer. 

“Reggie!” called Sirius, knocking even harder. He tried to open the door but found it locked. “REGGIE! Open the door!”

When there was still no answer Lily unlocked the door and Sirius rushed in.

"Reggie?" He knelt down in front of his brother on the floor. "What have you done?" he gasped and removed the towel by force. His eyes widened when he saw the deep cut on his brother’s arm and he quickly pressed the towel against the skin again. "You little idiot!” Regulus turned his head away. Sirius tried to force him to look at him. "Don't you do this! Don't shut me out!"

Lily stood like frozen in the door. What had Regulus done? Had he tried to kill himself? It looked bad - there was a lot of blood. How could she have just let him go when she knew how upset he was? Regulus was her responsibility and she had failed him.

Molly, who had appeared in the door called on her radio, "We have a suicide attempt on the adolescent ward, we need medics immediately!"

"It's not a suicide attempt!" yelled Regulus, still sitting on the floor, trying to push Sirius away. 

But Sirius wasn't giving in. He held his brother in place and pressed the towel against the wound. "Why the bloody hell did you do this?" he roared. "I try to look out for you and this is what you do?"

“You don’t do shite!” yelled Regulus. “I needed you four years ago!” He started punching his brother with his free hand, screaming at him to leave him alone. 

"I tried to get you to go with me!" Sirius yelled back, grabbing his wrist to stop him for hitting him. "But you were too stubborn! They were going to kill me like Andy! What would you have me do? Stay and get wacked?"

Regulus was getting hysterical and not really hearing what his brother was saying, just screaming and trying to fight him off. 

“Sirius!” said Molly, pulling at the young man. “You need to leave so we can help him!”

Sirius finally backed off so Molly and Lily could get to Regulus. He stood back, not knowing what to do with himself.

Kingsley made his way past Sirius and helped hold Regulus still while Molly gave him a shot of sedatives. When the boy was almost out, Kingsley picked him up and carried him to his room. 

“Fuck me...” said Miles as the other patients stood watching them go. “He really hates you.”

Sirius stood cursing to himself and kicked a dustbin over. 

“Hey, mate –” said James, “Look on the bright side: at least he talked to you. You’ve been wanting that forever.”

**o0o0o**

Remus shot up from his bed when Kingsley came in, his eyes first on Regulus and then on the tall man. Luckily Lily was there in an instant to prevent Remus from panicking.

“Kingsley didn’t hurt him, Remus,” she quickly said, remembering how Remus had reacted when Arthur had carried Regulus in after passing out in the common room. “Regulus had a little accident in the bathroom and Kingsley is just taking him in here.”

Knowing about Remus, the guard left the room as soon as he had put Regulus down on the bed. 

Remus looked over at Regulus, afraid to approach him. The towel around his arm was full of blood. "What... what happened?" he asked Lily, debating with himself what to do.

Before Lily could say anything, a doctor came in to look at Regulus' arm.

“Leave me alone,” wept Regulus, although he didn’t have much strength to fight the doctor. 

Lily went over to sit next to him, wanting to calm him. "Regulus," she said with a thick voice from trying not to cry, running a hand over his hair. "What have you done?"

Regulus’ eyes slipped shut as the sedatives took a stronger hold. It was a relief for him, it made him numb and distant, letting him escape reality and people for a while. “Didn’t try to kill myself…” he mumbled. 

Remus bit his lip as he watched the doctor stitch up Regulus' arm.

When Regulus had fallen asleep, Lily went to sit at Remus’ side, wanting to explain what had happened. It wouldn’t do with telling a lie; that it was an accident. He needed to understand that nobody had hurt Regulus, and why Regulus had done it. “Are you okay?” she asked, running a hand down Remus’ back. “Regulus will be fine. The doctor patched him up. He will just need some sleep now.”

"What happened?" Remus asked, his eyes still glued to Regulus as if afraid he would vanish if he looked away.

Lily sighed. “He had found a piece of broken glass and used it to cut himself. Not to kill himself,” she quickly added. 

"But why?”

“It’s a little hard to explain... Some people find that when they hurt a lot inside it makes them feel better when they hurt themselves on the outside. You know how bad Dorcas’ suicide made him feel. And Frank’s last month. When he found the glass, he couldn’t resist.”

Remus still didn’t understand. "But... but pain is bad," he mumbled. "Pain..." He flinched and finally dropped his head, removing his attention from Regulus.

_"You do as you’re told!"_

_Smack._

_"Be quiet!"_

_"Be quiet, Remus," a small voice said._

_Blood dripped onto the floor, his head spinning. He tried to lie down but he was pulled up by the hair._

_"You don't lie down until I tell you to!"_

“Some people find that physical pain is better than the kind of pain you feel inside,” explained Lily. “And... I think Regulus also does it as some kind of self-punishment. It makes him feel better because he thinks he deserves it.”

"I don't think he deserves it."

“Don’t be scared, Remus,” said Lily and pulled him into a hug. “Regulus doesn’t want to die. He’s not going to kill himself. And we have taken the glass away so he can’t cut himself again.”

Remus nodded, leaning against Lily for comfort. He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about Regulus dying. No, he would do everything he could to make his friend feel better.

**o0o0o**

Outside, Sirius stood discussing with Molly. “I want to see him! My brother tried to kill himself and I want to see him! It’s my right! I’m his only family!”

"Sirius," Molly said in a strict tone. "Regulus was very shook up and we sedated him so you can't see him now."

“I just want to see that he’s alright! Don’t you understand how it feels for me?”

“We understand, Sirius,” said Dumbledore, coming down the corridor. “I can calm you, however, by telling you that it was not a suicide attempt - merely self-harm gone too far.”

Sirius looked at him. "Can't you just let me see him?" he asked a little more calmly.

Lily stuck her head out to see what was going on. 

“Oh, Lily,” smiled Dumbledore. “How is Regulus?”

“He’s sleeping.”

Dumbledore eyed Sirius for a moment. “If you can promise me to be quiet and not wake him, you can see him for a few minutes.”

Sirius lit up. "I promise!"

“Good,” nodded the doctor. “Don’t disappoint me, now.”

Sirius nodded and slipped past Lily into the room.

Remus looked up as a new person entered. He was surprised to see that they had let Sirius in. Sirius sent Remus a small nod and Remus gave him a shy one in return.

Regulus was lying on his back, his face looking peaceful, although pale. Sirius sat down on the edge of his bed and ran a hand over his soft hair. “Why do you have to be like this? You’re hurting yourself. You won’t let me help you; you won’t even talk to me. You’re killing me, you know that?” he said in a pained voice. He carefully lifted Regulus’ bandaged arm to take a look at it. 

"He... he didn't try to kill himself," Remus said softly.

Sirius looked at him, a little surprised that he had spoken. “Yes, Dumbledore told me. But I still don’t want him to hurt himself.”

"M-me too." So Regulus' brother did care. Remus felt a little happy for Regulus but sorry for Sirius, since his brother did not acknowledge him.

Sirius sat quietly for a few minutes just running his fingers through his brother’s hair. It was the first times he had properly touched him in four years without Regulus fighting him off. Then he asked, without looking away, “Does he ever speak of me?” 

"Yeah..." Remus bit his lip and then continued, "He, um, was worried about you when you got put in the cell."

Sirius’ head snapped around. “Really? Was he afraid I wouldn’t come back? Did he say that? What else did he say?”

"I think he was afraid they would send you to prison."

Sirius smiled a little. “I wish he would forgive me. I didn’t leave him for fun, you know. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I had to go because they were going to kill me at some point, and Reggie wouldn’t come with me. What was I supposed to do? Kidnap him?”

Remus pulled his legs up, looking at how affectionate Sirius was towards his brother. Regulus had told him that Sirius just left him and didn’t care. This was not what he had expected. "I… I dunno," Remus mumbled, wishing he could give a better answer.

The door opened and Lily stuck her head in. “Time to give him some peace, Sirius,” she said in a hushed voice. 

Sirius let his fingers run through his little brother’s hair once more and then got up. "Nice chatting with you, Remus. See you around."

**o0o0o**

The door at the end of the corridor sprang open and a fuming Crouch came stalking in. “In the meeting room!” he growled at the staff who was standing in the corridor. 

Molly quickly gathered the staff she could find and went to the meeting room. As soon as the door closed, Crouch hammered a fist into the table. “Regulus Black - did I not specifically point him out to be payed special attention to JUST A FEW HOURS AGO?”

"He must have found a piece of glass from one of the windows," Molly tried.

"He didn't try to kill himself," Lily quickly added. "He just wanted relief from –"

“Really? Is the boy so stupid that he doesn’t know that YOU DIE FROM SLITTING YOUR WRIST?”

"He didn't slit his wrist!" Lily protested. "He cut his arm and panicked when it got too deep. He told me didn't want to kill himself."

“He told you,” scoffed Crouch. “And of course you can believe anything a disturbed child says. There’s a reason he’s in here!” He tapped his fingers to his temple. “Are you an utter imbecile?”

“BARTEMIUS!” sounded Dumbledore’s voice. 

Crouch’s head snapped around to look at Dumbledore 

“Lily is not to blame here. And she is right. I believe Regulus, and I know him best. He does not want to die. But he does have a long history of self-harm. It has been his way of coping for a long time. He was very upset over Dorcas’ death, so it is not so strange that he couldn’t resist using the glass he had found.”

Crouch seemed to calm a bit and folded his hands. "Why was no one keeping an eye on him if he was taking that suicide so hard? I want everyone on suicide watch to have a roommate! And I want those re-evaluations to be strict. Anyone who has ever showed the tiniest hint of sadness. And I want a thorough search in every room as well as a full body search on all the patients. And remove the locks on all the bathrooms. I will send down a few extra hands to help. I can’t believe it – two episodes in one day!” Crouch muttered. 

Most of the staff sat with their heads bowed, feeling a little ashamed. Crouch did have a point. 

Crouch got up to leave. "I want it done today!"

Although Crouch had ordered it done immediately, Dumbledore decided that Remus’ and Regulus’ room would have to be searched the day after, so Regulus did not have to be disturbed now. 

**o0o0o**

Remus stayed up all night, watching his friend intensely, afraid if he looked away then he would stop breathing. Lily had given him something to help him sleep, but he was fighting the sleepiness and even banged the back of his head into the wall a few times to stay awake. Even though Lily had convinced him that Regulus had not tried to kill himself, he could not stop worrying. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18 -  I Don’t Need a Roommate**

At the breakfast table Molly made an announcement. “Since we have had two suicides recently –”

“Three,” Evan interrupted. “If little Black had known where to cut,” he grinned.

Luckily, Regulus was not there to hear it; he had been allowed to spend the day in his room to recover.

Sirius jumped to his feet, hammering a fist into the table. “Well, _I_ know where to cut, and if you don’t watch it, it’ll be your throat!”

Dawlish was there in an instant, pushing Sirius back in his seat and pointing a finger in his face. “Don’t even think about it! You stay calm or it’s another trip to the cells!”

“Evan,” said Molly. “That was a horrid thing to say. Apologise to Sirius immediately.”

“No,” scowled Evan, but the death glare Molly fixed him with made him give in. “Okay,” he mumbled. “Sorry…”

The whole table sighed in relief. If Evan had not apologised, it was likely that Sirius would not have been able to control himself.

“Anyway,” continued Molly. “We have decided to re-evaluate you all. That means you will all have a talk with Pandora and Doctor Dumbledore one at a time, starting after breakfast. Then it will be decided if you are put on suicide watch, which you will be if there is the slightest doubt. And all on suicide watch have to have a roommate. Those who have a single room will be given a roommate," she said. 

James’ hand shot into the air. "Can I have Miles as my suicide partner?"

Molly rolled her eyes. "You’re not on suicide watch, James."

"Is Miles?"

"I don’t know yet. He needs to talk to Doctor Lovegood," she said in a tired voice. "Either way, the two of you will not be sharing a room. Neither of you would get any sleep."

"Blimey, nobody wants James for roommate," said Hestia. "He'd drive you nuts!"

"I wouldn't mind sharing a room with one of the boys," Rita said. "Would be fun for a change."

"Well, that isn't going to happen, Rita," said Molly. "Boys and girls are separated. You know the rule about no sex - although somehow I doubt you've understood it - and we don't want to tempt people."

Rita shrugged and rested her head on her hand as she fluttered her eyelashes at Sirius. "No sex. Too bad..." She blew him a kiss.

"Miles," said Molly, "I don’t know yet if you're on watch - although I doubt that you are - but Severus needs a roommate, so that will be you."

Severus suddenly woke from his daydream. "What? No! I don't need a roommate!"

"Yes, you do, Severus. You know you're on watch. You have been from the start."

Lily had read in Severus’ journal that he had tried to kill himself right before coming in, and she figured that was the reason he was on suicide watch. He hadn’t told her the story yet. He had been vague about the details of his hospitalisation.

"That's ace!" grinned Miles. "I'd like a roommate.”

Severus sank back in his seat, looking grim. He wasn't keen on a roommate, especially someone as annoying as Miles. He would end up killing himself if he had to listen to his nonsense all night. Besides, he already had Barty – why did he need another room mate?

"If you try to give  _me_  a fucking roommate I’m gonna fucking fly off the handle," said Evan, crossing his arms and looking very mean. 

"Don't worry, Evan," said Molly. "We wouldn't dream of burdening anyone with having to live with you."

"You could put Evan and Sirius together - that would be fun!" grinned James. 

Evan and Sirius scowled at each other as if it were actually a possibility that they would be paired up.

"Not in this lifetime, James," Molly said.

"Exactly. We're doing this because we don't want any more deaths," said Antonin. 

There was more complaining and Molly said, "Will you stop moaning about this? There's nothing we can do about it. It's orders from the top."

**o0o0o**

"You know we're being watched, right?" said Miles to Severus as they lay in the dark. 

“I don't care," Severus lied. To be completely honest, Miles made him a little paranoid. "Just go to sleep."

"You don't care they're watching you in your room? I don't get why we have to do this roommate thing when they can just keep an eye us on the surveillance cameras. Not that I mind a roommate – you're a nice chap and all."

"Why don’t you put a sock in it? All your talk is keeping me awake." Severus rolled onto his side, facing the wall.

"Did you ever try to find them?"

"Find what?" snapped Severus.

"The cameras. And the microphones."

"No! Blimey. I didn't, because I never thought about it..." He pulled his blanket over his head.

"Well, if you don't mind, that's fine with me. Just thought I wanted to warn you," said Miles and folded his arms behind his head, looking up at the ceiling.

"And who cares if they watch us? I don't have anything to hide!" said Severus. However, he couldn't help but look around for a camera. "Be quiet, Barty!"

"Barty? I'm Miles."

"Not you. Barty."

"Who’s Barty? Is he watching us?"

"He’s sitting here talking to me and he doesn't like you so that’s why he won't talk to you. Yes, I told him that, Barty. Yes, I did!"

"What?" said Miles and sat up in his bed, turning on the lights to see if anyone else was in the room. "Oh, yeah," he said as something dawned on him. "You’re that nutter with an imaginary friend."

"I'm not a nutter!" Severus said and sat up. "No more than you! Thinking people want to sell your sorry arse off? Guess what: you're not that interesting that anyone would want to buy you!" 

"Whatever," said Miles in an amused tone. "Obviously you can't tell your own arse from your elbow so I'm not offended you don't believe me."

“Shut up, you bloody wanker!" Severus yelled and got out of bed. "Take it back or you'll be sorry!"

Miles just rolled his eyes and that sent Severus over the edge, punching Miles in the face.

"Bloody hell!" cried Miles, holding a hand to his eye. "What the fuck did you do that for?"

"You had it fucking coming!" Severus yelled.

Miles didn't have much experience in fighting, so he grabbed his pillow and slammed it into Severus to ward off the next blow.

"WHAT ON EARTH IS HAPPENING HERE?" Two from the night shift came rushing through the door and grabbed hold of a boy each.

"He started it!" Severus yelled as he struggled to get free of the nurse’s grip. "Let go of me!" 

"He's the one who hit me!" said Miles. "Look at my face!"

"That's it, Snape," said the nurse holding Miles and let him go in order to help the other nurse control Severus.

"Leave me alone!" Severus screamed and tried to get free but both nurses held onto him tightly. He fought back and managed to land an elbow in the face of one of them.

"Ouch! You little son of a..." the nurse cursed.

"Barty! Help me!” Severus yelled. “Where’s Lily? She believes me! "Where is she?"

"Lily is at home, sleeping! She can't be here all the bloody time!"

"She's my nurse! Not you!" Severus cried, even though Lily had not been assigned to him. But they started dragging him down the hallway by his arms, clearly not listening. "Ouch! You're hurting me, you wankers!"

The nurses took him into one of the cells and strapped him to the bed, kicking and screaming. "There. Now you can lie here and cool off."

**o0o0o**

When Lily came in the next morning she was met in the door by James who could report that Severus had been abducted. Lily eyed him with a raised eyebrow. "Really? By whom? I think you've been spending too much time with Miles."

"No, mate," James said and looked around. "He was taken from his room by some people last night and put in one of the cells. He hasn't come out yet.”

Worried, Lily hurried to the cells. Severus was unstrapped, but his eyes showed signs that he had been sedated. He sat up on the bed when Lily unlocked the door and came in. She sat down next to him on the bed. “Are you alright? Tell me what happened.”

"Miles is what happened," Severus mumbled. "He creeped me out with all his surveillance djipper djapper."

Lily sighed. “You can’t take everything he says seriously, Severus. “He has a way of overdramatising everything. You didn’t believe in his stories, did you?”

Severus was quiet for a moment. "Of course not. He was just getting on my nerves so I slugged him. Deserved it too, he did."

Lily sighed. “I understand how annoying he can be. You aren’t the first one to have hit him, you know. I think Sirius did it more than once. But you should take the high road, Severus. You’re not like Sirius, are you? I thought you had more self-control.”

"Well…" Severus started, feeling his ears go red. "He insulted Barty and I always stick up for my friend. And he called me a nutter. I'm not!"

“Well... haven’t you called Miles a nutter as well?”

Severus' lips formed a thin line. "You're supposed to be on my side. I'm not the nutter. He is."

“Miles has never hit you, has he? But you hit him.”

"No, but…" Severus turned his head to look at the corner. "Yes. Yes, I know," he told the wall and then turned back to Lily. "Barty says you can't judge us when you weren't there."

“I’m not judging you. I would just be sad if you started going to the cells all the time. I know it upset you to be forced in here, and I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Severus bit his lip and eyed her sceptically. "Yeah… Well, as I said he had it coming. I asked him to stop but he kept going on about cameras and then he insulted me and Barty." He snorted and continued. "I don't want to share a room with him."

“No, I don’t think that’s a very good idea either. I’m going to see to it that you get another roommate. But Severus - could you promise me to think twice before hitting someone again?”

Severus nodded a little reluctantly. "Can I get out of here now?"

“Yes,” smiled Lily. “If you promise to try to control yourself next time you’re being provoked.”

"I already did."

**o0o0o**

“Regulus,” said Dumbledore as he caught the boy after lunch.

Regulus stopped and sighed. He knew what this was about. “I didn’t try to kill myself. I didn’t mean to cut so deep. I just wanted to...”

“I know,” nodded the old doctor. “But I would like to have a talk with you anyway.”

Dumbledore escorted Regulus back to his office and asked him to sit. He watched the boy for a moment and sent him a smile. "So, Regulus," he started. "Can you tell me what went through your mind the other day?"

Regulus looked down at his hands. “The same as all the other times I’ve cut myself. I just wanted to feel better. I didn’t mean for anyone to find out. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody. I just couldn’t help it, now that I had found that glass.”

Doctor Dumbledore folded his hands on his desk. "Sirius was there too, I hear. You talked to him?"

Regulus looked up quickly and then down again. “I didn’t want him there. He just made it worse. He has to stick his nose into everything!”

"You think perhaps it's because he cares about you a great deal?"

“He just feels guilty...”

“He loves you, Regulus,” said Dumbledore softly. “I have absolutely no doubt about that.”

Regulus sat motionless for a few seconds, then looked up at the doctor. “You don’t leave those you love.”

"Let me tell you a story. When I was Sirius’ age I had a good relationship with my brother. And my little sister. That summer I got a new friend whom my brother disliked and mistrusted. I, however, could not see the problem. It made my brother angry and he stopped talking to me. And you know what? Last year he died. I never got to mend my relationship with him. I haven’t seen him in fifty years. My sister’s funeral was the last time I saw him." He leaned a little forward. "Don't let that happen to you and Sirius."

“Just because he didn’t like your friend? That sounds...” Regulus searched for a word that sounded less offensive that ‘stupid’. “…like a very small thing to fall out over.”

"Well," Dumbledore said, peeking over his half-moon spectacles. "My brother believed my friend was responsible for our sister's death so he blamed me for bringing him into our lives and taking his side."

“Oh...” said Regulus. He was curious to know what had actually happened, but he supposed Dumbledore would have given him more details if he had wanted to, so he didn’t dare ask. “But... it doesn’t sound fair that he blames you for something someone else did.”

"No, it's doesn't, does it? Your brother didn't wish to leave you, yet you hold him responsible for it, even though he had no choice in the matter."

"He _did_ have a choice. He could have stayed.”

"They would have killed him."

Regulus swallowed. “You don’t know that.”

"I know what he told me, and I believe him." Dumbledore sighed. "Just consider it, Regulus. Don't make the mistake I made. You will regret it someday."

“He... he used to tell me he would protect me always.”

"Did you know that he went directly to the police about the cult?"

“Yes,” mumbled Regulus, although to be fair he had never bothered to let Sirius tell him the full version – or listen to others giving it. 

Doctor Dumbledore studied Regulus. "Your brother loves you."

Regulus sat unmoving for a long moment. Then he said, “All right.”

“All right, what?”

“I will talk to him.”

"I'm glad to hear it," the doctor smiled. “Do you want to talk to him right away?”

“Why not...”

“I will go find him. Wait here.”

The old man left and came back with Sirius a few minutes later.

Sirius, looking puzzled, took a seat facing Regulus and eyed him curiously. "You look better," he said after a few minutes when Regulus had said nothing.

“Yes, now I don’t have blood on my clothes,” said Regulus sardonically. 

"You know what I mean."

Dumbledore sat quietly in the corner, watching the two brothers.

Regulus didn’t really know what to say. He wasn’t quite ready to forgive Sirius. He had agreed to stop ignoring him, and that was a big deal for now. “Don’t you have anything to say? You’ve been dying to talk to me ever since I got here. Well, now I’m listening.”

Sirius bit his lip, first looking at Dumbledore and then back at Regulus. "Well, I told you a million times what happened so I'm not going to repeat myself, because chances that you believe me are slim. Otherwise you would have talked to me sooner. I'm just glad you're okay."

“I do believe you. You ran away because you feared for your life. You tried to get me to come with you, but I was too scared. So you left anyway. You always told me that you would be there to protect me, but that was obviously a lie.”

"It wasn’t a lie!" Sirius said a little louder than he had meant. "But I couldn't very well protect you if I was dead, could I? I tried to get help but those wankers didn't believe me." He took a deep breath to calm himself. "You know how happy I was when I finally saw you again? And how bloody much it hurt when you wouldn't talk to me?"

“You could have stayed and started acting like a good Black – then they wouldn’t have a reason to kill you,” said Regulus, ignoring Sirius’ last question. 

"You wanted me to get brainwashed?"

“You could have pretended! You didn’t have to adopt their beliefs,” said Regulus, to his regret feeling tears well up in his eyes. He clenched his teeth, forcing the tears back, hoping Sirius didn’t notice. “Did you ever regret that you left me alone with those monsters? Did you even feel guilty? At any point?”

"Every single fucking day and I still do! Why do you think I went crazy and got thrown in here?”

“You didn’t get thrown in here right away. You spent three years on the street.”

"I went to the police right away and several times after that but no one believed me. Don't you think it's killing me to know what you went through?"

Regulus looked at him for a long moment, seeing no lies in his eyes. He looked sincere. 

Sirius dropped his head and sighed. "I really wished you would have gone with me."

“What do you think they would have done to us if they had caught us? Oh wait – I know: they would have drowned us, and revived us if they were feeling generous.”

Sirius clenched his teeth and closed his eyes tightly. "They didn't catch me. And I would have made sure no matter what, that you had stayed safe."

“You couldn’t,” said Regulus in a softer voice. “No child could. Not even an adult. Kreacher tried to protect me and they killed him. I know you never liked him, but he was there for me. He gave his life for me.”

Sirius muttered something under his breath but then nodded. "Yeah, I know he was. And that was my only comfort, knowing he was there."

Regulus studied his brother for a moment. “I never thought I would see you again,” he said softly.

Sirius looked at him. "When they finally checked the mansion and the cult had moved I thought I had lost you forever. I guess that's why I got so violent. I thought I had lost the only person in this world I ever truly cared for.”

Regulus sighed. It must not have been easy for Sirius, out in the world on his own. “What happened to you? What did you do in the three years before they locked you in here?”

Sirius shifted in his seat, looking slightly uncomfortable. He shot a look at the old doctor who just sat watching them. "Lived on the streets with a small group of people who lived in abandoned houses," he sighed. “Made a living on shoplifting and petty crimes.” He took a chance and reached out his hand to touch Regulus' shoulder.

Regulus jerked away out of pure habit. Then he relaxed again. “What?” he asked. 

"Nothing. Just wanted to feel you."

On their way out of the office Regulus was suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. “Sirius...” he choked, reaching out and stopping his brother by the arm. 

Sirius turned around. “Yeah?”

Regulus threw himself in his arms and started crying, violent sobs, pressing his face against his chest. 

“I think I will go and see if Hagrid can offer me a nice cup of chamomile tea,” said Dumbledore and quickly left the room to the boys.

Sirius wrapped his arms around his brother and kissed the top of his head.

Standing like this Regulus felt like a small child again, seeking comfort from his big brother after an upsetting incident. He had been his only safety to hold on to. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19 – There Are Monsters Out There**

“How about going outside to enjoy the good weather?” suggested Regulus one day after breakfast. 

Remus nodded eagerly. He loved the garden.

Kingsley went outside with the boys, since it was the rule that someone from the staff had to be present when patients were out. In order to give the boys some privacy the tall man sat down on a bench in the opposite side of the garden from where the boys sat.

Remus scraped his feet back and forth against the ground, his eyes following the pattern that his shoes left in the gravel. It felt good sitting in the sun. He looked up as Regulus sighed. He noticed the small boy moving his mouth silently. Remus had been curious about this behaviour for a long time. "Um," he started and rubbed his arm nervously. "Why do you repeat things? When you read to me too."

Regulus froze. “Um… no, I don’t. It’s just when I’ve forgotten that I’ve already said something once,” he tried.

"You forget a lot, then," Remus said and kicked the gravel again. "I don't understand why, so I wanted to ask you so maybe you could explain. But if you don’t want to tell, that’s okay."

Regulus sighed. He hated talking to people about his OCD compulsions; even Dumbledore had a hard time getting him to discuss them in therapy. The truth was that he was ashamed of them. They were illogical; crazy, even. But Remus and he had become very close and talked about personal things; things that hurt and things they didn’t share with others. “It’s... It’s just something I feel I have to do,” he tried to explain. Having been so isolated from the outside world, Remus probably had never heard of OCD before meeting Regulus. “It’s like I get a feeling that I have to do it, and if I don’t then I get anxious.”

"Oh," said Remus, not really understanding. "So... you hurt yourself too because that?"

“Sort of. But It’s not exactly the same. The things I have to do - like repeating things and counting and all that - if I don’t do that, then something bad is going to happen. So I have to do it.”

Remus looked nervous. "So you're like a wizard? You can make things happen and make other things not happen?"

“No,” said Regulus, suddenly feeling stupid. He didn’t think he was a wizard. Not like crazy Gilderoy. “It’s not like that. It’s... It’s hard to explain. Dumbledore says it’s not true. That I can’t control what happens. Well, everybody says so. And they’re probably right. Probably. But I’m not completely  _sure_ , so that’s why I’m afraid to not do the things my thoughts tell me to.”

"I understand. I'm sorry you feel that way and have to do those things," Remus said after a long moment of silence.

Regulus doubted that Remus truly understood. It sounded crazy when he explained it. “The thing is that the things my mind keeps telling me is going to happen, does happen! It keeps saying ‘Something bad’s going to happen. Someone’s going to die. And it’s because of you. You can stop it if you do the right things.’ But I’m failing, because everybody around me keeps dying,” he said, forcing himself not to start crying. “I’m afraid perhaps it’s my fault.”

"Mm..." Remus hummed, his mouth a little crooked as he thought about what Regulus was saying. "That sounds... not nice for you. But I don't think it's your fault. It wasn’t your fault I got up on that bridge and wanted to jump. And not your fault I tried hang myself."

“Maybe not the bridge, but... maybe the hanging. And the suicides. And... Kreacher. My friend. Why else do people keep dying around me?”

Remus shrugged. "I dunno..." He thought about it for a second. “I wonder why bad things happened to me. What I did wrong so my family didn't want me anymore and the bad man was the only one that did." He bit his lip, looking determined. "I blame _him_ for me go on that bridge."

Regulus looked at him. “I do too. I don’t know exactly what he did to you, but keeping you prisoner in a basement is bad enough. And I think he did much worse than that. Didn’t he? Because you’re so scared of men.”

Remus looked up at his friend and nodded. "He, um... did things to me. Things only grownups are supposed to do. I didn't want it, but Andrew said that would be my life now, but if I behaved the man wouldn’t hurt me so bad." He dropped his head again. "Not true. After Andrew disappeared he got worse. Beat me more. Bit me. Things like that."

“He bit you?” Regulus whispered, horrified. “What... what else did he do?”

Remus shivered, staring down at the gravel. "He, um... put his… t-thing in me. And… other stuff…”

Regulus swallowed a lump. “That’s a horrible thing to do to a child. I’m really sorry, Remus.”

Remus shook his head and put a hand to his temple, trying to collect his thoughts. Had he really just told someone what had happened to him?

“You don’t have to feel ashamed,” said Regulus, putting a hand on Remus’ shoulder, sensing how he felt. “It’s not your fault. And I know you’re not the only one who has been abused like that. I know there are at least a few in here. Remus...” continued Regulus after a few minutes’ silence. “I think you should tell Lily and maybe Pandora what he did to you. They’re here to help the patients get over abuse like that. They can help you feel better, but they need to know about it if they’re going to be able to help you.”

"I... I don't know if I can," Remus said, his voice breaking. "I'm scared..."

“What are you scared of?” asked Regulus softly. “They won’t blame you or anything.”

"I don't want them to put me in chains and not let me see the sun again," he mumbled and hugged himself.

Regulus gawked at Remus. “Put you in chains? They’re not going to do that! You didn’t commit a crime. That man did! He should be arrested and put in prison for what he did to you and Andrew.”

"O-okay. I'll try and talk to Lily," Remus agreed after considering it for a bit.

“Good,” said Regulus, relieved. “She will know how to help you deal with it.”

A dark cloud suddenly covered the sun and was followed by several more, threatening rain, but the boys remained seated. A few minutes later it started pouring.

Kingsley got up from his seat on the bench across the lawn. "Regulus!" he shouted. "Come on in, we're getting wet!"

Regulus pretended not to hear Kingsley. It was refreshing to sit in the rain.

Suddenly someone started singing - or rather screaming -  _Singing_   _in_   _the_   _Rain_  at the top of their lungs, and both boys turned their heads to spot James rushing onto the lawn, pulling off his shirt as he started jumping around. Slughorn stood in the doorway, futilely calling for the boy to come back inside. He shot a helpless look at Kingsley who then got up from his bench to catch James.

"Maybe we should go inside," suggested Remus.

"Why? This is entertaining. James is crazy but he's harmless. Too bad for Lily she missed it. She thinks he's funny, too. Even though she’s supposed to take it seriously you can tell she thinks he’s funny."

Remus smiled at the thought of Lily laughing. 

Kingsley caught up with James but just as he was about to grab a hold of him, James made a sharp turn so Kingsley slipped and crashed headfirst into a muddy flower bed.

Regulus snickered although feeling a bit sorry for the guard. Kingsley got up again, covered in dirt. James was in for it now, because Kingsley was mad. He finally managed to catch him behind a small tree, but the singing teen slung both arms and legs around the tree and clung to it for dear life.

Slughorn hurried over to help Kingsley get James, who was now squealing like a pig, to let go of the tree. "James!" he scolded. "Cool down or we'll have to put you in solitary. You know the deal."

"Nooo! Not solitary!" James cried but still didn't let go of the tree. A lightning bolt crossed the sky, making everyone flinch and James finally let go.

Slughorn waddled over to Regulus and Remus. "What are you doing out here? You're both soaked!" They followed him inside (Remus as far from Horace as possible) and he quickly locked the door to the yard. "You best get some dry clothes on before you catch a cold."

Sirius caught Regulus as he was about to follow Remus into their room. "Reggie? A couple of lawyers have been here to talk to me a few times about the cult. They keep begging me to convince you to talk to them as well. I’ve told them to stick it, but I thought I’d ask you just in case it’s something you want to do..."

Regulus felt his stomach turn. “Dumbledore says I shouldn’t testify; that it would be too much for me. And I don’t want to! I don’t want to go to court, I don’t want to ever see any of them again!”

"That's what I thought," nodded Sirius. "But I wanted to hear it from you and not Dumbledore." He suddenly noticed that his brother was soaked. "Did you take a shower with your clothes on?"

“Yeah, outside. The entertainment was worth it, though. You should have seen James.”

"Yeah, Jamie boy is always entertaining," grinned Sirius. "You better get on some dry clothes." He suddenly gave his brother a hug, even though he was wet.

Regulus felt awkward. Yes, it was good to have his brother back, and yes, he could see the rational in Sirius’ reasons for leaving him behind, but Regulus had been angry at him for so long that it took a little getting used to. 

**o0o0o**

“Are you ready for a session?” Lily asked Remus the next day after lunch. “You look nervous. It wasn’t so bad the last time, was it?”

Remus shook his head, but truth be told he was terrified of telling them about the abuse.

When they had sat down, Doctor Lovegood fished out a biscuit tin. “I just made these candied rose-petals from my own roses,” she smiled, popping off the lid. “I know how you like roses, and I bet you have never tasted these before. Go ahead – have one!”

Remus slowly reached out his hand and took one of the petals. He nipped at it and sent her a quick smile. "They're good," he mumbled. He didn't help himself to another, however. He just nipped at the one he had and when he was done, he sat with his head bent.

“Remus,” started Pandora. “You did so well the last time. Are you ready to tell us a bit more today?”

He nodded. "Just... just promise I won't get locked up. I don't like being in chains."

“Locked up?” said Pandora, looking perplexed. “No, I can assure you you’re never going back to that man.”

"I know," mumbled Remus and bit his lip nervously. "But I don't wanna be locked up again.”

“You won’t, Remus,” said Lily and put a hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Who else would lock you up?”

"The police," mumbled Remus.

_If they knew what you did then they wouldn't be so nice to you._

“I don’t know what that man told you, but I can assure you he was lying,” said Doctor Lovegood. “Child abusers often lie and threaten their victims to make sure they stay quiet about what they do to them. Especially if the abuse is... Remus, did he do anything… Did he touch you private places?”

Remus didn't move for a while. He thought about what Regulus had told him about them wanting to help him, so he finally nodded. "Yes. He did that to me and Andrew," he said, still not looking up.

“Oh, Remus,” said Lily. “I’m so sorry.”

Doctor Lovegood looked sympathetic but not surprised. She had clearly been expecting this. “I know it’s easier said than done, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. He kept you as a prisoner. You had no choice at all.”

"I didn't fight back," said Remus, feeling himself go strangely numb. "Andrew told me he would just hurt me more if I did."

“You were smart to not fight back,” said Doctor Lovegood. “I’m sure he would have hurt you even worse if you had. He might even have killed you.”

"He came down in the basement every day. Sometimes two times or three. I knew if he had a bad day because then he was more mean…" Remus carefully pushed down the collar of his shirt to reveal an old bitemark on his shoulder.

Lily put a hand to her mouth, staring at the mark. She grabbed the bottom of Remus’ shirt and hesitated. “Can I?” When Remus nodded she pulled it up, revealing a myriad of scars and bitemarks littering his whole upper body. “Oh, Remus…” she whispered, tears rising up in her eyes.

“How... how young were you when he started doing these things to you?” asked Doctor Lovegood.

"I don’t know. I was little. I think maybe… five or six?" Remus heard them both gasp.

Lily sat weeping silently, not wanting to interrupt Remus. He needed to tell them as much as he could. 

“I’m so sorry, Remus,” said Doctor Lovegood. “I like to think that there’s good in everybody, but when I hear stories like this it’s very hard to stick to that philosophy. I’m so sorry you have been a victim of such a monster.”

Remus’ fingers toyed with a loose thread on his shirt. He felt numb and detached; as if he was telling someone else’s story.

“Do you want to stop for today?” asked Doctor Lovegood in a gentle voice. “You have been very brave. Telling someone for the first time is the most difficult part, and you have done that now. I hope you can feel it as a relief.”

Remus nodded slowly. "I'd like to go back and sleep for a bit."

“That’s probably a good idea,” nodded Doctor Lovegood. “And perhaps you and Lily could swing by the kitchen to fetch some chamomile tea. It’s a lovely natural sleep aid.”

**o0o0o**

Lily walked Remus back to his room. “Would you like me to go get you that tea?” She knew Remus would not come within a mile of Hagrid after the episode in the kitchen.

Remus suddenly felt the shame wash over him like a tidal wave as the numbness lifted. Had he really just told them his most shameful secret?

“It’s going to be okay, Remus” said Lily and sat down with him for a moment. “And don’t worry - Pandora and I will not tell anybody what you have told us. Not even Regulus. Unless you want it, of course.”

Remus bit his lip and mumbled something that Lily couldn’t make out.

"What did you say?" she asked and leaned closer.

"I already told him. He said I should tell you too because you could help me." Remus shook his head. "I don't think it helped... I just feel ashamed and now you know you will all look at me different."

“No, Remus, it _is_ going to help. It may not feel like it now, but it will,” said Lily and pulled Remus close. “Regulus is a very smart boy. Telling us was the right thing to do. Remember what Pandora said: it’s worst in the beginning. It will get easier to talk about. And don’t worry about us thinking ill of you. You have no reason to feel ashamed. You didn’t do anything wrong. And you aren’t the only one in here who has been abused like that.”

"I hope no one was treated like me," Remus said in a low voice and then went quiet. He felt dizzy and overwhelmed by emotions and pressed his face into Lily's shoulder, trying to stave off the anxiety.

“I’m afraid so,” said Lily in a gentle voice, letting Remus lean into her and stroking his hair. “Perhaps not locked in a basement like you, but abused, yes. There are monsters out there in the world. The good thing is that they’re rare.”

Remus felt hot tears well up in his eyes and starting to roll down his cheeks.

“It’s okay to cry,” said Lily, wiping away a tear of her own. “It helps. It helps to wash out the pain.”

They sat there until Remus had cried himself tired. Lily helped him lie down and gently ran a hand over his hair. "I'll just get you that tea, yes?"

**o0o0o**

Later, when Regulus had come back to the room and started reading to Remus, Lily went to find Emmeline. 

“Hi,” she smiled as she sat down next to the girl, who was sitting by herself in a corner of the common room. “How are you doing today?”

Emmeline looked up and sent Lily a smile. "Fine, I suppose."

“Emmeline...” Lily said and put a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “I have something I would like to ask you. You don’t have to say yes. It’s just a suggestion.”

Emmeline looked at her in interest. “Yes?”

“I thought perhaps you could talk a bit with Remus. You know, Regulus’ roommate. It would be good for him to socialise with someone other than just Regulus, and you are so nice and non-threatening. He’s very timid, as you know, but I’m sure he would feel comfortable around you.”

Emmeline looked surprised. "But what should I talk to him about? I don't talk much to anyone so I'm not exactly an expert in socialising."

“Well, it would be good for you talking to more people as well. And you and Remus have something in common. Like you, he has also had a difficult home life.” said Lily. She had promised Remus not to tell others about him being molested, so she couldn’t say it directly to Emmeline, but she could hint that some kind of abuse had occurred. Emmeline had been sexually abused by her father for years, and after a lot of therapy she had become quite open about it (to the staff, at least), and Lily hoped she would open up to Remus as well. It would be valuable for him to talk to someone who had similar experiences and could truly understand him.

Emmeline nodded. "I see. Well, I wouldn't mind getting to know him. He seems nice.”

“I’m glad,” smiled Lily. “He’s resting now after a tough session, but perhaps tomorrow you could meet.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 –   It’s no Bloody Hallucination**

The next day Lily took Remus to the common room. He was a bit nervous, not quite sure what Lily’s agenda was. He shily eyed Emmeline as Lily introduced them.

“What about we go sit in one of your rooms?” suggested Lily. “So you can talk without worrying about the others? I can fetch us some snacks from Hagrid to make it a bit cosy.”

Talk? They needed to talk? Remus was not sure what they were supposed to talk about.

They went to Emmeline’s room and she and Remus sat peaking at each other shily while waiting for Lily to come back from the kitchen.

Lily came a few minutes later, putting down a bowl of crisps and three Fantas. She had also brought a mineral water and some carrot sticks, hoping that perhaps Emmeline would eat those, since she doubted very much she would even touch crisps. Then she sat down and opened one of the cans. “It’s not a therapy session or anything. I just thought the two of you would get along well, so I thought I would introduce you to each other. You don’t have to just sit and talk - we can play a game or something, if you’d like,” she said and fished out a deck of cards from a pocket.

They started playing gin rummy - the only card game Remus knew. Regulus had taught it to him when he had started spending time in the common room. 

“So... how do you like it here, Remus?” asked Emmeline after a few rounds. 

Remus was quiet for a long moment. How did he like it? "It’s… It's nice," he mumbled, not really looking at her. "They don’t keep us in chains."

Emmeline looked at him in puzzlement. “No... Why would they do that? Well, only when someone gets very violent - like Sirius or Severus – then they sometimes strap them down.”

Remus looked up at her, getting nervous when he remembered being strapped down. "I tried that. I wasn't violent. Just scared."

“That was a mistake, Remus,” Lily said quickly, not wanting Remus to start fearing being strapped down again. “We talked about this - it won’t happen again.”

“I’m sorry...” said Emmeline. “But you like it otherwise? You like your roommate, yes?”

Remus nodded. "Yes, Regulus is my best friend. We talk and he teach me things. Who is your roommate?"

“Alice. But we don’t really talk. She doesn’t talk to anyone. She’s very ill, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. When I first came in here I lived with someone else, but she got out three months ago. She had a depression and got better.”

“You and Remus will be well enough to get out at some point too,” smiled Lily.

Remus shook his head slowly. "I talked about my problems but it didn't make me better. Only made me remember things I want to forget.”

“But you have got better since you came,” said Emmeline, looking incredulous. “In the beginning you were so scared you didn’t even dare come in the common room. And when you finally did, you were clinging to Regulus. You look more comfortable now.”

Remus chewed on that for a minute. Yes, in many ways he had gotten much better. But the memories of the things the bad man had done to him hurt just as badly as they did in the beginning. “Yes, I guess. But there’s still things that hurt inside.”

Lily was surprised at how talkative Remus was. She had only heard him talk so openly and relaxed with Regulus and herself. She had been right about him and Emmeline being good together. 

Remus played a card and then studied Emmeline. "You been locked up too? You're so thin."

“I’m not locked up. I’m here by choice. I... It’s better here than home.”

"I meaned if you _have_ been locked up since you're so thin.”

Emmeline looked down at her cards for a long moment. “I’m not as thin as I look... If you saw me naked... I hide that I’m fat with baggy clothes.”

Remus tilted his head and studied the girl one more time. He could see her wrist bones clearly and her cheeks were sunken in, clearly showing the outline of her cheekbones and jaw. It was clear to him that she was anything but fat. She was even thinner than he had been when he first came in. "You're not far. If you’re fat then I’m a big hippo." He sent her a nervous smile, trying to get her to look at him.

“No, you’re not. You’re thin. And I guess it’s different for boys. Girls are ugly if they aren’t thin. I will never get a boyfriend if I don’t lose a bit more weight. None of the boys in here even looks at me...”

Remus had trouble understanding why she was so upset about her weight. He noticed a plate of food, probably left from lunch, and wondered why she hadn't eaten it yet. She hadn’t eaten any of the crisps or carrot sticks either.

**o0o0o**

“Where were you for so long?” asked Regulus when Remus came back to their room. “I couldn’t find you. I didn’t think you had therapy today.”

"Lily wanted me to talk to Emmeline," Remus said and scratched his neck before sitting down. "Don't know why. But she was very nice."

Regulus looked a bit surprised. “You talked to her all that time?”

Remus nodded. "She thought she was fat. She didn’t believe me when I told her she wasn’t.”

Regulus sighed. He felt awfully sorry for Emmeline. “She has anorexia. It means that she believes she’s fat no matter how thin she gets and because of that she doesn’t want to eat. That’s why she’s here. They try to make her eat as much as they can, and try to make her understand that she’s too thin. That she could die if she doesn’t stop starving herself.”

Remus looked at Regulus in disbelief. Why would anyone want to starve themselves? "I don't understand," he said. "She must be very hungry. And the food here is very good. Not rotten or dry."

“It has nothing to do with that. It’s her illness. You know how people in here have different mental illnesses. Like, some are depressed, some think there are people who aren’t real and so on. And Miles thinks his someone else is pretending to be his father. Emmeline not wanting to eat is not even as strange as that.”

**o0o0o**

The next day after breakfast Regulus went to fetch something in his room. On his way there he passed Arthur standing in the hall trying to ward off Rita, who was practically rubbing herself against him, purring like a cat. 

"Rita, please," Arthur said in a very pedagogic tone. "I have told you no so many times and you  _know_  that it is unacceptable to flirt with me or any other member of the staff. Now please remove your hands. No, Rita. Stop." He took a gentle hold of her wrists and removed her hands from his chest.

Regulus was not surprised that this weak rejection had no effect.

"Oh, but Arthur, nobody needs to know. We can go to my room," she said flirtatiously. 

"Rita, I have told you many times now that it simply won’t do with this behaviour."

She hung onto him like a leech. "Oh, but why? I know you're not gay. Don't you think I’m hot?"

"I will not answer such a question, Rita," Arthur said firmly. "Go back to the common room.”

Regulus saw her lean in and whisper something in Arthur’s ear, her lips nearly touching it. Arthur blushed and then used a little more force to push her off. "Rita! I told you no!"

"But  _whyyyy_?" pouted Rita like a petulant child. 

"Because nurses don't have relationships with their patients. No employee does." Arthur said strictly. “Besides, I’m married. You know that.”

"But I’m not asking for a relationship! I just want a little fun!"

"And I said no,” Arthur repeated and this time walked away. It seemed to be the only thing that worked. 

The girl finally gave up and let Arthur go. Then she noticed Regulus, who had just passed. "Hey," she said. "You know where Sirius is?"

“In the common room. Good luck trying to seduce him. He’s in a bad mood today.”

**o0o0o**

Later at dinner, Alecto scanned the table with her keen eyes and asked, "Where is Rita? Did anyone allow her to eat in her room?" 

All nurses shook their heads.

"Well, somebody fetch her! Severus - you go. You're closest to the exit."

Severus sighed and got up from his seat. He walked down to Rita’s room and knocked on the door. "Rita! Dinner!" There was no answer. He got irritated and knocked again and when there was still no answer, he went inside. "Rita, for fuck sake-" He froze. 

Rita was hanging from a sheet tied to the curtain rod. Her eyes were bulging out and her face a shade of dull blue. Severus backed out of the room and ran down the hall screaming.

Several of the nurses as well as patients jumped up from their seats. 

"What in God's name has gotten into you?" shouted Antonin when Severus rushed into the dining hall. 

"R-Rita! She's dead!"

"Bullocks. Rita wasn't on watch. Why would she kill herself? "

"I don't bloody know, but she did!"

Slughorn went around the table and placed both hands on Severus’s shoulders, looking straight at him. "What are you talking about? Tell me what you saw."

Severus was close to panic. "She was... was hanging from the curtain rod... she hanged herself!" 

"What the hell, you freak?" yelled Evan. "That shite isn’t funny! Don't you fucking joke with that!"

"Severus," said Slughorn. It was obvious that Severus wasn't joking. He really believed what he was saying. "Take it easy. It isn't real. It was just a hallucination."

"It's no bloody hallucination!" Severus yelled back.

"You're seeing things," said Sirius. "As usual. What - was Barty there as well?"

"Be quiet, Sirius!" ordered Molly.

“I'm telling the truth," Severus said, looking miserable.  "Please..."

Lily got up. "Why don’t we just go check Rita’s room instead of discussing?”

She followed Severus to Rita’s room, but a few steps from the door he stopped. "I’m not going back in there." 

"All right," said Lily and continued. She wasn't sure what to think; but no matter what, Severus deserved to be taken seriously. In the doorway she froze. It felt like all the blood in her head rushed down to her feet and for long moment she wasn't able to move. Then she turned slowly and walked back to Severus, white in the face. 

"I told you I wasn't lying!" Severus said in an almost demanding tone for approval.

"I know," said Lily. "I knew you weren't lying." She felt like going to the bathroom and throw up but she was at work and had responsibilities. "Severus... Go back to the common room and tell Molly and Kingsley to come. I don't want to leave Rita alone here, in case some of the patients decide to come check."

Kingsley and Molly came running down the hallway a minute later. "What’s going on?" Kingsley asked. 

"She's in there. Like Severus said."

Kingsley opened the door and groaned when he spotted the hanging girl. Then he turned to face the others. "Might be a good idea to call Doctor Crouch down here. Might also need the police..."

"You think it's murder?" asked Lily.

"This can't be a coincidence," he said. "Three deaths in two months? And Rita was definitely not suicidal."

"And how did she get up there?" Molly asked. "There’s no chair and the window frame is too narrow to stand on."

**o0o0o**

Half an hour later Doctor Dumbledore, Doctor Lovegood, Molly, two detectives and a coroner were standing in Rita's room. Doctor Crouch, unfortunately, was away on holiday.

Lily, Antonin and Arthur had been given the task to keep the patients in the common room. The wing where Rita's room was located had been locked, but the patients still needed to be monitored and kept calm. 

Remus wanted to ask Lily what was going on but there were too many people around for him to dare open his mouth. He felt fear grip him as two police officers stuck their heads in but then left again after talking to the staff. 

"I tell you, she's been offed," claimed Miles. "She knew too much and someone thought they best silence her."

"She knew  _what_?" asked Marlene.

" _I_  don't know," said Miles and looked around. "And if I did, do you think I would blabber on about it? I don't want to be offed as well!"

"You  _do_  blabber on about it! You blabber on about conspiracies all the time!"

"Yeah, you do," Sirius agreed. 

"You really think it’s murder?" asked James, his eyes darting around the room.

"Of course it is," Sirius said. "Otherwise there wouldn't be coppers around."

"As far as I’m concerned, it's suicide," said Antonin. "There's no conspiracies and no murders, so you all better shut up. And  _you_  -" he continued, pointing threateningly at Miles, "you shut the hell up and stop riling up the other patients!"

"I think he's in on it," whispered Miles to James and Sirius when Antonin had turned his attention away. "We better keep an eye on him."

"Yeah... we better," James said, his eyes glued to the nurse as he walked around the room. 

Lily was sitting between Remus and Regulus, an arm around each of their shoulders. "You two just relax," she said. "You know Miles and James won't miss a chance to make some drama. I'm sure there's a simple explanation for this."

"But... she can't have killed herself," said Regulus. "I saw her this morning chatting up Arthur and when he finally got away from her she set out to find someone else to pester. She didn't look sad at all."

Lily ran a hand over the fourteen-year-old's hair, sensing that he was starting to get anxious. "You can't always see how people really feel, Regulus. Sometimes what they show is a mask they put on to hide their true feelings." 

"It's just that... People keep dying all around me," said Regulus, trying to keep his voice even. 

"It has nothing to do with you, Regulus. Unless you went into their rooms and murdered them with your own hands, it doesn't."

"No, but... It keeps happening no matter where I go.”

"It has nothing to do with you," repeated Lily.

"You can't be sure."

"Yes, I can. I’m not superstitious. Are you? Do you think you can kill people with your mind?"

"No... It isn't like that," said Regulus, feeling a little stupid when Lily put it like that.

"Then how is it?"

"I... I can't tell. It's just a feeling I have."

"That doesn't mean it's true. Miles has a feeling that his father has been murdered by the MI5 and that this place is under surveillance by the government or whatnot. Do you believe that's true?"

"No, of course not. But he's paranoid..."

"But you know what, Regulus? Your theory is even more unrealistic than Miles', because however unlikely it is, it  _could_  be true. His father  _could_  have been murdered and this place  _could_  be under surveillance. Of course it isn't, but it's theoretically possible. Your theory, however, goes against all reason and laws of nature. And I think deep down you know that."

Regulus looked at her with shock written all over his face.

"You know that, Regulus, don't you? You're a smart kid. You know it's impossible that whether or not you count everything or turn the light on and off a specific number of times can't possibly affect if someone commits suicide. Or get killed in an accident. Or gets murdered. Isn't that right, Regulus?"

Regulus bent his head and after a moment whispered, "Yes."

Remus was a little shocked. He had never seen Lily or Regulus like this. But he also felt relieved that Lily finally seemed to be getting through to him. 

"See?" said Lily in a gentler tone and pulled the boy into a hug. 

Regulus accepted and pressed his face into Lily's shoulder. After a moment of sitting like that he said, "I know that scientifically it can't be my fault, but... there's always that little voice that says - _you can't be absolutely sure. Nothing's a 100 percent certain_. And what if you're wrong? What if it  _is_  my fault? We can't be  _sure_."

"That's your illness speaking, Regulus. That's how OCD patients think. Once they finally manage to quiet that little voice of doubt, that's when they can start getting better."

Molly came back a bit later and waved Lily over. She looked a little pale. "They think it’s murder. They can’t be sure about Frank and Dorcas since we just shipped them off as suicides, but they suspect they might have been murdered as well."

"Jesus! They think there's a serial killer on the loose?"

"Perhaps... They want to interview all of us one at a time to hear if any of us knows something and to look for suspects, I guess," Molly said. 

Then an officer stepped into the common room. "Hello, I am Detective Inspector Ivan Tyler. As you all know, a patient has been found dead, and we have yet to determine the cause of death."

"It was hanging, you knob heads!" interfered Sirius.

"No, you wanker - he means if she was murdered or what," said Evan. 

"What the fuck did you call me?" shouted Sirius and jumped to his feet, pulling Evan up by the collar.

“SIT DOWN!” shouted Dawlish who had been sitting quietly by the wall. He marched over to glare into the faces of the two boys. “NO TROUBLE FROM YOU TWO TODAY! There’s enough trouble here as is!”

They both looked rather stunned and then went back to their respective seats. It was clear that Dawlish meant business.

Half an hour later Molly announced that people could go to their rooms now.

As Remus and Regulus jumped to their feet, Molly hurried over and asked them to wait. “Lily, could you join us for a moment?” When Lily had come over, Molly continued, “Dumbledore asked that we make sure that Regulus is never alone  _at all_  these next few days.”

“But I’m already never alone,” interrupted Regulus. 

Molly looked at him. “Well, even stricter these next days. Also when you use the bathroom.”

“ _What?_  I’m not going to the bathroom along with someone!”

“That’s not what I meant,” said Molly, holding up a calming hand. “But when you have to go, someone will sit outside waiting. And this means that when you’re in your room Remus will have to keep an eye on the door.” She turned to look at Remus. “Once in a while you ask if he’s okay, and if he sounds off or doesn’t answer then you fetch someone. Can I count on you to do that?” she asked in a kind voice. 

Remus looked from Regulus to Molly and then nodded. "Yes. I'll keep an eye on him."

“I’m not going to do anything,” said Regulus, sounding a mix of hurt and offended. 

“Remember what happened the last time someone died? We can’t risk a repeat performance,” said Molly.

“But I promised I wouldn’t do it again,” protester Regulus. “And I don’t have the glass any more, anyway.”

“We’re just concerned for you,” said Molly and put a hand on Regulus’ shoulder. “We know how deeply it affects you when someone dies. Dumbledore will have a private session with you first thing tomorrow.”

Regulus looked down at his feet and nodded. He felt guilty about giving them reason to worry so much about him. 

  
  



	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21 - Get better soon, Mate**

The atmosphere was sombre the next morning. In fact, it was unusually quiet. More so that with any of the other deaths. Miles suddenly looked around. “Where’s James?”

The others on the couches looked around as well. “Bloody hell,” said Peter. “Maybe he’s been murdered!”

James only stayed in his room at night when he was forced to be there. He wanted to be where there were people and action, so Peter’s suggestion wasn’t that far-fetched. 

Worried, Miles jumped to his feet, hurrying to James’ room. He knocked, but when there was no answer he went inside. James was lying in his bed, facing the wall. Miles sat down next to him and shook him. “Jamie? Mate?” He rolled him onto his back so he could see his face. James was staring blankly at the ceiling. For a horrible second Miles thought he was dead, but then he rolled back on his side, mumbling, “Go away...”

Miles exchanged puzzled looks with Sirius, who had followed him into the room.

“What’s the matter with him? Is it Rita? He wasn’t this upset yesterday... And he wasn’t particularly fond of her,” said Sirius.

Miles shook James again, trying to get in contact with him. 

“What’s going on in here?” sounded Arthur’s voice. 

Sirius looked up. “Something’s seriously wrong with James! He’s like paralysed.”

Arthur looked at James and sighed. “He’s finally having a depressive episode. You haven’t seen him like this, because he’s been on a very long manic episode. Ever since he got here. But he’s bi-polar, and this is how the illness goes. We can only hope this is a short episode.”

“Bloody hell, yeah,” said Miles. “I forgot he’s bi-polar. I was afraid you bastards had given him a lobotomy or something.”

Sirius looked down at his friend, who didn’t show any signs of having registered that Arthur had come in and that they were talking about him. Sirius put hand on James' back and gave it a soft rub. "Get better soon, mate…"

Miles stayed in James’ room and talked about all sorts of things that would normally amuse him, hoping to cheer him up just a bit. 

**o0o0o**

“We need to find James a roommate now that he’s depressed,” said Arthur to his wife. “Dumbledore is going to put him on suicide watch for certain.”

Molly nodded and sighed. "Who would make a good roommate for him? I mean, he has known Sirius the longest but we all know he's got a nasty temper and when James gets back to normal he will get on Sirius’ nerves and there will be trouble.”

“Maybe Miles is an option as long as James is depressed? He seems to genuine care about him."

“Perhaps... And when he’s back to normal we can separate them, or else they aren’t going to get any sleep. Ever.”

**o0o0o**

Dumbledore called a staff meeting later that afternoon. Detective Inspector Tyler, who was there as well, took the word. “The coroner has just finished the autopsy of Rita Skeeter and ruled out suicide. So we have a murder on our hands, ladies and gentlemen.”

Everyone looked at each other. A few of the nurses gasped, looking shocked.

"So what are we supposed to do now?" asked Antonin, looking rather unaffected.

“Well,” said Dumbledore. “For a start we tighten security, since we do not yet know if the rest of the patients are in danger.”

“The bodies of Dorcas Meadows and Frank Longbottom are being exhumed for autopsy since we suspect they might have been murders as well. Until we get the results you must keep a very close eye on the patients. And yourselves. If we are talking about a serial killing, then who’s to say only patients are targets?”

Lily folded her hands in her lap, thinking about the patients. She was very worried about their wellbeing and decided to take more shifts. It would ease her mind to be here with them instead of just sitting at home.

“Do you have any suspects?” asked Alecto. 

“No. But we are investigating further, of course. And I must ask you all to keep ears and eyes open, and if you hear, see or think of anything that you think might be of importance, do not hesitate contacting us.”

“Is it someone on the ward, you think?” asked Molly. 

“That is impossible to say at this point, but of course there is a good chance of that - especially if Meadows and Longbottom were murdered as well.”

“I still say it’s Black,” said Antonin, crossing his arms. “He’s dangerous. He should not be here - I have said it many times.”

"Just because he has a temper doesn't make him a killer," protested Lily. "Why would he kill anyone - and especially someone who has not wronged him in any way?"

“And what do you know of mental patients? You’ve only been here a few months and you already think you’re an expert!” snarled Antonin. 

"I have talked more to Sirius the past few months than you have the last year, as far as I understand," Lily said, trying to restrain herself from telling him straight out that she thought his treatment of Sirius was bordering on abusive.

“Well, I have helped get him under control more times than you can count!”

“Antonin,” said Dumbledore. “Let’s not throw stones. Leave it to the police to investigate instead of throwing around accusations.”

Antonin scowled at him but just sat back in his chair with a grim face.

“But who could the killer be?” asked Horace, looking nervously around as if the killer could pounce on him any moment.

“Impossible to say,” said Officer Tyler. “It could be a patient, an employee or an outsider sneaking in. Of course there are some who can be ruled out. Although Rita was not a heavy girl it would still take a certain amount of strength to hang her from the window.”

“So it’s a man...” said Pomona.

“It could be a strong woman. An adult woman. Or a teenage lad. The girls and the smaller boys, however, can be ruled out.”

They all sat quiet for a minute, looking around as if judging each other's size and strength.

"Well, I didn't do it!" Antonin suddenly exclaimed.

“Nobody accused you,” said Molly. 

“If Detective Tyler is done for now,” interrupted Dumbledore, “let’s talk of tightened security. Doctor Crouch will be back from holiday Monday and I’m sure he has something to add, but for a start: no one lives alone. Those without roommates must be paired up, and the rules that apply to those on suicide watch now apply to everybody.”

"Well," said Molly and turned to Dumbledore. "As you know, James is on a depressive episode so Arthur and I have already discussed giving him a roommate. We were thinking Miles."

“Yes,” said Dumbledore. “And it is not many who can handle sharing a room with James when he’s manic. We can always change the arrangement if it becomes a problem. Anyway - I will leave these decisions up to you nurses. You are the ones who know the daily routines here best.”

Molly took over. “Then there’s the problem of Sirius. Who do we pair him up with?”

"Well," Horace said. "There is always Regulus, now that he has forgiven his brother."

“Oh, I do not think that would be wise,” said Doctor Dumbledore. “The boys have just begun mending fences. They’re not ready for this closeness yet. Besides,” he added. “I understand that Remus relies heavily on Regulus.”

“And Remus means a lot to Regulus as well,” added Lily, when Dumbledore stopped talking. “They shouldn’t be separated.”

"Then who are we going to put with Sirius? Regulus is about the only one of the boys we can be sure he will not beat up," said Horace.

“I’m sure Pettigrew would be thrilled to be his roommate, even if he had to take a beating or two,” said Alecto.

A few badly supressed sniggers sounded.

“Why not just chose someone quiet who likes to keep to himself?” suggested Arthur. “It is not as though Sirius beats up people for fun - he only gets violent with people who provoke him.”

“Yes,” agreed Pomona. “What about Benji?”

"That’s a good idea," nodded Molly and wrote it down on a piece of paper.

"What about Severus? It didn’t go so well with his last roommate…" said Arthur.

“He already has Barty, so he should be fine," said Antonin.

“Antonin!” said Molly, sending the other nurse a reproachful look. 

“Why not give him Caradoc?” suggested Pomona. He’s free now that we’re moving Benji in with Sirius. “He’s quiet as well and I doubt he will tease Severus.”

“Then we put Evan with Avery – he’s the only one he sort of likes – And Peter with Gilderoy,” said Alecto. “Then all the boys are paired up.”

“Poor Peter,” sighed Horace. 

“Well, it’s better that to get beat up,” said Pomona. “We will just have to talk to him about how to handle Gandalf.”

**o0o0o**

The patients went dead silent for a moment when Molly gave them the news that Rita had indeed been murdered. Then the talk broke out. 

“Is it a serial killer? Do they think Frank and Dorcas were murdered too?” asked Marlene. 

“They can’t say yet. They are going to perform an abduction on them as soon as possible. But the officers told us not to be scared. As long as you stick to the new safety rules of never being alone, all should be well. All three were alone when they died, and all three had single rooms.”

Regulus and Remus sat in the back, glad they had not been switched around with anyone. Remus rubbed his hands nervously as a few people looked at him.

"So we have to have eyes on us constantly? That sucks!" Sirius moped.

“That’s nothing new,” said Miles. They’re watching us constantly already. They just have to do this in order to keep up the charade because they don’t want us to know about the cameras”

"You and your freaking cameras!" Sirius spat, getting rather annoyed.

“Miles, if there were cameras, don’t you think they would be able to see who killed Rita?” asked a girl named Ivy. 

“Maybe the killer knows where they are so he can avoid them," Miles pointed out.

“Didn’t you say they had cameras in every room?”

Miles chewed on his lip, going quiet, apparently unable to come up with an explanation for that one. “Of course...” he said a moment later. “They _do_ know who the murderer is, because they’re the ones behind it! Perhaps not the staff, but the MI5 or the government. Rita must have known too much. She must have found out something and then they had to silence her.”

“Miles," said Molly in a strict tone. "You know what I have told you about forcing your theories on the other patients."

“So what? You’re either one of them or you’re brainwashed like everybody else.”

Molly sighed and placed her hands on her hips. "Miles, I am only giving you one warning."

“Or what?” said Miles, challenging her with his gaze.

“I will escort you to your room."

Sirius wolf whistled and a few of the others laughed. “Think you can handle that much woman?” he grinned at Miles.

"Sirius!" Molly barked.

"I think Arthur is going to get mad,” sniggered Peter, but when Molly sent him a look, his grin faltered.

"Miles - are you going to behave or not?" asked Molly.

“I’ll behave,” said Miles. “But I think the fact that someone has been murdered is more important than how I behave.”

“That’s right,” said Lucinda, her eyes boring into Molly. “There’s a killer on the loose! Why do you let us sit here like sitting ducks locked up with some madman?”

Molly fetched Kingsley and asked him to please help her reassure the patients.

“There is nothing to fear as long as you stick to the new safety rules. We have added one more night watch and most of the staff have agreed to do extra hours,” explained Kingsley in his deep calm voice. He had the gift of sounding authoritative and reassuring at the same time so usually nobody questioned what he said. “We are keeping a close eye on you.”

The discussion of who was the culprit proceeded once Molly and Kingsley had moved away. 

“But who is it?” 

“When I find out, I’m going to smash his face in!” said Evan, slamming a fist into his palm. 

“It could be a woman,” pointed out Ivy. 

"No way," said Evan, eying the girl in disbelief. "Girls can't pull a stunt like this!"

“Why not? Because they’re not strong enough or not mean enough?”

"They aren't smart enough."

“Fuck you, Evan,” said Ivy while several other girls voiced their resentment as well.

“If anything, girls are smarter than boys,” said Natalie. “They get better grades in school, for one.”

"And that makes them serial killers?" Even laughed.

“No – it makes them smart!” said Natalie, rolling her eyes. 

“Statistically, the chances are slim. Only 15 % of serial killers are women,” informed Miles. “Although, of course, the correct number is probably higher, because women are better at not getting caught.”

“See? Because they’re smarter than men!” crowed Natalie. 

“It’s just because no one suspects them,” pointed out Benji. “No one wants to believe that women are capable of something so horrific.”

“Well, both,” said Miles. 

“Women aren’t smarter than men!” protested Evan. 

“No, but they’re less likely to commit murder on impulse. When you do it on impulse - that’s when you make mistakes and leave evidence,” said Miles.

“The only woman in here mean enough to be a murderer is Alecto,” said Peter, after taking a quick look around to check that said woman wasn’t within earshot. 

“Well, she’s certainly strong enough. Gilderoy thinks she’s an orc and I’m leaning towards agreeing with him for once,” laughed Ivy.

“It’s not her. I think it’s Thorfinn,” said Marlene. “He likes to hurt people. You should have seen the bruises on Sirius’ neck the last time.”

Peter nodded eagerly. "Yes, he’s a right psycho!”

Evan snorted. “He was preventing him from killing Severus! What did you expect him to do? Pet him until he calmed down?”

"You didn't see how he treated me in the cell afterwards!" Sirius said.

"It could also be Antonin," suggested Marlene, steering the conversation in another direction.

“It could,” someone mumbled. “He’s mean.”

“It couldn’t. He’s a nurse,” said Lucinda. 

“So what if he’s a nurse?” asked Natalie. 

“Just... People become nurses because they’re caring. They want to help people. Not kill them,” said Lucinda. 

“Ever heard the term _angle of death_?” asked Natalie. "It's a serial killer who is a nurse or doctor. Patients are such easy targets, and it makes them high feeling that power over life and death. They often get away with many murders before people even start to suspect there's foul play involved, because sick people often die and mostly there isn't even performed autopsies. There was this bloke called Doctor Death who got away with over 200 murders.”

“Yeah – Harold Shipman,” nodded Miles. “But all his victims were old. It’s easy to get away with it when you’re working with old or ill people. Here in a place like this it gets suspicious after just a few suicides."

“And Rita definitely wasn’t suicidal!” said Avery. “That motherfucker who did this…” He clenched his fists.

"Funny you care so much about Rita’s death," said Sirius. "Lost your Lolita doll?"

Avery made to get up but stopped himself. He had clearly not forgotten what happened the last time he got into a fight with Sirius so he settled with a snarled “Fuck you, Black!”

“Sirius,” sounded Arthur’s voice. “I heard that. Go to your room and don’t come out until dinner,” he said in an uncharacteristic harsh tone. I will join you in a moment so you don’t have to sit there alone.” 

“Why am I always the one being sent away?" Sirius barked. " He said ‘fuck you’ to me! Why aren't you smacking his fingers as well?"

“A girl has been murdered and you called her a Lolita doll.”

“Yes, Sirius, you should be ashamed of yourself,” said Marlene, sending her boyfriend a reproachful look. 

Several others agreed, now daring since Marlene had said it first. 

"I didn’t mean it like that! It’s horrible what happened to her. I’m just pointing out that the only bloody reason Avery and Evan care about her dying is that they use to screw her! They didn’t care about her feelings – they were always slagging her off and calling her a tart. All I’m pointing out." 

“If you don’t shut the fuck up –” growled Evan and made to get up, but Lucinda pulled him back down.

"I think your brother is in trouble," Remus whispered to Regulus.

“That’s his problem,” said Regulus, feeling a little sick over his brother’s tactless comment. 

“I’m not going to discuss this with you, Sirius,” said Arthur and sent Evan a quick warning look. 

Sirius got up, realising that his comment was probably out of order so he went for the hallway, slamming the door behind him.

“Fucking wanker,” growled Evan. 

“He... he didn’t mean it like it sounded,” Peter tried defending his hero. 

"He meant every bloody word. He doesn't care about anyone," said Avery.

"He just doesn't think before he speaks," sighed Marlene.

“I’m sick of him getting away with everything,” said Evan. If any of us had done the things he had, we would have been out on our arses long ago.”

“You’re one to talk,” said Marlene. “You get into fights as much as he does, and you’re mean to people on top of that.”

"And he isn’t?" spat Evan. He leaned back and then mumbled. "I hope he’s next. Unless he isn't in fact the killer himself."

**o0o0o**

Lily took Remus and Regulus back to their room later, passing James' room on the way. The door was open and James was lying on his bed sobbing while Miles sat beside him, carefully stroking his back.

“Why is he so sad?" Remus asked, looking at Lily. "He’s always so happy."

“That’s the illness he has,” explained Lily. “It’s called bipolar disorder and it makes him very happy and excited some of the time and then suddenly very unhappy. It’s not as fun being James as you’d think. When he’s happy he feels like he’s on top of the world, but as you see, this is the price he’s paying.”

Remus bit his lip. "I see... I'm feel sorry for him."

“No one here has it easy,” continued Lily. “People just have different kinds of problems.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 -  Don’t Tell Me how to Do My Job!**

“Perhaps you two could go sit with Emmeline today,” suggested Lily when the boys came into the common room the next day. 

“Why?” asked Regulus. 

"Because I'm sure the three of you could get along well," Lily smiled. "Emmeline is very lonely and you two know that feeling. Maybe you could bring her a bit out of her shell?"

“Oh, okay,” said Regulus quickly. “Of course. I didn’t mean that I didn’t want to. I’m sorry she’s lonely. I just thought that it was Remus she was bonding with.”

They went over to sit down by Emmeline.

“You don’t have to sit here just because Lily asked you to...” said Emmeline after long moment of silence.

“It’s not because Lily told us to,” said Regulus, suddenly feeling sorry for Emmeline for thinking that her company wasn’t worth the while. “Remus said he had fun with you yesterday so I thought I might as well join you.”

Emmeline smiled shily and pulled at her sweatshirt. “I... I had fun too. I'm glad you wanted to join."

“So... what do you want to do?” asked Regulus. “You played cards yesterday, didn’t you? You want to play a game?”

They played a few rounds. Regulus didn’t know what to say, other than things related to the game. He didn’t really know how to speak to girls. In the cult girls and boys had been separated most of the time - and they were not allowed to be together without adults present, because God forbid they got any ideas about unclean behaviour. They were only allowed to spend alone-time with girls in their family, and Regulus’ cousins had been much older than him (Narcissa, the youngest, was six years older) so that didn’t really count.

Emmeline kept peeking at Regulus but every time he looked back, she quickly looked down at her cards.

Regulus sent Remus a demanding look, trying to silently tell him that since Emmeline was his friend, it was his responsibility to get the conversation started.

Remus finally cleared his throat. "So... um. How have you been?"

Emmeline smiled. “Okay. How about you? It was nice talking the other day...”

Remus nodded. "It was. And I’m okay. Better than last. "Regulus reads to me every night. Help me sleep better."

“That’s nice,” said Emmeline, casting a glance at Regulus, quickly looking away when he met eyes. 

“It’s no problem,” mumbled Regulus. “I read all the time anyway...”

**o0o0o**

Detective Inspector Tyler and a female detective arrived later that day to brief the staff. 

“The autopsies of Longbottom and Meadows have been performed,” Tyler started. The staff all looked expectantly at him. “There is no absolute proof of murder, but Meadows’ death is highly suspicious. The coroner believes it is murder, although he cannot completely rule out suicide. He says the way the cuts run would have been very difficult with the one wrist already slit.”

"Do you have any suspects?" Molly asked after a moment of shocked silence.

“At this moment, no. We have only just begun investigating; which is why we need to interview all of you, one at a time.”

Antonin let out a sigh and leaned back in his seat.

“We aren’t just interviewing you because we suspect you, so you don’t need to be offended. But we need to figure out what has happened here, and we need your full cooperation and for you to tell us everything you know or think might be of importance.”

“What about the patients?” asked Arthur. “Will you need to interview them as well?”

“The stronger lads, yes. I don’t think any of the girls in here are big and strong enough to have hung Skeeter up from the curtain rod. Am I right, or have I missed someone?”

The staff mumbled a bit. “No, I don’t think any of our girls are strong enough.”

“Could you name the lads you deem big and strong enough?” asked the other detective and pulled out a notebook.

“Well, there’s Sirius, James, Evan, Avery, Gilderoy... Severus...” started Molly. 

“Caradoc and perhaps Miles?” added Pomona.

“No, Miles is too skinny,” Molly shook her head. “And I don’t think there are more than we have mentioned.”

“Alright, nodded Tyler. “As for the others - for a start I think it will do if you talk to them and ask if they know anything about what has happened. And if anyone does, then we need to speak with them.”

"I don't like to trouble Regulus and Remus," said Lily to Molly when they stood a bit away from the others later. "I highly doubt they know anything anyway and poor Regulus will only blame himself even more."

Molly looked pensive and then nodded. “Yes, Regulus should be left alone. I’m sure he would have said if he had seen or heard anything. But I think you should ask Remus.”

**o0o0o**

Visitation hours were busier than ever the following week. Worried family members were checking on the patients, and several were taken home.

Remus sat with Regulus, watching as another patient was picked up. "Where are they all going?"

“Their parents are taking them home or moving them to other hospitals. They’re scared there’s a serial killer on the ward. That’s the third one this week.”

Remus was about to comment on it when he spotted a tiny person enter the ward. He looked like a child in height but he had a moustache and the face of a middle-aged man. “What... who…” said Remus as he stared at the man. 

“It’s a dwarf. Well, ‘little person’ is the polite term,” explained Regulus, guessing that Remus had never seen a little person. “That’s Lucinda’s uncle, I think. He’s been to visit once or twice while I’ve been here. He’s the only little person I’ve ever seen in real life. The cult would never have let me meet one. But they’re just normal people, except really short even as adults.”

Out of the blue Gilderoy came rushing up, startling the little man and the nurse. "FRODO!" He squatted in front of him, his hands on his shoulders, and looked around. "Do you have the ring? Is it secrete? Is it safe?"

The man gawked at Gilderoy in utter bafflement.

Horace came running. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Flitwick!” he said, making Gilderoy back away. “So sorry! Gilderoy is not right in the... quite delusional. I do apologise.”

Dawlish hurried over to hold Gilderoy back. "Let go!" Gilderoy cried. "Run, Frodo! Run! Saruman must not get the ring!"

“That’s my uncle, you nutter!” yelled Lucinda as she came running. “Leave him alone!”

“Yes, let’s go back to the common room, Gilderoy” said Molly, who had come over as well. “Watch some telly or something.”

“What is telly? Is it the magic box?" Gilderoy asked in bemusement.

“Would you like some tea, Mr. Flitwick?” asked Horace, clearly very embarrassed on Gilderoy’s behalf.

“Yes... yes, please, that would be nice," said the man and wiped his forehead with a handkerchief, still looking a little startled.

“You two go ahead and sit in Lucinda’s room. I’ll be right along with the tea.”

Gilderoy was still quite agitated as Molly sat him down near the tv. “Where did Frodo go? He needs my guidance!”

“Frodo has been eaten by a giant spider," Evan said with a smirk, resting his arm on the back of the sofa. "Probably lost that precious ring of yours to Gollum over there." He tossed his head in the direction of Severus.

Gilderoy’s face turned white. “A spider? What? Where?” He looked around in confusion. “FRODO!” he called. Then he moved over to Evan and stuck a finger in his face. “How do you know this? Who are you?”

“You know who I am," said Evan, looking very secretive.

Gilderoy looked at him in confusion. “No. I don’t know...” he said in voice unlike his usual Gandalf voice. “Who are you? W-who am I?”

The other patients looked at him. They had never seen Gilderoy like this before. He had always been very in character.

"You're a nutter, is what you are," grinned Evan.

"Evan, shut your mouth! Gilderoy - come, let’s go to your room for a chat, yes?” said Molly, putting her hands on the teen’s shoulders and guiding him out the common room.

**o0o0o**

Lily went to see Remus and Regulus in their rooms after dinner. Regulus was reading as usual and Remus was sitting at the desk drawing - something he had become quite fond of lately. 

Lily sat down on Remus’ bed. “Aren’t you going to the common room? It’s film-night. You usually like that.”

Remus hesitated a little before putting his pencil down and looking at her. "I... I don't feel like going today." When Lily tilted her head, he continued. "Because people are not so nice now and I don't like the mood."

“What do you mean?” asked Lily. “I think people are just a bit on edge because of the... because of Rita. What about you, Regulus? Don’t you want to see the film?”

“It’s okay...” said Regulus, casting a glance in Remus’ direction. “Remus would like to be here and I don’t mind keeping him company. I can watch the next one.”

“Listen, why don’t I keep Remus company, then you can go see the film? Sirius was asking for you. He’s saving you a seat.”

“You should go if you want,” said Remus. “I didn’t know you stayed for me.”

“You’ll stay with him?” Regulus asked Lily. “Until I get back?”

“Yes,” nodded Lily. “Since none of you are allowed to be alone. It’s fine - Remus and I can have a good chat. It’s been a while.”

Remus watched the door for a minute after Regulus had left. Then he returned his attention to his piece of paper.

“What are you drawing?” asked Lily kindly, cocking her head to get a better look at the paper. It was difficult to see what the drawing was supposed to be - it looked like something a small child had made - but she was just glad that Remus had found something he liked to do. 

Remus kept drawing for a few seconds without saying anything, seeming to be in his own little world. "My mum," he finally said, not taking his eyes off the paper.

“Oh? She... ah, she had long hair, I see. Was she very pretty?”

Remus nodded, a soft smile on his lips, and picked up a red crayon. "She had red lipstick."

“Remus...” said Lily after a short silence. “You’ve been here so long and we have gotten to know each other so well that I think it’s time that you tell us your last name. I know you’re scared that we’ll find your stepfather, but we need to find out who you are, and I promise you you will never have to see him again.”

Remus' hand stopped moving and his head dropped. "I don't know my last name," he mumbled.

Lily looked at him. “What? You don’t know it? You must... did you forget it?”

Remus shrugged. "I don't remember. All I know is my name is Remus."

Lily took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “And your address? You don’t know that either?”

Remus shook his head. "I only lived in the basement. Didn't see the house number when I left."

“How did you leave, Remus? Did you escape? Did someone set you free? What happened?”

Remus gulped. "I... I escaped," he said, his voice a little shaky.

“Okay. I’m so glad you did. Do you think you could find the house again if you got help? Not that I want you to go there, but we need to find your stepfather so he can be brought to justice. He should be punished for what he did to you.”

Remus just shook his head.

“What is his name, Remus? We could perhaps find him that way.”

Remus refused to answer any more questions.

Lily sighed. She didn’t understand why Remus was still protecting that monster. Why he didn’t want to help them identify him. Lately, Remus had seemed be have been convinced that they were not going to let the man have him back, but Lily wondered if she had been wrong.

**o0o0o**

"How are the lads?" Molly asked Lily when the film had finished and Regulus had returned to his room to keep Remus company.

"They’re ok, considering the whole situation. They have each other. Makes a big difference for both of them. It was a good thing putting them together.”

"Yes," said Molly. "That was a good call. Dumbledore knows what he's doing.”

Lily nodded. “He does seem like a quite fantastic psychiatrist.”

“One of the best in the country. We were overjoyed to get him.”

“He hasn’t been her longer than you?” asked Lily in surprise. Somehow, she had imagined the old doctor having been at the ward always.

“Oh no, he’s only been here three years. He has worked at numerous hospitals all over the country and even spent some years in the United States and Ireland, I believe. That’s how he got so much experience. He has tried it all. I do hope he feels he has had enough, though, and stays with us until retirement, because we’re very glad to have him.”

**o0o0o**

In the middle of the night Remus woke. He blinked a couple of times, his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room. Only a slim line of light seeped in from under the door. His ears piqued when he heard a low sound but then relaxed as he realised it was only Regulus mumbling in his sleep. He lay in the dark trying to fall asleep again, but just as his eyelids were getting heavy he heard footsteps out in the hallway. Slow heavy footsteps. He pulled the covers up under his nose as he listened to the footsteps getting closer and closer until they stopped. Right outside their door. A shadow blocked most of the light from under the door and Remus held his breath, staring at it. It seemed to linger there for hours, although probably no more than a few minutes. Then, finally the shadow backed away and the footsteps continued down the hall, the echo slowly dying away.

**o0o0o**

“You don’t look like you’ve slept well,” said Regulus the next morning, eying the bags under Remus’ eyes. “Have a bad dream or something?”

Remus shook his head and bit his lip, debating with himself whether he should tell Regulus or not. He didn’t want to worry him without reason. “Um… I think there was someone outside our room last night.”

“Well... the guards patrol. And they do it more often now after… you know.”

"I thought that as well but it was strange. The shadow stood right outside our door for a long time."

Regulus looked at him a little uneasily. “Well, it must have been a guard. If it were the killer he would have come in, right?”

"I guess so…"

“Maybe we should tell them about it, anyway. Just so they know.”

"Maybe ask who was on watch," Remus suggested. "Maybe they can explain why they stood outside our door."

**o0o0o**

When the boys asked Molly about the incident she told them that Thorfinn and the new guard had been the ones on watch. She assured them that there was nothing to worry about but that she would look into it anyway.

In the evening when Thorfinn came in, Molly asked him about it. 

“Oh...” he said. “Er... that was me. I thought I heard some sounds from in there so I just wanted to make sure. That’s why I stood there for a while listening.”

“If you thought you heard something in there then why didn’t you check?”

“Well, I didn’t want to scare them, did I?”

Molly sent the big guard a strict look. "If you hear something suspicious you're supposed to check it out to make sure nothing is going on. No one said you should barge in, but you could open the door and peep in. What if one of them was being murdered and you just stood outside?"

Thorfinn took a menacing step closer to Molly. “Don’t tell me how to do my job! I guarantee you - no one else is going to get murdered on my watch!”

Molly stood her ground, her eyes fixed on Thorfinn who was over a foot taller than her. "I'm not telling you how to do your job. It shouldn’t be necessary. I'm just reminding you that we have to be on the alert because of the murders."

“I know what murder sounds like and that wasn’t it! I stood there listening, didn’t I?”

**o0o0o**

"Could be strangulation?" suggested Miles a little later to the others in the common room. He had overheard most of Molly and Thorfinn’s conversation. Thorfinn hadn’t exactly been keeping his voice down. "That doesn't make much noise."

"How does that big oaf know what murder sounds like, anyway?" Sirius said, sitting with Marlene and a very melancholic James.

“They’re two in there,” said Marlene. “One would scream or run for help if the other was being strangled. That’s why it’s good that everybody has a roommate now. I doubt there will be any more murders if just everybody sticks to the rules.”

Sirius kissed her cheek. "Good point. But I still wonder how he knows what murder sounds like."

“It’s just something he said,” said Miles. “Like telling Molly he knows how to do his job,”

“I think he’s the killer,” said Peter. “He’s vicious. He likes to hurt people. He’s always much rougher than necessary with Sirius when he’s in a fight.”

“It’s not him,” said Miles. “It’s too obvious. No, they’ve chosen a super professional assassin; someone nobody would suspect.”

“It’s a serial killer, not an assassin. Why would they hire an assassin to kill off mental patients?" Severus said, for once taking part in a conversation.

“Yeah,” agreed Caradoc, Severus’ new roommate. “Why would they? Mental patients are no threat to the government.”

Miles rolled his eyes. “They have their reasons. They’re expensive to the State and they cause trouble sometimes.”

"Yeah," Severus snorted, feeling confident being backed up for once. "You're a brilliant example of that, you tosser."

Since James was just sitting staring into thin air there was no one backing up Miles, but the boy didn’t seem fazed by it. “The pot calling the kettle black,” Miles said cheerfully. 

“He was talking to you, not Sirius,” said Peter.

“Not the _name_ Black, you pillock. It’s an idiom,” said Miles.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23 - I’m not Done with You!**

After lunch the next day Lily went to sit with Emmeline. “Remus said you were having a bad day today.”

Emmeline shrugged, not sending Lily a smile as she usually did.

"Want to talk about it?" Lily offered.

“I just feel so unlovable.” Emmeline angrily wiped a tear away from her eye with a palm. “I’m fat. And I don’t even have a pretty face. Sometimes fat girls can be attractive if just they have a pretty face. And my hair –” she took a lock and held it out for Lily to see. “Look - it’s all limp and mud-coloured.”

Lily put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “I think you're very pretty. I wish I could make you see that." Then she got an idea." Tell you what - I have a friend who is a hairdresser. I bet she would love to stop by and gave you a makeover. Maybe a few of the other patients too."

Emmeline eyed Lily a little sceptically. “Really? You think she would do that? She doesn’t even know us...”

"I’m quite sure she will," Lily smiled. "She’s a very generous and helpful person. I'll text her later today and also ask Molly if it would be okay for her to come by."

“I don’t know...” said Molly when Lily asked her later after having cleared it with her friend, Zoe. “It sounds like a good idea, but we don’t have much left on our budget this year.”

"Oh, she'll do it for free," said Lily. "She just finished her education so she appreciates the practice. But she’s good so it's not as though the patients will end up half bald."

“Oh,” beamed Molly. “Well, I’m sure the kids will enjoy her visit. Especially the girls.”

**o0o0o**

Lily brought Zoe along the next Monday. "Thanks for doing this. They're so excited about it."

“Of course,” Zoe smiled. “I’m glad to help. And then I can meet the kids you’ve been telling me so much about.”

“How many scissors do you have?” asked Lily as she watched Zoe unpack her equipment.

“Um… three. Why?”

“Well, we have to be careful with sharp object in here. Suicidal patients, you know. Just keep the scissors on you at all times and we’ll make sure you have all three when you’re done.”

Zoe nodded and pulled up a chair for the patients to sit on and then placed her hands on her hips, smiling. "There. All set."

The patients had already gathered outside the room, watching curiously as Zoe made her preparations. Many of the boys who hadn’t been that interested when hearing about the event had turned up anyway, some because Zoe was quite good looking. 

"I'm doing you boys too, if you want haircuts," she said. 

"You can do me  _anytime_ , babe," grinned Evan. "But keep your hands off my hair."

"I want a makeover!” exclaimed James, who had just come out of his depressive period. “I wanna be posh and stylish!"

Lily shook her head at James. It was good to see him up and about again after having been so depressed for weeks.

“Who wants to go first?” asked Zoe. 

“Me, me, me!” exclaimed James.

“Yeah, best do him first or he’s going to drive us all mad with impatience,” said Marlene. 

“Well... what would you like?” asked Zoe as James jumped into the chair.

James looked at Sirius, Peter and Miles who all stood close by. "What do you lot think? Purple?"

Zoe laughed. “What? You want it dyed? That’s going to be quite an operation. We’re going to have to bleach that black hair first before we can dye it... can you sit still that long?”

James nodded while the onlookers all shook their heads.

“Well, if you say so,” smiled Zoe. “I’ll just put in the bleach and then you can sit over there while I start on someone else.”

Lucinda got a haircut while James sat waiting for the bleach to work. Then James got back in the seat. “Wait - I don’t want purple. I want red so me and Lily can look smashing together!”

“What about you, darling - don’t you want a haircut?” asked Lily, running a hand through Remus’ uneven locks. She doubted he had had a proper haircut since he was very young. 

Remus eyed the scissors in Zoe’s hand as she was cutting a bit of James’ messy hair. He gulped as he turned his head towards Lily and shook his head.

“Why not?” asked Lily, looking at him. “Zoe is very nice and your hair really looks like it hasn’t been cut in a long time.”

Wide-eyed, Remus motioned for her to come a little closer so he could whisper to her. “I... I don’t like scissors.”

“Oh. Well, Zoe knows how to handle them. You can think about it, at least. She’s going to be here all day. Maybe Regulus will have a cut too.” She looked over at said boy. “Won’t you have a haircut too, Regulus?”

Regulus shrugged and touched his hair, which was longer than he had ever had it. It hadn’t been cut since he came here. “Perhaps... but I don’t know what style. Just shortened a bit, perhaps.”

“You should get it like Logan Lerman, before he had the fringe cut,” suggested Emmeline, looking a little surprised at herself that she had spoken out loud.

“Who’s that?” asked Regulus.

“Percy Jackson. You know, the film we saw the other day. Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief.”

“Oh...” said Regulus. He guessed that wouldn’t be too bad. It was sort of short, but the fringe was long so he wouldn’t feel like his face was naked. “You think that would be nice?”

“I think it would look great,” said Emmeline excitedly.

Remus looked at the two and then at Lily. “If Regulus is going I guess I can too.”

“I think it’s done now,” said James and made to get up. 

Zoe stopped him resolutely, pushing him back down in the chair. “Oh, you’re staying put, young man. I warned you it would take long, didn’t I? If we wash it out now it’ll be pink.”

James sighed dramatically and sunk back into the chair.

Most of the patients had left the room half an hour later when it was Remus’ turn.

“He looks very nervous,” Sirius said to his brother.

“Nothing like when he came in,” pointed out Regulus. 

“AAAAHHH - I got it in my eye!” squealed James from the adjourning bathroom where Miles was helping him wash out the dye. 

Sirius shook his head. “You almost miss the silence, no?” he joked. 

Remus sat down on the chair, telling himself not to be a baby, but when Zoe ran a comb though his hair and made the first cut he flinched violently.

“Hey, hey,” she said in surprise. “I didn’t nick your ear, did I?”

"N-no," he stuttered.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Remus can handle it, right, Remus?” said Lily and sat down on a chair next to Remus, holding his hand. “It’ll be quick. Just a trim, yeah, Zoe?”

"Yes," smiled Zoe.

“Just wait till you see James’ hair,” said Regulus to Remus to distract him from the hair cutting. James was standing somewhere behind Regulus, rubbing his hair vigorously with a towel. “He thinks Lily will go out with him now that he has her hair colour, but I doubt it...”

"Y-yeah," Remus stuttered, holding Lily's hand so tightly that it must have hurt, although she didn’t let on.

Tossing the towel in Miles’ face, James rushed around to stand next to Lily, putting an arm around her shoulder. “Look, Remus - now we’re twins!”

“Going Lannister on us?” laughed Miles. “James Lannister!”

“Um - the kind of twins who date, without being related!”

Everyone laughed, even Regulus and Remus.

“You mean step-twins or something?” grinned Sirius.

“Yeah - something like that! Something that isn’t nasty.”

Remus squeezed Lily’s hand when Zoe started trimming his fringe and she wondered what had happened that made him so scared of scissors. Had his stepfather done something to him with scissors? Sadly, it wouldn’t surprise her, after what she had seen and heard. “It’s looking good, Remus,” she smiled. “And I think you’re almost done.”

“One, two, three...” counted Zoe while she made a few final cuts. “There. That’s good enough for now, isn’t it?” she smiled at him. “I can tell you’re getting tired of sitting here.” She held up a mirror for Remus to see the back of his head. 

Heaving a sigh of relief, Remus tilted his head, studying his reflection in the mirror. He looked almost like a different person, he thought. He liked it.

“Very nice,” said Lily. “You look like a civilised young man. Which of course you are.”

Zoe gave Sirius a trim next and then put some platinum highlights in Marlene’s blonde hair. Miles wolf-whistled at her and earned himself a playful smack upon the head from Sirius. 

“Hey, we should go get Snivellus so Zoe could teach him how to wash his hair!” beamed James suddenly.

“NO,” said Lily sternly, managing to catch James by the arm as he was about to run out. “Remember what we talked about yesterday? You’re going to stop bullying him. We agreed that would be for the best, didn’t we?”

James sighed and his shoulders sagged. “You agreed…” he mumbled.

“Yes, and you agreed that you wanted to keep me happy, didn’t you?”

When most of the bystanders had left, following James into the common room to watch him parade around with his new hair, Emmeline sat down in the chair.

Lily had told Zoe about Emmeline and how important it was that she boost her self-confidence. "How about we take off a good ten centimetres so it's just above the shoulders?" suggested Zoe, stepping in behind Emmeline and catching her eye in the mirror. "And a middle-parting of the fringe? It would frame your face nicely," she said and bent the hair so Emmeline could get an idea what it would look like. "Yeah," she continued. "Look at that - now we can really see that pretty face. It's such a shame to hide it away behind a curtain of hair."

Emmeline looked in the mirror and smiled at Zoe. "I... I think that might be good."

"It will be. And your hair will look thicker and healthier with this length. Do you want a dye too? I could do highlights. Or a full colour. Chestnut, for instance. That would really match your eyes.”

“You… you think?”

“I certainly do. But if you don’t like the colour we can always change it.”

The new haircut turned out to suit Emmeline very well and she was so happy she couldn't stop smiling. 

"It's very pretty," smiled Lily. "Isn't it, Regulus?"

Regulus looked a little taken aback to be asked. "Um... yes, it is. It's very pretty, Emmeline."

Emmeline blushed and couldn’t help smiling even wider.

**o0o0o**

Lily had just seen Zoe to the door when all hell broke loose down one of the corridors. Evan and Sirius were at it again fighting.

Kingsley, who was on duty that day was there in a second, trying to break them up as Molly was calling for back up over the radio. Sirius planted a fist in Evan’s face, the blow sending him falling over backwards, and Sirius was on top of him in an instant, grabbing him around the throat. Blood was gushing down Sirius’ cheek from a split eyebrow and dripped onto Evan’s chin.

"Sirius!" Kingsley yelled and tried to pull off the furious teen.

Antonin came running down the corridor and grabbed Sirius in a headlock while Kingsley forced his hands away from Evan's neck. Pomona kneeled down to help Evan.  

"That freak is sick," Evan coughed and sat up, trying to catch his breath. Bruising was already forming on his neck.

A guard from the neighbouring ward came rushing in to help Kingsley and Antonin restrain the infuriated Sirius. 

"I’M NOT DONE WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING DICK HEAD!" he yelled while being dragged off to the cells. "I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Pomona helped Evan to his feet. He actually looked a little shook up but quickly put on his tough expression.

Remus stood next to Regulus, looking rather shocked at the scene that had unfolded in the corridor. Lily put a hand on the boys’ shoulders and turned them around to lead them back to their room.

"Did he mean what he said?" Remus asked, looking up at Lily. "That… that he wanted to kill him?"

“Of course not,” said Lily. “You know how Sirius gets when he’s angry and in a fight. He and Evan have fought many times.”

“What happened this time?” she asked Molly a little later. 

“I’m not sure about the details, but Evan has been in a foul mood all day and I think something Sirius said made him see red.”

“So, Evan started it?” asked Lily, hoping that this would speak in Sirius’ favour.

“Yes, that’s what I heard. I didn’t see it happen.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24 - You Don’t Know What It’s like Killing Someone**

Regulus had been in a good mood that day until then, but the episode with his brother and Evan upset him. He was scared there might be consequences, that this time Sirius would be sent away. When he and Remus got back to their room he sat down on his bed, legs drawn up to his chest.

Remus sat down beside him, eying his friend worriedly. "Are you okay?" he asked carefully.

Regulus took a shivering breath and to his regret he suddenly started crying. “Maybe they’ll send Sirius away,” he sobbed. 

“No. Lily will never let that happen," said Remus and put an arm around Regulus’ shoulder.

“It’s my fault...” Regulus snivelled. 

“Why is it your fault?"

“Just... I’m a bad person. It’s like some sort of karma. Bad things happen around me all the time. I don’t want people to get hurt, but they do... I’m a b-bad person. People get hurt and d-die. Like Kreacher...” He started sobbing with renewed force. “It was my fault. I killed Kreacher. My friend. I killed him!”

Remus bit his lip, his head dropping. He was quiet for a moment as he listened to his friend sobbing next to him. Slowly he took a deep breath before speaking again. "You didn’t kill him, Regulus. You don’t know what it’s like killing someone. I do…”

Regulus’ head snapped up and stared at Remus in disbelief. “W-what? What do you mean?”

Remus sat gazing down at his knees. He felt that numbness well up in him again, like when he had told Lily and Pandora about the sexual abuse. "It was right before I came here," he started, his voice oddly steady.

_Calloused fingers run roughly through Remus’ uneven locks, then give a jerk as they let go._

_Remus sits on the old mattress on the floor, dressed in a large tee-shirt and a pair of boxers. The dim light in the basement shifts back and forth as the naked lightbulb in the ceiling is swayed by a draft from the small window that has been momentarily opened to let in a bit of air. Remus knows not to scream for help. He would be dead before anyone would even realise where the voice had come from._

_The tall man stands with his back turned, pocketing the comb and scissors he has used while cutting Remus' hair. "Don't like it too long," he says. "But I think I’m getting quite good. Could make a fine hair dresser, I could. Yeah?" he laughs hoarsely, sending shivers down Remus’ spine._

_Remus says nothing. He knows better. He just drops his head, hoping to God that the man will leave him alone for the rest of the day. He moves his hand to the dirty mattress and almost lets out a gasp as he feels something cold and hard. Metal. Remus turns his head a little, his eyes widening as he spots the small pair of scissors. It isn’t the ones the man uses on his hair. No, these are for the nails. The man doesn't like Remus’ nails to be long. He cuts them as short as they go._

_Remus feels his heart pound in his chest. Should he take them? Kill himself? Attack the bad man? No, if the bad man caught him he would hurt him badly, perhaps kill him. The thoughts are flying though his head like a flock of crows, clouding his mind and making him dizzy. Yet he finds himself carefully closing his fingers around the small pair of scissors and slowly moving his hand to hide them under the pillow._

_The man turns to look at Remus, flashing him a grin; the whiskers and coarsely stubbled chin making the grin look even more vicious. "I'll be back later. I have to go to work. That food you get don’t come for free." He squats in front of Remus. "A kiss before I go?"_

_Remus kicks himself backwards on the floor, but the man grabs the chain that is attached to the collar around Remus’ neck and pulls him in before grabbing him by the neck and kissing him violently. It tastes of cigarettes. A taste and smell Remus will hate until the day he dies._

_Remus jerks awake late in the afternoon at the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the stairs. The man stumbles into Remus’ room, reeking of alcohol._

_"Fire me, will he?" the man barks, throwing a near-empty bottle of whiskey against the wall where it shatters into pieces, some of them raining down on Remus along with splatters of whiskey. Remus pushes himself hard against the wall, wishing he could melt into it._

_The man’s eyes fall on Remus. An evil grin emerges on his face. "I could use a good fuck before I decide what to do ‘bout this."_

_The man moves in on Remus, his shadow swallowing him up. He looks like the monster that he is, with his hulking figure, hairy arms and face, yellow teeth bared. The frail boy panics. He scrambles to his feet and runs to the side but the chain yanks him back so violently that for a moment he fears his neck might have snapped._

_"Don’t you move away from me!" the man snarls and hauls Remus back to the mattress. Remus screams in fear. He has long since learned to be quiet, but this is bad. He hasn’t seen the man this angry in years; perhaps never. He tries to fight him off, kicking and clawing at him with his stubby nails, but he does not stand a chance._

_"I’m gonna fuck you bloody!" the man growls, sitting on Remus’ stomach. He loosens his belt with one hand while he wards off Remus’ pummelling fists with the other. When he raises himself to push down his trousers Remus tries to crawl away, but the man grabs him by the hair yanks him back._

_"No! Stop!" Remus cries._

_The man lets go of his hair and grabs him by the throat instead, pinning him to the mattress as he pulls his boxers down with the other hand. “Shut up!” he snarls into Remus’ face._

_Remus gasps for air while staring up at the pointed yellow teeth. His hand frantically searches under the pillow and then he closes his shaking fingers around them. The scissors. As a gust of foul breath hits his face Remus thrusts the scissors into the flesh of the man's neck._

_The man screams at a pitch Remus has never heard before as blood spurts out in hot pulses. He withdraws his hand and rams the small scissors into the throat again and again, blood showering Remus’ face, until the gurgling subsides and the man collapses on top of Remus._

_The small boy weeps hysterically as he struggles to push the heavy body off himself and finally manages to roll away from under it. In a panic he pulls at the chain anchored in the wall as he continues crying, afraid the man will wake up and punish him._

_After a few minutes Remus has calmed down a bit and stops yanking at the chain, instead turning to look at the man. A large pool of blood has formed on the floor around his head and upper body. He hasn’t moved a millimetre. On tiptoes and with a pummelling heart he approaches the body and kneels next to it. He leans in to look at the face and hesitantly pokes the shoulder. Remus is now quite sure the man is dead, but the terror in his heart only subsides a little. He searches the man’s pockets, watching his face out of the corner of his eye. To his relief he finds the large bunch of keys in the left trouser pocket. With shaking hands he tries the keys one by one, and the second to last opens his collar. It slips off his neck and hits the floor with a clunk, and Remus staggers towards the stairs, his face a mess of blood, dirt and tears._

_He stops at the top of the stairs, hesitating before opening the door to the hall. What if there is someone else in the house? He thinks the man lives alone – Remus has never heard or seen anyone else, but he isn’t a hundred percent sure. He listens intently for a minute and then gathers his courage to open the door and sneak into the hall. The blinds are pulled so it is almost as dark as in the basement, but Remus does not have time to inspect his surroundings. He runs down the hall and rushes out the door but stops abruptly as a blinding light assaults him. He throws up his arms to shield his eyes. He hasn’t seen the sun in perhaps ten years and it is a thousand times brighter than he remembers._

Regulus, who had been dead silent during Remus’ whole story, sat staring at him for a long moment after he had stopped talking. “You killed him... That’s how you escaped,” he finally said.  “What then? Why did you go through all that just to run to a bridge you could jump off?”

“I didn’t. That wasn’t my plan. All those years all I had dreamed about was being free. Surviving. I thought that if I could just escape then everything would be good.” Remus shook his head. “But it wasn’t. I was so scared. All the people scared me. I didn’t know what to do. I was almost more scared being out there than the basement. That’s why I got on the bridge.”

Regulus swallowed a lump and nodded slowly. “I understand. It must have been quite a culture shock to be out there when you hadn’t even seen the sun since you were little. But why didn’t you find somebody and ask for help? Or go to a police station? I’m sure they could help you.” When he saw the look of fear in Remus’ eyes at the mention of the police, he caught on. “Oh... You were afraid you would get in trouble over killing the man?”

Remus nodded.

“How long were you out?” asked Regulus.

Remus bit his lip. “Two days, I think.”

“What about your clothes? And face? You must have had blood all over. People would have noticed it right away.”

“I washed my face in a water puddle and found some clothes that hanged on some strings in a garden. I didn’t think of hiding it from people – I just wanted the blood off. It smelled of him and death. And it reminded me what I had done. I had murdered someone.”

Regulus could hear Remus’ voice start to tremble as if on the verge of crying. He pulled him into a fierce embrace. “You didn’t murder him. You killed him in self-defence.”

“Please don’t tell anybody. It’s murder. It’s wrong. They put you in jail for murder.”

“No, they don’t - not if it’s self-defence, which is clearly the case here.”

But Remus would not listen. “No! Regulus, please don’t tell! Please!”

“Okay, okay, I won’t. But I really think we should. They’re not going to blame you, Remus. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Remus shook slightly and hugged himself. He did not at all share Regulus’ optimism. Perhaps he was right, but what if he wasn’t? He did not want to be put in chains again and locked away, alone in a prison cell. Like the one Regulus had described in _The Count of Monte Cristo_. No – he could not risk being taken away from Regulus. He had already lost one best friend. He couldn’t lose another.

Regulus could see that Remus was shutting down, so he backed off. He would give him some time to get used to the idea of coming clean, and then Regulus would convince him. He considered for a moment to tell the staff anyway, but that would be a major betrayal of Remus’ trust and he didn’t want that. They had a special bond and Regulus wanted to keep that. 


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 - It’s very Bad Publicity**

Remus sat with Emmeline in her room playing yatzy and talking while Regulus had a session with Dumbledore. He did not like being in the common room without Regulus, so when Emmeline had suggested they go sit in her room instead he had eagerly agreed. He laughed when Emmeline told a joke and she laughed with him. They had become quite good friends the past few weeks. 

“My mum is visiting me tomorrow,” she told him. “It’s going to be nice. I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Is your daddy coming too?”

The smile on Emmeline’s face faded. “No. He’s in prison. And I wouldn’t want him here even if he weren’t.”

Remus looked a little uncomfortable at the mention of prison but asked curiously, "Why is he in prison?"

Emmeline looked at him, biting her lower lip. “He... he molested me. For years.”

"O…oh," Remus said, rubbing his arm. He hesitated a little before speaking again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” said Emmeline, eying Remus. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay. Your… your own father?”

“Yes,” said Emmeline in a small voice. “It’s strange, isn’t it? Parents are supposed to protect their children, not hurt them.”

Remus nodded. “What… what did he do?” He couldn’t help feeling curious. Emmeline was the first person he had talked to who had been molested. “If you don’t mind. You don’t have to tell me.”

Certain that Remus was being sincere, Emmeline told him about her experience and answered all his questions. “Listen…” she said when she was done. “Don’t tell anyone, yeah? Only Marlene knows, other than the staff, of course. I don’t want the other patients to know either. And I don’t want Regulus to know.”

“Of course,” nodded Remus. “I understand. I won’t tell him, but Regulus would understand. I mean, he helped me when I told him.”

Emmeline looked at him in confusion. “When you told him? What do you mean? Did you already know about me? And you told him?”

“N-no.” Remus quickly shook his head. “I meaned… when I told him what happened to _me_.” He looked down at his hands, embarrassed, although he figured he didn’t need to be, since Emmeline and he were in the same boat.

“You were molested too?” asked Emmeline, only looking mildly surprised. “I knew you had been abused. Not necessarily sexually, but I could tell you had been abused in some way. It’s easier to spot for someone who has tried it themselves.” She gave Remus’ shoulder a soft squeeze. “Who hurt you, Remus? If you want to tell me. You don’t have to.”

Remus swallowed. “The... the bad man.”

“The bad man?”

“My stepfather. But I mostly just think of him as the bad man.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry,” said Emmeline. “Is he in prison now? For what he did to you?”

Remus shook his head. "No. I think maybe he’s still in the house."

“You should press charges. He deserves it. I didn’t want to do it at first, either. Not until I came here and they convinced me to do it. I was embarrassed and part of me wanted to protect him as well. But I’m glad he’s locked up now.”

Remus shook his head again. "No, that’s not necessary. He can’t hurt me no more." He turned his head and gazed out the window for a moment.

“That’s okay, if that’s how you feel,” nodded Emmeline. “I guess it’s different for everybody. But... I just hope it isn’t because you’re ashamed. I mean, I’m not surprised if you are. I think everybody who has been molested is ashamed. I know I still am. Not as much as in the beginning, but I don’t think it will ever go away completely. I think you have to have tried it to truly understand.”

Remus looked at her for a moment, thinking about what she had said. "Regulus tell me all the time not be ashamed. And Lily and Pandora. But I still am.”

Emmeline nodded. “I know. It’s not your fault, though. It never is. Adults have all the power. But I remember when I was so ashamed it made me sick. I was so terrified of telling someone because I was afraid they would be disgusted with me. On one hand I wanted to - I wanted to be saved - but another part of me didn’t. And not just because I was scared of him. We don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to,” said Emmeline when Remus didn’t say anything for a while. “It’s just if you want. It helps talking to someone who has gone through the same things. It did for me, even though she and I had nothing else in common.”

“Who?” asked Remus curiously. “Who else did you talk to?”

“Rita. Yes, you look surprised because you wouldn’t think an abuse victim would be so eager to have sex with everybody, would you? But I’ve learned that people react differently. Some abuse victims confuses sex with love, so they desperately try to get it. It’s really sad. I always felt so sorry for her and how the others just thought she was a cheap tart.”

**o0o0o**

"Hey, Lily, could you go let Sirius out?" asked Molly. "If he seems to have calmed down enough.”

“Sure,” smiled Lily.

Five minutes later she looked in through the little window and saw Sirius lying on his back staring up at the ceiling. He had been in there three days. Lily unlocked the door and stepped in. "Hey, Sirius," she smiled. "You up for joining the circus again?"

"Beats sitting in here," mumbled Sirius and got up. He seemed calm enough. 

"You going to behave?"

"Sure. Whatever."

"And stay clear of Evan, alright? He isn't too happy with you and we don't want any more trouble. You’re lucky he was the one who started the fight. Else, I don’t think they would have let you stay. Regulus was very scared you would be sent away, so if for nothing else then at least for his sake keep yourself under control, will you?"

Sirius looked at her, biting his lip. “Okay,” he nodded. “I will.”

**o0o0o**

Next morning Lily knew something was wrong even before she turned down the road to the asylum. And sure enough - there was an ambulance and two police cars sitting out front, the blue lights blinking from one of the cars. Lily practically threw her car at the sidewalk and ran to the entrance, her heart in her throat. 

Pomona was standing giving a detective her statement with tears running down her face. Clearly, she was very affected by what had happened. A gurney was rolled by with a body bag on it and the coroner continued out the door without a word.

"What happened? Who is it?" asked Lily frantically. 

"It's..." Pomona started but was interrupted by two police officers dragging Sirius towards the exit.

"Let the fuck go of me! I didn't do nothing!" Sirius screamed.

Pomona turned to Lily again. "It's Evan. They found him strangled in his room. They believe Sirius did it because he told Evan he would kill him the other day. God... I just can't believe it..."

Lily felt a rush of relief wash over her. She probably should be ashamed, but she was just so grateful it wasn't Remus or Regulus in that body bag.

"I DIDN’T DO SHITE!” yelled Sirius. "I’M NOT A MURDERER!"

"Except that you tried to kill him a few days ago," said one of the officers escorting him.

"I _didn’t!_ We just had a disagreement!"

A few meters away from them most of the patients had gathered, Remus and Regulus included. Lily hurried over to the two. "Are you okay?"

Regulus looked sick, his face nearly grey. “They’ve taken Sirius...”

“I’m sure they will release him soon. Just because he’s violent doesn’t make him a killer. He beats people up - he doesn’t stage murders.”

**o0o0o**

The atmosphere in the common room was tense, to put it mildly. People were scared. If someone could overpower Evan, who was big and strong, then nobody was safe. 

“It’s someone really strong. It must be one of the guards,” said Natalie. 

“Thorfinn,” said Marlene bitterly. She was quite upset over Sirius’ arrest. “He’s mean and he’s got it in for Sirius. I bet he’s trying to frame Sirius, strangling Evan right after Sirius had choked him during that fight.”

“But it was Antonin who told the police. I heard it,” said Peter. “He told them about that and also about that time at the breakfast table where Sirius said he would cut his throat. And he took it out of context. He didn’t tell that Sirius was just responding to Evan making fun of Regulus cutting himself. He wants Sirius to take the blame.”

Miles shook his head. "I keep telling you – Thorfinn or Antonin are too obvious. It’s someone keeping a low profile. A top professional agent.”

“Why don’t you shut up about your bloody conspiracies, you little freak?” spat Avery. “The killer would have done us all a favour by taking you out instead!”

“Hey!” said James. “Leave my mate alone! Are you feeling guilty about Evan, is that why you’re lashing out? Why was he alone in his room, anyway? You were his roommate!”

Avery was about to say something but since everyone was looking at him and he had lost his usual backup, he settled on a “Fuck you, four-eyes”.

James sighed and leaned back. “I hope they let Sirius out soon. I already miss him.”

“But what if it _is_ him?” said Lucinda. “The police took him for a reason.”

“Sirius isn’t strong enough to have overpowered Evan,” said Natalie. “Perhaps beat him in a fight, but not hold down and strangle him. No, it _has_ to be a guard. Or Hagrid. But he’s just so kind and harmless. It’s hard to imagine.”

“Kingsley too. He’s a nice bloke,” said James. “Even though I make a lot of trouble for him I can tell he likes me. He’s not mean like Thorfinn.”

“So it’s Thorfinn or Dawlish,” nodded Natalie. 

“It could be anyone from the whole hospital, pointed out Lucinda. “The staff from the other wards all have keys, don’t they?”

Regulus suddenly got up and left. He found Kingsley in the corridor by the main entrance. “I need to speak to the police,” he said. 

The guard looked at him in surprise. “There’s a detective talking to Doctor Dumbledore right now in his office...”

Regulus turned to go to the doctor’s office, but Kingsley stopped him. “Wait a second - you can’t just barge in. Let’s go together, yes?”

Kingsley knocked on the door a minute later. When Dumbledore replied Kingsley stuck his head in. “I have Regulus here. He wishes to speak to the police. Shall I tell him to wait in the common room?”

“No – by all means let him in,” said the detective. 

“Sirius had nothing to do with Evan’s murder. Or any of them,” said Regulus as soon as he had stepped inside. 

The detective looked a little surprised and raised an eyebrow. “What makes you so sure?”

“Because he’s not a murderer! He’s my brother and I know him best. He has a hot temper but he’s a good person and would never kill anyone. The only reason in the world I can think of would be to save my life. And that’s not exactly the case here.”

“Oh, he’s your brother?” the detective said, nodding to himself and looking like he didn’t think Regulus could be taken seriously.

“You don’t know him!” said Regulus agitatedly. 

“I must say I agree with Regulus,” said Doctor Dumbledore. “I do not find it likely that Sirius it the culprit. He is a hot-head and the only times he has hurt somebody was in the heat of the moment. Correct me if I’m wrong - I am no homicide detective - but aren’t these crimes likely to have been committed by a cool, calculated person?”

The detective took a long look at Doctor Dumbledore and sighed. "He has not been charged with anything yet, merely taken in for interrogation."

“Evan had threatened people many times as well,” said Regulus. “And _he_ obviously wasn’t the killer. Do you think Sirius would be so stupid as to tell Evan with everybody hearing it that he would kill him - and then do it?”

"Thank you for your input, young man," said the detective, his gaze telling Regulus that it was time for him to leave.

**o0o0o**

Lily came into the common room spotting Severus sitting by his usual window, but this time not alone. Caradoc was sitting talking with him. She went over a little later when Caradoc had gone to the bathroom. “You like your new roommate, I see,” she smiled. 

Severus bit his lip. "I guess I do," he mumbled.

“That’s it? You guess?” said Lily, sitting down. “Aren’t you glad to have found another friend or wouldn’t you call him that?”

Severus rubbed his arm and sighed. “I guess I would. But I feel a little guilty; like I’m abandoning Barty when I talk to Caradoc.”

“Don’t feel like that, Severus. If Barty is a real friend he doesn’t mind sharing you. It’s selfish wanting to keep someone for themselves. So don’t think about that. It’s good to have more than one friend. You just hold on to Caradoc, you hear me?”

Severus chewed on his lip and seemed to think a lot about what she was saying. Then he nodded.

“How is studying going? Ready for another exam soon?”

Severus shook his head. “Haven’t been reading much lately. It’s hard to focus with so much going on. The murders and all that.”

Lily sighed. “I understand. Let’s hope it’s all over soon.”

**o0o0o**

Doctor Crouch arrived at the ward accompanied by the hospital’s CEO, Cornelius Fudge. They gathered in the meeting room with Dumbledore and Molly.

“To what do we owe the pleasure, Cornelius?” asked Dumbledore, shaking the CEO’s hand. 

“Well...” said the man and sat down. “As we all know the hospital is in a difficult situation. We must figure out what to do.”

Dumbledore folded his hands and peeped over the edge of his half-moon spectacles. "We have done everything we can do to make sure that the patients are safe. We have employed extra guards and night watches, and all patients have roommates now. No one is allowed to be alone at any time."

“I don’t know if that will cut it anymore. The word has gotten out... the news... people are talking,” said Fudge, wringing his hands. “It’s very bad publicity for the hospital.”

“We have to close the ward,” said Doctor Crouch, sounding as if he had said this to Fudge many times. 

“But that sends the wrong message...”

“The wrong message? That we take the situation seriously?” said Crouch. 

“Why don’t we take a breather and see where things go? We don’t know for sure that we even have a serial killer,” said Fudge. 

"Take off those blinders," Crouch said. "We have four dead patients in the timespan of just a few months. What else is it – mass suicide?"

“The police said suicide could only be ruled out in two of the cases…” said Fudge.

“Cornelius,” said Dumbledore calmly. “We are only talking about closing the ward - not the whole hospital. I do believe it might be the responsible thing to do. At least for a period of time.”

“Well, you’re not the CEO, so the decision is not yours!” snapped Fudge. “You’re just an employee!”

Dumbledore held up appeasing hands, a soft smile on his lips. "Indeed," he assured Fudge. “Which decision would you like to make, then?"

“Let us wait and see. The safety measures have been upped, as you said yourself. I’m sure the police will find the culprit soon. Besides, if we close the ward, how can they catch him?”

“You want to use the patients as bait?” said Molly angrily.

“No, of course not,” said the CEO. “I am thinking of the patients’ best interest. What will happen to them if we close? Do you want to throw them on the street?”

“Of course not!” said Molly. “Half have already been taken home or moved to other hospitals by their parents. As for the rest... Can’t we move them to other wards?”

“We are nearly completely full, unfortunately,” said Crouch. “We could probably accommodate a few. And the patients who aren’t in too serious a condition could be sent home.”

Fudge eyed Crouch. “I hear Black has been arrested, so there is a good chance that they have already caught the culprit. I think it would be hasty to close the ward when we might actually have solved the problem already.”

Molly snorted. “Of course he is not the killer!”

“He is the most violent patient on the ward, is he not? Bartemius has told me of several episodes that in both his and my opinion should have sent him to jail!” said Fudge, starting to get angry. 

“Sirius has problems but he is a good boy at heart!” said Molly, raising her voice as well. 

Dumbledore got to his feet raising his hands calmingly. “Please sit back down, Molly, and let us all take a breath. Now - Cornelius - I agree with Molly, not just about the boy having a good heart, but as a psychiatrist I can tell you that if Sirius  _were_  a killer, the murders would be violent and impulsive, which is clearly not the case here.”

“That man is worse than Crouch,” said Molly to Dumbledore when the meeting was over, with nothing having been decided other than putting the decision off for another few days. “At least Crouch acknowledges there is a problem.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26 - Fools, All of You**

Next morning the police escorted Sirius back to the ward. Dumbledore and Molly took them all to the meeting room as soon as they came in. 

"They're letting him go?" said Severus, sounding disappointed. 

“I knew it wasn’t Sirius! I _knew_ it!” cheered Peter. 

"Of course it wasn’t,” beamed James, giving Peter a high-5. “It’s good to have him back! I can’t wait to hear what prison was like!”

“I  _told_  you it's coming from higher up,” said Miles. “Someone really important is behind this."

“Who?” asked Peter.

"A secret agent,” said Miles, looking very secretive. “And I bet he or she has been authorized by the hospital CEO. Dumbledore probably knows about it as well. Maybe all the doctors do. And some of the nurses."

"So they’re killing off the patients... because?" sighed Marlene.

"Who knows? Maybe it's to cut the cost and spend the tax money on something else - like more weapons or lower taxes for the large corporations. Or it could be part of a social experiment lead by the military. The possibilities are endless," said Miles, looking at Marlene as if she were stupid.

“Rubbish,” snorted Severus.

"It's just a theory, you twat," said Miles. "They could have many other reasons. It’s all top-secret.”

“Or they don’t have anything to do with it at all,” commented Caradoc.

"I think it's Antonin," James said. "He always goes around pointing fingers at everyone. It’s like when someone farts – the bloke who done it is always the one asking ‘Who farted’?"

Gilderoy came over and sat down on a free spot. “Fools, all of you. It is the orc, of course, doing Saruman’s biddings. How many times do I have to say it? Saruman means to destroy the world of men!”

“The orc?” asked Peter.

“He means Alecto,” explained Marlene.

Sirius came out from the meeting room a few minutes later. He slumped down beside Marlene and put an arm around her, taking in a deep breath. "How are things going here?” he said casually.

Marlene kissed him, and as soon as she had let go, James jumped up, threw himself onto Sirius’ lap, grabbed his face and gave him a violent kiss. 

Sirius sat frozen in shock for a moment, staring at James after he let go of his face. Then the others all started laughing. “What the fuck, mate?” said Sirius and pushed James roughly off his lap.

“Just wanted to show you I was glad to see you back!” grinned James, picking himself up from the floor. “Isn’t that how it’s done? You didn’t complain when  _she_  did it!” 

"She's my bloody girlfriend, you twat!"

“I could be your second girlfriend,” said James, cocking his head and batting his eyelashes. “Aren’t I pretty enough? I even got my hair done for you and my pinkies polished!”

Sirius burst out laughing in spite of himself. Even though his friend could get on his nerves, he could also make him laugh, and truth be told it felt good loosening up after the stressful last 24 hours. 

**o0o0o**

Detective Tyler had stayed in the meeting room with Dumbledore and Molly once he had let Sirius leave. 

“Your expert opinion of Mr. Black’s mental state is not the only reason we let him go,” he said, eying Doctor Dumbledore. “The coroner has just informed us that she has found sedatives in Rosier’s system. This points to a member of staff being the murderer, since getting a hold of drugs would be difficult for a patient - although not impossible - but easy for the staff. It also means that it is not necessarily a very strong man, since it would not take as much strength to strangle Rosier when he was already more or less unconscious.”

"So you're looking for a male?" Molly asked.

Dumbledore let his fingers run slowly down his long beard, his brows furrowed.

“Not necessarily. Overpowering a big lad like Rosier would take a strong man - but a woman or a less strong man could do it when the lad was drugged. So we’re back to only being able to rule out persons not strong enough to lift Skeeter. But, as I said, we are focusing mostly on staff members now. The coroner also found the same drug in Meadows’ system, which of course makes good sense - seeing that it would be difficult slitting her wrists against her will without causing a struggle, and there were no signs of that. This also rules out her death as a suicide - something we couldn’t do for certain until now.”

“Why did you not know that already? It’s been a while since you did her autopsy,” pointed out Molly. 

Detective Tyler shrugged. “They must have missed it first time around. They went to check her again when they found that Rosier had been drugged.”

“Which drug was used?” asked Dumbledore, looking very serious. “I would like to see the autopsy reports.”

“Of course,” agreed Tyler. “I will get it for you. I must ask the two of you to keep this new information to yourselves. Since we are now zoning in on the staff, we would like to keep them a bit in the dark for now.”

Both Molly and Dumbledore nodded in agreement.

“We would like to have another meeting with the two of you as well as Doctor Crouch, your chief of staff. We would like you to bring the files of all employees. Later today, if possible.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” agreed Dumbledore. “I will call Doctor Crouch.”

 

 

**o0o0o**

Regulus found Pandora sitting in the staff room drinking a cup of coffee. “Pandora? I was wondering if I could have a word with you? Doctor Dumbledore is so busy today with the police and all. I can wait until you’ve finished your coffee.”

Pandora looked at him, a little surprised. “Of course, Regulus. Let’s go to my office. I’ll just bring my mug.”

“You being a doctor and all... You have a duty of patient confidentiality, right?” Regulus asked as they sat down in Pandora’s office.

“Right,” nodded Pandora slowly. “Nothing you say will leave this room.”

“Okay. I have a question. What if someone - a child - killed someone - an adult - in self-defence... Would they be in trouble with the police? I mean, would they be charged with murder?”

Pandora stared at him in surprise. “No, of course not! Self-defence is not a crime. Especially if we’re talking about a vulnerably person such as a child. Who are we talking about, Regulus?”

“No one in particular,” Regulus said quickly. “It’s just hypothetical.”

Pandora studied the boy a long time. “Did something happen in the cult?”

“It’s just hypothetical,” repeated Regulus, not directly denying it. It was good if she thought he was talking about himself and not Remus. “But you’re sure? If the person was hurting the child and he had no other way of escaping or making it stop?”

“Yes, I’m sure, Regulus. And it would be important for the child to come forward. It would be a terrible burden to bear. Something that would weight on him the rest of his life.”

**o0o0o**

Regulus found Remus in the common room playing a game of checkers with Emmeline. He asked him to come with him to their room for a minute. 

“Remus, I asked Pandora what the police would do if someone killed someone because they were being abused.” When Remus looked horrified he quickly said, “I didn’t say I was talking about you. I sort of hinted that I was talking about myself, so she doesn’t suspect you. She said the same thing I’ve told you: that they would never blame you for killing someone like that, that it was a clear case of self-defence and not murder.”

Remus didn't look entirely convinced, sitting there and biting his nails nervously. "But what if she's wrong? She can't know for sure. She’s not the police."

“She isn’t wrong. I told you the same. Lily would say the same. I swear it, Remus, on my life. You trust me, don’t you? You always say I know everything. Well, I don’t know  _everything_ , but I do know this. You don’t have be so scared of the police. They’re not the bad guys. They were the ones who saved me from the cult. And I’m sure they were searching for you a long time when you went missing.”

Remus kept biting his nails for a few more minute before finally letting his hand fall to his lap. "Okay. I guess I'll tell them about it."

“Yeah?” Regulus heaved a sigh of relief. “Good. Do you want me to go with you? To Pandora? Or do you want to tell Lily first?”

Remus nodded. "I want you to come with me. I'll tell them both now because I don't want to do it two times."

They found Lily in the common room playing a game of chess with Severus. 

“Lily, Remus and I have something we would like to talk to you and Pandora about,” Regulus said. “Do you think we could do that? Soon?”

Lily looked up, a little surprised but then got slightly worried when she saw the expression on Remus' face. He was pale and was rubbing his hands nervously.

"I'll just give her a ring and see if she is busy. Okay?" She then smiled at Severus. "We will finish the game later. I promise."

Pandora asked them to come see her right away. She was a little surprised to see both boys enter with Lily. “Regulus... is this about earlier?”

Regulus nodded. “Yes. But it’s Remus who needs to tell you something.”

Remus sat down hesitantly, looking as if he considered getting up and leaving, but Regulus sat down next to him and gave him a reassuring nod.

“I… killed someone,” he mumbled.

Pandora and Lily stared at him. “Wh... what do you mean, Remus? You can’t possible have killed any of... You aren’t strong enough.”

Remus kept his head down, his body shaking slightly. “I did,” he insisted.

“But Remus, you couldn’t possibly -” said Lily.

“He’s not talking about the murders here,” said Regulus. “It was before. The man who kept him.”

Lily and Pandora looked at each other for a moment, seeming to finally understand what they two boys meant.

Lily, who was sitting on the other side of Remus, put a supportive arm around his shoulder. Her face showed utter shock but she said nothing, wanting to let Remus tell his story.

Pandora folded her hands, looking at the boy in front of her. “Will you tell us what happened, Remus?” she asked softly. “Don’t be scared. You’re not going to be in any trouble.”

After a long moment of silence Remus finally spoke. “It... it was right before I got here,” he started and then went on to tell the same tale that he had told Regulus.

When Remus had finished talking Lily gave him a hug. “That must have been horrible for you. And I’m sorry you had to hide it so long, scared that you would be put in prison. I’m so glad you told us.”

“We’re going to have to talk to the police about this, Remus,” said Pandora in a kind voice. “No,” she added, holding up a calming hand when she saw Remus’ eyes. “They won’t take you away. I promise. They’re not going to blame you. But we need to figure out if this man has been found yet and who he is. Especially because then we can find out who you are.”

Remus bit his lip, looking from one to the next before finally nodding. "Okay. You think... you think my parents would want me back? If they knew?"

All three looked at him, perplexed. 

“Want you back?” said Lily. “What do you mean? What happened to your parents, Remus? Didn’t they get divorced and you and your mother move in with your stepfather?”

“Remus...” said Pandora, eying the boy pensively. “Do you actually know what a stepfather is?”

Remus looked confused. Then he shook his head in embarrassment.

“Why did you tell us he was your step-father, then?”

“I...” Remus frowned, trying to remember exactly what he had said. “Because he told me he was my new dad. I remember I was crying for my dad and he said ‘I’m your new daddy’.”

Lily let out a gasp as a few puzzle pieces fell into place. Pandora looked like she was drawing the same conclusion.

“Your mother didn’t live with you and the man at all, did she?” Pandora asked. “Even in the beginning?”

Remus shook his head again and mumbled softly, “The bad man said they didn't want me no more so I had to live with him instead. That my mum and dad didn't want such a filthy kid."

Lily put a hand to her mouth as she looked at Remus. 

“This man - what is his name? You haven’t wanted to tell us. Is it because you don’t know it?”

"I don't know it. Andrew didn't also. He never told us anything about himself."

Pandora nodded. “Okay, Remus. I’m glad we had this talk and you told us what happened. I will talk to the police, yes? And we will find out who this man is and what happened. And don’t be scared. No one is going to take you away from here or do you any harm. Regulus?” she continued, looking over at the 14-year-old. “Could you go with Remus to your room and wait there for Lily? I just want a word with her and then she will come see you.”

Regulus nodded and the boys left. 

“I think Remus was kidnapped,” said Pandora to Lily. “In fact, I don’t think there’s a whole lot of doubt.”

Lily nodded and put a hand to her forehead. “How could we not have suspected this? We didn’t even get the idea.” She was still trying to wrap her head around what Remus had told them.

Pandora sighed. “Yes. Makes you feel rather incompetent, doesn’t it. I, at least should have suspected it. I’ve been a psychiatrist for ten years.”

“What about Andrew? He was older than Remus. He must have been there first,” said Lily.

“Yes. I just assumed he was Remus’ step-brother, but now I suspect that he was another boy who had been abducted by this man. Or he could, of course, actually be his son. A monster like that would have no qualms about treating his own child the same way he did Remus.”

Lily ran a hand though her red locks and continued. “So what do we do now? We have to find his parents!"

“First we talk to the police. Tell them everything we know. They might want to talk to Remus too, at some point, but you and I will make sure at least one of us gets to sit in. And they will have to use a female officer.”

"Of course, "Lily agreed. 

**o0o0o**

Regulus sat for a while looking quietly at Remus, who sat opposite him on his own bed, a mix of emotions. He was shocked, of course, at the new information but also a little hurt for some reason. “Why didn’t you tell me these things?” he finally asked. 

"W... what?" Remus asked, looking a little confused. When he finally caught on to Regulus' hurt expression, he rubbed his hands nervously and said: "I… I don’t know. Maybe because I was so ashamed that my parents gave me away because I was bad. And didn't want to think about it. It hurt more than any of the other things."

“Okay,” Regulus nodded. “I can understand that. But if you had told me then we could have figured out long ago that you had been kidnapped.”

"Kidnapped?" Remus said, looking confused.

“Yes. That man must have stolen you from your family to keep you as his prisoner. I don’t one second believe that your parents just gave you to him because they didn’t want you anymore! If parents don’t want their children they turn them over to the social services - not some creepy bloke!”

Remus sat looking at Regulus for a minute, letting what he had said sink in. His parents had not given him away? The man had let him believe that they were disgusted with him, that he was bad and filthy and deserved all the abuse he got? He suddenly began sobbing. Every time he wiped a tear away, it was just replaced by a new one.

“But Remus,” said Regulus, a little surprised at his reaction. He moved over to sit next to Remus, putting an arm around his shoulder. “Aren’t you glad that your parents didn’t throw you away? And do you realise that maybe they’re still out there looking for you? That maybe we can find them?”

Remus stopped sobbing and looked at Regulus. “You think so?” He wiped his eyes and smiled a little. “I wonder what they look like...”

Regulus smiled. “I really hope they find them. You deserve to get a good home with good parents.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27 - I Saw Something on the News**

“We have taken a look at the employee files that you gave us yesterday,” said Detective Inspector Tyler when he showed up the next day for another meeting with Dumbledore, Molly and Crouch. He had brought along a woman they had not seen before and introduced her as Criminal Profiler Pam Dunham. 

Dunham shook their hands. “I’m here, as I’m sure you can guess, to talk about the likely profile of our culprit. I have been profiling criminals for nearly twenty years, amongst them many murderers. And I have spent three years in the United States working with serial killers, which I’m sure you know they have in abundance over there.”

“How interesting,” said Doctor Dumbledore as he shook her hand. “I shall look forward to hearing your take on all this.”

"So do you have any suspects?" asked Molly. "Now that you have finally realised your mistake with Sirius."

Detective Tyler cleared his throat and sat down, placing the large stack of files on the desk in front of him. “Not exactly suspects, but we do have a few persons of interest. There are a few of the files we would like to discuss with you. One of them in particular.”

Dumbledore nodded, sitting with his hands folded as he usually did. "We will certainly help in any way we can."

“First of all,” said Tyler, opening one of the files. “Thorfinn Rowle – one of your guards. We have done some digging in our own files and found that in 2009 he was a suspect in a homicide case.”

Doctor Crouch’s face turned pale. “ _What?_   Why did we not have access to that information? Had we known, we would never have hired such a man!”

“Well, he was never formally charged, so that is not public knowledge. I’m sorry, but that’s the law.”

"That's outrageous!"

"Easy, Bartemius," Dumbledore said in his usual calm voice.

“He’s fired the second I walk out of here!” continued Crouch. 

“I would advise against that,” said Tyler. “It would be easier for us to conduct our investigation if you don’t cut all ties to him.”

“We can’t have that man walking around the patients!” exclaimed Molly. “Not if he’s likely the killer!”

“I realise that,” said Detective Tyler. “But could you perhaps just suspend him for the time being?”

Crouch rubbed his chin with two fingers as he considered it for a moment. “I suppose,” he finally sighed.

“When this case has been solved, you can do with him as you please,” said Tyler. 

“Unless he is in fact the murderer and ends up in prison,” said Molly. “How strong is your suspicion?”

"I would like to talk to you before we take him in for a thorough questioning. We must remember, however, that just because he was a suspect of a previous murder does not make him guilty, neither in that case nor this. But he certainly is a person of great interest. Now, let me hear: what is your impression of him? His personality, work ethic, etc.”

"Well," Molly started, looking around the table before returning her gaze to the detective. "He’s rather rough with the patients."

Tyler nodded. “Yes, we have heard that from other employees as well. But is it your impression that he actually enjoys being rough with the patients?”

Molly was hesitant for a moment and then nodded. "I think he does. Him and Antonin."

“Oh, I am not sure about Antonin...” said Dumbledore. “His harshness could be a manifestation of insecurity. However, I will say that had _I_ the power here I would not have kept him employed. The same goes for Rowle. Guards such as Shacklebolt are perfect examples of how even difficult and violent patients can be dealt with in a decent manner.”

Detective Tyler asked some questions about a few more employees and then got to his feet. “Well - I will give the word to Miss Dunham, then. I will leave you to it and get back to the investigation. Good day to you all.”

The criminal profiler smiled and opened a map. “Well, as psychiatric professionals I’m sure that you’re familiar with the term  _angel of death_?”

Molly nodded. “A health care worker who kills patients.”

“Precisely. And as things are looking it’s highly likely that we have one here at the ward. Especially since we found that at least two of the victims have been drugged. Of course it can’t be ruled out that a patient has got their hands on drugs, but staff members have much easier access.”

“It’s Rowle,” muttered Crouch to himself. 

“The motive of an angel of death typically falls into one of these categories:

1) The attention seeker. This person brings the patient to the brink of death so he or she can jump in and be the hero by saving the patient. Once in a while, of course, the resuscitation attempt fails. This motive can clearly be ruled out in our case. 

2) The mercy killer. In this case the killer views his or her actions as euthanasia, helping ill patients out of their misery. Often they will even kill patients who are not terminally or chronically ill and who certainly do not wish to die, but in the killer’s mind it is for the best.

3) The power-killer. A very common serial killer motive in general. The killer finds pleasure in the power he or she holds over the victim and the ultimate exertion of power is taking someone’s life. This type of killer has often had a very abusive childhood, where they have felt completely dominated and controlled, which has made them crave turning the tables, so to speak, by exerting power over others.

Patients are easy targets because they are weak and in a helpless position, and normally the deaths rarely raise suspicion because patients often do die, especially those who are seriously ill or old. This, of course is less so the case here. A suicide once in a while is to be expected in a psych ward, but when it starts happening often it is alarming.”

“So we’re talking about either a mercy killer or power-killer,” summed up Doctor Crouch. 

“Most likely, yes, although a completely different motive cannot be ruled out.”

“Do you think the killer is mentally ill?” asked Molly. 

“Most serial killers are not. The mercy killer is often delusional, yes, but the power-killer is not. Antisocial, certainly, with the completely lack of empathy, but as you know psychopathy is not an illness.”

**o0o0o**

“Lily, it’s for you,” said Horace and handed Lily the phone in the staff room. “It’s the police.”

“Hello, Miss Evans,” sounded a man’s voice. “I’m calling back about your kidnapping case. A corpse was indeed found in a basement in East London a few months ago. A neighbour had walked into the house, alarmed by the smell of the decomposing body.”

Lily' eyes widened at the news. Not that she hadn't expected Remus to have told the truth, but this made it all so real. "This man... was he known by the police?"

“Oh, the local police knew him some. Not a model citizen, that one. He’d had a few arrests for disorderly conduct, pub brawls, etc. His name was Fenrir Greyback, a single man of forty-nine.”

"Did you find anything on Remus?" Lily asked hopefully.

There was a sigh at the other end of the line. “No. We searched for all missing boys born between 1998 and 2008. No one by the name Remus or a similar name. Remus might not be his birthname. It’s likely a pet name. It’s very rare for small children to disappear without being reported.”

“Then what are we going to do?” asked Lily, feeling helpless. 

“Get me a good photo of Remus and we will show it to all parents who have a missing child within the time line that has never been found. A parent should be able to recognise their son, even if he has become much older.”

**o0o0o**

“They fired Thorfinn!” said Peter, coming rushing into the common room where most of the other patients were sitting. “That’s why he hasn’t been at work the last two days!”

"Are you sure?" Marlene asked, surprised by the news.

"Really? They think he’s the one offing the patients? I knew it! You can’t look that much like an albino Neanderthal and not be a crook!" said James.

 “Of course they think it’s him!” said Lucinda excitedly. “Why else would they fire him?”

“How do you know he was fired?” demanded Miles. 

“I heard Molly and Arthur talking about it!”

“So you were eavesdropping?” asked Natalie reproachfully. 

“Yes, I was eavesdropping. So what?” said Peter, rolling his eyes. 

“So what did they say?” asked Sirius. “Exactly.”

“Something about Crouch not wanting him to come back, even if the police let him go.”

“If they let him go it must be because he didn't do it," Marlene pointed out.

“They said  _if_  they let him go. As in the future,” said Peter with a grin, enjoying being the centre of attention for once. Even James and Sirius were looking at him with great interest. “I think they still have him!”

"I guess the ward will be less stressful now, then," Sirius said and leaned back on the sofa.

Remus and Regulus were sitting a bit away from the others and Remus looked from the small crowd to Regulus. "I didn't like him. He was a bad man too."

Regulus nodded. But it was almost too good to be true. Could he really just relax and trust that the threat was over? “He was. And either way, it’s a good thing that he’s gone.” 

Remus nodded. It seemed like things were going to get better. Like a dark cloud had been lifted off the ward.

Emmeline came into the common room after having eaten lunch in her room with Molly. She joined Remus and Regulus at their coffee table. They talked a bit until Sirius called for his brother to come over. 

"What?" asked Regulus as he sat down next to his brother - a spot Sirius had just freed up by pushing a disgruntled Peter away.  

"Just want to spend time with my little brother now that he’s found it in his heart to forgive me."

"Okay," said Regulus. He shot a glance at Remus and Emmeline but they seemed to do fine without him. Before he turned back to Sirius, Emmeline looked up and caught his eye, smiling and blushing.

Sirius, who had seen it, elbowed his brother in the ribs and flashed him a grin. 

"What?" said Regulus confused. "What are you grinning at?"

"I think someone fancies you," Sirius sing-sang, trying not to burst into laughter when his brother turned slightly pink. “Not that it’s anything new.”

“W-what?” gulped Regulus. “No, she doesn’t. She smiles at everybody!”

"Take it from someone who actually has experience with birds. She likes you. A lot."

“She likes Remus too,” argued Regulus. 

"Well, she doesn't send him googly eyes."

Regulus looked down, hating himself for the burning heat in his cheeks. “Um... So you also think it was Thorfinn?” he asked to change the subject. 

“Of course. Who else?”

“Yeah... who else.”

They sat chatting for a while until Regulus’ attention was suddenly caught by the television, which was running in the background. It was a newscast. On the screen there were pictures taken from a helicopter hovering over a house.  _Body found in garden_ the caption read. 

_“This morning the police found the remains of Andrew Simmons, a boy reported missing in 1998. The coroner estimates that Simmons has been dead for somewhere between five and seven years, placing the boy in his mid-teens at the time of his death. The garden was dug up after a -”_

Regulus’ head snapped around to look at Remus. It would break his heart to see this. He would have to hear the news, of course, but not like this. Not in the middle of the common room. Thank goodness he and Emmeline were busy with a conversation, not paying attention to the TV. 

“Hey, Remus,” Regulus said loudly as he got up and hurried over, moving so that he was blocking the TV. “Hey, could you come quick? I need to show you something!”

Before Remus got a chance to ask any questions Regulus had lead him out of the room. 

Regulus didn’t know if he should tell him now. But of course it would hurt no matter when he was told -even though he knew Remus already had a pretty good idea what had happened to Andrew. So when they had gone into their room and closed the door Regulus sat down with Remus, an arm around his shoulder. “I saw something on the news. They found Andrew buried in the bad man’s garden.”

Remus looked at him for a second and then dropped his head so his eyes were hidden by his fringe. “I guess I already knew he was dead,” he said quietly. There was a slight tremble to his voice as if he was on the verge of tears. “But… I hoped, anyway…”

"I understand," nodded Regulus. After a moment's silence he said, "You could have been lying next to him. If you hadn't killed the man. I think he killed Andrew when he got too old for his taste. That's why he took you, so you could take over when he got tired of Andrew. The news said he died in his mid-teens. I know you don't know how old you are, but you must be somewhere in your mid-teens now, so… I don’t think you would have lived much longer if you hadn’t gotten away."

"Maybe…" Remus mumbled, still not looking up.

“They will find your parents,” said Regulus determinedly. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who do you guys think is the killer? And what is his/her motive?  
> Last chance to guess! The person will be revealed in next chapter :)

**Chapter 28 - Perhaps They’re Saving Him for Last**

_“The boy is unfit for our society. Others are beginning to talk. You can’t keep covering for him!”_

_Regulus lies frozen in bed, straining his ears to hear the more and more heated conversation in the living room._

_“It’s not your place to deal with, Bella,” sounds Orion’s authoritative voice. “He is our son. We vouch for him.”_

_“He’s my blood too! He’s bringing shame to the family! We need to weed out the weaklings so our family can stay strong. We already have spots on our name with Andy and Sirius betraying us. Andy has been dealt with, but Sirius slipped through our fingers. Who knows what harm he can do out there? No, it’s best that we stop it here_   _before Regulus draws too much attention to himself. Arrange an accident, I don’t care how, so that there are no more scandals!”_

_“Shut your mouth, you little tart!” sounds Walburga’s shrill voice. “Remember your place and respect your elders! Just because the Dark Lord has given you a pat on the head a few times lately, doesn’t give you authority on our level! You’re just the child of the second heir in line to the Lord of the House of Black! Regulus is the first!”_

_“Walburga –” says Orion in a tone a mix of threatening and calming._

_Bellatrix scoffs. “A pat on the head? I will soon be the Dark Lord’s favourite! I have been part of two successful missions and I’m in charge of the next one.”_

_“That is impressive, Bella,” says Orion. “But Regulus is still not your responsibility. His insecurity is just a phase. He will grow up to become a scientist with great value to our society; mark my words.”_

Dumbledore woke Regulus shortly after. Regulus sat up and took a long drink from the glass of water on the small table next to the couch. He wasn’t feeling as badly as the last session because this episode he remembered (although he tried never to think about it, like with all the other bad memories from his past).

“You seem more collected than last session?" Dumbledore said, peering over his half-moon spectacles.

Regulus snorted. “This wasn’t something I didn’t already know. I’ve feared for my life every day since I was old enough to understand that they actually killed people in the cult.”

"Do you still fear for your life?"

“No. Why would I?” asked Regulus, looking a little puzzled. “I’m away from the cult.”

“Yes, of course,” Dumbledore nodded and leaned back. "You talked about missions. You have mentioned them once before but we have never discussed them.”

“Well... I don’t know much about them. My parents didn’t want to tell me anything but my cousin sometimes dropped hints. She loved those missions because she’s the most evil woman I’ve ever known. I think they went out to assassin certain people. I don’t know who or why exactly, but I’m sure it was part of the grand plan of ridding society of impurity.”

Dumbledore sighed. “Nothing surprises me any longer, I’m afraid. Horrific establishment.” He shook his head slowly, the way old people do when lamenting what the world has come to.

Suddenly a horrific thought struck Regulus. “What if… what if they’re behind the murders here?”

“They’re in prison, Regulus.”

“Yes. Of course. But… do you think some of them are out on bail?” He hadn’t kept track of the case at all. He had tried to deal with it as little as possible.

Dumbledore shook his head with a soft smile on his lips. "I doubt that, my boy." 

“But... but people are let out on bail even for serious crimes, aren’t they?”

“Only if the judge doesn’t deem them a flight risk or suspect them of doing something that will tamper with evidence or go after witnesses. And I am quite sure most, if not all from the cult, fall into that category.”

“But... if you thought there was no risk of them hurting me, why did you ask if I still feared for my life?”

Dumbledore smiled at Regulus. "I’m sorry if you misunderstood, my boy. I just wanted to hear if you had let go of that old fear. I did not mean to give you the idea that they could come after you."

“But do you think they could?” Regulus persisted. “What if they  _are_  behind the murders?”

“Now, why would they be? They have killed other patients, not you.”

“They could do it to punish me. They know my biggest fear is people dying. That’s why they killed Kreacher and not me.”

Dumbledore looked pensive for a long moment. Then he nodded. “I’m sure that is not the case, Regulus, but I will let the police know of your theory, anyhow. They need all the information they can get.”

**o0o0o**

The police took Regulus’ theory seriously. Detective Inspector Tyler and another detective showed up at the hospital shortly after having talked to Doctor Dumbledore on the phone. 

Tyler introduced the other detective. “This is Detective Inspector Charleston, who is one of the leading investigators on the Knights of Walpurgis case.”

“I’m so glad that you have finally agreed to talk to us, Regulus,” said the detective and shook Regulus’ hand. “Your inside information will be very valuable.”

“Regulus has only agreed to be interviewed about the aspect that possibly involves the problems here at the ward,” Doctor Dumbledore reminded.

Detective Charleston sent Dumbledore an irritable glance. “Well, we will take what we can get. So, Regulus: you said that your cult went out on murder missions? Could you tell us more about that?"

"I don't know much. Children were generally not told much of what was going on until they were a certain age, and my parents were especially protective of me because they knew I was weak. They were afraid I wouldn't be able to take it, I suppose. They had enough trouble with me as was."

"So what did you know?"

"Mostly just what I heard from the other children. Rumours. But I know it happened because my cousin Bellatrix would drop hints once in a while. She loved those missions. She's a sadistic woman. She would often tell me horrific things just to scare me. Some were obvious lies, I realised as I got older, but not all of it. She was obsessed with the Dark Lord and would do anything to win his favour. I know she was put in charge of at least one mission because I heard her brag about it to my parents."

"So Voldemort would never go on those missions himself?”

Regulus flinched at the sound of his old master’s name. No one had been allowed to use it. "No, I doubt that very much. He had people do his dirty work for him. If they got caught they would never have given him up."

"So, like the Manson family?" asked Detective Charleston. "If you know who they were."

Regulus nodded. Doctor Dumbledore had told him a lot about other cults as part of his deprogramming. "I suppose it was. But much better planned and executed. Charles Manson got caught after only two missions because they were poorly planned. Our cult was much bigger and better organised than the Manson Family."

"Do you know anything about the targets? Any names or other info?"

Regulus shook his head. "Nothing specific. I don't even know why they did it. Who knows what their motives were? They might not even have made any sense. The Dark Lord was insane and so were at least some of his followers. Either that or brain-washed. It wasn't like regular terrorism because they didn't take credit for it, but I suppose it could have been to frighten the public and make society more unstable. Or perhaps the victims were people holding important positions or someone the cult found particularly impure. I don't know.”

“So - the reason you have told us this is that you think the cult might be behind the murders here at the ward?” asked Detective Tyler. 

Regulus nodded. “But I don’t know if you have let anyone out on bail...”

“We haven’t,” said Detective Charleston. “No judge in their right mind would do that. But we don’t know if we got all of them. Statistically it would be unlikely, I’m afraid. But it’s difficult to know, because it isn’t as though we have a member list, and no one is talking. But perhaps you could help us?”

“I don’t know the names of all members,” said Regulus.

“Well, if we give you a list of names of those we have arrested, perhaps you could tell us if there’s anyone missing that you know of.”

Regulus hesitated for a minute. The thought of seeing his parents’ names on that list hurt. “Okay,” he finally agreed. If he could identify missing members then maybe the police could find them and stop the murders (in case they really were behind them).

“There’s one thing that puzzles me, though,” said Tyler. “How do you suppose a cult member could walk around on the ward without you recognising them?”

“I didn’t know everyone. Not everybody lived at the mansion. That was for the most prestigious members.”

“Has any of your staff started working here after Regulus arrived?” Tyler asked Doctor Dumbledore. 

“Lily Evans and a new guard. But the guard was employed recently - as a part of the upped security, so he was not here until after Skeeter was killed.”

“Lily is  _not_  a murderer,” said Regulus determinedly. “And she is not a cult-member.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“I just am. I know her well, and her way of thinking is so far from the cult’s as could possibly be. Trust me: unless she’s the world’s best actor she’s out of the question.”

“Well, the culprit could be working on one of the other wards, could he not?” Tyler asked Dumbledore. 

Dumbledore nodded. “Yes, most have master keys that work on all wards.”

“Perhaps you could get us the files of every recently employed staff member at the hospital and show Regulus their photo? See if he recognises anyone.”

Before the police left Detective Charleston asked Regulus, “Regulus - since you have decided to finally step forward and talk to us about the cult, would you perhaps be willing to talk about other aspects as well? And perhaps give us your statement? It would be crucial for our investigation.”

“You don’t have to feel obliged to do so, my boy,” said Dumbledore. 

“You could help get justice for Elvin Kreacher. He was your friend, was he not?”

Regulus stared down at the table. “It wouldn’t bring Kreacher back,” he mumbled. 

“No, but it would help us put the culprits away for a long time. We only have the whistle-blower’s word to prove it even happened; and whoever he is, he has not had the guts to step forward, so he remains anonymous. That’s why we need you badly. You could testify about Kreacher’s murder and your own abuse. You were tortured for trying to escape, were you not?”

Regulus nodded slowly. “Okay, I will talk to you,” he finally agreed. “But I won’t testify. I won’t go to court.”

“You won’t have to,” said Charleston, suddenly sounding very excited. “You could give a video-recorded statement to show in court.”

“I’m not sure that is a good idea,” Dumbledore broke in. “Regulus does not need the attention - especially not from cult-members. I must strongly advice against it, Regulus.”

Detective Charleston sighed and nodded. “Well, for a start we will be grateful to just interview you.”

“Not today,” said Dumbledore. “Regulus must be very tired. This has taken a lot for him to do. I don’t think you realise how difficult this is for him.”

“We understand,” said Charleston. “And Regulus, let me tell you this: although we’re taking your suspicion seriously and will look into the case, I don’t think you should worry too much about it. I highly doubt that the cult is behind this. It would take a lot of planning and careful execution, and I doubt that the few who are possibly still out there are in such a position, or that punishing you would be their top priority right now.”

**o0o0o**

Remus looked up from a book when Regulus came back to his room, escorted by Dumbledore, who just smiled and quickly left along with Molly, who had been keeping Remus company. Remus thought Regulus looked rather pale and tired and when the boy sank down on his bed, Remus put his book away. "Are you okay?" he asked softly.

“I don’t know,” said Regulus, lying down on his bed. “But at least I’ve done the right thing. I told the police about my suspicion. You know, what I told you earlier.”

"Okay," Remus said. “What did they think?”

“They were sceptical but taking it seriously. They’ll look into it.”

Remus bit his lip. He knew it must have been hard for Regulus to talk about. "But Regulus - I still don’t understand why would they kill other people? Why not just you?"

"They would kill other people to torment me, because they know how I feel about people dying. Like with Kreacher. They killed Kreacher to punish me. They could be doing the same now."

"Why not Sirius, then?" pointed out Remus. "He's the one you care most about."

Regulus bit his lip and suddenly felt a lump of ice in his stomach. "Perhaps they're saving him for last. Or... or they were trying to set him up for Evan. But now that failed, and... " He could feel himself starting to get worked up. What if they killed Sirius? Or Remus? If they wanted to hurt him the most, they would pick one of them. "Remus you must never be alone! Never! Promise me!" he said, giving Remus a shake.

Remus looked at him with wide eyes. The grip on his arms was so tight it actually hurt. "I... I w-will," he stuttered.

“Okay,” nodded Regulus and let go. He would have to find Sirius and make him swear the same.

**o0o0o**

Lily’s mobile rang in her pocket. When she recognised the number of the officer who was on Remus’ case her heart started to hammer in excitement. The last few times she had called him there had been no news. None of the families who had missing children recognised the picture of Remus. It had been weeks now. Could it really be that nobody had reported him missing? Had Remus’ mother been a far-out drug addict who had barely registered that her son had disappeared? Or even given him to Greyback to be rid of the responsibility? Ideas like that had started to form in Lily’s head. But now there might finally be news. “Yes?” she said, pressing the phone to her ear. 

“Miss Evans? This is Sergeant Holmes. I finally have some news for you.”

“Good or bad?”

“Both. We have identified Remus. One of my bright colleagues suggested that we expand the search, since Remus has clearly not been reported missing in the UK. Turns out he is Irish. Greyback abducted him in Dublin in 2005 and must have smuggled him back on the boat.”

“What?” Lily said in disbelief. Remus didn’t sound Irish, but then again - he had lived with Greyback for most of his life. “Have you found his parents?” she asked, holding her breath.

There was a sigh at the other end of the line. “That’s the bad news. Lyall Lupin died from a heart attack two years after the abduction of his son. We have not been able to find Remus’ mother Hope. She sold her house in Dublin in 2008. We have not been able to find a newer address, neither under the name Lupin nor her maiden name Howell. I suppose it’s possible that she has re-married and taken her new husband’s name.”

Lily sighed. She didn’t really feel like breaking the news to Remus that his father was dead and they couldn’t find his mother. “What now? Have you given up on finding her?”

“Of course not. We need to spread the word. I think our best bet is to give the story to the media and notify her as missing that way. Her picture on the telly and newspapers should give a good chance of someone recognising her. But it will mean Remus’ story will become public, and it’s an interesting story that will give him a lot of attention. How do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know…” sighed Lily. “He’s very shy and I don’t think he would deal with it well.”

“Do you not think Remus would first and foremost like to find his mother? We could tell the media not to publish a present-day picture of Remus.”

Lily thought about it for a moment and then agreed. “But Remus would not like for everyone to know what happened to him. He barely had the courage to tell myself and his doctor."

“All right. We will have to tell his story, but we can withhold the details of the abuse. But the news is already out that Greyback was found dead and that a boy had been held prisoner and escaped. Also, that they found the Simmons boy buried in the garden. But Remus’ name has not yet been published.”

**o0o0o**

Lily found the boys sitting in their room, Regulus helping Remus with some simple math problems. 

“Remus, I have something serious to talk to you about. Would you like Regulus to stay?” When Remus nodded, she smiled. She had expected as much. “Okay,” she said, sitting down on Remus’ bed. “I’ve just talked with the police again. They have finally found out who you are. It took so long because they had only been looking in England, but it turns out you’re not English at all.”

"W-what?" said Remus, confused. "But I speak English."

“They speak English in Ireland, just with a different accent. But the past twelve years you have had only Andrew and Greyback to talk to, so it’s not so strange your accent changed. But now that I know it, I think you do have a faint lilt, I just never gave it any thought. You were just five when then he took you. You’re seventeen, Remus.”

Regulus looked at Remus in surprise. Seventeen? That was three years older than himself! He wouldn’t have tipped him to more than fifteen, at the most. He didn’t seem older and he didn’t look it either.

"I'm…  I'm from Ireland?" Remus said, still unable to grasp the news. And he was seventeen? Had he really been locked away for twelve years? Stuck in that basement. Being abused. Then a thought struck him: "Have you found my mum and dad? Do they want to see me?"

Lily sighed. This was the bad part. “Well... They found out who they are. But your father has been dead for the past ten years and they haven’t been able to find your mother yet.”

"M-my dad is dead?" Remus said, feeling tears well up in his eyes. "How?"

"A heart attack," Lily said and put a hand on his shoulder. "But your mum is alive and I promise we will find her."

Remus just sat there, trying to let it all sink in.

Regulus pulled him into a hug. It must be devastating for him hearing those bitter news. Although Remus could barely remember his father it must still be hard to hear that he would never see him again. Especially now that he had just got his hopes up.

Remus sat stiff at first but then pressed his face against Regulus' shoulder and put his arms around him.

“They’re going to find her,” Lily repeated. “They’re putting it on the telly so the whole country knows she’s missing. There’s a very, very good chance that either she or someone she knows see it.”

Remus’ head snapped up. "Do they tell on the telly what happened to me?"

“Well... not in detail. Just that you were kidnapped as a child. And the police are going to forbid your picture being posted. Well, they probably have pictures of you from the time you went missing but no one but us in here and the police have a picture of how you look now, so the public wouldn’t be able to recognise you. We will find her, Remus,” Lily repeated. “You just need to be patient. Can you do that? Keep your chin up, keep studying with Regulus, and she will be so proud of you. I know it.”

**o0o0o**

When Lily passed the common room Miles suddenly jumped in front of her, staring intensely into her eyes, one at a time, his face just a few inches from hers.

Lily had gotten used to his behaviour by now so she didn't even flinch. "What can I do for you, Miles?" She asked in a kind voice.

"Don't move!" ordered Miles, his eyes fixed on Lily's. He pulled out a torch from his pocket and shone it into her left eye.

The sharp light made her squint and raise a protective hand. "Miles! What are you doing?"

"Open your eye again - I didn't get time to see if your pupil contracted."

"What are you talking about?" she said, keeping her hand up. “Of course my pupils contract at light!”

"Just stand still for a few seconds, yeah? Then you can prove it. Like when you're at the doctor's for a health check."

Lily sighed and let Miles shine his torch into both her eyes. Then he nodded and pocketed the torch. "Alright, thank you. You're clean."

Lily sighed. "May I ask which test it is that I passed?"

"Eye cameras. It's the new thing. I just saw a program on it. They make them so well that they look as real as a glass eye, and I guess it _is_ a glass eye, just with a tiny camera in the pupil. But your eyes responded with the normal pupillary light reflex, so obviously both are real."

"Well, I'm glad to hear it," Lily said, trying not to encourage his delusion too much. She noticed a fresh bruise on Miles’ cheek and guessed that someone had not taken lightly to his transgressive eye-inspection. Likely, it was Avery, because it had seemed to her that Sirius had taken her reprimand about controlling himself for Regulus’ sake to heart. Also, Sirius had in fact mellowed out considerably since Regulus had forgiven him. The only serious fight he had been in since had been the one with Evan, and he hadn’t been the instigator of that. 

**o0o0o**

When Lily got home that night she brewed herself a strong pot of coffee and found a large box of chocolates in the bottom of a drawer. Then she made herself comfortable at the computer and started searching the web for everything related to Remus’ disappearance. She found missing-child-notices with Remus’ picture in many newspapers, mostly Irish but also a few British. There were also a few larger articles. Remus was an only child, Lily read, and had been abducted from a playground in Tallaght, a suburb of Dublin. One of the articles had a large picture of a five-year-old Remus (taken shortly before he went missing) with his parents. His father was carrying him and his mother had her arm around her husband and her cheek resting on her son’s head. Lily’s heart ached at the sight of the smiling family that would never again be together, the three of them. But - Lily swore to herself - Remus and his mother were going to be reunited, whatever it took. 

Then she came across a video-clip from a newscast. Both parents stood in front of the camera; Remus’ mother begging whoever took her son to give him back. Lily felt her eyes tear up hearing the desperation in her voice and seeing the pained expression on the father’s tear-stained face. 

She made herself a fresh pot of coffee and sat back down, starting to compose a Facebook notice searching for Hope Lupin, which she urged as many people as possible to share all over the world. It was entirely possible that she had moved abroad, perhaps to get a new start, and if she had, the television spots were unlikely to reach her. She found a good picture of her in one of the newspaper articles and attached that to her post along with the one of the whole family. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29 - It’s Best that You Don’t Scream**

Although most of the ward believed Thorfinn was the killer and that they were therefore safe, the safety rules had not been slackened. Regulus was glad that they hadn’t, because he wasn’t so sure about Thorfinn. He still feared that the cult was behind the murders. The rest of the patients knew nothing of this theory because Doctor Dumbledore had asked him to keep quiet about it. He didn’t want paranoia to spread among the patients. Regulus understood and didn’t feel like telling, anyway. It would put him in the centre of everyone’s attention. He had only told Sirius and he had just laughed it off. “That’s far out, Reggie,” he had said. “That’s just your guilt trip messing with your head. They have much bigger things to worry about than punishing you.” The police had yet to find anything that could indicate that the cult could be involved, and Regulus had recognised no one from the pictures they had showed him of the recently employed hospital staff or remember any names that weren’t on the list of arrested cult members.

"What do you want to do?" asked a bored Regulus as he and Remus sat in the common room. The patients were asked to spend almost all their waking hours there so they could be supervised.

Remus shrugged. "I don’t know... Maybe draw?"

"Yeah, alright," said Regulus. He got up and went over to the large cabinet by the window to find some drawing material. "Arthur?" he asked. "Do we have some more colour pencils somewhere? The scarlet and green ones are nearly worn down."

"There are some in the storage room at the end of Corridor B," Arthur said and looked up. He was sitting debating with Miles about one of his conspiracy theories. "Can you lads get them yourselves or do you need my help? Then you just have to wait 10 minutes."

"That's okay. We'll get them ourselves," said Regulus. 

"Okay. Stay together, now. You know the rule."

Corridor B was where the isolation cells were located. Remus found this part of the ward a little creepy so he took Regulus' hand as they walked down the corridor towards the storage room. Suddenly they heard a low moaning sound from one of the cells. They both stopped and looked at the door that stood slightly ajar.

"Who's in that cell?" asked Regulus. "Nobody is supposed to be in isolation.”

"Maybe it's a ghost," Remus whispered nervously. James and Sirius had told him about a white lady that walked the halls after she had killed herself in one of the cells a long time ago.

“Of course not. Ghosts don’t exist,” said Regulus. He listened for another moment and then moved over to the cell and pushed the door open.

The sight that met him was more than unexpected. Severus was lying by the opposite wall, unmoving and with his eyes closed. Without thinking, Regulus hurried into the room and crossed the floor to check if Severus was dead. A clonk sounded behind him. He spun around to see Remus crash to the ground, unconscious. Over him stood an old man with a piece of metal in his hand (which he had obviously used to knock Remus out). At first Regulus’ brain didn’t recognise the man, because it couldn’t be who it looked like. His senses must be mistaken; because the old man looked exactly like Doctor Dumbledore. 

Dumbledore pushed the door closed. “It’s best that you don’t scream, Regulus,” he said in his normal kind voice, “because if you do, Remus is dead.” He pulled out a scalpel from his pocket and peeled the protective cover off the blade. “Besides, as you might know, the cells are nearly sound proof, so I doubt they would hear you.”

Regulus just stood staring at him in shock, unable to process what was happening. 

“I am sorry you had to see this, my boy,” Dumbledore said, sounding and looking truly sad. 

“S-sorry?” stammered Regulus, confused. 

“Yes. I am very fond of you and it was never my plan to kill you; but I can’t leave witnesses, you see.”

“You’re... you’re the killer!” gasped Regulus. 

“Apparently,” nodded Dumbledore. 

“But…  _why_?”

"Why?" Dumbledore repeated. "I did tell you about my sister and brother, yes? Well – I also told you about my friend who is the reason my brother and I became estranged. You see," Dumbledore continued, his voice calm and pleasant as if he were explaining something in a session. "My friend, Gellert, killed my sister. Why? Because he was mentally ill, Regulus. I didn’t think it mattered and I paid for that ignorance with my sister’s life.” He pointed at Severus with the scalpel. "Gellert was like him,” he muttered. “Schizophrenics are ticking time bombs."

"But... but Frank and Dorcas? They were not schizophrenic and Frank never even spoke!”

"Severely depressed people are unpredictable," Dumbledore explained. “They often commit suicide and occasionally take others with them, either intentionally or unintentionally. And often the suicide traumatises those who find them or see it happen. I have spent quite some time crisis counselling. Imagine what somebody jumping in front of a train does to the driver. Many become so traumatised that they never drive a train again. And that is just one example of many. Severely depressed patients are so caught up in their own self-loathing that they forget to consider others. And Dorcas? You heard her threaten Miles and saw her throw a book in Sirius’ face. It was a matter of time before she hurt someone badly. She was gravely unstable.”

"But Rita? She wasn't dangerous!"

"Her death was unfortunate," Dumbledore sighed. "She suspected me of Dorcas’ death and tried to blackmail me into giving her special attention. So you see, I couldn't let her live."

“So... so you want to rid the world of the mentally ill?” asked Regulus, barely able to fathom what the old man was saying. 

“Only the dangerous ones. The delusional, the severely depressed, the ones with self-control issues. I do realise that I cannot save the whole world, but I can do my part and have done so for quite a while.”

“You sound like my family! Like the cult!”

“On the contrary!” said Dumbledore angrily, his calm demeanour suddenly broken. “ _They_ strived to cleanse the world of all they deemed bellow their standard - which meant most of the human population! I only kill a few and I do it to protect the majority. _The greater good_ , Regulus. That is what I believe in. The greater good. A few must suffer for the safety of the many.”

Regulus suddenly laughed. “Gilderoy was right. He said you were behind this from the start!”

"Yes. I should have got rid of him too but he was so rarely alone. And due to his delusion about me I would never have been able to get him to come with me quietly. I was not worried about anyone believing him, of course, but he is potentially very dangerous. I regret that I did not take care of him when there was time. Can you imagine if he gets hold of a sword someday and goes orc slaying?"

“What about Sirius? Why haven’t you killed him? In your logic he should be high on your list, with his temper.”

“I kept him off my list for your sake, Regulus. You needed him. And as I said, it grieves me deeply to have to kill you. I truly wanted to help you. You have been a victim of insane killers most of your life.”

 _And now I will be, once again_ , Regulus thought bitterly. He looked at his friend on the floor. “You don’t have to kill Remus. He didn’t see you. You knocked him down before he did.” He hoped to God it was true. 

"Sadly, I cannot afford to risk it," Dumbledore sighed. “Although the poor boy doesn’t deserve it.”

“He didn’t see you!” said Regulus desperately, feeling tears well up in his eyes and his heart pick up a galop in his chest. “What kind of man are you? Murdering innocent children! What would your brother say?”

Dumbledore seemed to hesitate for a moment but then stepped over Remus and moved towards Regulus. "He is dead and has nothing more to say to me."

Suddenly Regulus heard someone shouting. What were they saying? Were they calling his name? The door was closed so the sound was muffled, but Regulus was pretty sure he recognised the voice. “SIRIUS!” he screamed as loudly as his lungs allowed. “SIRIUS! HELP!”

**o0o0o**

Sirius ran down the hallway. He had started at a normal walk but when he had arrived at the storage room and found neither Regulus nor Remus there he had panicked.

 _“Has anyone seen Regulus?” Sirius’ eyes scanned the common room._ _People shook their heads. He went over to Lily. She was Regulus’ nurse, after all._

_Lily looked around a little worriedly. “No… He was sitting with Remus over there, earlier.”_

_“They went to the storage room to get some colour pencils,” Arthur said. “Aren’t they back yet?”_

“Sirius, wait!” Lily called. She had trouble catching up with the teen who was searching frantically for his brother.

“They have to be here!” Sirius snapped. “REGULUS!”

“SIRIUS! SIRIUS! HELP!”

They both stopped when they heard the muffled cry. They exchanged looks and then ran for the door they thought the scream had come from.

**o0o0o**

Dumbledore stood frozen for a second but then rushed forward and grabbed a hold of Regulus.

“SIRIUS!” Regulus screamed again.

An arm around Regulus from behind, Dumbledore pressed the scalpel to the boy’s throat, turning to face the door.

The door slammed open and Sirius stumbled into the room. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the old man with the knife to his brother’s throat.

Lily arrived seconds later and – like Sirius – stared at the scene in shock.

“Let go of my brother!” Sirius finally exclaimed.

“Keep your voice down,” said Dumbledore and flexed the scalpel to underline what was going to happened if Sirius didn’t.

Lily dropped to her knees next to Remus, putting a finger on his neck to check for a pulse. Then she looked up at Dumbledore. “ _Why?_ Why are you doing this?”

“Close the door and move over to the window if you don’t want to see his throat cut open,” Dumbledore ordered, ignoring her question. “Both of you.” He saw Lily’s eyes fall on Severus. “He’s not dead yet, so you need not bother check,” he said. “Now close the door and get over to that window!”

“Sirius, run!” Regulus gasped but shut up when he felt the scalpel press harder against his throat and a thin line of warmth trickling down his skin. 

Sirius clenched his teeth but did as he was told. “Just… just don’t hurt him!”

Lily grudgingly left Remus on the floor and followed Sirius.

“Now - stay there until I’m gone,” said the doctor. 

“Okay,” said Lily, holding her hands up in an appeasing gesture. “Let Regulus go and we will let you get away.”

“Oh, no - I’m taking the boy with me. He will be my insurance.”

“You’re not taking my brother away from me!” Sirius screamed, taking a step forward.

“Quiet!” warned Dumbledore. “I will let him go once I’m far enough away from here. I have no desire to kill him. He was never on my hit list.”

“Wait!” said Sirius, making the old man hesitate for a second. “Take me instead. I promise I will go quietly.”

“No!” croaked Regulus. Sirius fit Dumbledore’s type and he might very well kill him when he had gotten out, especially if Sirius tried fighting him, which was very likely. Regulus didn’t think he would be able to live with the guilt of being responsible for his brother’s death as well as Kreacher’s. 

But Dumbledore looked like he was considering the offer. “All right. Go to the door, turn around and place your hands on the wall.”

Sirius did as instructed and Dumbledore edged closer with Regulus and suddenly pushed the boy hard, sending him stumbling into Lily’s arms.

When Sirius heard his brother stumble forward he made a snap decision and spun around, grabbing the arm that was about to go around his neck. The old man was faster than Sirius had expected. He saw the scalpel come rushing towards his throat, and he just managed to make a quarter-turn, blocking with his shoulder.

Regulus and Lily screamed in unison as they saw the blade sink into Sirius’ shoulder, blood spurting out. Then everything went really fast. As Sirius and Dumbledore fell to the floor struggling over the scalpel, the door slammed open and Kingsley rushed inside. He stopped for a second, eying the pair on the floor.

“It’s Dumbledore! He’s the killer!” yelled Lily, afraid the guard would draw the wrong conclusion and go for Sirius instead.

Kingsley dropped to the floor and skilfully disarmed Dumbledore and pulled him away from Sirius. Before getting to his feet Sirius landed a hard blow in the old man’s face. “That’s for my brother, you bastard!”

Lily was at Severus’ side in an instant, checking if he was indeed alive. Arthur took his radio and called for medics to come attend to the four patients.

Now that the danger was over, Regulus’ legs turned to jelly and he sank to his knees. He watched as Kingsley pulled Dumbledore to his feet and secured his hands behind his back and cuffed him. There was a look of utter disbelief and shock on his normally stoic face that Regulus had never seen there before.

Knowing that the battle was lost, Dumbledore had turned back into his normal calm self. He looked like someone who had accepted his fate and perhaps even welcomed it. He made eye contact with Regulus and sent him a sad smile as Kingsley turned to guide him out of the room.

Ignoring his own injury Sirius rushed over to his brother, kneeling in front of him to inspect the cut on his neck. 

“I’m okay,” said Regulus. “It’s not deep. What about your shoulder?”

Sirius didn’t answer but threw his arms around his brother in a fierce embrace, erupting in sobs of relief.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30 – It Will Be so Beautiful**

Remus slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times. Where was he? He was in a bed but not the one in his and Regulus’ room. The bed was tall and the linen white. Then his eyes fell on Lily, who was sitting on a chair next to the bed. He tried to sit up but his head was hurting so much that he got dizzy.

Lily gently pushed an extra pillow behind his head. "It's okay, Remus," she said. "Just lie still."

"Wh-what happened?"

Lily smiled and considered for a second if she should tell him or let Regulus do it. Although getting knocked out was a serious matter she was still eternally grateful that Remus had been unconscious during the whole encounter, because she was sure that if Remus had experienced that, it would have resulted in a major setback in his condition. But Regulus had said that Remus hadn’t even seen Dumbledore. She smiled at him. “I’ll just get Regulus. He asked me to fetch him as soon as you woke. He can bring you up to date.”

She went to the next room where Sirius was lying in bed with his shoulder bandaged. Regulus was sitting on the edge of his bed, talking. 

“Remus is awake,” informed Lily. “I didn’t tell him anything - I figured you might be the best one for that.”

Regulus hurried into the next room where he found Remus looking pale but alert. “Hi,” he smiled, sitting down next to the bed. “I’m glad you’re awake. You’ve been out for a few hours.”

Remus still looked confused and blinked a few times as he eyed his friend. He noticed a large band-aid on Regulus' neck and suddenly got worried. "What happened?"

“We walked in on the killer. He hit you on the head so you passed out. But all is good now. Sirius saved us.”

Remus put a hand to the back of his head where he felt a small bump. "Who was the killer? Was it someone from your cult?"

Regulus shook his head. “You won’t believe it. It was Doctor Dumbledore.”

Remus looked at him in shock. "But... but he seemed so kind?" Even though Dumbledore was a man, Remus had not been particularly afraid of him (except in the beginning where all grown men scared him). Probably because he was always so calm and kind.

“Yeah...” sighed Regulus. “I guess he was in some ways. His sympathy for me, at least, was real. He told me he didn’t want to kill me but that he had to because I had become a witness. You weren’t on his list either.” When Remus looked puzzled Regulus explained Dumbledore’s whole agenda and strange logic. “So he didn’t target all mentally ill, just the ones he deemed dangerous. Like psychoses and such. Like his old friend who was schizophrenic and killed his sister. That’s why he was about to kill Severus. That’s what we walked in on, so I guess we saved his life. Or Sirius did, because if he hadn’t come all three of us would be dead now.”

**o0o0o**

The patients had gathered in the common room at the ward later that afternoon, having been told by Arthur to stay there until he had figured out precisely what was going on. No one had been told anything since Corridor B had been sealed off. All they knew was that there had been a conflict involving the four patients.

“I think the killer murdered all four of them,” said Lucinda. “They’re all gone and the cell-corridor is sealed and the coppers are there.”

“You think so?” Emmeline asked anxiously.

“Yeah, why else would they be gone?” asked Lucinda. 

“Bollocks. He couldn’t have killed all four at once!” snorted Avery.

“He can’t have gotten the best of Sirius,” said James, trying to sound confident.

Marlene was on the edge of her seat, biting her nails. Then she got up and hurried out of the common room to find a staff member. James followed her and then Emmeline, Peter and Caradoc.

"Wait!" called Natalie. "They told us to stay and wait for news!"

“Yeah?” said James, turning around for a second. “If something happened to Sirius I want to know! I don’t want to just sit and wait!”

They found Arthur and Pomona in the staff room, Pomona on the phone. 

“What happened?” asked Marlene. “Where’s Sirius and the others? Did somebody get killed?”

Pomona waved her hand to tell them to be quiet. "Yes. Yes, thank you," she finally said and hung up. Then she turned towards the teenagers in the door. "Everything is under control and Remus, Severus and the brothers are all right, so you can all take it easy."

“All of them? What happened?” asked James. “Was it the killer? Did they get him? Who was it?”

The two staff members exchanged looks. "They arrested the killer, yes," Arthur finally said. "We will tell you all the details later when we know more."

“Who was it?” said James, jumping up and down. “Tell us! How did they take him down?” He punched the air a few times and tried to do a roundhouse kick as if imagining that was how things had gone down.

“We will tell you all later," Arthur said again. "Now go back to the common room."

“If the others aren’t hurt, why aren’t they here?” asked Caradoc.

"They had some minor injuries so they are keeping them at the hospital overnight. They will be back in a day or two.”

“Back to the common room now,” said Pomona in a voice stricter than Arthur’s. The police will be here in a minute and when they have talked to us we will tell you. So just have a little patience.”

Patrick, the new guard, escorted them back to the common room where he sat down to keep an eye on them and make sure that they didn’t go back to the staff room. 

**o0o0o**

The staff were deeply shaken and incredulous when Detective Inspector Tyler came to brief them in the evening. 

“I don’t understand,” Horace kept saying. “That decent competent man! Are you _sure_ you’re not mistaken?”

“Lily and Kingsley caught him in the act,” said Molly before Tyler could say anything. “Of course they’re not mistaken! But I’m just as shocked as you. He would be the last person I would suspect.”

Tyler accepted a cup of tea from Hagrid and sat down. “I just had a three-hour interview with him and he put all the cards on the table. He is fully co-operative and prepared to provide all the information we need, so there won’t be much detective work ahead of us. He even has a little notebook where he has written the dates of the murders and names of all his victims.”

“How many did he kill?” Antonin wanted to know.

“He couldn’t tell me the exact number because he didn’t have his notebook on him, but he estimates somewhere between forty and fifty.”

A collective gasp sounded from around the table.

“How long has he been doing this? His sister must have been murdered over forty years ago… When did he start? And how did he get away with it for so long?”

“He killed his first victim when he was about twenty-five He never worked at the same ward more than a few years, and he never killed more than two the same place.”

“Until now,” said Pomona.

Tyler nodded. “Until now. What happened is that he suddenly started escalating – something that often happens for serial killers at some point, our criminal profiler, Dunham, tells me. Sometimes the escalation is triggered by a specific event; in this case likely the death of Doctor Dumbledore’s brother last year.”

**o0o0o**

The staff decided to inform the patients right away. There was dead silence when Molly had finished.

“I  _told_  you so!” Gilderoy then said triumphantly. “But you insisted on being blind. Well - has he been dealt with safely? Is he dead? Who defeated him? I must say I’m very impressed.”

Molly waved a calming hand at Gilderoy. “No, he is not dead, but he has been taken away and locked up.”

“Dumbledore? How could it be Dumbledore?” said Peter. “He was so nice.”

“I’m not surprised,” said Miles. “I told you it was someone no one would suspect, and that man had a malicious heart, I tell you. I could see it in his eyes when he forced that poison on me once a month. He enjoyed it, torturing me.”

“You didn’t know it was him!” snorted Natalie. “You never even suggested it!”

“Did they break his staff?” Gilderoy wanted to know. “If not, he is going to make an escape!”

“Yes, they took all weapons away from him,” Molly calmed him. 

“How did it happen? How did they take him down?” asked Caradoc along with numerous questions from the others. 

“You can talk to your friends when they come back tomorrow,” said Arthur. “I’m sure they will be happy to give you all the details.”

**o0o0o**

The next day Lily came to pick up the four boys from the hospital. Severus looked as morose as ever. She knew he must have felt alone at the hospital since the three others had had each other. "Hi," she smiled at the four. “The hospital is letting you all go now. They would have kept you another few days, Remus, because of your concussion, but they understand that you’re uncomfortable without Regulus, so they’re letting you go now as well. Also because you’re surrounded by nurses every day, anyway. Just promise to take it easy for a while.”

Remus nodded slowly, his head still hurting quite a bit.

**o0o0o**

They were all practically assaulted when they stepped through the doors to the ward and were dragged off to the common room where they were sat down, offered fizzy drinks and snacks provided by Hagrid. Then the questions and concerned comments started raining down on them. 

“Are you alright?” asked Marlene after having hugged and kissed Sirius. “What happened to your shoulder?”

Sirius flashed her a grin, lifting his arm a bit so he was sure everyone noticed it. "Oh this? Old Dumbles stabbed me when I was fighting him off."

Emmeline was focused on the cut on Regulus' neck. "Did it hurt?" she asked gently.

“Um... N-not much,” said Regulus, feeling himself blush. “It’s not deep. He didn’t want to kill me. I mean, he said he had to because he couldn’t leave witnesses, but when Sirius and Lily had come in then he was exposed, so it didn’t matter if I was a witness. He couldn’t very well kill all of us, could he? He wanted to escape with me as a hostage but Sirius stopped him. But I think he would have let me go once he was far enough away...”

"I'm just glad you're safe now," Emmeline smiled.

Severus, who wasn't used to all that attention (especially not positive attention) and admiration, didn't quite know what to make of himself. "Er... Well, I didn't really do anything. He drugged me before I realised what was happening. I trusted him, you know."

"Yeah - we all did," nodded Lucinda. "But you survived - as the only one of his victims. That's pretty special. You'll be famous!" she smiled.

The corner of Severus’ lip twitch for a moment and he turned his head away and mumbled something unintelligible. 

“Weren’t you scared?” asked Natalie. 

“Maybe a little,” he shrugged. “But I didn’t get much time to be.”

“I would have shit myself,” said Lucinda.

“Why the hell did he do it?” asked Caradoc. 

“The police called him a mission oriented serial killer,” Severus explained to his friend. It was easier focusing on Caradoc than looking at all the others, although he knew they were all watching and listening. 

“What’s that?” asked James. 

Severus was about to give James an aggressive reply like he usually did when James talked to him, but he stopped himself. James seamed serious, so he just mumbled, “It’s someone who sees it as his mission to rid the world of a certain type of person, which he thinks is a pest.”

“Yes, it’s most often prostitutes, homosexuals or someone of a particular race,” added Miles. 

“Like Sirius’ cult?” asked Peter. 

“Like Hitler?” asked someone else. 

“Hitler was more like a mass murderer than a serial killer,” commented Natalie. 

“Well, the principle is the same!” 

Seeing how pale Regulus looked, Remus carefully placed a hand on his knee and looked at him questioningly.

Regulus looked back at him. “What? They’re right. It’s like the cult. Except they’re worse than Dumbledore. They’re evil. I’m not sure Dumbledore really is. I think he’s just really messed up from what happened with his sister and brother. He truly believed he was protecting people by doing this.”

“What? Are you defending that psycho?” asked Avery aggressively. 

Sirius shot a glare at Avery. "My brother is not defending anyone! He’s just..." He tilted his head and looked at Regulus. "Are you defending him?"

Lily hurried over and sat down. “I think Regulus is just saying that there’s a difference in how evil killers are,” she explained, not wanting Regulus to feel trapped by the others. “I think we can all agree that Hitler, for instance, was one of the evillest men in history?”

The others seemed satisfied with that answer and went on with their conversation.

**o0o0o**

A few weeks later Remus and Regulus sat working on some spelling exercises in their room. The tightened safety rules had been lifted and the patients were allowed to be alone again but the two boys still spent most of their time together, although they also socialised more with the other patients. With Regulus being Sirius’ brother, they were getting friendly with his friends as well (especially James and Peter). 

There was a knock on the door and Lily stuck her head in. “Remus, you have a visitor.”

Both boys looked up. A visitor? Who would come visit Remus? 

Lily pushed the door open and a blond woman in her forties took a few steps in. Then she stopped, putting a hand to her mouth, looking like she was on the verge of tears. “Remus... So big you have gotten!”

Remus blinked a few times, looking at the woman. He studied her face for a moment and then looked at Lily and back at the woman. "Who... Who are you?"

“But Remus,” said the woman and went over to where he was sitting on his chair. She kneeled down in front of him and lovingly pushed the fringe out of his face. “It’s Ma!”

Remus tilted his head, looking her in the eye, squinting for a moment as he studied them. Her face had aged. Her hair was shorter but still golden, and her eyes were the same kind and warm eyes that used to watch him playing in the garden. "M…Mum?"

“Yes!” she said and burst into tears. She pulled him into a hug, pressing his face against her shoulder and sobbed. 

Lily and Regulus were both looking at the two, Regulus very relieved and happy for Remus. 

“I’ve missed you so much, darling!” She kissed his cheek. “I thought I’d never see you again!”

Remus was still in shock, his bottom lip trembling as she pulled a little back and cradled his face in her hands.

“Are you angry with me? We tried so hard to find you. I’ve missed you so much. Every single day since that monster stole you from us.”

Remus quickly shook his head and leaned in against her again. He couldn't get any words out. He just sat there with her for what seemed like hours; so many things going through his head. Then the tears came and turned into violent sobs.

Regulus sent Lily a look as Remus and his mother just sat there sobbing in each other’s arms. He felt a little like an intruder, but he wasn’t sure if he should leave. Remus usually wanted him there no matter what. 

After a while Remus withdrew and sat back, drying his eyes with his sleeve. Finally, he spoke. "This is Lily, my nurse." He pointed at the redhead and then at the smaller boy. "And Regulus. My best friend."

Hope turned her head. “Yes, I’ve already met Lily, of course.” She smiled at Regulus. “And Regulus - thank you for being such a wonderful friend to Remus. I’ve heard how much you have done for him.”

“Um... He’s been a good friend too,” said Regulus, not quite knowing what to do with himself.

Hope turned her attention back to Remus. “So big you’ve gotten,” she said again. “And so handsome.” She ran her hands through her son’s hair. 

Remus, still not quite having grasped that it was indeed his mother sitting in front of him, pulled a little away.

Hope looked sad as she let her hand drop.

Lily smiled and got up, walking over to sit next to Remus. "I found your mother on Facebook. That's an internet site where people all over the world can communicate."

Remus looked slightly puzzled but curious.

"Thank goodness one of my co-workers recognised me on the picture and showed the post to me,” continued Hope. “He had no idea that I had lost a son back in Ireland. I hadn’t told anybody in my new life about my past, because… well, I suppose I was trying to forget it. Trying to run from it because it was so painful. When Da died I moved to Australia, just about as far away from Ireland I could get. I needed to start over somewhere nobody knew my story and where nothing reminded me of it. I’m so sorry, darling. I’m sorry I gave up on you. After three years... I was sure you were dead. I lost hope. But I never stopped thinking about you. I tried, but I couldn’t. I’ve missed you every day for the past twelve years.”

Remus bit his lip. "So... So you're going to take me away to Australia now?" he asked, looking rather sad.

Hope noticed Remus sending a glance Regulus’ way. “I will move wherever you want, Remus.” She put a hand on his. “I’m sure you want to live near Regulus. Also, Lily and your psychiatrist. I want the best for you.”

This seemed to lighten Remus’ mood and he sent her a smile and nodded.

“Anything you like, Remus. We will do anything you like. I owe you a whole happy childhood. We will do anything you like and live wherever you like. I make quite a bit of money in my profession and I haven’t done much else but work the past ten years, so we can afford a nice house and all the things you want.”

“I... I just want to stay here in England," Remus said, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

“Yes, of course,” she laughed. “London. Close to Regulus. But what kind of neighbourhood? In the city? Suburb? A big garden, perhaps?”

"A garden would be nice, I guess," he mumbled, thinking of the many hours he had spent in the hospital garden with Regulus.

“Alright,” she smiled. “We will get a nice big garden with all the flowers of your choosing.”

“Roses,” said Remus after a moment. “I like those flowers best. And the red ones most.”

“Wonderful! We will fill the garden with roses in all the colours you want! It will be so beautiful, Remus. What about pets? Do you want a dog? Or a cat? Or something else?”

“I think it’s a little overwhelming for Remus with so many choices all at once,” said Lily, seeing Remus’ expression. “He isn’t used to that. Take it one at a time, yeah?”

"Yes. Yes of course," said Hope. "I just want the best for him."

“We know,” smiled Lily. “And you will get plenty of time to do it.”

Regulus looked at Lily, a question burning in his mind; but didn’t think right now was a good time, with Remus hearing and getting even more confused. Was Remus’ mother going to take him home now? Of course she was, but how soon? Regulus scolded himself for dreading it - he should be thrilled for Remus that he was going home to his mother, but he couldn’t help feeling his stomach knot up at the thought of Remus leaving him here. 

**o0o0o**

Hope left the room with Lily about half an hour later and as soon as the door closed, she started crying. "I missed his childhood and that monster took away his innocence. He seemed scared of me. Like I was a stranger."

"No. He wasn’t scared of you,” said Lily, placing her hands on Hope’s shoulders and looking her in the eyes. “He was glad to see you. He was just a bit overwhelmed. Perhaps I should have prepared him for your arrival, but I just wanted to surprise him. Come – let me show you something,” she said and took Hope to the staff room. She rummaged in a drawer and found a piece of paper. “Look: I saved one of Remus’ drawings.”

Hope looked at the drawing picturing a woman with yellow hair and red lips. She smiled and started crying again.

“He has talked about you often, although he didn’t remember much,” said Lily.

Hope dried her eyes with a hand and then took a deep breath. "How do we do this the best way for him? I know I can't take him home at this minute because I haven't even found a place to stay here in London yet. I got on a plane as soon as I put down the phone after talking to you."

“We need to discuss it with Pandora to decide what’s best,” said Lily. “But I definitely think you need to find a house and get settled before you take him home. And I’m pretty sure Pandora will suggest that you come visit him here for a while so the two of you can get to know each other again.”

"I'm sure that's a good idea. I just want to spend every waking hour with him. Like I'm afraid he will disappear again if I leave."

Lily smiled and put an arm around her shoulder. "Let’s go see Pandora and talk about it."

**o0o0o**

“Your mum’s nice,” said Regulus when they had sat watching the closed door for a minute. 

Remus swallowed a lump that had been sitting in his throat ever since his mother had come in. He was still a little in shock. "She was. I mean she is."

“See what I said? She _did_ want you back,” Regulus smiled.

"Yeah,” smiled Remus. “I’m going to live with my mum…” he said, tasting the words. “I’m moving in with my mum!” he repeated, suddenly beaming. Then his smile faltered. “But then I will have to move away from you. And my other friends in here.”

“You don’t want to live in here the rest of your life, do you? It will be brilliant, Remus. I wish I had a loving parent I could move in with...”

Remus sent him a soft smile and suddenly gave him a tight hug, resting his head on his shoulder. "When I move in with my mum I'm going to come and visit you every day! Even if I have to take the train or bus. I must learn how."

“I’d like that. I’m sure your mum will drive you, though. She said she would do anything for you. Anything at all. And you deserve it, too. You deserve to live a nice place and be loved and spoiled. I’m really glad for you, Remus, although I’ll miss you as a roommate.”

Remus nodded against his shoulder. "I'll miss you too."

Regulus could feel tears threaten but forced them back. He did not want to make Remus feel guilty for leaving. “Yeah... but I’ll have Sirius, so I’ll be fine. And you’ll visit me, like you said. And you better come often because I need to teach you a lot more stuff. Although your mum will probably find you some real teachers.”

Remus pulled back and looked at his friend fondly. "She won’t find one better than you," he smiled. “Never.”


	31. Chapter 31

**Epilogue**

Regulus buckled his small suitcase and checked the closet and drawers for the third time to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. He looked at his watch. Ten minutes to ten. Ten more minutes. They were always very punctual. 

"Ready to go?" Sirius asked, smiling at his little brother. "The room is going to feel empty with you gone, but at least my flat will be ready in a week so I'll be getting out of here too."

“Yeah...” said Regulus. “I’m glad they’ve fixed you up with that flat. I really hope it works out for you and you stay out of trouble. I don’t want to come visit you in prison.” Truth was that Regulus was terrified that his brother would ruin things for himself by falling back into the lifestyle he had when he lived on the street. And even though he had improved a lot over the past months he still had a hot temper and tended to act before thinking. 

"Guess you have to come see me often, then, so you can keep an eye on me," Sirius grinned and scratched his neck. "Don’t worry, Reggie. Those social workers are looking out for me. Getting me a job and everything. Maybe I’ll get myself an education too. Being a star witness makes you a popular person!”

“Well, don’t blow it. Don’t lose your head if something doesn’t go your way or someone offends you. Promise me!”

Sirius sighed. "I promise. You need me to pinky swear too or is my word good enough?" He raised an eyebrow.

“I need you to be serious and really mean it,” said Regulus. “And don't make the name joke!"

Sirius had been about to do exactly that but since Regulus had beat him to it he just sighed. "Of course I mean it and yes, I promise. You think I want to be locked up again?"

“No. But you always forget to think about the consequences. When are you going to testify for the first time?” Regulus asked. The Knights of Walpurgis trials had just started. 

"Next Friday, I believe. If things move along as planned. I can’t wait to get up on the stand and bury them.”

“Don’t... Don’t be too hard on Mum and Dad, yeah?” Regulus said softly, picking at a small hole in the knee of his jeans. 

Sirius tilted his head, studying his little brother. He wanted to inform him that _Hell yes was he going to be hard on them!_ but he didn’t want to hurt his brother, who for some unfathomable reason was still protective of their abusive parents, so he just put a hand on his shoulder and said "I'll focus all my anger on Voldemort, yes?"

Regulus looked up at him and nodded. “And Bella and Malfoy. And the Lestranges. And the rest of them. Make them pay for what they did to Kreacher.”

"I will make them pay for what they did to you," said Sirius, eying his brother with a fervent gaze.

There was a knock on the door. Lily stuck her head in and smiled at the two. "You ready to go, Regulus?"

Regulus nodded. “Yes.” In a way he was scared to leave this place he had called home for over a year. How was he going to deal out in the real world? He had not lived there since he was four, and he could barely remember any of that. He had read a lot about the world but that wasn’t the same as living in it. He had had a bit of practice the past few months, however. Lily had taken him out on a few daytrips to different places, such as restaurants, the cinema and downtown during rush hour. They had also visited Remus (who had lived with his mother the past two months) and he had even stayed the night there once. It was all part of his acclimation to the outside world.

Lily studied him, then sat down next to him on the bed, putting an arm around his shoulder. “Are you nervous?”

Regulus swallowed a lump and nodded.

“I will be fine, Regulus. We found you the best foster family possible.”

Regulus nodded again. “I know, but…”

“You’re scared that you will be a burden?”

He nodded again. “Just that perhaps she’s only taking me in for charity and will come to regret it.”

“Rubbish. She will come to love you. I know it.”

“Yeah, she will, Reggie,” agreed Sirius. “She already likes you loads. I’ve seen when she visits you.”

“Well, let’s go,” smiled Lily at Regulus. “They’re waiting out in the hallway.”

Regulus bit his lip and got up. Sirius made to take his suitcase but Regulus stopped him. “I’d like to take that myself.”

“Sirius, could you perhaps keep the others occupied in the common room so Regulus can get a bit of privacy until he’s ready to say goodbye to everybody?”

Sirius rushed ahead to take care of his mission and Regulus followed Lily out with his suitcase in tow. 

Out in the hallway a woman and a teenage boy stood waiting for Regulus. The boy stood with a straight back and a big smile on his face, looking healthier and happier than Regulus had ever seen him (even though it had only been a week since last time). Two months living with his mother had done him good.

As the boys hugged each other, the blond woman said, “We have been looking so much forward to taking you home, Regulus. Remus has been too excited to get much sleep last night and he has been so busy making your room perfect the past week.”

Regulus let go of his friend and offered his hand to the woman. “Hello, Mrs. Lupin. Thank you for taking me in. I’m very grateful.”

“Please call me Hope,” she said and pulled Regulus into a hug instead of shaking his hand. “And you don’t have to be grateful. You’re such a good boy and I’m very glad that you want to live with us. I always wanted more children.”

Regulus felt himself blush and didn’t really know how to respond, so he just mumbled a shy thank you.

After he had met his mother for the first time, Remus had spent another two months on the ward. Partly because he needed to get to know her and because she needed time to find a house and get settled in London. Remus had continued his sessions with Doctor Lovegood and had even had his mother sit in on some of them so she could come to understand what he had been going through and get counselling on how to best take care of him.

Although not gone, his anxiety towards men had diminished greatly, well enough so that he could handle living outside the hospital. He had even managed to shake Hagrid’s hand when he said goodbye to everybody on the ward. The giant had beamed as if it was the best day of his life.

Doctor McGonagall - Dumbledore’s successor - came out to meet them. “Well, I will see you for our session Monday,” she smiled at Regulus. 

She was quite different from Dumbledore - much more serious, for one thing, but very professional and dedicated to her work. Regulus liked her, although he had had some difficulty opening up to her. Dumbledore’s betrayal had taken its toll on Regulus’ trust in therapists. He had stayed two more months after Remus had moved out. McGonagall thought he needed some more time working through the traumatic experience with Dumbledore’s capture. Still, he was going to be an outpatient for the time being, coming in for a session every week, and a social worker would come visit him at the Lupins once a month to see how he was doing there. 

“Yes, Doctor McGonagall,” nodded Regulus. “Every Monday.”

The doctor gave him a quick nod and a little smile before heading back to her office.

“Oh, Lily – would you like to come to dinner tomorrow?” asked Hope. Lily came to visit once in a while. 

“I’d love to,” smiled Lily. “It would be nice to see if Regulus has settled in.”

“Well - are you ready to go, Regulus?” asked Hope. 

“Yes. I just need to say goodbye to someone...”

**o0o0o**

Regulus found Emmeline in the common room. She looked sad as she sent him a smile. 

"Hi," she said and scooted over, offering him a seat next to her on the sofa.

“I have to go,” said Regulus, eying the seat. “They’re waiting for me.” He studied the girl, who, although a little sad now, looked healthier than she had since she came in. She had gained a few pounds lately - namely after Regulus had cleverly told her that he thought she was pretty, but that she would look even prettier if she gained a bit of weight. 

"You promise to come by and see me?"

“I’m coming in for a weekly session. You know that,” smiled Regulus. “And Remus too, so you’ll have two visitors every week.”

She nodded. “Yes, I know. I’ll be looking forward to that, then. Anyway, I’m going home soon, I think. At least Pandora thinks I might soon be ready.”

“Yeah?” smiled Regulus and sat down for a minute anyway. “Do you live far from here?”

She looked at him fondly. "About half an hour south of here."

"Well, Remus and I will come visit, if you like. And I’m sure you’re welcome at Remus’ house as well. His mother is very nice.”

Emmeline’s face split into a grin. “I would love that very much."

“Will you be alright?” Regulus asked. “I mean, with your mother. And your father... he isn’t going to move back in when he gets out of prison, is he?”

"No. My mum has come to terms with what happened. At least that’s one good thing Doctor Dumbledore did. He helped her see the truth and helped the two of us learn to communicate and understand each other. So… he wasn't all bad."

“I know,” said Regulus quietly. “He helped me too.”

They chatted for a moment longer until Regulus spotted Remus in the doorway. He smiled fondly when Regulus caught his eye. Regulus knew that Remus held him in extremely high regard; that he thought of him almost as some sort of saviour who had brought him out of his shell and taught him all sorts of things. But Regulus suspected that he would never understand just how much he, in turn, had done for Regulus. Not only had he become the best friend he had ever had; he had made Regulus feel needed, made him see that his existence could make a positive difference in someone’s life. He had stopped Regulus’ ongoing descend into his pit of despair.

Regulus said goodbye to Emmeline and to the rest of the common room. Sirius walked him to the end of the ward where they hugged goodbye. 

As Remus and his mother passed through the sliding doors of the hospital main entrance Regulus stopped, hesitating. Then he stepped through, standing for a minute at the pavement just outside. It was a cold but beautiful day, the winter sun bright. He took a deep breath and stepped into the parking lot, heading out into the real world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that’s the end of that!  
> Zayhad and I hope you have enjoyed reading. Thanks for the feedback 😃


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